The Long And Winding Yellow Brick Road (Part 1/2)

by Sideburns

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ass/sideburns/ybroad001.php
Summary: Daniel's return isn't as easy as he's made it look, and the road to true love is often fraught with ruts, holes and Anubis

Part 1

Facades were funny things, Daniel thought as he made his way to his office. They were utilized to mask that which was behind, but if used long enough, often became the truth while that which they hid - became the lie. So it was with him. He'd created a façade for himself, and it was now the truth.

He'd learned, in the first few weeks of his - descension - that no one really wanted to talk about his absence, let alone his life, and that any memories he recalled would have to come without help. People had already stopped asking him what, if anything, he'd remembered because they really didn't want, or need, to know. And Daniel, with or without memories, was still a smart man and could spot the pain recalled memories caused when he saw it. In those first days, if he questioned his friends about his life, he caught the winces and flinches. His life, or the remembering of it, seemed to hold pain for those who'd known him, which didn't say much for the life he'd led. But pain wasn't the only emotion he'd sensed, there'd also been anger - anger aimed at him -- and none so deeply felt as that which sometimes literally flowed from Jack. Sam had a small degree of it, but mostly seemed impatient and otherwise occupied. Even Teal'c didn't seem immune.. Although, in his case, the anger came out in other ways. Teal'c didn't seem to take him seriously anymore. although he listened to him, was, in fact, the only one who did.

He could sympathize with all of them. They didn't want to talk about his life, and hell, he didn't want to remember it - which was a good thing, because even after all these months, he remembered very little.

About anything.

He remembered practically nothing about his life as an ascended being, or his life as Doctor Daniel Jackson, civilian member of a team called SG-1. If not for the journals, he'd have had no references by which to respond when something from his past came up. A near photographic memory and his ability to read pretty darn fast had helped him catch up with his life, but in doing so, he'd discovered that the last years made a nice novel written by a man he didn't know. He'd sit alone, reading words that supposedly he'd written, but finding nothing to trigger an emotion, let alone a memory. The man whose words he read was - in fact - pathetic.

He'd told Sam that maybe he didn't want to know the man he'd been. He'd been right. He didn't. He didn't like Doctor Daniel Jackson. Doctor Daniel Jackson was a schmuck. A Grade-A schmuck.

And a fool.

So now he was just Daniel Jackson. He didn't take anything too seriously and kept a constant smile on his face. He joked with everyone while managing to keep them at arm's length. Hell, hadn't he risen to new heights of humor in Central America? Had anyone joked more than he, in spite of a body wracked by spasms thanks to too many applied jolts of electricity? He'd been bruised, battered and shot, but hey, he was the "Quip King".

Oddly enough, he still had difficulty with the fact that he'd been positive he was going to die (while wondering what good a rock would do to stop his impending death) when Jack, of all people, had showed up to save the day. Nothing like more guilt heaped on his shoulders because Jack had felt obligated to come after him instead of joining Sam, Teal'c and Jacob on one hell of an incredible mission.

He could still see Jack's face in the 'Gate room as an injured Sam had walked out of the wormhole. The man's expression had been a mixture of relief, worry and. guilt.

A guilt for which Daniel was responsible.

Naturally.

Doctor Jackson had tons of guilt, and it seemed that Daniel Jackson was gathering his own collection. Lucky him. And here he'd tried so hard to separate himself from Doctor Jackson. He'd finally moved out of the mountain and into a small house forty minutes away. A house, not an apartment. A small bungalow, not a large loft. He'd sold all of Doctor Jackson's remaining furniture and purchased cheap but interesting items, including a futon, which had turned out to be surprisingly comfortable. His new home was a pretty nice mixture of . nothing. It fit Daniel Jackson and was most assuredly not something Doctor Jackson would have found comfortable. At least not judging by the photos he'd seen.

Not that there wasn't *something* of Doctor Daniel Jackson present in his new home, there was. It was kind of a memorial to the man and it was, appropriately enough, the study. He'd decorated it with an antique and very odd but beautiful roll-top desk and three antique but chunky bookcases, into which he'd carefully placed all of Doctor Jackson's journals, books, magazines and scientific periodicals. He'd balanced the books with photographs of times and places he had no knowledge of, along with several items that Jack had called, "Junk. er, mementos." He'd added the few items SG-1 had saved for him in the room at the SGC and called it quits. Now that he'd finished the journals, he kept the door shut and never went in. If he brought work home, he used the dining room table, where he also had his computer, printer and fax set up. Yep, home, sweet home.

Walking toward his office at the SGC, he wondered why his little bungalow seemed more like home than this place. But of course, the answer was simple. His bungalow belonged to *him*, to Daniel Jackson. The SGC was part of Doctor Jackson's life. Not his. Oh, he managed to fool everyone, but in all reality, he actually got lost in the damn place - frequently. Silly, but true.

He turned the final corner, stopped at his office door and unlocked it. Walking in, he turned on the lights, took off his jacket and sat down. Like his new home, his office was now a reflection of Daniel Jackson as opposed to Doctor Jackson, thanks to the rearrangement he'd completed several weeks ago. He felt much more comfortable now. He reached into his in-box and pulled out a folder. Opening it, he noted that it was a synopsis of a recent SG-7 mission that involved the discovery of several strange statues, with equally strange writings on them. Doctor Emerson, SG-7's scientist, had gone to great lengths to give Daniel a full file including detailed pictures and a small videocassette. Daniel started with the photographs.

He might not remember anything of Doctor Jackson, but he possessed all his knowledge regarding his chosen field. Amazing.

~~~

One week later -

"I can't believe you told them that, sir." Sam stared at her commanding officer and shook her head.

Jack shrugged and took another bite of his omelet. "What can I say? Daniel tried the diplomatic route and they shot him down at every turn. They didn't deserve our help; it's as simple as that."

"But they're Jonas' people, sir."

Jack looked up, his brown eyes narrowing. "So?"

She stirred her coffee, then suddenly grinned. "I don't suppose they had a clue what you meant anyway."

Grinning back at her, he said, "No, I don't suppose 'dicking around' is a common term on their planet."

"Hey, guys."

Jack turned his head as Daniel sat down between him and Carter.

"What's up?"

"You're cheerful this morning, Daniel," Sam noted.

Daniel shrugged and dug into his eggs. "So, what's up?" he asked again after swallowing.

"Me," Jack said as he pushed back his chair and stood up, tray in hand. "Catch you later."

Daniel watched him leave. He wasn't surprised since it seemed that wherever Daniel was - Jack tried very hard not be.

He took a bite of bacon, turned to Sam and smiled broadly. "So, tell me all about your adventures in the bowels of Jonas' planet."

~~~

~ Why leave me standing here, let me know the way ~

A few weeks later -

"Are you sure about this, Sara?"

Sara looked at Daniel, flicked a red hair from his jacket, and said, "I'm sure. After all that's happened, plus the 'debriefing', I need normal, which I'll find in New York with my sister and her very normal, very loud, and very rambunctious family."

"I see. Makes. sense."

She reached out and took his hand. "Daniel, believe it or not, I really don't remember much, and something tells me that I hope it stays that way, you know?"

What could he say?

"Yeah, I think I know."

"I wish things could be different between us, but we've both changed so much. We're not the same young scientists anymore."

"No. no, we're not."

She looked away from him, her expression thoughtful. "I'd give anything to be able to turn back the clock, to have handled things differently back then. Maybe we wouldn't be standing here now, like this, about to say good-bye yet again."

There was nothing Daniel could say. Thanks to the memory device, he now remembered this one part of his life - oh joy. He smiled gently and said, "You take care of yourself, all right?"

"I will. And thank you." She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Good-bye, Daniel."

She slid into the back seat of the car that would take her to the airport. Turning in the seat, she waved as the car pulled away. He lifted his hand, then lowered it self-consciously.

He watched until the car was out of sight before walking back into the mountain. He'd almost reached his office when Teal'c came around the corner.

"Daniel, have you heard?"

Daniel wondered where 'DanielJackson' had gone as he said, "I've heard a great many things today, Teal'c, including Jack burping up his pizza at lunch. Was there something special -- more special than a burping Jack -- which I'm supposed to have heard?"

"The Langarans have signed a treaty. It would seem that peace is on the horizon after all. Jonas Quinn is very happy."

Smiling broadly, Daniel said, "That's good news, Teal'c."

"Indeed it is. I am going to let Major Carter know. I will see you later."

Daniel nodded, his smile still in place. When Teal'c disappeared around the corner. The smile, as always, faded. Daniel continued on to his office.

~~~

Two weeks later -

Daniel watched Sam as she moved, somewhat stiffly, from the briefing room. Jack followed her, concern radiating from his body. Teal'c glanced over at Daniel, one arched eyebrow asking him if he was all right. Daniel smiled his usual smile. Teal'c cocked his head and asked, "Are you certain you are all right, DanielJackson?"

His own eyebrow rising at the return of "DanielJackson", he nevertheless nodded. "I'm fine, but Sam could use you now. Jack will probably be less than tactful about Jacob's leaving, for who knows how long, but Sam can allow herself emotion when she's with you."

Surprise evident in his expression, Teal'c gave a solemn bow of his head and exited the room, intent on helping Sam in any way he could. Which left Daniel alone.

Chalk up another failure for the great Daniel Jackson.

The alliance between Earth and the Tok'ra - gone. The alliance between the Tok'ra and the rebelling Jaffa - gone. The alliance between Earth, the Tok'ra and the Jaffa - ended, over, kaput. And nothing Daniel had said had made any difference. The fact that Jacob had failed in convincing his peers to remain, or that Teal'c had failed to convince his peers to remain, did nothing to assuage Daniel's guilt.

Hell, wasn't he the great peacekeeper?

And who the fuck decided that anyway?

"Oh, let Daniel do that, it's what he does."

Since when? And clearly, whenever he had done it in the past, he'd done it badly.

God, he was tired. He got up and made his way down to his office. The one thing he'd learned to count on since his return - was work. There always seemed to be enough work for Doctor Daniel Jackson, aka, Daniel Jackson.

Time to get to it.

Four hours later, back stiff, he paused, got up and poured himself a cup of coffee. He took a sip, sat down again, and went back to work. At six, he stopped, got up, changed into his civvies, put on his jacket, turned out the lights and walked out.

He gave a brief thought to checking in on Sam, knowing that it had hit her hard when Jacob had explained that he might not be in touch with her - or them - for quite a while. But he was pretty sure he'd be the last person she'd want to see right now. She had to know how he'd failed to keep the alliance together - and to be honest, he didn't want to see that failure mirrored in her eyes. He decided to skip Sam's lab, opting for just going home.

Passing people in the halls, he nodded, smiled, but since most people were still treating him like some kind of . freak, he didn't have to talk to anyone. He stopped at the elevator, slid his card down and, when it opened, stepped in and started his journey up and out.

During the drive home, he wondered how the Kelowans - sorry, the Langarans -- were doing now that peace loomed on the horizon. As he considered the question, a strange numbness swept over him and, in defense, he mentally changed the subject.

Traffic was light so he made it home in record time. He parked in his garage and entered his house through the garage entrance, which led into the kitchen. He turned on the light and got a beer out of the fridge, unscrewed the cap and took a swallow. He remembered from one of his private journals that Doctor Jackson didn't like beer - which was too bad, because Daniel Jackson liked it just fine.

He ambled into the living room and turned on the stereo, then went over and lit the fire. He straightened and warmed his hands for a few before turning and facing his living room. Across from him stood an oak library table that he used to hold his mail. On the wall behind it he'd hung an Egyptian-themed decorative mirror that had caught his fancy at one of those huge home stores that were popping up all over the place. He cocked his head, surprised to find himself staring back at him. He was always surprised to find out how much Daniel Jackson looked like Doctor Jackson. He regarded the reflection - and was shocked when the reflection changed. He squinted at it as it shimmered in a fine imitation of the wormhole. He gasped when his reflection was suddenly replaced by men in plastic suits with masks who were working in a lab. Moments later, someone was shooting out an observation window while another individual yelled out, "Doctor Jackson!" He watched, stunned, as Doctor Jackson jumped through the window and crashed to the ground in a hail of glass.

. a burning hand.

A threat disarmed and a soft voice telling Doctor Jackson that he'd been exposed to the equivalent of over 8 to 9 Grays of neutron radiation resulting from direct contact, with full body exposure of over 7 Grays. He could hear his own -- no, Doctor Jackson's voice --- asking how long, and the slow-to-come answer of. 10 to 15 hours.

More recent words invaded his brain as voices engaged in petty arguments while egos bumped heads and arrogance doomed a people because naquadria once again threatened the people of Quinn's world. Friends didn't blink as he was asked to mediate for the Langarans and no one seemed to think there'd be a problem. After all, if no one talked about *it* - then *it* had never happened.

The vision in the mirror changed, replaced by Sarah and her cultured, British voice telling him over and over again how sorry she was and how helpless she'd felt as something called Osiris controlled her every move.

Suddenly a beer bottle slammed into the mirror, shattering it -- and the memories contained within -- to a thousand shards. He walked over to gaze down at the destruction, only now. Doctor Daniel Jackson was there, in shiny bits and pieces, laughing up at him.

He stepped on every single shard and ground them relentlessly into the wood floor. The sound of crunching glass underfoot was so satisfying, he began to sweep things from tables onto the floor, to lift lamps and hurl them against walls, to upend furniture, to jam his foot into the back of the upside down couch, to rip pictures from the wall and smash the glass with his fist, to shred couch cushions and pillows, to tear at afghans, to shatter anything that could be shattered. He moved into the small dining room and repeated the process leaving nothing unscathed, not even his computer and other equipment. He moved into the bedroom, pulled down bookshelves, swept everything off his chest of drawers, picked up the lamp on his nightstand and hurled it into the mirrored closet, then did the same with the alarm clock, the books, the pictures on the walls, and even the water glass on his nightstand. He tore the futon apart, ripped into the mattress, and realized he was yelling.

That bit of knowledge acted like a bucket of cold water thrown into his face. Daniel dropped the mattress and swiped a hand over his face. Slowly he walked back into the living room. Something caught his eye - one item - untouched.

A photograph.

Unsteady on his feet, he walked over what was left of his home and picked it up. It was a picture of Jack O'Neill. Holding it to him, he slid down the wall, knees tucked into his chest.

~~~

Four days later -

Daniel looked up as Jack walked in. In spite of the fact that he couldn't remember - literally - the last time Jack had been in his office, he plastered on his usual smile and asked, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Just wondering what you think of, you know, Pete."

Still smiling, Daniel said, "He's not you, but he's a nice enough guy. Not nearly good enough for her, but hey."

"What do you mean, he's not me?"

"Just an observation."

Jack stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Oh."

Daniel waited - still smiling.

"Oh, okay. Well, got work to do."

Daniel watched as Jack walked out. The smile faded and his heart twitched oddly. Daniel stared at the doorway, but after several seconds, he went back to work.

~~~

Six weeks later -

Daniel walked into the house and slammed the door behind him. He closed his eyes and curled his fingers into fists. Damn, why had he destroyed everything all those weeks ago? Now there was nothing that would allow him to vent his anger and guilt. He took in several deep breaths - and caught a whiff of something - powdery. Without opening his eyes, he raised his right hand to his face and sniffed.

Baby.

New baby.

Janet. Baby Janet.

He could still smell the small bundle on his hand, could feel the softness, the sweetness..

. and cold flesh, copper-scented blood flowing freely and spreading on the ground beneath - beneath -

"OHGOD!"

He went to his knees, arms wrapped around his middle, rocking back and forth as he chanted over and over again, "Janetjanetjanetjanet.."

~~~

Light from the set flickered across his features as Daniel sat on the floor in his corner of the bedroom, two blankets clutched around him. He was staring at the television, but not seeing it. As an action show raced across the screen, he was seeing Janet and the tender spot he now understood she'd held in his life.

He was remembering Janet if nothing else about Doctor Daniel Jackson.

She was dead, killed - instead of him. He'd been inches from her, yet he'd lived and she - hadn't.

He'd died before - and lived - but Janet -- hadn't. No Oma, no rising and leaving nothing behind. For Janet, there'd been only sightless eyes and an empty shell where the individual he'd known and loved liked a sister had once resided.

While someone named "Harm" argued with someone called "Mac", Daniel saw Janet talking calmly to Cassie, reassuring her as she lay in the bowels of the SGC waiting for something to happen and maybe that something was death. He remembered Janet's fierce protectiveness as she fought for Cassie and stared down a Goa'uld. He could see her on a planet inhabited by sexless individuals painted white, concern in her empathetic brown eyes, and he could see her fighting for the life of their enemy, Apophis.

Small, energetic, full of life, loyalty, dedication and love, yet she was dead while he was alive. She should have been the topic of that stupid documentary; it would have meant something then. And he should never have given over that tape. God knew how they'd use it.

He put his head in his hands, dug the heel of his palms into his eyes and groaned, a prisoner to these memories of Janet.

She'd saved them countless times, risked her life on more occasions than a doctor should, and had fought so hard to save him after Kelowna. He'd known long before he'd spiraled down into nothing but pain and blood and choking that Janet would take his death hard. There was nothing more difficult for a physician like Janet Frasier than to lose a patient so helplessly, so horribly. He'd seen it in her eyes, the desire to help him along on his final journey, to make it easier, less painful - but that wasn't Janet Frasier. She honored her oath and understood why it would have been wrong. But she'd been tempted, maybe for the first time in her career.

But then, the method by which he'd been dying had probably been a first for her as well.

Odd how the only memories he now possessed revolved around a woman barely skimming five feet in height. She seemed to represent all that the SGC was about. All the good that they were. And now she was gone.

But he wasn't.

Silent tears tracked down his face.

He finally understood Jack's anger and frustration with him, understood Jack's hatred. As helpless as he now felt, he suspected it had been much the same during his time as an ascended being when faced with Jack's capture by Baal, or Teal'c's and Bra'tac's trials in sharing one symbiote.

He should have been able to save Janet. Somehow he should have known, should have kept her from harm's way. Should have done *something*.

Two hours later, a barely conscious Daniel stumbled into his kitchen. He took down a bottle of Jack Daniels and a glass, then made his way back into his bedroom. He dropped down onto the floor and his mound of bedding, rested his back against the wall, opened the bottle and poured.

He continued to drink long into the night.

Part 2

"I'll have the Lumberman's Special, a small orange juice, and a great deal more coffee."

"What kind of toast, sir?"

"Sourdough, please."

The waitress nodded, smiled, and after sticking her pencil back in her pocket, headed toward the kitchen.

Daniel ran a hand over his face, over the stubble he'd refused to shave earlier, and smiled wryly. It had been rebellion, pure and simple. The Lumberman's Special was also a type of rebellion - against his hangover and the memories Janet's death had brought forth. He could refuse to admit the hangover existed, but the memories, while more painful than he could imagine, were all that he had left of Janet. The meal, and not shaving, seemed the right thing to do. Just like not changing anything in his house.

He looked around his favorite breakfast diner, at the booths full of families out for a Saturday morning meal after the local soccer game, and thought of Cassie. She was living with Sam now. He ought to check in on her. And. maybe. head to Denver, to Fort Logan. He sipped his coffee, ignoring as he did, his trembling hand.

~~~

Daniel entered the gates of Fort Logan. He hadn't needed any map, having been here for the initial burial ceremony. He found Janet's grave without any difficulty, parked, picked up the flowers from the passenger seat, got out, and walked slowly across the small road, up the incline and onto the soft grass. He continued walking until he stood before the grave marker. Because Janet had been posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor, her gravesite was located in Memorial Row and easy to see. Daniel laid the bouquet down on the grass in front of the marker, then straightened. He'd tried to cajole Cassie into coming with him, but the young teen simply wasn't ready. Sam might think she was tough, but Cassie hadn't even begun to deal with the death of her "mother". Or had no one noticed Cassie's inability to attend the memorial service at the SGC? All Daniel could hope was that he'd been of some help to her earlier in the day. It had taken every ounce of his self-control not to cry with her when she'd finally broken down and thrown herself into his arms. It had also taken everything he had not to apologize over and over again for being alive where Cassie's mother was not. He'd instinctively known that only one person would have benefited by such an act - namely him. It would only have hurt Cassie more.

He stared at the flowers, all of them Janet's favorites, and whispered, "I'm sorry."

A slight breeze rustled through the trees behind him and he could feel the light spray of water from the fountain in the center of the lake to his right. He turned his face toward the moisture and closed his eyes. It made saying what needed saying - easier.

"It should have been me, Janet. It should have been me. It would have been but you moved down a bit, remember? You moved. And in moving, you put yourself in the line of fire. But you were doing your job, which is more than I can say for myself. I had no business being there, Janet. There was no place for me so I was sent with you. There were two seasoned Marines at your back and one useless archaeologist." He covered his face with his hands as he groaned out, "God, I sound like I'm blaming you for your own death, and I'm not, Janet, I swear it."

Several minutes passed and he finally dropped his hands. Tears ran unchecked down his cheeks as he turned back to face the solemn white marker. "No one to blame but me."

He dropped to his knees, wrapped his arms around his stomach and bent his head into his chest. "No one but me," he whispered.

~~~

Three days later -

Face exhausted from a day of smiling, eyes burning from the strain of too much computer work and research, Daniel headed home. Realizing that he didn't have anything to eat and didn't feel like grocery shopping, he stopped at the mini-deli a few blocks from his home, picked up a salad, a six pack of beer and, next door, his cleaning. Once home, he put the salad on the counter and the beer in the fridge, but kept two bottles out. Carrying one beer under his arm, the other in one hand, and the salad in the other, he walked out and into the living room. He made his way over the destroyed furniture and continued into his bedroom. Once there, he neatly avoided the destruction and sat down in the middle of the pile of sheets, blankets and pillows in the corner of his room, grabbed the remote and hit power. His new television turned on, and while watching the news, he ate his salad and drank his beers.

~~~

"Perhaps Daniel would like to join us, O'Neill."

Jack paused in his walk to the car. "Daniel?"

"Yes."

"I don't know, Teal'c. He didn't seem to enjoy it all that much last time."

"He enjoyed it as much as I did. And last time was - a long time ago, O'Neill. I would enjoy his company tonight."

Jack got in, and as Teal'c slid in on the passenger side, he said, "All right, I'll drive by his place, see if he's interested. But I'm betting he says no."

"I believe he will say yes."

As Jack drove down the mountain, Teal'c asked, "Do you suppose Daniel's neighbors have given him any problems over what occurred with Osiris?"

"I doubt it. The government can do a mean job of damage control when needed."

"That is good then." There was a lengthy pause, then Teal'c said, "Daniel does not seem a great deal more rested now than when his mind and memories were being violated by Osiris, yet it has been many weeks."

"He looked fine to me today."

Teal'c shrugged.

As Jack continued to drive, the word 'violated' continued to swim within his mind.

~~~

Jack pulled into Daniel's driveway, put the car into park and said, "Well?"

Head cocked, Teal'c said, "You do not wish to ask him?"

"This was your idea, Teal'c. Go on."

Teal'c, hand on the door handle, said, "You do not wish Daniel to join us?"

"Oh, fer crying out. okay, okay, I'll go."

Jack turned off the engine and got out of the car. He walked around the front of the vehicle and up Daniel's walkway to the porch. There were no lights on inside but he thought he could hear the drone of a television set so he knocked.

And knocked again.

~~~

Daniel put the beer down and glanced away from the screen. Someone at his door? He thought about not answering in case it was a neighbor again, but when the knocking continued, he sighed and got up. At the front door, he peered through the top panes of glass -- and immediately stepped back - shocked.

Jack was at his front door.

Daniel blinked behind his glasses, looked around the house, and closed his eyes. This was not good.

"Daniel? You in there?"

Okay, he could do this. He turned on the porch light and took the chain off..

~~~

Jack could hear. footsteps. Okay, good.

Except. nothing happened.

Jack tapped his foot.

"Daniel? You in there?"

For a moment, nothing happened, then the porch light came on and he heard the chain being slid back. A second later, one blue eye was peering out at him through the barely opened door. The door opened a bit wider and a grinning Daniel said, "Hey, Jack. What's up?"

Jack waited for Daniel to open the door enough to allow him to enter, and when he didn't, he said, somewhat self-consciously, "Teal'c and I are going to have a bite to eat, then check out the jell-o wrestling. Thought you might like to, you know, come along."

"Oh, yeah? Sounds fun. Give me a sec while I change and I'll be right out."

The smile was still broad, the door still barely open. Jack had no choice. "Right, okay. We'll. wait."

Daniel nodded, his smile widened impossibly, then he shut the door.

"Right." Jack shoved his hands in his pockets and walked back to the car. He got in and said, "He's changing."

"Ah."

~~~

Daniel walked back into his bedroom, took off his sweat bottoms, put back on his jeans, then grabbed his leather jacket and slipped it on over his white t-shirt. He slipped into his loafers, grabbed his wallet and keys from the pile of blankets, and walked out. In the living room, he thought about righting one of the lamps and turning it on so he wasn't coming into a dark house, which in its current state could be dangerous. Hell, he knew where everything was now, so he opened the front door and walked out, shutting and locking it behind him.

He climbed into the back seat and, smiling, said, "Okay, let's get this show on the road."

Jack looked in his rearview mirror and said, "Nice jacket, Daniel. New?"

"Thanks, and a few weeks old. A gift to myself, " he said easily.

"It looks very nice," Teal'c added.

Jack put the Avalanche into reverse and backed carefully out of the driveway. As he started down the street, he indicated the house across from Daniel's and remarked casually, "I see they fixed the windows."

"Yep. Only took our government a few months," Daniel said dryly.

~~~

Daniel sat at one end of the booth, Teal'c next to him and Jack at the other end. He'd skipped dinner and watched as his friends ate their steaks while he explained his earlier salad. He'd had four beers at home and was now on his second at the restaurant. He couldn't remember the last time the three of them had gotten together - as in literally couldn't remember - but he suspected it had been a while.

They talked sports, Teal'c talked about Ishta and his upcoming visit with her, and Jack managed to bring the conversation around to Pete. Teal'c agreed that he too liked the cop and thought he was "good for Major Carter". Daniel watched Jack.

After dinner, Jack paid, telling Teal'c he "owed him", and they walked out and across the street to Randy's, the club famous for their jell-o matches on Friday nights. They were early enough to get a good table close to the action - when the action started. All three ordered beers and settled in.

~~~

"How much longer?" Teal'c asked.

"Fifteen minutes, Teal'c. Exactly one minute less than the last time you asked," Jack said with a wink at Daniel.

"You know, I'm wondering how Ishta would take. jell-o wrestling matches. What do you think, Jack?" Daniel asked with his own wink.

Before Jack could answer, Teal'c said, "Ishta would wipe up the ceiling with them."

Jack rolled his eyes and said, "Floor, Teal'c. She would wipe up the floor with them."

"That as well," Teal'c said solemnly.

Jack and Daniel laughed even as Daniel waved the waitress over. When she arrived, he ordered a Scotch and water while Jack, raised eyebrow and all, ordered another beer. Teal'c did the same.

When the waitress left with their orders, Jack said, "Scotch and water? You?"

Daniel shrugged - and grinned.

Jack looked at Teal'c and said, "Looks like our little boy is growing up."

"I believe, O'Neill, he has been 'grown up' as long as I have known him."

Jack rolled his eyes.

~~~

Daniel was feeling no pain. In fact, he was feeling pretty damn good. He was actually having a ball watching Teal'c watch the female jell-o wrestlers. He wondered if it had been this fun last time.

Orlin.

The name entered his consciousness, and with it, a memory.

Now he knew why they were here.

Sam.

Last time, she'd been involved - if you could call it involved - with Orlin. This time, she was involved with Pete.

And Jack had to watch women wrestle in jell-o.

Daniel ordered another drink. A double.

~~~

Jack watched Daniel put the alcohol away as if he were drinking water. Something tickled at the back of his brain, but he'd had a few too many beers himself and couldn't capture the elusive thought.

The evening settled into a groove of laughter, cheering, betting, and drinking. Jack covertly watched Daniel, and Teal'c watched them both. When the wrestling ended and Daniel's number twenty-three was declared the winner, Daniel bought a final round for his friends. When the waitress arrived, Jack ordered black coffee for all of them, but Daniel waved him off and said, "Make that three coffees and three brandies, all right?"

"Daniel, you've had enough, don't you think?"

Smile in place, Daniel said, "No."

~~~

"I do believe he is drunk, O'Neill. I have never witnessed this before. You, yes; Daniel, no."

Jack looked over at Daniel, who was struggling to put his jacket on, and agreed, "You're right, he's drunk. As the proverbial skunk."

"I believe he could use some help," Teal'c observed.

Jack walked back over to Daniel and said, "Jacket getting away from you there, Danny boy?"

Daniel paused in his efforts to slip his right arm into the jacket sleeve and said, "Stubborn bastard, you know? Although -- I'm not -- you know, quite certain -- if it's my arm - or the jacket."

It didn't escape Jack's notice that Daniel was speaking very slowly and enunciating very carefully. He pulled the collar of the jacket up and fitted Daniel's arm into the sleeve, then pulled it over Daniel's shoulders. He straightened it, tugged it down, and then zipped it up. "Okay, you're set. Come on, let's get you to the car."

"Did you notice -- my girl won. Although -- I should - probably - call - her - a woman."

"I noticed, Daniel. You really know how to pick your jell-o wrestlers."

"Did - I - win - the - last - time?"

"The last time?"

"You - know." Daniel leaned in close and whispered, "Orlin. Last - time - we - did -this. This time - it's - Pete. So - did - I - win - last - time?"

Jack stared at Daniel, stared hard. A myriad of feelings overcame him, confusing feelings as he looked at his. friend. Bleary blue eyes peered back at him as Daniel swayed closer to him and Jack caught him. Lips a few inches from his own, Daniel asked, "Did - I?"

"You don't remember?"

Daniel put his finger to Jack's lips and said, "Ssh, don't - tell - anyone. I don't - remember - hardly anything." He grinned a rather lopsided grin and added, "But it - doesn't matter, does - it? Old Doc Jackson -- is - dead - anyway."

The strange feeling tickled Jack's brain again and he recognized it as worry. Serious worry. Frowning, he guided Daniel to the door as he said, "You won last time too."

~~~

"He is humming," Teal'c observed from his spot in the front seat.

"Yes. Nice voice," Jack said dryly.

"I believe there is something seriously wrong with our friend."

"Ya think?"

~~~

"He is still humming."

"Just help me get him to the door, Teal'c."

"What is the tune? Do you recognize it?"

"It's 'There's No Place Like Home'."

~~~

Between the two of them, they managed to get Daniel to the front door. Jack dug into Daniel's pockets until he found the keys. Juggling a still humming Daniel, he managed to insert the right key into the lock and push the door open. As they crossed the threshold, Daniel said, "Watch <hiccough> your step, boys."

"What does Daniel mean?" Teal'c asked as they almost dragged him inside.

"How the hell should I. OUCH!"

Jack stumbled as his foot slammed into something. He kicked at it, then banged his knee against something else. "What the *hell*? Can you reach the light, Teal'c?"

"There does not. seem to be a light, O'Neill."

"Oh, fer crying ... here, you take our drunk while I see if I can find the damn thing."

Teal'c took all of Daniel's weight and waited while Jack picked his way over the wreckage that was Daniel's home. He could hear his friend stumbling as he bumped into things, soft curses quickly following. Finally a light in the kitchen came on and it was enough to guide Teal'c further into the home, something he quickly wished he had not done.

Standing at the entrance into the living room, Daniel dangling from his arms, he said, "I do not understand, O'Neill."

From across the room, Jack looked in shock at the mess. "Neither do I, Teal'c," he whispered.

They both stared at the devastation. There wasn't a single piece of furniture in one piece. Nothing stood upright or intact. There were no pictures left on the walls, nor a single lamp that wasn't broken and lying on the floor. And judging by the way much of it was ground in, and the dust that had accumulated, Daniel's home had been like this for quite some time.

Jack felt the worry of earlier blossom into fear. He could feel the heat on his face, and the moisture in his eyes. He thought of the weeks and months since Daniel's return, of the constant smiles and cheerful countenance, the helpful demeanor, the willingness to do anything he was told, go anywhere..

Suddenly Jack could see Daniel's face as he was asked to serve as the mediator between the three nations of Kelowna. Daniel had never even blinked. He'd simply smiled and said, "Of course."

Of course.

Why shouldn't he want to help the people who tried to make him a scapegoat after he'd killed himself to save them all?

But Jack's memory didn't end there. How about Daniel's reaction to "You and Doctor Lee. Yes, Doctor, just the two of you. Washington won't support anything more than two seemingly harmless archaeologists.."

And what about the way Daniel had handled being tortured for days? He'd simply picked up a large tree branch for a crutch and cracked a few jokes before later apologizing for the fact that Jack had been forced to come after him when he should have been with "Teal'c, Jacob and. you know, Sam.."

He swallowed the bile that rose in his throat and said, "Hang on, let me check his bedroom."

Teal'c was too shocked to respond.

Jack hurried down the short hall and into the bedroom, where, after turning on the overhead light, he stumbled to a stop.

Oh, God.

The bedroom was actually worse, but what brought Jack up short was the pitiful pile of blankets and pillows on the floor in an un-littered corner of the room. He also noticed what was clearly a brand new - the sale sticker still plastered to the side of it his primary clue -- portable television. Jack could see the remnants of Daniel's salad and several empty beer bottles on the floor and realized that this was where Daniel had been when Jack had knocked four hours earlier.

Jack returned to the living room. "Come on, Teal'c, I'm taking him to my place."

"That would be wise, O'Neill."

Jack started to take Daniel's other arm, but Daniel pulled away from both men. Facing them, swaying drunkenly, he grinned and said, "No, no. Home. You - go. I'm - fine."

Jack took a careful step toward Daniel and said, "No, you're not fine, Daniel. And you *are* coming home with me."

Daniel almost danced away, neatly avoiding the mess on the floor in spite of his inebriated state. "Don't - be - silly. Now shoo, go home."

"Daniel, please?"

"Jaaaack, we all know I'm not the person you want at your house." He leaned forward and both Jack and Teal'c rushed toward him in case he fell, but he didn't. He made a shooing motion with his hand and repeated, "Leave, adios, sayonara.."

"Hasta no-no, Daniel. Now come on. Let's go to my place."

Daniel's expression changed so rapidly, both men were shocked. The smile was gone, replaced by a scowl. He was, judging by his words, sobering up.

"I'm staying here. This is my home and it suits me. Perfectly. Feel free to exit that way." He pointed at the front door.

"Daniel, you destroyed your home," Jack said simply, his voice soft and gentle.

Daniel's head lifted a fraction as he said, "So?"

"Please, come home with me?"

"I have no. huh-oh. I think. I think.."

Daniel suddenly went green, put his hand to his mouth, and made a dash for the bathroom. Jack looked at Teal'c, who stared worriedly back at him. Jack nodded and said, "I'll go."

Part 3

Jack walked into the kitchen and sat down next to Teal'c who immediately pushed a mug of coffee toward him. Eyes on the dark liquid, Jack nodded his thanks.

"Is he--"

"Asleep."

"That would be. on the floor, then."

Jack shrugged. "He's a stubborn son of a bitch."

"I could carry him to the car, O'Neill. He would rest easier at your place, would he not?"

"Probably, but he'll fight us. For now, we'll go with staying here and try to get him to my place tomorrow. I'll give Carter a call, see if I can get her to put together a crew to get this place cleaned up."

"And tonight? I do not believe DanielJackson should be left alone."

"I'll stay. You take my truck and head back to the Mountain."

"I believe I will stay as well."

Jack glanced up. and smiled. "Thanks, T."

~~~

Jack straightened and, satisfied with the job, nodded. He'd finally connected with Carter and told her to grab Ferretti in the morning and meet them at Daniel's. She'd been half asleep at the time, but had agreed without asking too many questions. Now he and Teal'c were righting both the couch and the love seat. They'd found that a few of the cushions were salvageable so planned on making the couches their beds for the night. Of course, he, as the shorter of the two men, was going to be stuck with the smaller couch, but he figured that by sleeping on his side, curled into himself, he'd be all right.

"I have found enough bedding, O'Neill."

Jack took the sheets and blankets offered by Teal'c and began to make his so-called bed. When both were finished, they sat down on their respective couches, neither quite ready for sleep. Looking over his shoulder at the hall that led to Daniel's bedroom, Jack said, "He was pretty sick."

"He drank a great deal."

"True."

They were silent again, each deep in his own thoughts. Several minutes later, Jack said quietly, "I'm .. scared."

"As am I, O'Neill. Something is very wrong."

"He said. he said he still didn't remember much." Worried brown eyes met Teal'c's. "He still doesn't remember, Teal'c."

"I believe that as we stopped sharing, he stopped trying."

"He remembered Charlie," Jack said, his voice sounding far away. "I . he wanted to talk about it, but I shut him out. I just closed my locker and walked away."

"He wanted to speak of Sha're as well, but sensed my discomfort. It's altogether possible that every memory brought pain, to either himself or us, so he simply - stopped."

"So who does that make him now? If he has no memories, or very few, than who the hell is he? How is he functioning?"

"I do not know. I cannot fathom what we have witnessed, O'Neill. He. I simply do not understand."

Jack nodded and swiped a hand over the lower half of his face as he said softly, "I was. mad at him. I've been angry for quite awhile. I think he. knows. He's always so. amenable."

"Perhaps it is time for your anger to be shared."

"How? How do I tell him that I actually hated him? How do I tell him that I came to hate him after Baal?"

"Why would you hate DanielJackson?"

Jack stared up at the ceiling, sighed, and said, "Remember when I mentioned how he. how he came to me when I was Baal's prisoner?" At Teal'c's nod, he went on. "He tried to. he wanted me to let go, to ascend. I refused so he kept me company. At the time, it seemed like so much, but I kept dying and coming back, and Daniel didn't *do* anything. He had all this power, all these abilities, and he wouldn't - couldn't - get me out of there. I was pathetically grateful later for his company, but then it hit me. Here was this fucking all-knowing, all-powerful being, and he did. nothing. He let Baal torture me over and over and over again."

"Did he?"

"Now is not the time to be inscrutable, Teal'c. And I was there."

"And I know that Major Carter, Jonas Quinn and myself were not alone in what we accomplished in trying to free you. I do not believe that we took even one step that was not orchestrated by DanielJackson. I *know* it was his voice I heard while deep in kel-no-reem. His voice telling me to use Yu. He did what he could - and more. He risked a great deal to aid you. Of that, I am certain."

"Then what about you, Teal'c? Why didn't he just save you and Bra'tac? Why did he allow you to go through that hell?"

"It was my battle, O'Neill, not his. Or perhaps you believe he should have gone through his life as an ascended being doing nothing but saving our . butts? He was not a god, and no one knew this better than DanielJackson. He was simply on another path, a path with rules to keep individuals like Anubis from using their abilities to destroy and control. DanielJackson is one of the few men of this world who understands that with great power comes great responsibility and even greater restraint." His mouth turned up in a slight smile as he added, "But he did what he could in ways that undoubtedly drove Oma Desala insane and, in the end, cost him everything. His life as an ascended being, his family, his friends, his memory and all that he was. I believe he has suffered more than is warranted, more than any individual should."

"Shit."

"Indeed."

~~~

Jack walked into Daniel's room and made his cautious way over to the bathroom. He turned on the light, then partially closed the door so that it was muted but giving off enough of a glow that he could see Daniel. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he gazed down at the sleeping man, his brow furrowed.

The only sound in the room was the sound of Daniel's breathing. The precious sound of Daniel's breathing. Jack found his eyes drawn to Daniel's chest, to the constant and pure rise and fall of it. Daniel had somehow pushed the blankets down and they were now pooled around his waist. His right arm was flung over his head causing his tee shirt to ride up slightly, revealing pale skin and a thin, dark shadow of hair that disappeared beneath his boxers. Jack felt his mouth go dry as his eyes seemed to fixate on the dark hair. Suddenly he could see Daniel as he'd been -- on the day of his ascension - in the 'Gate room of Oma's mind. There'd been tears in Daniel's eyes. He could hear Daniel's voice, hear the words. and his own..

"I'm gonna miss you guys."

"Yeah, you too."

"Thank you. For everything."

"So, what? See you around?"

"I don't know."

"Hey. Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

Thank you. For everything.

Right.

Jack had been so helpful. There was so much for which Daniel could thank him. Not.

And there'd been tears in Daniel's eyes.

Why?

Jack took another step closer to Daniel and whispered, "Why?"

Because. Daniel hadn't wanted to go. He'd wanted . to stay.

"You didn't get. you weren't. kicked out, were you, Daniel?" he asked softly of the sleeping man.

Answers seemed to flow through him as he gazed down on the man he'd once called his best friend. The answers to all his questions sang in his heart, murmured in his mind, and he knew they were not his own.

Daniel chose to descend - probably due to his inability to help his friends - and he'd chosen to start over - literally. No memory of himself or who he'd been because he hadn't liked that man. He'd never intended on returning to the SGC, but he hadn't planned on SG-1 stumbling upon him during one of their journeys through the 'Gate. Hadn't planned on ever being found. He would, in all likelihood, have remained on "whatever-the-hell-the-name-of-that-planet-was" forever. But SG-1 *had* stumbled..

No.

There'd been no stumbling.

Jack smiled because the answers were still coming. Daniel's fate had been in Oma's hands from the get-go, only he hadn't known it.

His smile disappeared.

Oma hadn't counted on SG-1 screwing up so badly though. SG-1 and Jack O'Neill.

Stepping closer, but careful not to tread on the edges of the blanket, he whispered, "I understand my anger while you were ascended, but I've been angry for a long time. Why?"

He expected more answers, but they didn't come. He wasn't really surprised because he got it now. What kind of life would it be if the answers always came -- and problems were always solved by someone else -- and lives were never truly in jeopardy?

Daniel had understood that from the beginning.

He studied Daniel's face, and a strange warmth spread throughout his body. He frowned as his stomach started to do flip-flops, the kind he used to get just before going up in a fighter plane. That odd kind of excitement that, when mixed with fear, created a top-notch pilot and soldier. Only Jack was in Daniel's bedroom, or what was left of it, staring down at his friend.

Jack closed his eyes as knowledge slammed into him.

Jesus Christ.

He loved Daniel.

"My God, I love you, Daniel. I - love you."

For several moments he stood quietly, letting the knowledge settle. Finally he stared up at the ceiling and pondered the change that loving Daniel had wrought. Okay, he felt . the same. Other than loving Daniel, he was still Jack O'Neill - who now loved Daniel.

So no major changes. Same old, same old.

Accept for Daniel, of course. Well, shit. He sort of needed to tell him. On the other hand, why the hell should Daniel care? The news might even make things worse -- if they could get any worse. Jack figured a man who'd torn up his home, who hated himself enough to destroy all his possessions, might not think too much of the fact that Jack loved him.

Damn.

~~~

His stomach was revolting. Daniel cracked open an eye and immediately closed it. He tried again.

Light.

There was light somewhere.

He turned his head and spotted the sliver of brightness. Biting his lower lip, he sat up and ran his hand through his hair. Slowly he got to his feet and was forced to close his eyes again while the room spun wildly. When balance seemed restored, he opened them and took the necessary, but unsteady, steps to the door. He just managed to make it to the toilet when his stomach made its disgust known. He went down on his knees, grabbed the sides of the bowl, and let loose.

When he finished, and he knew he was because he felt infinitely better, he sat with his back against the shower door. It was cold and felt good. Eyes closed, he tried to remember what had happened and why he felt so shitty.

Nothing.

Swell, more memories lost. Daniel turned his head to the left, opened one eye, spotted the rack of towels and thanked God they were close. He reached up, pulled them all down, double folded two of them, put them on the floor, then fell sideways until his head landed on the makeshift pillow. He used the other towel as a blanket. With a sigh of relief, he closed his eyes.

~~~

Jack rolled over and almost fell off the couch. He caught himself and sat up. Damn, his back and legs hurt. Loveseats were not meant for men his size. He swung his legs over the side and planted his feet on the floor. He checked his watch and groaned. It was only a little after five. Oh, well, he needed to check in on Daniel anyway. He got up, smiled at Teal'c, who was dead to the world - a fact Jack wondered if he'd ever get used to - and headed down the hall to Daniel's room.

Inside, he noted the bathroom door was closed now. Ah, ha. Jack walked over and thought of knocking, but decided against it. He opened it slowly. and froze in his tracks.

Daniel was sound asleep on the floor and covered by a beige bath towel. And the bathroom stank to high heaven. Holding his breath, he walked over, grimaced, and peeked into the toilet bowl. He quickly flushed it. Man, he really was in love. He put the top down on the toilet and sat down. He needed to get sleeping beauty off the floor, but how? Although. Daniel actually looked comfortable. And remarkably peaceful.

"I'm going to regret this in a few hours, Danny, but for you - I'll do it."

He got down on the floor, positioned himself with his back to the shower, lifted Daniel's head - and pillow - and rested them in his lap. He pulled the towel that was serving as a blanket higher around Daniel's neck, then settled back and closed his eyes.

~~~

Daniel shifted slightly and frowned in his sleep. Something was. off. He opened his eyes, winced as the light hit sensitive retinas, then tried to turn over..

"Jack?"

He was lying in Jack's lap.

On the bathroom floor.

Considering his condition, he managed to get to his feet amazingly fast. He swayed as the blood rushed to his head, then reached out, his hand connecting with the sink. He steadied himself, and had only one thought; get the hell out. Now.

He made it down the hall and out the front door without waking Jack. It was only once out on the sidewalk that he realized he was wearing nothing but his tee shirt and boxers.

~~~

The closing door roused Teal'c. He sat up, threw off the covers, and stood. Frowning, he walked over and peered out the windows. He moved quickly to the door, opened it and rushed out.

~~~

Okay, where should he go? And how, because, damn it, he certainly couldn't get on a bus like this, not to mention he'd need money, so he really should go back in, grab his wallet and car keys, but that meant maybe waking Jack, and dealing with . things, so he didn't. Wouldn't. Which left him on his driveway in his boxers and shirt.

So. he'd walk -- somewhere. What were a few miles, in the cold, in nothing but a tee shirt and boxers? It was early so who'd notice?

"Daniel, why are you standing in the driveway wearing nothing but your shirt and under garment?"

Daniel whirled around at the sound of the deep voice and found Teal'c staring at him from the porch.

"What are you. and Jack. why are you. in my home?"

"You vomited and passed out, Daniel. We could not leave you alone, so we remained."

Shit. Daniel closed his eyes in resignation and said, "So you've seen my. place."

"Since we have obviously stayed the night, the answer would be yes, Daniel."

"Could you stop calling me 'Daniel', Teal'c? It sounds. odd. coming from you."

Teal'c cocked his head. "What would prefer that I call you, Daniel?"

"I don't know, just. not. Daniel." He opened his eyes and said, "Don't call me anything, Teal'c. Don't talk to me. Just. go inside, please, and get my wallet and keys."

So much for walking anywhere. He must truly be hung over. "And if you would, maybe my jacket too? I'll just," he pointed in a vague direction, "head to Cheyenne Mountain, okay?"

"I do not think that would be wise," Teal'c said as he stepped off the porch and approached his friend.

Daniel stepped back and held up a hand. "Please, Teal'c?"

"Do you not think it odd that we are both wearing only our sleeping clothing and standing in your driveway?"

"Well, I don't know about Daniel, but *I* think it's odd, and I'm betting Daniel's neighbors across the street think so too," Jack said from the porch.

"God damn it," Daniel muttered angrily.

"Daniel, I've got coffee on. Why don't you come back inside and we'll all get warm and have some, okay?"

"Perhaps Daniel does not wish *you* to call him by his given name either, O'Neill."

Jack joined Teal'c, a puzzled frown on his face. "Excuse me?"

"Daniel no longer wishes me to call him 'Daniel'. Perhaps he would like you to stop as well."

Daniel turned around and started walking away. Jack shot a disgusted look at Teal'c and said, "Now see what you've done?" He ran to catch up with Daniel, Teal'c right behind him. Because Daniel kept walking, Jack was forced to run past him, then turn around so that he was jogging backwards. Huffing a bit, he said, "Daniel, I want you to come back to the house right this minute or I'll report this entire incident to General Hammond."

"I quit, so go ahead and report me," Daniel said as he kept walking, eyes fixed on a point over Jack's shoulder.

"You aren't quitting, so just stop, turn around, and let's go back before someone calls the police and reports three nearly naked men running around Colorado Springs."

Blue eyes flicked down, then back up. "You're wearing jeans. You're not even remotely near naked."

"But you and Teal'c are. And trust me, someone *will* call."

"Tough."

"Daniel, you're starting to make me mad."

"Tell me why I should care?"

"I swear, I'm going to punch your lights out in about one minute, and then Teal'c will carry you back to the house."

Daniel stopped in his tracks. His gaze moved from beyond Jack's shoulder . to Jack. "Go ahead, hit me. You want to. Maybe you'll finally feel better." He pointed at his chin. "Go ahead, Jack."

The entire conversation would have been funny if not for the sadness in Daniel's voice and eyes. Jack was shocked to the core. Teal'c came up to his side and said, "O'Neill does not wish to harm you, Daniel."

Sad and weary blue eyes moved from Jack to Teal'c. Finally Daniel said, "I need a drink." With that, he turned around and started walking back to the house. Exchanging puzzled looks, both men followed. At least Daniel was going back.

Part 4

Daniel walked inside and into the kitchen. Once there, he went into the cupboard and took down another bottle of Jack Daniels. He opened it and drank straight from the bottle.

Jack rushed over and grabbed it out of Daniel's hand. "Cut it out, Daniel!"

"Give me that, Jack."

"Look, I don't pretend to know what's going on inside that brain of yours, but you've got to stop this, and now. You're really starting to scare me."

A small smile appeared, and that chilled Jack more than seeing the wreckage of Daniel's home.

"Starting to scare you, Jack? I don't think so." He stepped into Jack's personal space and said, "Can't you be honest just for once? Tell it like it is? You hate me. I know it, Teal'c knows it, Sam knows it, everyone knows it. And it's okay," he shrugged, "I understand. Hell, I even agree with you. You have every right to hate me. I just wish I understood why you and Sam worked so hard to get me to come back with you. I don't get that at all."

He walked past a stunned Jack and an equally surprised Teal'c, then continued down the hall and into the bedroom. He found his jeans, slipped them on, put on his shoes and grabbed his jacket. He felt his pocket and nodded in satisfaction at the feel of his wallet and keys.

Walking down the hall, he realized that it had felt good to say the words, "I quit." Why hadn't he thought of it earlier, thought of it weeks and months ago? He was neither wanted nor needed at the SGC, so why stay? It held nothing for him now and he sure as hell hadn't accomplished anything since his return. Drawing strength from the thought, he said out loud, "I quit."

"Then so do I," Jack said from his position in front of the door. "If you're going to quit, then so will I. I refuse to walk through the 'Gate without you. I did it for a year, hated every minute of it, and won't do it again."

Okay, that wasn't how it was supposed to go, Daniel thought. He scrunched up his face and rubbed his nose. "Jack, we haven't gone through the 'Gate together but a handful of times since my return. What the hell are you talking about?"

"I was. mad. at you. I'm not mad anymore," Jack said lamely.

Daniel took the several necessary steps required to bring him with an inch of Jack, and said, "You're not mad anymore?" When Jack shook his head, Daniel asked, "You're not still mad because I didn't help you when Baal had you? You're not still mad because I let him torture you over and over again? That I let Skaara die? That I failed to stop Anubis when I had the chance? You're not still madder than hell at me because Abydos was destroyed? And how 'bout Janet?" He stepped closer and said, eyes shadowed in pain, "You can't tell me you don't *all* wish it had been me instead of Janet, or wished that I could have, or thought I should have, done something. You can't tell me that, Jack. And you can't tell me that you've forgiven me for letting Baal do what he did to you, for not stopping the pain and the torture. You're still angry and hurt."

Jack smiled softly. "No, I'm not. Because you *did* help. You saved me the only way you could. You helped me the only way you could. And Janet died in the line of duty, Daniel, and you did everything you could to save her and you did everything you could to save me."

Daniel leaned in close, and with an almost evil smile, said, "I did *nothing*, Jack. NOTHING."

"How do you know?"

That brought Daniel up short. Jack went in for the kill.

"How the hell do you know what you did or didn't do, Daniel?"

Daniel's eyes narrowed dangerously, but Jack pressed on.

"You have no memories of your time ascended; hell, you have no memories of your time *before* you ascended-"

"I remember. some things. I know you let me go and that you didn't even blink an eye. I know that. I know you refused to ascend with me, didn't think you were worthy, in spite of the evidence before you that being worthy was hardly a criteria to ascension," Daniel said, voice low and full of sadness.

"What, you're mad at me because I refused to ascend? Are you crazy?"

"Not mad - well, mad that you thought you had so little worth, but that's neither here nor there."

"You did not answer the primary accusation just given to you by DanielJackson, O'Neill," Teal'c said from somewhere.

Without taking his eyes from Daniel, Jack asked, "What?"

"DanielJackson said that you let him go."

Jack watched in amazement as two dull spots of red appeared on each of Daniel's cheeks.

"Is it true, O'Neill? True that you simply let him go? You did not attempt to keep him with us?"

"He was *dying*, Teal'c. And we were in this. this empty, shining excuse for the 'Gate room. Oma was there, and Daniel was telling me to let him go, to ask Jacob to stop, and I asked him, I *asked* him where was he going, and do you know what he said? He said, 'I don't know.' So I said, 'See you around?' and he said, 'I don't know'. He started walking up the ramp, but he was. there were tears in his eyes-"

"But not in yours, Jack," Daniel said easily. "I don't think you were upset. In fact, I think," his voice dropped, "I think. you were relieved, and I'm okay with that. I understand better than you think. But at the time, and I'm just foolish and pathetic enough to admit that I wanted you to put out your hand, hold my arm, and say, 'Stay'. I wanted to hear that one word more than I ever wanted to hear 'We'll keep you, Daniel,' or 'Of course I'm going to adopt you, Daniel, you're my grandson.'"

Jack could have sworn he'd just been sucker punched. He was having difficulty breathing and his vision was blurring. He reached out blindly, connected with Daniel's arm, gripped it hard enough to bruise, and croaked out, "Stay."

~~~

"Stay."

The word hovered in the air between them, its meaning unclear to Daniel. He glanced down at Jack's strong hand, at the fingers gripping his arm. He felt confused and at odds. His path had seemed so sure moments before, but now..

A tug on his arm and he was suddenly chest to chest with Jack. He blinked rapidly as Jack said, "I wanted to say it, Daniel. I wanted to say it more than anything, but all these thoughts kept swirling around inside the cavern that houses my brain, and ultimately, it seemed that going with Oma was everything right for you. That you were meant to do it, to move on, and it wasn't my place to hold you back. How could I ask you to stay when we didn't even know how well the healing would go? Jacob wasn't sure what condition he could bring you back to, so how could I ask you to stay?"

"What. what are you saying, Jack?"

There it was. The ultimate question. He let his gaze travel over Daniel's beloved face, unaware that his own expression had softened. Finally he said, "I'm saying that I wanted you to stay then, and I want you to stay now."

"Jack, you don't even know I'm here and when you do notice, it's obvious you wish I weren't," Daniel said as if teaching a child. "You've barely been able to stay in the same room with me for more than a minute or two. You don't speak to me unless I speak first, and then you only say what you need to before you make yourself scarce. Maybe it's because you're in love with Sam, but for some reason, you can't tell her, you can't change what needs to be changed in order to be with her. But you should know that because of that inability, she'll never really settle down, not even with Pete."

Teal'c, who'd been staying back in order to give them some sense of privacy, now stepped forward at seeing the expression on Daniel's face. Pain etched on his own countenance, he asked, "You can't believe that we hate you, DanielJackson."

Without taking his eyes from Jack, Daniel answered, "Hate would be too strong a word for you and Sam. I'm not denying affection, but the friendship we shared before I - before I left - is gone. We're not a team anymore - no, that's wrong - I'm not a member of the team anymore -- and I take full responsibility for that fact. I gave up the right to belong to SG-1 when I ascended, and later when I failed to save Skaara and the rest of my Abydonian family. I understand that. Maybe we've all just been through too much, I don't know. What I do know is that I was a fool to think I could waltz back into your lives and affections, not to mention the team, as if nothing had happened. But I can rectify that now. *Will* rectify that now."

He gently pulled his arm from Jack's grip and took a couple of steps back. "I've got to get out of here right now because I need to decide what to do with the rest of my life. I'll let General Hammond know on Monday, turn in my resignation then, and remove any personal items from my office."

He walked around Jack, turned slightly as he opened the front door, and said, "Just let this happen, okay? You'll all be happier, trust me."

Daniel headed out then, and right into Sam, who'd been about to ring the bell.

"Daniel."

The smile popped up almost without thought. "Hey, Sam. 'Morning. And good-bye. Gotta go. Jack and Teal'c were just leaving." Without waiting for any response, Daniel rushed passed them to head to the garage.

"DANIEL, WAIT!"

The voice sounded so. needy, and urgent, and needy, that Daniel stopped and dropped his chin to his chest.

"DANIEL, would I risk everything to tell you how I felt if I didn't mean it? Would I?"

Daniel turned around. Jack was standing on the bottom step of the porch, Teal'c behind him, and a confused Sam to the right of Teal'c. Okay, this was way more than he needed. Way more. He felt the corners of his mouth twist up and he knew he was smiling, the same smile he'd been wearing for months. Years, maybe.

"You didn't risk anything, Jack," he finally said.

"Yes, I did, but I'm thinking I need to say it a bit more clearly, so here goes: I love you, Daniel. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you. Watching you, listening to you, loving you, all of it, forever. If we were back in that cell of Baal's, and you asked me to ascend with you - I would. In a heartbeat. Anything to be with you."

Jack stepped down, took a few steps closer to Daniel, spread his arms out to his side, palms up, and said, "Stay."

~~~

"Stay."

This time said with all the love Daniel had ever wanted to hear as brown eyes poured every emotion Jack was feeling. into him.

How could he not remember his life, yet remember how much he needed Jack?

How much he loved Jack.

His legs went weak, and afraid he'd collapse, he walked over to the lawn and sat down. The grass was wet but he didn't care. He crossed his legs Indian style and rested his arms on his thighs. If he could just sit here awhile, not think, or feel, he might just survive.

Maybe if he could sit here for a few hours. or days.

~~~

When Daniel sat down on the lawn, Jack decided this was going to take more than a declaration of love. He looked to the side and motioned Teal'c and Sam indoors. They went without a word. Once the front door closed, he moved to the lawn and sat down opposite Daniel. But there was no way he was going to - or could - cross his legs Indian style.

"I'm too old to sit like that, Daniel. Is there some reason you decided to sit on the grass?"

"Compromise," Daniel said easily.

"Ah. Didn't want to come back into the house, but you didn't want to leave either, right?"

"That's about it."

"Daniel, I know I put on a good show of playing the dumb military jock, but we both know the truth, right?"

Daniel nodded.

"Okay, so understanding that I'm really pretty smart, allow me to say that . you're on the edge of a cliff right now, and what you do next will determine whether you go over, or stay safe. Personally, I'm in the camp that wants you to stay safe."

Daniel rested his cheek in one hand and said thoughtfully, "I felt. alive. when I tore my house apart. It felt good. I was mad at him, but it still felt better than anything I'd felt in . months."

"Who were you mad at, Daniel?" Jack asked carefully.

"Him."

"Who?"

"Doctor Jackson. Doctor Daniel Jackson. He was laughing at me, you know?"

"You're. Doctor Daniel Jackson."

Daniel smiled knowingly. "No, I'm just. Daniel Jackson. I don't do much, don't have to."

"Do you like it that way?"

"No. That's why he was laughing at me." Daniel plucked at a piece of grass. "I . it was like that before, you know?"

"Before?"

"Before I went with Oma. I didn't really do much, wasn't helping anyone, I remember that. I didn't have a voice, don't have one now. Didn't have one when I was growing up either." He glanced up at Jack and asked curiously, "I'm falling apart, aren't I?"

"No, I don't think you are, Daniel. I think you're confused and you're still dealing with the fact that you chose to descend, to lose who you'd been, only to have SG-1 show up in your new backyard. We found you, then we left you behind, metaphorically speaking. We brought you home, and just. went on about our business. You have to admit, it's irony at its best. We profess to never leave anyone behind, and yet, we did exactly that after bringing you home."

Daniel got a faraway look in his eyes, then said, "If I were still ascended, I might have been able to save. Janet. You all know that too, Jack. You know that." He rubbed his temple and muttered, "God, I'm so tired, Jack. Just. so tired."

"Let me take you to my place, all right? You can sleep all you need while knowing that someone who cares, someone who loves you, is watching over you. Would you do that?"

"You don't have to say that, Jack."

"Daniel, if you believe nothing else right now, believe this: I love you. Please let me take you to my place?"

"I'd like to . sleep."

Jack got to his feet and held out his hand. Daniel stared at it for a moment, then took it and allowed Jack to pull him to his feet. Hand still in Jack's, he let him lead him to Jack's truck. As he got settled inside, Jack said, "I'll be right back, okay? Don't go anywhere. without me, all right?"

"I'm not moving, Jack."

Jack nodded and hurried back inside.

~~~

Sam watched the two men on the lawn. Next to her, Teal'c stood silently.

"This is bad, isn't it?" she finally asked.

"I think. we're seeing a curve for the better, Major Carter. Daniel is listening."

She started to correct him, but Jack was leading Daniel to the truck, so she let it go.

"I believe O'Neill is returning," Teal'c said.

Jack entered a few moments later and hurried over to them. "I'm going to get Daniel to my place. He needs sleep badly. How soon will Ferretti be here?"

Sam looked blankly at him for a moment, then said, "Any minute."

"Good, good. Look, Teal'c, you know what needs to be done, so I leave this in your hands, all right?"

"It shall be done, O'Neill."

"Thanks, T."

Jack quickly put on the rest of his clothes, grabbed his keys, then hurried out.

~~~

When the door closed, Sam rubbed at her eyes. Her emotions were all over the map, so she did what she did best; she put them away until a time when she could figure this all out. She started to turn around when Teal'c said, "You have not really looked around you yet, Major Carter, so I feel it is my duty to warn you. It is not pretty, but perhaps it will explain much."

Puzzled, Sam faced him, then started to give the room a cursory look. The blood drained from her face as she whispered, "Dear God."

~~~

Jack drove faster than was his norm; his concern for Daniel, the reason. His friend was slumped in the front seat, head resting against the window, eyes shut tight. He hadn't said a word since Jack had rejoined him, and that worried Jack as much as Daniel's body language. By the time he pulled into his driveway, he was thinking that maybe Daniel had jumped off that cliff after all.

He shut off the engine and was surprised when Daniel said, "We're here already?"

Sheepish smile in place, Jack said, "I might have broken a few speed laws getting here, Daniel."

"Ah." Daniel fumbled with the seatbelt, got the door opened when it popped off, and quickly got out. He waited as Jack got out, then together they walked up to Jack's front door.

Once inside, Jack didn't even hesitate. He moved Daniel straight down the hall and into his bedroom. Once there, he got Daniel out of the clothes he'd put on such a short time ago, and got him into the bed. Daniel never said a word. Jack leaned over and pulled the blanket up, but caught himself just before he started to tuck it in. He straightened and grinned down at Daniel.

"You probably don't need me to tuck you in, do you?"

Eyes already at half mast, Daniel murmured, "Probably not."

Smiling, Jack said, "You sleep. I'll be here if you need me." He found the courage to brush Daniel's hair back a bit as he added, "You know, Daniel, I plan to never be more than say, a hundred yards from you from now on."

Daniel yawned and said, "That might be going a bit far. hell, your office is more than a hundred yards, and you *know* you hate going into old buildings or tombs or temples or pyramids with me, should we ever. do that. again, so maybe it should be never more than, say, ten miles?" Daniel yawned again and smiled.

"No can do. Ten miles is unacceptable. And I *love* going into pyramids and temples and whatever with you, so shut up and go to sleep."

Daniel closed his eyes.

Relieved, Jack turned away and walked out and down into his living room.

~~~

Sam took another step into the living room, her eyes scanning the floor, the walls, the broken furniture, pictures and lamps.

"The bedroom is the same, Major Carter. He left only the kitchen and the bathroom unscathed."

She began to pick her way through the room, occasionally bending over and picking up a piece of glass here or a piece of broken knickknack there, and holding them in her hand. Her eyes were wide, reflecting her shock. She stopped a few feet from the entrance to the kitchen and said, "The dust."

"Yes," Teal'c affirmed. "Apparently he did this some time ago."

She glanced down the hall. straightened her shoulders, and started for the bedroom, Teal'c on her heels. At the doorway, she peered in and gasped.

Maybe it was because the room was so small, but the devastation seemed so much worse than the living room. There was nothing that hadn't been destroyed and it all lay on the floor in pieces. The futon had been broken into three partswas in three broken parts, the mattress a shredded mess. The two drawers belonging to the nightstand must have been thrown or smashed into the wall and the nightstand itself was on its side, the victim of what appeared to have been a foot. The wood was splintered in several places and the middle of the stand had been caved in. Pieces of the bookshelves littered the floor, but the books had been stacked carefully in a corner. The photos and other items that had once resided on the shelves were still on the floor, and like everything else, had been destroyed.

Sam's gaze finally landed on a pile of blankets under the window in the nearest corner. There was a bowl and fork on the floor, as well as four empty beer bottles and a small television sitting a few feet away. Something shiny caught her attention and she moved toward the bedding. She nudged a blue blanket away and uncovered the item: a photograph in a silver frame. Sam knelt down and picked it up.

It was unbroken and she recognized it immediately.

The photo showed the colonel standing in front of a podium. It had to have been taken moments after her promotion and seconds before Thor had taken Jack. Sam felt the moisture of tears and didn't try to stop them when they spilled over.

She was surprised when Teal'c moved to her side and engulfed in his warm embrace. She closed her eyes and held on.

~~~

The two of them sat in the kitchen not talking. Sam had stopped crying but her eyes were puffy and red-rimmed. Suddenly she stood and went to the cupboards. She started to open one but then spied the bottle of Jack Daniels on the counter. She got two glasses but at a "harrumph" from Teal'c, put one back. She sat back down, opened the bottle and poured herself a stiff one. Raising her glass, Sam said, "To . Daniel."

"Why do you toast to DanielJackson?"

Looking at her empty glass, Sam said, "Because... I screwed up, Teal'c."

"I believe we have all 'screwed up', Major Carter."

She poured another drink and said, "I could go with that."

~~~

Lou Ferretti, with a couple of his teammates, showed up at ten and by two, Daniel's house had been put to rights. What couldn't be fixed or salvaged, which was almost everything, had been tossed. The carpet and floors had been painstakingly cleaned, with everyone on their knees picking bits of glass, wood and ceramic out of the carpet by hand. There'd been a couple of spots on the living room and bedroom walls that had required repair, which Ferretti, a carpenter at heart, had done. Now he, his teammates, Sam and Teal'c, sat on the floor of the living room, pizza and beer spread out between them.

Amazingly enough, neither Lou nor any of his team had said much upon arriving and seeing the condition of Daniel's home, but now, fortified by three beers, a clearly worried Lou asked, "Is he all right?"

Teal'c dropped the edge of a crust into the pizza box and said enigmatically, "We are hopeful."

"He with the colonel now?"

"He is, and sleeping. I do not believe he has slept much in the last weeks."

Lou reached over and grabbed another beer. As he twisted off the top, he said regretfully, "Not once since his return, have I told him I was glad he was back. In fact, it's been damn uncomfortable around him. I mean, what's a guy supposed to say to someone who's come back from the dead - again?" He paused thoughtfully and finally added, "You know what's really been . odd, is that for all the not talking to him, he's been so damned cheerful."

"He has been as he thought we wanted him to be. It was easier on all of us," Teal'c said. "He knew we did not wish to talk about it, or to relive the past, so he became someone that eased our way at the expense of who he is."

Lou nodded as he said sadly, "None of us ever said good-bye or acknowledged the fact that the Doc was gone. We never dealt with it. He *died* for an entire population and we did nothing. I guess it's no surprise that his return would be handled the same way." He took another swallow, wiped his mouth, and added, "Gotta love the military."

"So what do we do about it?" Lieutenant Willard, Corky to his friends, asked.

Sam exchanged knowing looks with Teal'c, then said cryptically, "Right now, we've done our part. We'll have to trust Colonel O'Neill, and hope that we have the chance to put things right with Daniel."

Part 5

Jack had to take a leak but at the moment, Daniel was using him as a bed. Not that Jack was complaining, but he really needed to go. He should never have crawled into bed with Daniel, but his need had been so great after five hours that he'd succumbed. Besides, never in a million years would Jack have ascribed creeping vine tendencies to Daniel. Whenever they'd shared a tent on a mission, the guy never moved. But now Jack, in his own bed, had slowly been forced to the edge, thanks to Creeping Daniel. Adding insult to injury, he'd been trapped by Danielae reperendum .

Not that he was complaining.

But damn, he *had* to go.

Okay, Operation Disentangle the Archaeologist, underway.

He started with Daniel's right arm. Lifting it, he set it down on Daniel's leg, which meant he had to move Daniel's leg and arm now. Frowning, he thought it out, then slowly nudged Daniel's leg over until it dropped between their bodies. Now this was progress. He slid his right leg off the bed. Good, now he had one foot on the floor. Maybe at this point, he could just kind of slide..

Success.

Of course, he was now on the floor, but he was out of the clutches of the Daniel-vine. Standing, he hobbled to the bathroom, got the seat up and quickly, and wonderfully, relieved himself. He was so happy, he almost sighed. When he was done, he washed his hands, dried them, then flushed. Feeling human again, he walked back into the bedroom. He looked at his alarm clock and was surprised to discover that it was after four. He brought the covers up to Daniel's shoulders and, in spite of feeling silly, leaned down and kissed Daniel's cheek.

Grinning like an idiot, he walked out, his stomach rumbling.

In the kitchen, he made himself a lettuce and tomato sandwich liberally sprinkled with salt and pepper, added some Nacho Doritos and a beer, then sat down to eat. Munching chips, he admitted that just because Daniel was sleeping soundly in his bed didn't mean Daniel was all right. Not by a long shot. Somehow, he had to help Daniel find himself again, find the man he'd locked out in order to. to what? Survive? Survive the apparent indifference of the world to which he'd returned?

Suddenly Jack lost his appetite. He pushed the plate away but drank down the beer. Staring over at his sandwich, he found himself having serious difficulty with accepting the amount of self-hatred required to do what Daniel had done to his house. And there was no doubt that self-hatred had been the root cause, the reason behind the destruction. But what worried Jack even more was the apparent indifference Daniel had shown in the weeks following the demolition of his home. The way he'd simply left it and gone about his business with a smile on his face, yet at the end of the day, returned to that God- awful mess as if it were nothing. Every evening Daniel had taken his food and settled in that corner in the bedroom, in the middle of the pile of bedding on the floor, and watched mindless television until he'd fall asleep.

And not once in all the ensuing weeks had anyone caught a clue that one of their own was in serious trouble. Not once. What the fuck did that say?

It said Daniel was very good at putting forth a façade that his so-called friends would so easily buy.

It said his so-called friends were so screwed up, Daniel *had* to put on a fucking fake front in order to help them.

But at what cost?

Jack picked up the plate, dumped the sandwich, put the dish in the sink and put the Doritos away. He got another beer and wandered into the living room. Sitting on the couch, he put his legs up on the coffee table and crossed them at the ankles. As he nursed his beer, he tried to figure out how to handle the future.

~~~

"No, I need to. go alone, Teal'c"

Teal'c looked at Sam, the street lamp giving him enough light to see her eyes. He nodded solemnly.

She thanked him with her smile and got out of the car. With Daniel's keys in hand, she walked up to the door.

~~~

Jack was just about to check on Daniel when the doorbell rang. He veered right, stepped up to the foyer and opened the door. Sam stood on his doorstep, her expression guarded.

"Sir, I'm just dropping off Daniel's keys."

He stepped aside, and as she walked in, he peeked out and said, "Teal'c?"

"In the car, sir."

"Ah." Jack closed the door, sensing that this was the opportunity to talk with his 2IC.

Sam walked down into the living room and paused, suddenly nervous and uncertain. Jack joined her and put his arm on her shoulder. He didn't miss the fact that she stiffened under his touch.

"My little declaration came as quite a surprise, didn't it?" he asked gently.

"You could say that, sir."

"I meant every word. I do love him. I never expected it, was shocked when I realized it, but that doesn't negate it. And I want our Doctor Daniel Jackson back, don't you?"

She nodded but didn't say anything.

"Don't make me try to figure out what you're thinking, Sam."

At the use of her first name, she turned to face him and was startled by how calm he looked. Worry still shadowed his eyes, and she knew she was now a part of that worry, but overall, his body language radiated a strange kind of calm and. happiness. Did loving Daniel do this to him?

Sam took a deep breath and said, "I think. I understand now." Her eyes searched his and she said softly, "We never had a chance, did we?"

His expression softened as he answered, "Come on, Sam. Was it ever what you really wanted? Neither of us had to risk anything."

He waited a moment, watched as his words penetrated, then added with a sly grin, "But maybe now, you have a chance to take that risk?"

Sam thought of Pete, who was probably on his way to Colorado Springs even now. and she smiled. "Yes, maybe I do, sir." She looked at him sheepishly and added, "Jack."

"It's the right move."

Her mind immediately supplied her with a vision of Pete, his gaze taking in her body as she lay beneath him. She could see the warmth and love telegraphing itself to her as clearly as any words.

"I think you're right. Jack." She grinned and added, "So was yours. The right move, I mean." She looked back at the hall that led to Jack's bedroom. "When he wakes up. would you tell him that we. love him?"

"I'll tell him, but I think that you-"

"I plan to, but until then?"

"Right. Okay."

She took Jack's hand and placed Daniel's keys into his palm. As she curled his fingers around them, she said, "Take care of him, Jack. Take care of yourself."

He leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips, then murmured, "I will. And speaking of taking care - let Pete take care of you, all right?"

She smiled brilliantly. "I will. It'll be nice for a change."

"You deserve it, Sam."

Eyes moist with emotions, she said with a hitch in her voice, "So do you, sir."

Jack understood the return to the use of 'sir' and he nodded as she turned and walked out.

~~~

Jack sat on the edge of the bed and watched Daniel sleep. He suspected the sleeping part might go on for quite a while longer, like, days longer. Not that Daniel didn't need it. All he could hope was that this was a healing sleep.

~~~

Sixteen hours later -

The pillow smelled incredible. Daniel, hovering in that warm, safe world between sleep and wakefulness, buried his nose deeper into the softness and inhaled. His eyes popped open.

Jack.

The pillow smelled of Jack.

Why should his pillow have Jack's scent on it? He lifted his head and blinked blearily around him. Not his room and he was *not* on the floor.

Wait.

He'd gone through this once already. Hadn't he?

Oh, God, he remembered. All of it.

Daniel threw off the covers and quickly stood. It was dark in the room, but that was because the shades had been drawn. He turned on a light, searched for his clothes. and found them. He quickly dressed, looked with yearning at the bathroom, shook his head, then shrugged and hurried across the room and into the small tiled room. He used the toilet, then without thought, reached under the sink and grabbed a new toothbrush. He got it out of the box, spread a nice amount of paste on it, then started brushing. He was halfway through his ritual when it hit him.

He'd known where Jack kept new toothbrushes.

"Well, I'll be damned," he said with a mouthful of toothpaste.

His movements slowed as the urgent need to leave leaked out of him like air from a punctured tire. He did the rinse and spit thing, then ran a hand over his face and the stubble that now graced it. Should he shave? Hell, yeah. Smiling, he opened the medicine cabinet and sure enough, there was a package of razors. He took them down, opened it, and took one out. The can of shaving cream was on the counter so he set the razor down, turned on the hot water, and soaked a washcloth in it. When it was steaming, he put it over the lower half of his face and left it long enough to soften his stubble. He folded the cloth and picked up the can, then squirted a nice mound onto his palm. He lathered up and thanks to Jack's teachings, did a quick military shave.

When he was done, he patted on Jack's aftershave, turned off the light, and headed out into the living room.

His heart was in his throat, but as he walked, memories of days and nights at Jack's came flooding back. He paused before the spare room, reached out. and slowly opened the door.

Walking in, he wondered how many times in the three years after his return from Abydos he'd slept in here. Countless. And now he was remembering them. He remembered the barbecues, the Super Bowl Sundays, fight nights, poker nights, and the evenings after bad missions when all either man had wanted to do was sit, drink, and not be alone.

He also remembered how those nights had stopped, the invitations drying up. He remembered the distance that had sprung up between them, remembered his inability to figure out why he was suddenly persona non gratis with his best friend.

The bad memories warred with the good as his mind was inundated by all of them.

Sha're giving birth, giving her son -- and as far as he was concerned -- his son, up. Chaka, replicators, appendicitis attack. Zartarc detectors, exploding suns, and a death so painful the memory hurt unbearably.

His life rushed him and finally drove him to his knees. Hands on either side of his head, he began to rock back and forth as he kept up a steady stream of pleading "no's".

~~~

Jack turned the burner down to simmer and put the lid back on the chili. He finished cutting up the tomatoes for the salad and threw them into the bowl, then put it in the fridge. Wiping his hands, he headed to the bedroom to check on Daniel. He hoped he was at least stirring, because by now he had to be hungry, even in his sleep. He was probably dreaming about food. Jack smiled as he walked down the hall, envisioning flying chocolate walnut cookies in Daniel's dreams.

A sound from just up ahead froze him in his tracks. It was coming from the spare room and, damn, it sounded like Daniel. Jack almost ran the few additional feet to the open door and seeing Daniel on his knees, moved immediately to his side.

"Daniel?"

"Memories," Daniel muttered. "Hit me. So many."

"Oh, God."

Jack wrapped his arms around Daniel, held him close, his hand cupping the back of Daniel's head. They rocked together as more of his life assaulted Daniel.

~~~

"Headache," Daniel mumbled.

"Does that mean. are you all right now?"

"Headache," Daniel repeated.

Jack could feel the smile against his neck and said, grinning, "Does this mean we can get up now? My knees are killing me."

Daniel pulled away and, with shaking legs, stood. He held a hand down to Jack.

"You're gonna help *me* up?"

"You're the one with the bad knees. I only have a headache," Daniel said with a surprisingly shy smile.

Jack took the offered hand and once up, Daniel wobbled over to the bed and sat down. He put his head in his hands and said, "Whoa, that was. weird."

"Considering what you do for a living, weird is relative," Jack said. "Hang on here, I'm going to get you something for the pain. Be right back."

Daniel nodded without looking up. He continued to hold his head. A few moments later, Jack pulled his hand away and put two Tylenol into his palm. Daniel looked up, smiled wanly, and said, "Thanks."

"Water," Jack said as he also handed him a glass.

Daniel tossed the pills back and drank the entire glass of water. He put the glass on the nightstand and dropped back onto the bed, eyes closed. Jack sat down next to him.

"So, you remember stuff now," Jack said lamely.

"Guess so."

"You okay?"

Daniel opened his eyes and turned his head. "You mean other than the headache?"

Jack smiled fondly and said, "Yeah, other than that."

"Well, now that the memories are real, my journals make a hell of a lot more sense."

They were both silent for several minutes while Jack tried to assimilate the idea that Daniel now had most of his life back. Daniel was trying to sort through the memories while at the same time, wondering if he should ask Jack about their friendship and what had happened to it. His thoughts, and the silence, were interrupted when Jack asked, "I fixed chili, you up to eating something?"

"Your turkey chili?"

"Yeah."

"I could. eat."

They both got up and walked silently into the kitchen.

"Have a seat. I'll set the table."

Daniel did as asked and watched as Jack bustled about the kitchen. He put out the salad, the dressing and two beers, some shredded cheddar cheese and a bowl of sour cream, then cut up a loaf of French bread fresh out of the oven and added that to the table. Finally he ladled the chili into bowls, carried them over to the table and, after placing a bowl in front of Daniel, sat down.

"Eat up, Daniel."

"Yes, Mom."

"Don't even go there, Daniel."

"Yes, dear."

"That's better."

Smiling, Daniel took a piece of bread, buttered it, then dunked it into the chili. He took a huge bite, hummed his appreciation, then dressed his salad and took a bite of that, followed by a healthy gulp of beer. After swallowing, he said, "Good, Jack. Thanks."

Jack wasn't the least bit amazed when Daniel finished off two bowls of the chili, most of the bread, his salad *and* Jack's. Sleeping for over twenty-four hours, and getting all, or nearly all, of your memories back, evidently worked up quite an appetite. Clearing the table, he asked, "Save room for dessert?"

Daniel looked up expectantly and Jack couldn't help but laugh. Still chuckling, he answered the unspoken question, "Chocolate-chip mint ice cream."

"The kind with the mint chocolate chips, or the mint green ice cream?"

"The latter, not that I understand the difference."

"It's more fun eating green ice cream."

"Of course," Jack said as he put the dishes into the dishwasher.

He tidied up, then dished up a bowl of ice cream for Daniel and set it in front of him. As he watched him stir the dessert into a syrupy mess, he wondered where the man from the lawn had gone, or if he was still here and Jack was seeing Daniel's ability to be what people needed him to be. That thought sent chills up and down Jack's spine.

He pulled out his chair and sat down, then asked worriedly, "Am I seeing *you*, or the guy you've been for the last several months?"

Daniel had a spoonful of ice cream halfway to his mouth when Jack asked the question and now his hand hovered in the air. Slowly Daniel put the spoon back into the bowl and looked over at Jack. "I guess," he finally said, "you're seeing both. Right now, I'm trying very hard not to run out of here, not to disappear and never be seen again. Doctor Daniel Jackson and Daniel Jackson are trying to merge, I think, and I'm working hard at sorting through the memories and wondering whether to ask you. certain questions, and if what you said outside was real, or just the words of a good soldier trying to help someone in need. But hey, other than that.."

Slightly taken aback, Jack said, "O-kay. let's start with what I said outside. I meant it, and I'm not that good of a soldier that I'd tell a man I loved him in front of my second-in-command and a Jaffa warrior, not to mention any neighbors who were out to get a kick out of their whacky neighbor. Does that answer that question?"

"I guess so," Daniel said with sheepish grin.

"So what are the other 'certain' questions you wanted to ask?"

Still stirring, Daniel said, "I guess, now that I remember so much. well, I'm wondering what happened. to us. Our friendship. I can picture those early years so clearly, the first years, and we were. good together. Not that we didn't have our arguments and disagreements, which wasn't so surprising given that we're pretty different, but there was a connection between us and somehow we managed to become good friends. Then. sometime after you, Teal'c and Sam came home after helping Thor, nothing was the same. I can remember now how I puzzled over it, tried to figure it out, and finally decided it had something to do with all three of you being. you know, soldiers, and having gone through that experience together, and realizing how far away from all of you I was. and then you and Sam seemed to have something going and - and finally - well, I never realized until then how much I relied on your friendship. and I'm starting to sound pathetic, aren't I? I'm a grown man and yet.."

"Danny, I don't know what happened. I honestly don't. It's altogether possible that I had feelings for you even then, and was doing a nice song and dance in order to avoid them. In fact, that's probably the answer, which doesn't excuse anything, although, I do kind of wish you'd been more. more. you know-"

"No-o, more what?" Daniel asked as he crossed his arms over his chest in a way that was clearly a dare.

"Right. Well, I guess I mean that you're always willing to fight for an idea but you weren't willing to confront me, to find out what the hell was happening. So yeah, I wish you'd been more like the Daniel Jackson who argued for Chaka. The one who tried to get me to think about the Eurondans, and fought for the Gadmeer *and* the Enkarans. Maybe if you'd applied some of that - feistiness -- to our friendship back then, we'd already be a couple."

Daniel rose and picked up the bowl of ice cream. He stood for a moment, and said, "You know, sometimes I find myself missing the childhood I never had." He walked behind Jack, upended the bowl over Jack's head, and added, "But then I get a chance to be that kid, and everything's all right with my world again, you know?"

Green ice cream dripped from Jack's nose and fell on his lips. He licked it up and said, "Okay, that might not have been the best thing I could have said."

"Ya think?" Daniel asked as he rinsed the dish and put it in the dishwasher.

"Hey, at least I know you're Doctor Daniel Jackson. Daniel Jackson would have just smiled." He licked some more ice cream and scooped a couple of dollops out of his eyes as he added, "On the other hand, Doctor Daniel Jackson would have agreed with me because he has a guilt complex bigger than the state of Texas. Maybe you're right, and you two are merging. I've always wanted to see a split personality merge."

A wet dishcloth landed on his head. He sighed, pulled it off, and began to clean up.

Part 6

Jack walked out of the bathroom wearing only his jeans and a towel around his neck. He rubbed absently at his wet hair as he walked into the living room. Daniel was on his couch, legs stretched out in front of him, a magazine in his hands. At Jack's entrance, he glanced up and asked, "Minty fresh now, are we?"

"God, I've missed your snarky humor."

"Sure you have, Jack," Daniel said sarcastically.

He sat down next to Daniel and said, "No, really, I have. You've been so damn cheerful."

Daniel shrugged, closed the magazine and slid it onto the table. "So, what now?"

"Well, your house is cleaned up so if you want to go home, not that there's any furniture to go home to, but you're used to that, so if you want to go.."

Daniel rose gracefully and asked, "Where are my keys? And I assume you'll give me a lift?"

"Oh, fer crying out loud, sit the fuck down. You're not going anywhere."

One finely arched eyebrow rose. "Oh, really?"

"Yes, really, and you know it. This is your home - our - home now."

"Gee, have we forgotten 'don't ask, don't tell'?"

"Good point. Okay, so we keep the other house for appearances sake, but still, you're not going anywhere."

Daniel sat down on the end of the coffee table and swiped a hand over his face. He suddenly looked very tired again - and very young. "Okay, I admit it, I'm confused."

Jack leaned forward and put a hand on Daniel's leg. He glanced down and frowned. His hand was on Daniel's leg and it felt - good. Almost as good as holding him in bed. Considering how close his hand was to Daniel's dick - it might even feel better. Daniel cleared his throat and Jack looked up and into blue eyes with a glint of humor shining through. Jack cleared his throat and said, "Yes, well. There's no reason to be confused, Daniel. None. You're you, I'm me, we're here, you're getting your memories back and I love you."

The humor was still there as Daniel asked, "And that's supposed to make it all better? And what if I don't love you? Ever think of that?"

Jack slid his hand up higher and felt the slight tremble of anticipation in Daniel's leg. He glanced up at Daniel and said smugly, "No."

That eyebrow went up again as Daniel said, "Maybe Doctor Daniel Jackson loved you, but Daniel Jackson doesn't, ever think of that? And now that they're merging, you might just get left out in the cold, *buddy boy*."

He moved his hand up even higher and slid it to the inside of Daniel's thigh. He was pretty sure Daniel bit back a groan. Smiling, he said, "Oh, I don' t think so, *Danny boy*. I think at the very least, good ol' Doc Jackson loved me and Dan lusted after me, so I'm thinking I'm in clover now."

"High opinion of yourself, Jack?"

"No, high opinion of your good taste in men," Jack said confidently.

"I do have that," Daniel conceded. "Which leaves you out of the equation altogether."

Jack looked down at the bulge in Daniel's jeans and said dryly, "Is that my P-90 or are you just happy to see me?"

"It's your P-90, and what the hell it's doing in my jeans, I'll never know. You need to take much better care of it, Jack."

Jack reached around Daniel, and with a strength that befit an Air Force colonel, he pulled the coffee table closer. Once he was satisfied that Daniel was now close enough, he put his hands on Daniel's hips and pulled him so that his butt was on the edge of the table. With his fingers on Daniel's zipper, he said, "Well, let me take care of it right now. A little spit, a little polishing, and I'll have that-"

Daniel burst out laughing.

"You really know how to kill a mood here, Doctor Jackson."

Controlling himself, with effort, Daniel sputtered out, "Spit. polishing?"

"Daniel," Jack said patiently, "that was an example of *inn-u-endo*."

Daniel leaned in close and whispered, "No, Jack. That was a metaphor - like this: Why don't we go into your room and examine P-90's to our hearts content?"

Jack frowned. "You sure that wasn't an example of innuendo and not a metaphor?"

Daniel tapped his chin thoughtfully, then brightened as he said, "Jack, I understand you. clean. quite a few . P-90's around Cheyenne Mountain." He grinned and said, "That's an example of using a metaphor in an innuendo."

Jack unzipped Daniel's jeans and said thoughtfully, "So if I said, 'Doctor Jackson, I understand you let your P-90 into the hands of any male officer above the rank of major', that would be an innuendo and a metaphor?"

"No, Jack," Daniel said as he put his hand over Jack's. "That would be a lie. I only let colonels who lead SG-1 handle my . sidearm." He smiled and batted his eyelashes.

"Ah, *that* was a metaphor."

"Yep."

"So let's go into my room and I'll check out your sidearm and you can check out my P-90."

"Jack, I've seen you naked - and it's a sidearm. On the other hand, I'm definitely a P-90."

"I think I have a headache," Jack complained.

Holding his jeans up with one hand, Daniel stood up, took Jack's with his other hand, and as Jack got up, said, "Come on, enough with the metaphors, let's just go rut like rabbits."

"Now you're talking, but I think that was another metaphor, Daniel."

"Shut up, Jack."

"I can do that."

~~~

Daniel looked into Jack's eyes, thrust down even deeper, watched Jack's whiskey browns close in ecstasy, and accepted that *now* he was alive.

~~~

Jack couldn't remember feeling so satisfied following sex before. His body was still feeling the effects of making love with Daniel and he hoped he'd feel it for quite awhile. He turned his head and looked at Daniel, who was asleep next to him. Rolling onto his side, he propped his head on his hand and took in his fill. How was it he'd never noticed Daniel's beauty before? Or had he, on some weird subliminal level? At the moment, Daniel looked like a teenager, his face smooth and untroubled in sleep. Jack decided that gazing on a sleeping Daniel, hell, a waking Daniel, beat the most beautiful sunset in the world.

Oh, he really had it bad. Which was good.

~~~

"What are you thinking?" Jack asked from the bed.

Daniel turned away from the window and said, "I'm thinking we should head over to my place. I need. I need to see it again, you know? And pick up a few things," he finished with a smile meant to reassure Jack.

"You sure?" Jack said doubtfully.

"Yeah, I'm . pretty sure."

Jack got out of bed and said, "Well, since you're already dressed. give me a few and we'll head out."

"Thanks, Jack."

~~~

Jack and Daniel got out of the truck and were just walking up to Daniel's front door when they were hailed by someone across the street.

"Hey, Doc, how are you today? Everything okay?"

Daniel, key in hand, turned to see Rick Benfield, his neighbor, waving from where he was kneeling in front of his lawn mower. Daniel waved back and said, "Fine, Rick. Just fine."

Benfield stood and wiped his hands on his work jeans. "Glad to see you out and about, Doc. We gotta stick together, you know? Neighbors gotta watch out for neighbors."

Considering that the Benfields had been the first family to offer assistance following his run-in with Osiris, Daniel gave Jack an apologetic shrug, then smiled back at Benfield and said loudly, "Absolutely, Rick. A neighborhood watch kind of thing."

"Exactly." He waved amiably, then went back to his lawn.

Relieved, Daniel opened his door and stepped inside, Jack on his heels. He was just closing the door when Jack's cell phone chirped. Jack reached into his jacket pocket, pulled it out and flipped the cover up as he brought it to his ear.

"O'Neill."

"Colonel, how soon can you get to the Mountain?"

Jack looked at Daniel and gave him a helpless shrug. "I can be there in thirty, sir."

"My office in thirty-five, Colonel.".

Jack closed the phone and said, "Come with?"

Daniel looked around, thought of his. study, and shook his head. "You go, but when you're finished, come back and. pick me up?"

He smiled that shy smile again, the one that seemed to be for Jack and no one else, and Jack felt his heart melt all over again. "You sure?"

Daniel nodded. "I'm sure. I need. time, you know? I need to kind of get my head together, organize my memories, that kind of thing. And since Hammond clearly didn't seem to be asking for SG-1. well, this is a perfect opportunity, if you know what I mean?"

"I don't want to leave you, Daniel. I'd rather not break my vow of ten miles, you know?"

Daniel chuckled and said, "Go, Jack. Please?"

Seeing only love in Daniel's eyes, Jack finally nodded. "Okay, but I don't like it. At the ten mile marker, I might go into withdrawals."

Daniel snorted.

~~~

He watched the truck disappear around the corner, sighed, and headed back inside. Daniel walked into the kitchen and marveled at how easy it was now that his house had been cleaned up. He gave himself a little shake as he leaned against the counter. Maybe he should have gone with Jack after all. He gazed around his kitchen and tried to remember why he'd walked into this room. A drink, maybe? No, he wasn't thirsty. Okay, so he'd . check out Doctor Jackson's - his - study. Yeah, that was the ticket. Face the lion's den.

Just outside the door, he stopped - shook his head again - and went inside.

The afternoon sun was coming in the only window in the room, a long window opposite him. Warm, golden rays struck the roll-top desk, bringing the grain of the wood out and giving the desk a healthy glow. The room looked. comfortable, real, and - for once -- welcoming. He walked over to one of the bookcases and let his fingers run over the spines of the books, stopping long enough to touch the odd artifact or photograph.

He sat down at the desk, fingers running along the smooth edge. He let Doctor Jackson take over..

An hour later, he got up, a peace having settled over him like Jack's body after they'd awakened earlier that morning. He looked around him and smiled. This was who he was - and he liked it. This room, the desk, all of it. Even with no memories, he'd instinctively created a room for his soul, a room of all that he had left, but that represented all that he was. He turned toward the window and the warm sun, only to have a shadow obliterate the golden orb.

Lowering his head and peering out, Daniel couldn't believe his eyes. "What the hell?"

In the blue sky above, a death glider was winging its silent way toward his home.

Shocked, Daniel moved closer and watched, stunned, as the glider hovered in the air opposite. It was so close he could actually see the man inside.

Zipacna.

Funny, he thought, they probably should have figured on something like this happening after Osiris. But where the hell had Zipacna come from anyway?

The glider closed in on his home.

Daniel stopped thinking and just. moved.

Going out the front would be suicide but maybe he could hide among the trees that ran along the side of his house and behind it. He went out the back door.

He was running across his backyard when the glider fired. His house exploded behind him. A blast of heat, followed by debris, struck him and sent his body hurtling though the air. Oxygen was driven from his lungs and hot pain enveloped him.

His last thought was of Jack.

~~~

Sam looked at the timer and growled. It told her that the roast had another twenty-minutes to cook, but damn it, it was too dark, already too dark. Okay. foil. She needed to cover it for the remaining cooking time, right? Right.

"Sam? Need any help in there?"

"Uh, no, no, Pete, everything's just. peachy."

She grimaced when she heard the low laugh. "Behave yourself. I can do this."

Her small portable television was providing background noise while she got out the foil and tried to figure out how to tent the damn roast. Her attention riveted on the details involved in protecting a rump roast, she barely heard the news announcing an explosion in a small residential area just outside of Colorado Springs. It wasn't until a reporter mentioned Aspen Court that she looked up. She blinked, blew a bit of wispy bangs out of her face, and stared at the screen.

"The residents of this quiet and sleepy neighborhood were rudely jostled out of their late Sunday afternoon by what some residents are calling an attack . from outer space."

The camera moved past the reporter to focus in on a smoldering shell of a home and Sam's heart almost stopped even as the reporter's voice went on.

"At approximately four-thirty this afternoon, a strange object appeared in the skies over Aspen Court Road. The neighbors, curious at first, but not overly worried, moved outside to get a better look.."

Sam reached for her phone.

~~~

Jack tossed the folder into his 'out' basket and groaned. Government investigations never failed to generate tons of unwanted and unnecessary paperwork. For this, Hammond had called him in on his Sunday - a Sunday he'd really wanted to spend with Daniel, talking to greater depths. and doing other stuff - to greater depths. He smiled and reached for the phone, but his cell rang first. Believing it was Daniel, he jumped up and plucked it from the pocket of his jacket hanging on the coat rack.

"Hunka-hunka burning love, here."

"Sir, where are you?"

His smile faded as Carter's tone gave him immediate warning of something very wrong. "Hammond called me back to the Mountain, why?"

"Where's. Daniel?"

Feeling a knot of fear beginning in his belly, Jack answered, "At his place. He needed some time - I'm picking him up in a few. and again, I ask, why?"

"Sir, turn on your set. Now."

Knowing better than to question Carter, he picked up the remote.

"Channel seven, sir."

A moment later, he found himself looking at a street that bore a remarkable resemblance to Daniel's.

"Carter?"

"At four-thirty, what looked like an alien ship flew over Aspen Court Road and . blew up . a . house. Sir, it was Daniel's."

"Where are you?"

"At home, but Pete and I are walking out the door right now."

"I'll tell Hammond, make sure he tells Teal'c, and I'll meet you there."

"He's alive, sir. Daniel. is alive."

"Right."

~~~

The police had cordoned off a six-block radius around Aspen Court, but thanks to a call from General Hammond, Jack had only to flash his Air Force ID to be allowed through. He'd phoned Hammond from his office, gave him the information, begged him to tell Teal'c, that he had to get to Daniel's house. The General had agreed and told him to get going, that he'd bring Teal'c and they'd be right behind him.

Now he was here -- but seeing the emergency vehicles, and the cloud of smoke drifting high in the sky, he could wish for otherwise. He pulled up behind a fire engine and quickly got out. For a moment, he couldn't move as he found himself staring at the devastation up close and personal.

There was nothing left of Daniel's home.

During the drive to Daniel's, he'd told himself over and over again that, once here, he'd find Daniel's home - and Daniel - safe and sound. That something else had happened, to someone else. But not to Daniel.

He couldn't say that anymore. The truth was staring him in the face.

And he'd left . Daniel. He'd Goddamned left Daniel - again.

Heart in his throat, he walked slowly across the street. He couldn't seem to *stop* looking at the destruction even though his emotions were on hold, frozen solid as he looked at the small, smoking pile of rubble that had once been Daniel's home. His mind shut down, other than repeating the same phrase over and over again, "He wasn't home -- he wasn't home -- he wasn't home."

"And the owner?"

"Doctor Daniel Jackson, Officer. A nice guy, quiet, had a bit of trouble several weeks ago, so this is - this is just - unbelievable."

"And you're sure he was home?"

"Oh, yeah. We talked when he arrived with a friend. I watched the other man leave, but the Doc, he stayed inside."

Jack turned his head and spotted the speaker. It was the guy Daniel had called 'Rick'. Jack moved closer, stepped between the cop and the man. He nodded at Benfield, then took out his ID and showed it to the officer as he said, "I'm Colonel Jack O'Neill. Daniel worked with me. Are you sure he. he was inside? Home?"

Benfield nodded sadly. "I was in the garage when you drove off, then I worked on the side of the house, with my wife's roses. He never left." His eyes shifted back to the rubble as he said, "I'm sorry."

"Are you *sure* he was inside? Could he have gone to the store, or. anything?"

The man shook his head again. "No, Colonel, I'm afraid not." He pointed to a smaller piece of debris and said, "That's what's left of his. you know. car."

Before Jack could look, Carter pulled up, and just behind her, three dark blue, non-descript cars with the Air Force insignia on the doors. Carter and Pete got out of hers while Teal'c and General Hammond, climbed out of one of the Air Force vehicles. Two other Air Force officers immediately moved toward the police, seeking out the man in charge. The clean up - and cover up -- was beginning.

Jack didn't move, couldn't move, but it only took a few seconds before Carter and Teal'c were by his side and General Hammond in front of him.

"Jack?"

"He was, according to witnesses, inside at the time of the . attack, sir."

Jack watched the same flare of hope that had been in his eyes - die in General Hammond's. He took no satisfaction from seeing it snuffed out. Next to him, he was aware that Pete had put an arm around Carter.

~~~

Daniel groaned and tried to turn over. Pain lanced through his back on his left side so he immediately stopped. He groaned again and slowly opened his eyes.

Dirt.

Okay, no ascension, no heaven. He wasn't dead. Or if he was, he'd found someplace new and it was full of dirt. Which was in his mouth. He spat it out, along with some grass, before, somehow, managing to get his right arm under him to give him leverage.

He was up. He blinked in the waning daylight and took in his surroundings. Okay, a lot more dirt.

Gulley. Got it. The force of the explosion had sent him sailing across his backyard and into the gulley that ran behind his home. The fact that it was mostly dirt and sand as opposed to rocks was undoubtedly why he was still alive. And didn't that beat all?

God, he must have a head injury - he was channeling Jack.

He took several deep breaths and slowly got to his feet. When the world settled back down, he glanced up and realized that the gulley was deep, the dirt walls steep. He was going to have to climb out. He winced as he took a step forward, then bit back another groan. His left shoulder and back hurt like a son of a bitch. He reached behind him with his right hand and immediately wished he hadn't. Blood. Apparently he had a hole in his upper back, left side.

Maybe he wouldn't be climbing out. Something got into his eye and he tried to brush it away, but it too turned out to blood. He fingered his left temple gingerly. Yep, a nice cut there too. Probably a concussion. Janet was going to have a field..

Oh fuck.

No, Janet *wasn't*.

He closed his eyes and gave out with a small moan that had nothing to do with physical pain. Then just as suddenly, he smiled. Janet was probably cursing a blue streak and using his name in vain quite a bit - wherever she was. He was pretty damn certain she was someplace very good.

Okay, he needed to get out of here because he was bleeding and he needed medical help.

Daniel did the only thing he could think of to do. He yelled.

"I NEED HELP! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? HELLO?!"

Part 7

The firemen were now walking through the wreckage looking for hotspots, but most of the neighbors had gone back into their homes, the news crews were gone, as were the police. Words like "Terrorists" and "Terrorists attacks" had been carefully planted among both the residents and the news media by the Air Force, thus replacing the word, "Aliens". Now, only five people remained with the Fire Department, all five lined up on the sidewalk. They watched the firemen comb through the debris and all five knew what the search was about.

Jack couldn't imagine Daniel, didn't want to imagine Daniel, in the mess of charred wood, melted metal and ash. There was simply no way such a man could be reduced to . Daniel was too. just too everything. He felt movement at his side and turned to look at Teal'c, whose head was cocked as if he were listening intently.

"Teal'c?"

Suddenly Teal'c took off on the run.

"Teal'c?"

"Colonel?"

Not taking his eyes from his friend, who was now running past the remains of Daniel's home, Jack said, "I don't know, sir, but. I'm going to find out." He took off after his friend.

Sam looked at Pete, who looked back at her. They took off after Jack. Hammond had no choice but to follow.

~~~

Holding his left shoulder as if to block the pain, Daniel got ready to yell again. Just as he opened his mouth, a dark shadow blocked out what was left of the sun's darkening rays. As the shape shifted to the right, Daniel sighed in relief.

"Teal'c?"

"You are alive, DanielJackson," came the quiet, almost reverent reply.

"Yes, yes, I am, Teal'c. But I'm also stuck. Could you, maybe, get a. ladder. maybe?"

Just then, another form appeared next to Teal'c and Jack was gazing at him in amazement.

Feeling suddenly silly, Daniel gave a small wave and said, "Oh, hi, Jack."

"Daniel?"

"Uhm, yep, it's me."

"You're alive."

"Teal'c and I have already established that, Jack. I'm also stuck down here and would really. really. really like to get out, you know?"

"Daniel?"

He shifted his gaze from Jack and found himself looking up at Sam. Next to her, Pete appeared.

"Hey, Pete, good to see you again. We always seem to be meeting at my place and then things blow up."

"I noticed. Can we not do this anymore?" Pete said in an effort to keep it light.

"I'm down with that," Daniel responded with a wry grin.

General Hammond appeared and Daniel began to wonder who'd pop up next.

"Son, are you all right?"

"Fine, sir, just fine. Really would like to get out of here, though."

"I will get a ladder from the firemen, DanielJackson. Do not go anywhere."

Jack stared at him, then said, "Where do you think he'd go, Teal'c?"

"He is alive. He may go anywhere he wishes, O'Neill. But I would suggest he wait until my return."

From his position in the gulley, Daniel frowned. He might be insane after all.

Teal'c disappeared and a moment later, Jack was down on his knees in the dirt, looking over the edge at Daniel. "You're hurt," he stated flatly.

"Probably. Hard to fly some fifty feet in the air, propelled by your home blowing up, without sustaining some type of injury, you know?"

Jack grinned, and Daniel thought it was possibly the most beautiful sight he'd seen in a very long time.

"At least you still have your smart ass, Daniel."

He made a show of trying to twist his head around to look at his ass, but it hurt, so he quit and just nodded, a stupid grin on his face.

"Son, can you tell us what happened?"

"Gee, sir, I thought he just did a pretty good job of that," Jack said, still smiling.

"He probably means a bit more detailed, and since I'm not going anywhere, at Teal'c's orders, well, it was Zipacna, sir. I could see him in the death glider - just before I ran like hell out of my home. Speaking of which?"

"You don't want to know," Jack offered sympathetically.

"Oh. Well, he only finished what I'd started anyway," Daniel said as he put out his hand to brace himself. It connected with the side of the gulley and he closed his eyes.

"Daniel, are you okay?"

"Sure," he said without opening his eyes, the vision of his study haunting him.

He heard a commotion, several new voices, and was forced to look up. Several men in dark blue appeared, Teal'c with them.

"I have returned, DanielJackson. I am very pleased to see that you are still here."

"Uhm, Murray, I don't think these fine men will understand your humor," Jack said as he rose to his feet.

A ladder was lowered and two paramedics immediately climbed down, one carrying a large box. Once on the ground, the taller of the two said, "Doctor Jackson, I presume?"

Daniel, too tired to verbalize, simply nodded.

"We're going to take a quick look at you before we get you up top, just to make sure you're stable, all right?"

"Sure," he whispered. "But Jack will tell you that I'm far from stable."

Smiling, the one with the box said, "Well, this time, we'll be the judge of that, okay? I'm Ben, by the way, and my partner there is Jerry, and please, no Chunky Monkey jokes, okay?"

Smiling wanly, Daniel said, "Wouldn't dream of it, and nice to meet you both."

Seeing that he was fading fast, they made short work of looking him over, paying special attention to his back and head.

"Doctor Jackson, I think you may have part of your house lodged in your left shoulder," the one who'd identified himself as Ben said dryly.

"As long as it's not the dining room, I'm not going to worry."

Both medics laughed softly, then Ben said, "Okay, we're going to get you up top now where we can take a better look. I can tell you right now, you're going to be taking a trip to the hospital."

"Actually," General Hammond said, "you'll be taking him to Cheyenne Mountain. It's already been cleared with your boss."

"Ah, understood, sir."

The two men spent the next few minutes getting Daniel up the ladder with as little strain as possible. The decision to get him out this way was predicated on the fact that the time it would have taken to put together the sling and the apparatus required to pull him out, would have simply taken to long. Between the two paramedics, Daniel was taken up easily and with very little effort on his part.

Once up top, they settled Daniel on the stretcher, on his right side. Jack, looking at the distance between the gulley and where Daniel's house had once stood, said, "Daniel, I think you earned some frequent flyer miles with this one."

Daniel closed his eyes and groaned.

~~~

Jack stared at his boots. Next to him, Teal'c had his head back, his eyes closed, and on the other side, Sam sat with Pete.

"Been awhile, hasn't it, gang?"

"Indeed it has."

"Not long enough, sir."

"No," Jack agreed, "not long enough. I could have gone another, oh, say, five years without this repeat performance."

"He is alive, and two hours ago, we believed otherwise," Teal'c reminded.

"Yes," Jack said softly, "there is that."

~~~

"We removed a large chunk of metal, we believe it might have been a piece of a window frame, from his shoulder and stitched him up. He was lucky that metal didn't rip through a lung, or worse yet, his heart. He also has a mild concussion and is pretty sore all over, but remarkably, those are his only injuries."

Doctor Warner stood in front of SG-1, and guest, delivering the news. "He'll be in recovery for another hour or so, then we'll move him to a regular bed. You'll be able to see him then, although, I don't expect he'll be very aware."

"Thanks, Doc. We'll stick around."

"Thought you might. I'll have a nurse let you know when he's settled." With that, he returned to his office.

Jack looked at the other three and said, "Carter, why don't you take Pete to the Mess and grab a bite to eat?"

Sam glanced up at Pete, who shrugged, clearly leaving the decision to her. She glanced back at the Infirmary, and finally nodded. "All right, sir. But we'll be back in an hour."

"I think I can hold your seat out here in the hallway for that long."

Smiling, Sam said, "I'm holding you to that, Colonel."

~~~

"You need to eat something, Sam."

Sam glanced up from where she was moving lettuce around on her plate. Seeing only concern in Pete's eyes, she smiled warmly. "Thanks, dad."

"Dad? That puts a whole new spin on our relationship, doesn't it?"

Sam made a face and said, "What can I say? You sounded just like. him." Her eyes darkened in sadness as she remembered her last conversation with Jacob.

Pete took her hand and held it tightly. "I'm sorry, Sam."

She shook her head. "No, it's all right." She brushed a few tears away with her other hand and added, "So much has changed, Pete. And most of it . not for the better. It seemed like such a miracle when we. when we got Daniel back, and yet, something just hasn't been right."

Studying her hand, Pete said thoughtfully, "You must have been angry with him - after he left."

Her head shot up. "What? Angry with Daniel? No, Pete," she disclaimed, clearly upset at the very thought. "How can you even say that? He saved millions, died horribly, how can you say that I was angry?"

"He *died*, Sam. Anger is always a part of the grieving process. But in this case, you had no concrete answers. Hell, you couldn't even have a funeral so there was no closure. And it had to seem as if. well, as if Daniel had chosen other than . you, than all of you. How could there not be anger?"

"I understood," she said quietly.

"Did you, Sam? Did you?"

The tears came again, filling her eyes, and she gripped Pete's hand even tighter. "No, God help me, I didn't." She looked up at him, the tears spilling over as she said, "I *have* been angry. Oh, Pete, I have been. I haven't forgiven him, and to make matters worse, I mean, this isn't the safest job in the world, you know? Somewhere inside, I've been dealing with the idea of losing him again, and I know we, none of us, could handle it again. I *know* the colonel couldn't."

"You worry a great deal about Colonel O'Neill, don't you?"

Something in his tone caught her attention and she stared hard at him. "What do you mean, Pete?"

"It just seems as if everything always comes back to O'Neill, Sam. I'm beginning to wonder about that."

She could have given Pete a flip answer, or gone defensive, but all she could see was the rubble that was now Daniel's home, and all she could remember were thoughts that Daniel had been part of that rubble That, combined with her new knowledge of the anger she'd carried around for the last several months, gave her a certain sense of honesty.

"Pete, I'm not going to lie to you. There was a time when I might have had. feelings. for Colonel O'Neill. Maybe even a few dreams. But I've come to terms with all of that, thanks to a talk he and I had. I understand the why of how those feelings came about now." She smiled wryly. "It was pretty simple, really. He was. there." At the puzzled look on Pete's face, she blew out a small puff of air and said, "My life was my work, Pete. I spend more time with those three men then with anyone else. In the beginning, Daniel wasn't even a possibility because he was looking for his wife. He was married. It became so natural to think of him as a beloved, if somewhat odd, younger brother."

She grinned at the memory of those first months with SG-1 and their youngest member. "And trust me, he was - very odd, Pete."

She gave a gentle laugh and Pete couldn't help but join in. Finally he asked, "And Teal'c?"

Her laughter changed, turned into something almost - girlish. "Oh, Pete, Teal'c was. I had *no* idea what to do with him in those first months. Just no idea. But as it turned out, he too was married."

"So that left. O'Neill?"

Her cheeks went slightly pink as she nodded. "He was my commanding officer and someone I came to respect more than I can express. I think I might have had a touch of hero worship, and it didn't take much to move from that kind of admiration to something. more. But now I know he's simply one of my best friends, Pete. A man I will always respect and love, but one that I'm not in love *with*."

Pete glanced down at their hands and said, his voice low and surprisingly unsure, "So. is there anyone you could be in love. *with*?"

"No."

Pete's head shot up and Sam had to smile as she said, "There's no one I *could* be in love with, because there's someone I'm already in love with - you doofus."

"Ah, so that would be. me?"

She squeezed his hand. "Yes, Pete, that would be. you. Although. Daniel *is* a free man now."

Pete grimaced as he said, "Euwww, but that would be like. I mean, with your brother, you know?"

"He's awful cute though. but come to think of it. he isn't free anymore," she said with an enigmatic smile.

~~~

Jack figured he'd waited long enough. All he wanted was a look. Just. a look. He got up, ignored Teal'c's raised eyebrow, and stepped into the Infirmary. A nurse glanced up from a chart she was reading and said, "Colonel?"

He decided not to answer her. He simply headed toward the room used for recovering surgical patients.

"Colonel, Doctor Jackson hasn't been moved yet. I'll let you-"

He waved a hand dismissively and continued on. He heard the clink as the metal chart was shut in anger and smiled. He loved thwarting the nursing staff. Of course, Janet would..

His footsteps faltered as memory slammed into him. Air whooshed from his lungs as he stopped all forward movement. If Janet were here, he'd already be seated next to Daniel. He swiped a hand over his face, then continued on. Jack rounded the corner and there was Daniel.

Alone.

On his side, asleep, monitors buzzing and beeping softly, the telltale heart/oxygen monitor on his finger.

Alive.

Emotions so long held in check, burst forth like a broken dam. Gritting his teeth, Jack turned and walked out. He ignored Teal'c when he hit the corridor and kept going until he'd reached his office. Once inside, he locked the door and sat down at his desk.

He was going to have to work through this somehow. By himself. Somehow. Eyes focused on the wall opposite, he reached out blindly, opened his desk drawer and took out a framed photograph. He set it up but still didn't tear his gaze from the far wall. Didn't need to. He knew every inch of the picture.

Grass, blue sky, gentle wisps of clouds, Jack, in the background, chef's hat on, standing at the barbecue, fork in one hand, beer in another. In the foreground, Daniel and Janet. Daniel had a plate of hot dogs in his right hand and was holding the plate up and just out of Janet's reach. The diminutive doctor was actually jumping up in the air, much like a small terrier after a treat. She was laughing, Daniel was laughing, and Jack was yelling to George that his money was on the "Doc".

Troubled brown eyes finally came to rest on the photo. With his finger, he traced first over Daniel, then Janet.

"How do you forgive me, Janet? How do you forgive me for being grateful that Daniel. that Daniel wasn't the one.."

He couldn't say it. And he couldn't forgive himself.

~~~

Sam watched Pete drive away and once his truck vanished from view, her smile faded. He'd been sorry to leave her, to not being able to stay and see Daniel, but he was due back at work. It was going to be a long week until his return. She really hoped his application for the Colorado Springs PD panned out. Although, she had other ideas regarding him. Ideas that involved the SGC. She'd dropped more than a few hints and he'd seemed - open to them. Pete was one of the leading experts in emergency procedures in the country. He'd actually developed the Community Emergency Management Program, or CEMP, for his county, which had later been adopted by the entire state and was now used as a model throughout the country. But what made his CEMP so unique was that it was military/civilian specific. He'd put together a plan that united civilian emergency personnel like the police, fire department and hospital agencies with the military. In her opinion, this made Pete quite an asset to the SGC. In more ways than one.

Smiling again, Sam turned around and headed back inside the mountain. She hoped Daniel had been moved. and was awake. She really needed to talk to him.

~~~

Sam peeked her head around the curtain. and grinned. Walking in, she said, "Daniel?"

"Hey, Sam."

She moved to the side of his bed and sat down. "You look pretty good. Sleepy, but good."

"Feeling no pain."

"Good, good. Do you need anything?" As soon as she said it, she realized what a stupid question it was.

"Nope. But thanks for asking." He started to smile, but it turned into a yawn. "Sorry."

"It's okay. I won't stay. I just wanted to. check in on you, make sure you were all right."

She could have slapped herself. She wasn't saying anything she'd planned.

"Pete gone?" Daniel asked between another yawn.

"Yes, but he'll be back next week."

Daniel's eyes had been drifting shut, but at her words, they opened again. "You sound . different, Sam. Has something happened? Is everything all right?"

Sam patted Daniel's arm and said, "Everything is fine. Pete and I have just. well, we've kind of come to an understanding, that's all."

"Would that be the good kind of an understanding, or the. bad?"

Smiling almost angelically, Sam said, "The good kind. The very good kind."

Daniel lifted his head slightly and guessed, "So congratulations of some sort are in order?"

"Of some sort," she said with a secretive grin. She rose to her feet, patted his arm again, and added, "I'm going to let you get some sleep, but I'll be back tomorrow, all right?"

Resting his head back down, Daniel smiled his usual smile and said, "Sure, Sam. Night."

"Good night, Daniel."

She turned to leave, then paused, turned back, and almost shyly, dropped a kiss on Daniel's cheek. "See you in the morning, Daniel."

Then she was gone.

Daniel found himself staring at grey walls. He was basically alone in the Infirmary, no other patients for a change. It was quiet, eerily so. Jack hadn't been by to see him, but Teal'c had. He'd only stayed a short time, unwilling to tire Daniel any further. Funny how no one was mentioning. anything. Like, where had Zipacna come from and why hadn't he been detected? But then, had anyone asked about Sarah/Osiris? Where had *she* come from and how? He didn't think so, at least, not around him.

His thoughts strayed to his house - and his study. All that had been left of him, which meant that he was once again, a man with nothing. With a quirky smile, he considered his current state. Chuckling, he realized that this time, he didn't even have a suitcase. His smile faded.

Everything he hadn't already destroyed - was gone. His car, his wallet, his. study. Wow, talk about wiping Doctor Daniel Jackson off the face of the Earth.

So who existed now? Who was he?

And where was Jack?

Part 8

Three days later - Washington D.C. -

President Hayes stood before the large windows of the oval office, hands clasped behind his back. He'd just signed the document that would change Stargate Command, perhaps forever. He wasn't proud of his signature on the document, but if had any chance of learning the truth, this was the way. He just hoped that General George Hammond would take him up on his offer to work here in Washington. It was key to his plan to get to the truth behind Kinsey and his campaign to gain control of the Stargate.

He glanced at his watch. By now, George had been informed of the executive decisions, decisions that would change the man's life.

He prayed again that he'd done the right thing.

~~~

George put the phone down and sat back in his seat.

This was too much. This was - dear God.

~~~

Jack grabbed an apple, took a bite, then stepped down into his living room. He checked his watch and nodded. He was right on schedule. He'd been avoiding Daniel for three days, stopping by only long enough to say hi before claiming that duty called and hurrying out, but not before seeing first worry, than hurt, and finally resignation. Jack wanted nothing more than to take Daniel into his arms, but he couldn't seem to get past the fact that he. that he'd been glad..

Janet, Daniel, Daniel, Janet.

Why had this come up *now*? He'd nearly lost Daniel to Zipacna and a death glider, hadn't thought of Daniel and Janet in those awful moments before and after Janet's death, yet now - it was all he could think about. How in the hell could he face Daniel knowing this about himself? He sighed heavily and checked his watch again. He had one hour before his briefing with Hammond and it didn't take a genius to figure out the reason for the meeting either. Zipacna, Anubis . and Daniel.

Damn, he thought, they should have known Daniel would still be in danger. How could they have let this happen? It was sheer luck that Daniel was alive right now. Jack glanced down at the apple. Suddenly it didn't look so good. He walked into the kitchen and tossed it into the trash, then headed toward the front door. He grabbed his jacket and keys and walked out.

~~~

Jack entered the briefing room and started to take his seat when General Hammond stepped to his door and waved Jack into his office. Surprised, Jack turned back and followed Hammond inside.

"Take a seat, Jack. Major Carter will be here-"

He got no further as Sam appeared at his other door. "Sir?"

"Come in, Major, take a seat."

With a puzzled look that mirrored Jack's, she sat down next to him just as Jack said, "What's wrong, Sir?"

Hammond sat down and said, "I received a call from the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs earlier this morning. The President has put the SGC under the control of a civilian. I've been ordered - no, that's not fair - I've been *asked* to report to the President by zero eight hundred hours tomorrow. My flight leaves in four hours."

He gave the news time to sink in and watched both his people as they digested it. He wasn't surprised that Jack was the first to speak up.

"Sir, we've been through this before. I'm-"

"It's different this time, Jack. We can't stop it and I'm not sure I want to try - yet. If I'm any good at reading between the lines - and I am -- I think something's up. Right now, I need to trust President Hayes, as hard as that will be, given -- all the circumstances."

Jack's scarred eyebrow rose. "All, sir?"

"There's more." Hammond took a deep breath, exhaled, and said, "The SGC will be shut down for three months - in order to give Doctor Weir, the new head of the SGC - a chance to acquaint herself with the program and to do a proper. 'assessment'. The shut- down takes effect at midnight tonight. And. SG-1 has been dismantled." He didn't stop to get their reactions, just moved hurriedly on. "The action against SG-1 was the straw that told me Kinsey is responsible for this camel's broken back. But the assignments, as given to me, and as having come directly from the President, are what convinced me that Hayes is working on our side. Teal'c's disposition was surprisingly absent from my orders for SG-1 and I've taken that as a strong hint to get Teal'c through the 'Gate before midnight, before the NID can get their hands on him."

He glanced at Sam and said, "Major Carter, you've been reassigned to the Prometheus effective immediately. You're to 'Gate to the Alpha site later today. The Prometheus will pick you up at zero seven hundred hours tomorrow. We both know that if Kinsey had his way, you'd be sent to the Arctic, or someplace equally forbidding. The President, on the other hand, has read your file. He knows the Prometheus would be your only other choice if you couldn't remain with the SGC. As for you, Jack, well, we have further proof that the President and Kinsey aren't anywhere near the same page. You've been given a choice. You can serve as liaison with Doctor Weir for the military aspect of the SGC, or take command of the new Alpha site."

He paused again and watched them both. Sam was trying hard to understand it all, to absorb it. Her eyes were glistening, but she was a good soldier. Her shoulders were squared, her chin high. Jack, on the other hand, was staring hard at the floor, the small vein at his left temple bouncing.

"I assume," Jack finally said, "that retirement is also a choice?" The words were clipped and the only indication, other than vein, of Jack's anger.

"I'm hoping you won't consider that for a while."

"It would be easier not to consider it if I didn't get the feeling you haven't dropped the other shoe yet, sir. It hasn't escaped my notice that you haven't mentioned Daniel."

Brown eyes full of suspicion were staring hard at Hammond and he swallowed down the immediate rise of bile at what he was about to say.

"I think the President sacrificed Daniel. He gave the Prometheus to Major Carter, and two obvious choices for you, Jack. Teal'c was left up to me. But-"

"But Daniel, the man responsible for opening the miracle of the Stargate?"

"He'll be given three choices. One, he can teach at the Academy-"

"Why the hell would Daniel-"

"Jack, listen to me. He can teach the military and civilian scientists being brought into the program, or he can take an assignment to Area 51, or he can... resign."

Jack sat back, suddenly and completely deflated. "Jesus," he whispered.

"Sir, that's. that's criminal. You can't do this to him. No one has lost more than Daniel, sir. My God, he's lost everything because of the SGC, and now he's even lost his home. He has *nothing* left, General, and this is how his government - how *we* -- are going to thank him for all he's done?" Carter asked, her blue eyes flashing in anger.

"You're not telling me anything that I'm not painfully aware of, Major. But right now, we need to take care of Teal'c. Doctor Jackson will be in the Infirmary for another day or two, so there's some time to effect a change. It will be number one on my agenda with the President, believe me."

Jack scrubbed a hand over his face. He had served his country faithfully and, he believed, well, over the years. He'd given his country all that he had to give, and more, but at the moment, he hated her.

"Sir, when does this. civilian. take over?"

"I'm due to meet with her and make it official at ten hundred hours this morning." He stood. "I have a great deal to do before then, as do we all, with Teal'c being number one." He glanced at Jack. "Colonel?"

Tone void of any emotion, Jack said, "I'll tell him, sir. And Daniel."

"Very well."

"Sir, what about the work on Anubis' super soldiers? How-"

"You'll take your work with you, Major. That's your priority. You know as well as I do that the lab set up on the Prometheus is outstanding - as it should be since you designed it."

"Yes, sir - I mean, I see, sir."

~~~

Teal'c and Jack stood at the foot of the ramp, Teal'c dressed in his Chulakian robes rather than his SGC uniform.

"You will tell DanielJackson-"

"I will, Teal'c. This isn't over, you know. This isn't the end."

"If I did not believe that, O'Neill.."

He let his words trail off, their meaning clear.

Jack nodded and said, "Right. Just remember, you're our eyes and ears out there, old friend. Once you join up with the rebel Jaffa, you'll be representing both them. and us."

"And I am honored to do so."

Behind them, the blue of the wormhole shimmered its invitation and couldn't be ignored any longer.

"I will miss you, O'Neill. You are my brother."

"I'll miss you, Teal'c. More than you'll ever know. Take care of yourself, you hear?"

"I hear very well, O'Neill," Teal'c answered with an enigmatic smile.

Jack rolled his eyes and pulled the Jaffa into his arms. They hugged, holding on for several seconds before Teal'c finally pulled away.

"Colonel O'Neill, it has been an honor serving with you."

"The honor has been mine... Master Teal'c."

Teal'c nodded, bowed at the waist, then turned and walked up the ramp. He paused at the top, cocked his head, then stepped through. A moment later, the wormhole disengaged.

Jack remained in place, staring at the spot where, a moment before, his friend had been standing. He wanted to wake up and find all of the last hours, days, weeks - hell, the last eighteen months - to have been a dream. A bad dream. Except the part where Daniel had come back to them.

At least Teal'c had been able to say his goodbyes to Sam and General Hammond, the latter's salute having brought moisture to Teal'c's eyes and a lump to Jack's throat. The bad news had been that Teal'c had not been able to say his farewell to Daniel. He'd tried, but found the younger man deeply asleep and had been unwilling to wake him. It was the first cowardly thing Jack had ever seen Teal'c do. But he understood. He knew the depth of caring and emotion Teal'c had when it came to Daniel, and saying goodbye was more than Teal'c had been able to handle.

He checked his watch and grimaced. In less than an hour, he would be seeing Hammond off, followed almost immediately by Carter. And he still had to tell . Daniel.

His eyes narrowed. The one silver lining was, in fact, the President's decision to sacrifice Daniel by leaving him no real choice *but* to resign. Anyone who knew Daniel, knew that he'd never go to Area 51, and the Academy was definitely out. But even if he chose one of them - he'd be safe. No matter what. Daniel would be safe. Which meant that Jack needed to make damn sure that Hammond *didn't* change the President's mind. It was cold, it was heartless, and it was ruthless. It was the way of the old O'Neill.

But it would keep Daniel safe. He'd lose him, but he wouldn't . lose him.

~~~

Jack walked back inside Cheyenne Mountain. Okay, saying goodbye to Hammond had been as bad as his farewell to Teal'c. Seeing Doctor Weir in Hammond's office, standing at attention while George introduced them, then accompanying the man as he left his office for the last time - had been the worse yet. And he still had to meet with the woman - in what was now -- *her* office. But first, Daniel.

It was turning out to be a very bad day.

~~~

"Hey, how ya feelin'?"

Daniel glanced up from the magazine he was reading, smiled, and said, "Not bad, overall."

Jack sauntered in, relieved to see Daniel sitting up. Because of the bandages that surrounded his chest and ran up and over his left shoulder, he wore no hospital gown. Pillows were bunched behind him so that even though he was sitting up, most of the pressure was off his upper back. The cut on his temple now had only three butterfly strips and his skin looked healthier, the pallor gone. Overall, Daniel looked damn fine.

Jack pulled up the chair and sat down. He reached for the magazine, checked out the title, scoffed, and said, "I was hoping for Playboy, Daniel."

"Finished it this morning. Doc Warner has it now. We swapped."

Jack let the periodical drop back on the bed and asked, as he studied his friend, "On a scale of one to ten, how's the pain?"

"What pain?" he answered as he indicated the IV.

Jack chuckled, then said, "Teal'c and the General were here earlier, but you were asleep."

"I'm sorry I missed them."

After a couple of strained moments, Daniel's eyes narrowed and he asked, "Jack? Is there something -- going on?"

"Never could pull anything over on you, could I?"

"Often, Jack. But you're not even trying this time." He made a little "gimme" gesture with his hand. "Spill."

"Right. So." He cleared his throat and said, "I guess the only way to say it. is to say it. Kinsey's finally managed to shut us down."

Daniel felt the blood rush from his head and he quickly closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he said, "Shut us down?"

"Uhm, yeah. And when I say 'us', I mean. SG-1. But it gets better in the worst way. Hammond's been replaced. In fact, he left for Washington an hour ago. A civilian, a Doctor Elizabeth Weir, has been named as his replacement."

Daniel's brow furrowed in thought, then cleared as he said, "I know her. She's a double PH.D, a linguist and a rather famous mediator.."

His voice trailed off as the import of his own words hit him. He might have been describing himself.

Jack plunged back in, his words coming out in a rush. "Sam's been assigned to the Prometheus, Teal'c's with Bra'tac and his son, and me, well, I still have a decision to make."

Daniel could feel thunder pounding in his ear. never a good sign. He swallowed convulsively, but couldn't look at Jack when he finally asked, "Decision?"

"Yeah. I've been offered the chance to stay here and work with this Weir, or I can take over the new Alpha site."

Jack swallowed, prepared himself, hardened his heart, and added, "I'm thinking I'll take the Alpha site."

He didn't dare look at Daniel, using the magazine to keep from doing just that. Daniel's voice as he responded, told Jack everything.

"I. see."

Jack couldn't resist - he snuck a look. Daniel was completely still, expression thoughtful, eyes - shuttered. Then he smiled. The smile of the last several months. Jack thought he'd die at seeing it again, but ultimately, Daniel's safety was more important.

"Teal'c . well, saying goodbye to him was - hard," he murmured.

"I can. imagine. I'm sorry, Jack. I know what he means to you, what you both mean to each other. It will be equally difficult to see Sam . off."

"She's going to be all right. More than Teal'c, in a way. He hated the idea of leaving now, with things undone and Anubis looming on the horizon. He hated leaving you - unprotected."

Daniel waved a hand dismissively. "Anubis believes I'm dead now, Jack. Which is exactly why I'm glad you didn't choose to retire. He's coming and I think we're talking days, not weeks or months. Days."

Daniel sounded so damn calm - and prophetic. He was foretelling an attack on Earth, just as he had six years ago, only now, he was calm, those blue eyes of his staring at Jack without any expectation other than the hope that Jack would handle it.

Shaking off the feeling that he was, indeed, looking at a prophet, he said in his best military voice, "Maybe you'd better explain, Daniel?"

"Jack, think about it. He sent Osiris to Earth in order to get me to translate that tablet because he wants those weapons as much for himself as to keep us from getting our hands on them. He knows he failed. But he can't risk the slight chance that I might remember and lead us to the Lost City and everything we need to stop him, so he sends Zippy to finish me off. Me. Some dumb ass, Taur'i archaeologist. Now, as far as he's concerned, I'm dead. The coast is clear. He doesn't have to worry about those troublesome Taur'i finding the Lost City, nor does he need to make it a priority at the moment. What he needs to do is finish us off. And he's out there. Maybe behind a planet, two or three days away, and he's coming now. And Earth will need you, Jack. The SGC, once reality hits Washington, will need you."

"Anyone ever tell you that your bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired?"

"Sorry, but I already lost my. house, I'd really not like to lose Earth, if you know what I mean."

"You're making retirement sound better and better."

Daniel didn't say anything, just continued to stare at him. It suddenly struck him that Daniel hadn't asked about *his* assignment. Fucking typical.

"I noticed that you haven't made any inquiry into *your* future with the SGC, Daniel."

Daniel shrugged his right shoulder. "I figure I don't have one," he said, his voice tight. "Maybe I'll retire." A small grin tugged at his lips.

"Oh, right. I don't think so."

"Me either, actually. My entire fortune was blown to smithereens three days ago. I'm thinking - job -- as soon as Warner lets me out of here. In the meantime, you need to call Hammond in Washington, tell him the news, get Teal'c back here, get Sam back here, and do your SG-1 thing. You know, the whole save the world thing, which should not get old, by the --"

"Daniel, I get it."

"Good. So when you get a few moments later in the day - give Hammond a call." He made a flying airplane movement with his hand and added, "Anubis -- on his way -- world go boom."

"Ah, yes, my little linguist. World go boom."

Looking a whole hell of a lot like the Sphinx, Daniel simply blinked at him.

"All right, all right, I'll call him," Jack said in surrender. He ducked his head then, unable to meet Daniel's straightforward gaze, as he added, "But. should we not need to save the world again - you've been offered either a position at Area 51 - or a position at the Academy - teaching."

The silence that greeted his words brought his head up. "Daniel?"

"I heard you."

Jack could feel his pulse in his throat and gut. He knew he needed to say something without giving in, without letting Daniel see the truth, so he offered up a lame, "I'm sorry, Daniel."

The younger man shrugged again, the same 'so what' shrug. "No matter. Like I said, I'll be looking for a job when I get out of here."

Jack watched Daniel swallow, spotted the slight clenching of Daniel's jaw, and brought his gaze up to Daniel's eyes. He wasn't surprised when those same eyes shifted away from him.

"It's okay, Jack. It's. okay. Just call Hammond about Anubis."

Fearing that he'd give in, break down and beg to crawl into Daniel while swearing that he wouldn't let anyone or anything separate them, he rose quickly. "Look, I've got a meeting with Weir in an hour, I need to see Sam off, and if I understand correctly, I have to make a call to Hammond. I'd better head out, but I'll check back later, all right?"

"Whatever."

Heading for the door, he said with fake grin, "Nap, goose a nurse or two, and before you know it, I'll be back in your face."

"I can hardly wait."

~~~

Daniel rested his head back against the pillows and closed his eyes. Tightly. Anything to keep the moisture from leaking out. It was clearly obvious to him that he was not the same man that had been left with nothing but a battered suitcase all those years ago, nor was he the man he'd been three days ago, before Zipacna's little visit.

He'd been barely ruffled by his apparent lack of anything nine years ago, and three days ago it hadn't mattered because he'd known that he had Jack. But now, today, it hurt. More than he'd ever imagined.

He was pretty sure he knew what had happened, what had changed. Jack had simply come to his senses and if he'd been thinking with his head instead of his heart - and dick -- he should have expected it. Man, he was getting soft.

For some reason, he found himself thinking of his study, and suddenly he had to squeeze his eyes even tighter, but it didn't work. Tears slipped out for a bunch of stuff that had belonged to Doctor Daniel Jackson, for what he'd almost had with Jack, and for the guy he used to be.

"Daniel?"

He heard Sam's voice and quickly wiped at his face. He opened his eyes, searched for his glasses, found them, and put them on. He hoped the glare from the lenses would hide the redness. A moment later, Sam came around the corner.

"For a minute there, I thought they'd lost you," she said as she pulled the chair Jack had used.

"Still here," he said cheerily.

She settled herself in and then held out a white bag. He smiled and said, "Let me guess: chocolate walnut cookies?"

She blushed and averted her gaze. "Yes. I didn't know what else to bring you. They're still your favorite, aren't they?"

He took the bag, grabbed a cookie, and bit down on it. His subsequent moan of appreciation sufficed as an answer.

She grinned, but it quickly faded. "Has the colonel been in yet?"

Daniel swallowed the bit of cookie and nodded. "He has. And yes, I know you're leaving shortly - for the Prometheus."

"I. I don't really know what to say, Daniel. This hasn't really caught up to me yet. I've said goodbye to Teal'c, to General Hammond. I just don't know what to think."

He reached out with his good hand and took hers. "A part of you has wanted the Prometheus for quite awhile. Now you'll have a chance to see if it's what you really want. Take it, use this opportunity, Sam." He waited a moment, watched as her eyes filled, and finally said, "Have you told Pete?"

She nodded. "He felt much as you do, which is odd. He hasn't known me long, certainly not as long as you, yet he knew."

"He loves you, Sam. Of course he knew."

She gave him a slightly tremulous smile at that and squeezed his hand. "Thank you."

Daniel took in what she was wearing, namely her field uniform, and asked, "What time do you. go?"

"I'm supposed to be in the 'Gate room in twenty."

"Shit."

"I tried to get here earlier, but-"

"That's all right, we probably couldn't handle a protracted goodbye anyway," he answered with a grin.

Her eyes welled with tears again as she said, "I've said. there have been so many goodbyes, Daniel, but they've never. they've never taken.."

"Then that's how we'll view this one, all right? Just like all the others that never went anywhere."

"Deal," she said with an embarrassed sniffle. "You'll take care of the colonel, won't you?"

His grin faded slightly, but bounced back. "Sure."

"And look in on Cassie while I'm . on duty?"

"Of course."

"Thank you, Daniel. Thank you." She got up, pushed the chair back, then with eyes still full, bent over and kissed his dry lips. "Goodbye, Daniel."

"Bye, Sam."

She gave his hair a ruffle, then walked out.

"Bye," he whispered softly.

Part 9

Jack hurried to Sam's lab, eager to catch her there before she left for the 'Gate room. He almost ran in and wasn't surprised to find several of her technicians busy doing the final packing up of what she'd need to continue her work on taking down the super soldiers. Sam had her back to him so it was Siler who spotted him first. He nodded, then turned to the techs. "Okay, people, let's get this to the 'Gate room."

In less than a minute, Jack was alone with his - ex - 2IC.

"Major."

She turned from the box she was packing and smiled somewhat self-consciously. "Sir."

"You all ready?"

She nodded, then looked around her lab, ran her fingers through her hair, and said, "I can't believe this is happening, sir. And so quickly."

"I know. Were you able to reach Pete?"

"Yes. He's supposed to be back down here next week, but my schedule means we're putting it off a week."

"Sorry to hear that, Carter. Did you see Daniel?"

Again she nodded and quickly turned away. She fussed for a few minutes, with something that needed no fussing over, and finally took a deep breath and said, "You do realize that right now, at this moment, I'm no longer under your command, right?"

Puzzled, Jack nodded and said, "I don't have a command at the moment, Carter; so yes, I realize that."

"So no regulations keeping us from. anything."

"Carter?"

"There's nothing stopping us from doing anything we might want to do, sir."

Jack studied her a moment, then asked, "What about Pete?"

She faced him, chin high. "What if there were no Pete?"

Jack smiled gently. "But there is, isn't there? And it's a very good thing, unless I'm badly mistaken."

"But if there were no Pete?" she asked again, needing to hear the answer.

"We'd still be . good friends, Carter. Very good friends. You'll always be someone I care about and love."

"But like a friend?"

He nodded. "Like a friend."

When she didn't say anything right away, he asked, "I thought after my little declaration to Daniel, and later, our talk, that we had this settled?"

"I needed one last. to kind of make sure, for myself and Pete." She smiled, a real smile, and added, "I was pretty sure I knew the answer, but I had to ask."

"Is it the answer you wanted to hear. Sam?"

Her smile brightened. "As a matter of fact, it is. So we're good?"

"We're very good."

"Then walk me to the 'Gate room."

"Your wish is my command."

~~~

Once again he was standing at the foot of the ramp, ready to say goodbye to someone special. This was not something he wanted to repeat.

As the last of her equipment went through, Sam turned to him and said, "So, this is it."

"Yep." He tilted his head a bit and said, "Seven years ago. I figured you were a mistake. I was wrong, Major Carter. You're one hell of a soldier. and one hell of a woman."

"Thank you, Colonel. Thank you. I. this is hard, sir, but.."

She couldn't say it. Her throat closed up and she had to look away. She blinked back the tears that she'd managed to keep at bay all day and she bit down on her lower lip.

"It's okay, Carter. It's okay."

Major Samantha Carter decided to say what she needed to say, the only way Colonel O'Neill would understand. She stepped back, squared her shoulders, and saluted him.

Jack felt his throat close up as he stood at attention and smartly returned Carter's salute. "You have your orders, Major."

"Yes, Sir."

Sam took two steps back, pivoted sharply, and walked up the ramp and through the wormhole.

~~~

Elizabeth Weir walked into the Infirmary and turned left. Doctor Daniel Jackson was supposed to be in room A, bed number two. She found both. As she stood at the entrance, she found herself surprised by the man in the bed. She'd yet to read his file, having spent most of her time reading Colonel O'Neill's, then Major Carter's, but she knew who he was, knew about his "wild" theories. Theories that had turned out to be one hundred percent accurate. Which was why she was so surprised. She'd expected a much older man, and one a great deal less. handsome. She took a step into the room and said softly, "Doctor Jackson?"

Daniel opened his eyes to find an attractive blonde standing just inside the room. He recognized her from news photos he'd seen over the years.

Doctor Elizabeth Weir.

"Doctor Weir, I presume?"

She smiled and walked in. Standing at the foot of his bed, she nodded. "I thought I'd check in and see how you're doing."

"I'm fine. I heard a rumor that Doctor Warner will be releasing me later this afternoon, so I must be doing pretty well."

"Ah. That is good news." Looking suddenly uncomfortable, she asked, "Has Colonel O'Neill-"

"He told me."

"Ah, well, then, that makes this easier."

Daniel simply waited.

Elizabeth rubbed at the back of her neck, uncertain how to ask him what she needed to ask. She didn't know what his contributions had been, or why a civilian archaeologist was part of the flagship team known as SG-1, but she did know he, like herself, was a double PH.D and expert linguist. Which still didn't explain why he was part of SG-1. A polite cough from the bed alerted her to the fact that she'd gone missing in action. She mentally chuckled. Already using military terms.

"What kind of job do you intend to do, Doctor Weir?"

The question was asked so simply, she almost gave him a pat answer. Then she looked into those sleepy blue eyes, saw the seriousness, the challenge, and realized that "pat" wouldn't cut it with this man.

"I intend to do the job that's needed, Doctor. Right now, I honestly don't know what that is."

She could tell he was weighing her words, and possibly her as well. She suddenly wanted him to find favor with her. She wanted the scales to tip in her favor.

"Do you know about Anubis?"

She nodded, wondering where this was going.

"He's coming. In days. And no matter what anyone - anyone like Kinsey - might tell you, Earth can't defend itself. We'll lose. Which means either total annihilation or complete slavery. And when I say slavery, you can't begin to imagine what I mean."

"President Hayes told me about this Anubis, but he didn't seem to feel-"

"He doesn't know any more than you do. He's only been in office for what, a month? He's barely had time to read the mission reports. He's flying as blind as you, Doctor Weir. But Colonel O'Neill, General Hammond, they're not flying blind. And the SGC is the *only* chance Earth has. The only chance. Kinsey is single handedly working as a fifth columnist and doesn't even know it."

The words were simply spoken, without censure, blame or condemnation. Doctor Jackson was quite obviously speaking from the heart. There was no challenge in his voice, just honesty. Damn, she really wished now that she'd read his file before coming in here.

"I'll take your words under advisement, Doctor Jackson," she said lamely.

He smiled up at her, a smile that told her he wasn't in the least bit fooled. "I see you've already picked up the political lingo. Good job, Doctor Weir."

She cleared her throat in embarrassment, then said almost defensively, "I was wondering if you'd decided what to do yet?"

"I have. I'm resigning," he said easily. Again, there was no challenge in his voice. He sounded like a man whose decision would mean nothing to anyone.

"I. see. I'm a bit surprised, I admit. But it's your choice, so I'll honor it."

"No reason to do anything different. I'm just an archaeologist, Doctor Weir. One of many."

She nodded and nervously checked her watch. "Well, I'm afraid I must take my leave. I'm due to meet with Colonel O'Neill."

"Listen to him, Doctor. You can trust him to tell you the truth. I've known him for several years and I would follow him into the bowels of Hell." He rubbed his chin and smiled disarmingly. "In fact, I did. And would do it again. I trust no one more; respect no one more. If we can be saved, it will be by him - and the rest of SG-1."

"Including yourself?"

He looked down at his bandaged body and smiled wryly. "Hardly."

She met his gaze, found herself almost willing to fall into those blue eyes, as if they could take her on an undreamed of adventure. Finally she said, "I promise to listen to him, Doctor Jackson. I . promise."

"Thank you, Doctor Weir. That's all I can ask."

She nodded slightly and took her leave.

Daniel fell back, exhausted. He prayed that some of his words had made it through to her. Elizabeth Weir was an intelligent woman and that would, hopefully, prove to be their saving grace.

He hoped Doctor Warner would let him out today. Not that he had anywhere to go, but he was anxious to start making some kind of move toward reclaiming something of his life. Here in the Infirmary, he was constantly reminded of two things: Janet, and all that he wasn't.

~~~

"Colonel O'Neill, please come in."

Jack entered Hammond's - Weir's - office and stopped in front of her desk. He didn't say anything, preferring to let her begin. He didn't have long to wait.

"What can you tell me about Anubis?"

Okay, that shocked the hell out of him. So much so that his answer was honest and immediate.

"He's on his way and if we don't do something - you'll never know what this office would have looked like once you'd redecorated."

Doctor Weir almost choked. "Okay, that was honest."

"You asked."

She got up suddenly and said, "Follow me, Colonel."

She walked out into the briefing room and over to the window. Jack stopped next to her.

"It looks impressive," she commented.

"It looks impressive because it is. It's simply the best thing that ever happened to us, Doctor."

"Doctor Carter. sorry, Major Carter, accomplished something remarkable in opening the Stargate. But I can't help but-"

"Major Carter, for all of her talents, and they're considerable, did not open the Stargate. She and hundreds of others spent two years trying. A special team of archaeologists was finally brought in and also failed."

Curious and admittedly interested, Weir turned to face O'Neill. "If they didn't, and Major Carter didn't. then who did?"

"Daniel Jackson. In seven days. He rested on the eighth."

His joke fell flat as Weir asked, "Doctor Jackson. opened the Stargate?"

"Yes, and I should know. I was there. Remember it like it was yesterday. Skinny guy in his twenties, long hair, messy, needed a haircut. Glasses that he was always pushing up his nose, fatigues about two sizes too big for him, and his arms full of charts. Big smile on his face, couldn't have cared less that he was surrounded by the most important men in the military, or the greatest scientists. He bowled them over. Explained the symbols, how it worked, what it did. I wish you could have seen the wonder on his face when it worked." He smiled with the memory, his expression almost . dreamy.

"Back then, I didn't recognize the look, but I do today. To him, the miracle of the Stargate was everything. It meant the past, the present, and our future. It meant exploration of the kind that could only be dreamt of for a scientist like Daniel. Even then, he knew it was more than any of the rest of us believed it to be. I think he even knew there were more out there. What he didn't know, that first time through, was all that it would take from him. His wife, his life more times than I care to count, his family on Abydos, and as recently as three days ago, all that he owns in the world. And yet, his wonder never wavered. His belief that this miracle would ultimately prove to be Earth's only savior has kept us all going over the years."

When Doctor Weir said nothing, Jack looked down at her and added, "Funny about his name."

Still in shock at his words, at what had just been revealed to her, she said, "What?"

"His name. Daniel. The prophet. Could anything be more fitting?"

Elizabeth glanced back at the Stargate. Jack waited for her response to his not so subtle question.

"Apparently, he's much more than a mere prophet," she finally said, her voice tinged with awe.

Jack smiled. Kinsey didn't know it yet, but he'd lost.

~~~

The nurse helped Daniel into his shirt and, once it had been pulled down, helped get his right arm into the sleeve of his jacket before bringing the left side over his shoulder. She stepped back and smiled.

"There you go, Doctor Jackson. You have the meds, right?"

He lifted the bag and grinned back at her. "I'm set with enough to get me through the next century, Ruth."

She blushed at the use of her first name and asked, "Would you prefer it if I got an airman to wheel you to your temporary quarters?"

"No, thanks. I'm fine, I can walk." He got up slowly, smiled a "see?" smile, gave Ruth a small salute and said, "Thanks."

"Goodbye, Doctor Jackson. and good luck."

Word had spread fast, it seemed.

He nodded and carefully walked out. Once in the corridor, he paused, and decided for a reason he couldn't fathom, to go to Teal'c's room. A few minutes later he stood in front of the door. He put his hand on the knob, fully expecting it to be locked, so was actually surprised when it turned under his hand. He walked in and shut the door behind him.

Most of Teal'c's things were still in place, which really didn't surprise him. Where would he put a CD player, an alarm clock, a television, whale pictures, and cowboy hats? But he was surprised to see Teal'c's array of meditation candles on the floor, in their usual semi-circle, almost as if awaiting Teal'c's return. He turned toward the small dresser and received his second shock. An envelope was taped to the mirror - and on it, in Teal'c's very precise printing, was his name. He peeled it off and, with shaking hands, slipped the paper out. He put the envelope down, unfolded the letter, and began to read.

DanielJackson

I found myself unwilling to say goodbye to you today. There have already been too many and I do not believe that this one will last any longer than the others. But a fear entered my stomach and I could not wake you to say the words that might mean I would never see you again.

You have been more than a friend to me, DanielJackson, you have been my 'Kovash'. I suspect you know the meaning of the word. You have been he who has led my heart. You have shown me grace, the true meaning of forgiveness, and offered friendship in times of great trial. You have humbled me with your vision and intelligence, with your willingness to sacrifice for the greater good. You have taught me to follow my heart when all reason would lead me down another path.

You are a warrior, DanielJackson, a warrior the likes of which I have never seen. A warrior of heart, reason, and conscience. I have learned much from you and value your friendship beyond that which you could know.

I believe the fate of Earth rests in your hands, DanielJackson. I know you do not believe this. You do not believe that the answer to defeating Anubis is in your mind and that you need only seek it out, or rather -- be willing to seek it, but I fear that you no longer believe in yourself and will not listen to the truth. I have left my candles and it is my hope that you will use them, and the techniques we have shared over the years, to enter a state that will leave you open to your past, to the way to save Earth . and all of us.

Be well, my friend. and trust yourself.

Teal'c

Daniel backed up until his legs hit the edge of the bed. He sat down, letter in his hand, eyes unseeing. Several silent minutes passed. Finally, Daniel sighed, rose, and moved to the candles. Using the bed as a brace, he lowered himself down and crossed his legs. A box of matches sat within reach and he picked them up. A few moments later, all the candles were lit.

He didn't believe that Teal'c was correct, but neither did he have the right *not* to try anything that could help. He rested his arms on his knees, closed his eyes and began to count backward from a hundred..

.light faded, his heart seemed to stop as he was enveloped in a thick, warm darkness that was very welcoming. A breeze brushed his face and he was lifted from the ground as the darkness gave way to ever brightening skies. Daniel was soon soaring over a strange planet that seemed to be a mixture of desert and lush greenery. He was heading toward . a Stargate. As he flew, the DHD began to light up even though no one stood before it. He squinted at the first symbol, but a dark shape slid between his vision and the DHD.

The tablet.

He blinked and slowed his flight. The tablet seemed to glow, the writings on it standing out in dark relief as words came unbidden..

A ship that isn't.

Power to destroy - all that would be needed..

He frowned.

The color red lit up one symbol on the tablet and Daniel recognized it immediately. Unknowing, his finger dipped into the wet wax of a nearby candle and he quickly drew the symbol on the floor. Another one glowed red, and again, his finger dipped and wrote. This continued five more times.

When the last symbol had been waxed onto the floor, Daniel's flight began to slow. The blue skies over the strange planet faded to black, the smell of burning candles replaced the clean crisp smell of the outdoors as the sense of weightlessness gave way to a hard floor.

Daniel opened his eyes, blinked several times, then glanced down at his finger. It was covered in wax. Brow creased in confusion, he looked at the ground.

Seven symbols - in wax.

A Stargate address.

*The* Stargate address.

Feeling faint, Daniel somehow managed to lever himself up and sit on the bed. Breathing heavily, he didn't move, but continued to stare at the waxy symbols. When his heart calmed, and his breathing returned to normal, he got up.

He had to see Jack - immediately.

~~~

Jack walked toward his office, still unsure of his next step. As he reached his door, Daniel's voice stopped him from going any further.

"Jack!"

Turning, mouth open in surprise, Jack could only gape at his friend. Daniel's left arm was in a blue sling and his jacket had slipped from his shoulder, but he was ignoring it as he hurried toward Jack. His face was flushed and Jack thought if Daniel had a fever, he'd kill Warner for letting him go.

"Daniel, what the hell are you doing out of the Infirmary?"

"I was released," Daniel said dismissively. "Look, something's happened. I know how to stop Anubis."

When Jack said nothing, Daniel said, "Did you hear me? I know how to stop Anubis. You have to get permission for us to go through the 'Gate. now."

"Daniel, you're in no shape to do anything, all right?"

Daniel grabbed Jack's arm and hissed out, "I can lead us to the Lost City, Jack. Do you understand me? I translated the tablet. I *know* the address, and we have just enough time - I think."

At that moment, the klaxons went off. Both men looked at the other, then Jack moved past Daniel and, on the run, headed for the 'Gate room. Daniel followed as quickly as he was able.

Once in the 'Gate room, Jack skidded to a stop behind several SF's already in defensive positions. The iris was still closed. He glanced up at the control room to see Doctor Weir staring at the 'Gate. Daniel arrived, huffing and puffing, and as he slid in next to Jack, Weir's voice came over the intercom.

"Colonel O'Neill, we're receiving," she turned back to Sergeant Davis, then said, "a signal from. Master. Bra'tac."

"Open the iris!" Jack shouted. A moment later, it slid open.

The watery blue was disturbed as two figures appeared on the ramp.

Bra'tac. and Teal'c.

Grinning from ear to ear, Jack moved between the SF's and almost ran to meet his friend.

"Teal'c, long time, no see!"

"It has only been a few hours, O'Neill," Teal'c said with a grin on his face.

They hugged briefly and were just parting as Doctor Weir joined them and said, "Colonel?"

Jack stepped back and with a proud grin, said, "This is Teal'c of Chulak, and this is Master Bra'tac."

Bra'tac frowned, looked up at the control room, then said, "Hammond of Texas?"

Looking uncomfortable, Jack said, "There have been a few. changes . recently. This is Doctor Elizabeth Weir, the new head of the SGC."

Elizabeth put out her hand, but quickly dropped it. "I am honored to meet you, Master Bra'tac, and Teal'c. But what-"

"Anubis comes," Teal'c said simply. "He will be here in two days."

Daniel moved to Jack's side but directed his words to Weir. "I need to go through the 'Gate, Doctor Weir. Now. I know where the Lost City is."

"Daniel, so help me-"

"Jack, shut up. What has to be done, can only be done by me. and. you. I need to translate, you'll need to. you'll understand when we get there."

Teal'c smiled at Daniel and said, "You trusted, did you not, DanielJackson?"

Eyes soft with affection, Daniel said, "Yes, I did, Teal'c. And thank you."

"Gentlemen, can we take this upstairs?" Weir suggested. rather strongly.

"Gee, I was just going to say that," Jack said easily.

Next: Part 2