The Age Inside 1

The Age Inside

by Sistine

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ass/sistine/ageins01.php
Summary: This is an AU look at a Daniel who survives abuse and a Jack who opens his heart to the boy and the man.

April, 1986

The house looked like a nice home, with a neat garden out the front, a white picket fence, and blue shutters. Fourteen-year-old Daniel Jackson, ward of the state, looked at his new foster home and hoped that it would be as good as the house promised. In the past six years, he had been in 14 foster homes, as well as many months in orphanages because no one wanted to keep someone like him. He was just too quiet and studious for most people to care about. He'd thought he had found the right home once but the parents had died in a plane crash and so he had been sent back to the orphanage.

"Come on, Daniel," the care worker, Geraldine Phillips, said. She was a nice enough lady but Daniel knew that she had no real interest in him; he was just another orphan. Obediently, Daniel walked up the driveway with her, head down and arms crossed over his torso. The first meeting was always hard and Daniel hated it. But he had a plan. Since he was in accelerated classes, he could graduate at sixteen with a scholarship-if he worked extremely hard-and get out of the foster system. Two more years, and he would be free.

Inside was just as immaculate as the outside, and Daniel foresaw strict rules about neatness in his future. He didn't mind that though; he was neat anyway. Then he saw the parents, a Mr and Mrs Huston, and his first reaction was not good. The man had very severe face, thin and angular, and Daniel took an instant dislike to him. The woman, in contrast, had a pleasant face but her eyes held a shadow of fear in them. Daniel felt a prickle of apprehension; something wasn't right in this house. But he played along, nodding in all the right places, speaking when he was spoken to, all the time wondering what secrets this house held.

---

Two nights later, Daniel was in bed writing in his journal. He'd kept a journal faithfully since he was six years old although the early ones had been lost when his parents had died and their possessions taken away. But the last six years worth of journals took up the most space in his battered suitcase, and he was determined never to lose these ones.

The door to his room was opened and Bruce Huston entered carrying a small black case. Annoyed at the invasion of his privacy, Daniel closed his journal but didn't say anything yet, not until he was sure of the consequences. In some homes, he had been beaten for talking back or questioning his foster parents, and he was sick of it.

Huston stared at Daniel until the latter was very uncomfortable. The man closed the door behind him and then advanced towards the bed. "How are you settling in, Daniel?"

"Fine." He'd spent as little time as possible with Huston though, trusting his first instincts.

"We haven't spent much time together since you arrived so I thought we could get better acquainted," Huston continued. He sat himself down on the bed near Daniel's legs. "What do you say?"

Daniel shrugged. "I suppose so." An alarm was ringing at the back of his mind though, warning him that this wasn't what it seemed.

"Good." Huston patted Daniel's leg through the blankets. "Now, have you ever done drugs before?"

"No." The alarm bells started getting louder, especially when Huston didn't remove his hand from Daniel's leg.

"Why not?"

Daniel stared at him, not sure whether Huston was just playing dumb or actually serious. "I'm fourteen. It's illegal." Plus, he didn't like the idea of anything clouding his mind and taking away his control.

Huston smiled at him, a smile that seemed predatory. Daniel inched backwards on the bed, wanting to get away from him.

"Well, this will just be between you and me then." Huston opened the black case and took out a needle.

Daniel's eyes widened in shock and he began shake his head. "No," he stated firmly, keeping his eye on the needle; who knew what that contained. "I don't want to do drugs." He started to get out of bed.

Quick as a flash, Huston grabbed his arm and pulled him back onto the bed. "While you're living under my roof, you'll live by my rules. And this is one of them," he said as he slowly inserted the needle into Daniel's arm just below the elbow.

Stunned by the action, Daniel didn't struggle until it was too late. Once the needle was removed, he again tried to escape, twisting his arm in Huston's tight grip but he couldn't break free. An arm came across his chest to hold him back against his foster father and Daniel struggled to get away but whatever had been given to him acted quickly. He soon found himself relaxing, his mind becoming clouded, and he didn't protest when he was laid down on the bed.

Huston stared down at the now-pliant boy. He had found that this was the best way to get what he wanted, and had two main benefits. One, the kid would be pliant and more willing to co-operate; and two, if the kid told someone, he wouldn't be believed because he would seem to be a junkie. It was a win-win situation.

When he was satisfied that the drug had taken hold, Huston removed the boy's pyjama bottoms, then got undressed and got into bed with Daniel...

---

When Daniel awoke the next morning, he was cold, tired and sore. Wrapping his arms around himself to try and get warm, he curled up on his side and thought about last night. Everything was blurry, like a bad dream, except this had been real. Huston had done bad things to him and he could still feel the reminders this morning. Daniel had hated every second of it but he had been powerless to stop the bigger man. His stomach clenched in cold fear at the thought that this might become a regular event. His body wasn't developed enough to accommodate the man, and Daniel was intelligent enough to know just what kind of damage it could result in. But how could he stop it? No one would believe him-after all, he was just an orphan so who would take his word over an adult? Tears welled up in his eyes at the sense of loneliness and anger that thought produced. He was so screwed.

He lay there for a long time, trying hard not to cry. He'd had to cope with things like this before... okay, not exactly like this, but losing one's parents at an early age was more devastating than this. This he could cope with, just like he'd coped with the beatings and the verbal abuse at other foster homes. There was no point in running away or trying to avoid it because things would only get worse. It would only be a matter of time before he was shifted to another foster home anyway. He would survive this.

He had to.

---

The pattern continued for another month. Huston would go into Daniel's bedroom every night and abuse him in some way, always making sure to give the boy drugs before anything happened. After a while, Daniel realised that he was becoming hooked on the drugs; he would start shaking from withdrawal every evening, and he couldn't eat anything at dinnertimes because his stomach was nauseous. Once Huston saw that the addiction had taken hold, he became more cruel, taunting Daniel with the needle, making the kid beg for the drugs, not caring that he was destroying Daniel's self-esteem, not to mention ruining his life. It was all about satisfying his desires, and he could do that freely now; his wife was too scared to interfere.

One evening at the end of the month, Huston found Daniel writing in his journal, the boy's hand shaking so hard he could barely hold the pen. "What are you writing?" Huston demanded.

"N-nothing," Daniel stammered, curling up on himself. "Just s-school stuff." His grades were slipping at school because he couldn't concentrate on his work or in classes, and Daniel saw his chances of a scholarship slipping away unless he could get out of this situation.

"Let me see." Huston held out his hand.

"I-it's nothing," Daniel insisted, not wanting the man to read his private thoughts.

"I'll be the judge of that." Huston grabbed the journal from Daniel's shaky grip and read the uneven writing. Then he got really mad and through the journal at the wall. How dare the kid write about such things! "You ungrateful little b-"

"Don't!" Daniel shouted and backed up against the wall as the man came for him. He held out his shaking hands in front of him in the vain hope that he could stop what was about to happen. "I-it was the drugs talking, n-not me," he tried to convince Huston.

The man just shouted a few more obscenities about Daniel and grabbed the boy's right wrist. Then he pulled Daniel off the bed and threw him towards the wall. Daniel slid down the wall, his shoulder aching, and found himself sitting next to his journal. But he didn't have time to think about that because Huston was coming for him again. Daniel scrambled out of the way and headed for the door. A hand grabbed the back of his t-shirt, almost choking him as he was pulled backwards. "No, please don't, no, no!" he pleaded.

"You're gonna get what's coming to you," Huston threatened, shaking the too-thin boy hard.

Close to tears, Daniel saw the fist coming and braced himself for the blow. It hit his left cheekbone and pain exploded in his skull. Dully, he fell to his knees, cradling his injured cheek, tears streaming down his face at the pain.

Something black caught his eye. He turned his head slightly and saw the little black case that Huston always brought with him. If he could get a hold of the needle... Without thinking, Daniel grabbed the case and took the needle out. Then he rolled away from Huston and stood up, holding the needle out in front of him. "Don't come any closer!"

"You won't hurt me," Huston said smugly, so sure of himself. "You're just a weak fag."

"No, I'm not!" Daniel was never going to allow a man to touch him again. "Just stay away!"

Huston lunged towards Daniel and blindly, the kid thrust the needle at the man and accidentally depressed the plunger. Then he stepped back and hoped that the attack was over. Huston swayed on his feet and stared down at the needle sticking out of his abdomen. The drugs quickly entered his system and he soon fell to the floor, unconscious.

"No, no, no," Daniel whispered, terrified that he had killed Huston. He hadn't intended to do that; all he had wanted was for the abuse to stop. Leaving the man on the floor of his bedroom, Daniel ran to the nearest phone and quickly called an ambulance. "I need an ambulance now," he said as soon as the phone was picked up.

[What happened?]

"I think I killed him," Daniel blurted out, fear and withdrawal loosening his tongue. "He was coming towards me and I warned him not to but he came anyway, and I had to-" He broke off, starting to hyperventilate.

[Okay, son, can you tell me where you live?]

After a few moments of thought, Daniel was able to tell the operator the address and then he hung up, his fingers losing their ability to hold onto the phone. He slid down the wall, then curled up next to the table where the phone was and started rocking back and forth. "I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it," he kept muttering, absolutely terrified. What would happen to him if Huston died? Would they send him to jail? He had only been defending himself but what if they thought it was murder? He didn't think he could cope with that.

His stomach rolled and he turned his head to the side as he threw up the meagre amount of food he'd eaten that day. Then he closed his eyes and waited impatiently for the ambulance to arrive.

The two ambulance officers found Daniel still curled up near the phone, rocking furiously back and forth, totally oblivious to anything around him. Since the boy wasn't any help, they had to wake Huston's wife, Marie, who led them to Daniel's room. Marie collapsed in hysterics when she saw her husband lying there with a syringe sticking out of his stomach, and one of the officers had to take her out of the room. The other officer knelt next to the unconscious man and started to assess him.

Soon afterwards, three police officers arrived. The female one sat down next to Daniel and tried to coax him out of his unresponsive state while the two older male officers went into the bedroom and started taking photos and assessing the scene.

Daniel slowly became aware of an arm around his shoulders and he panicked, scooting away from the touch. "Don't, please don't hurt me!" he pleaded, tears coming to his eyes again. He had thought he would be safe.

"It's okay," the woman said in a soothing tone. "My name is Lieutenant Dana Johnson, I'm a police officer. What's your name?"

"Daniel," he replied in a small voice. The police were here; that was good.

"Hi, Daniel." Dana smiled. "Were you the one who called for an ambulance?" She received a nod in return. "Can you tell me what happened?"

He wanted to tell her, he really did, but he wanted to know whether Huston was dead or not first. "Is he dead?"

"I don't know," she replied. "Do you want me to check?"

"Yes, please."

"Okay. I'll be right back." Dana smiled gently at him and then went into the bedroom.

Daniel waited fearfully for her to come back, not knowing whether he wanted Huston to be dead or not. On one hand he didn't because that meant that he would be a murderer, and on the other hand he did because he didn't want to fear the man anymore.

How old is this kid, Dana wondered as she came back and saw the blue eyes wide open in fear. She could also see a bruise blossoming on his left cheek-a sign of possible abuse. "He's going to live," she said, crouching down in front of him. "So do you want to tell me what happened?"

"He won't find out I told you?" Daniel whispered.

Dana's gut instinct told her that this was going to be bad. She put out a hand to reassure him and he flinched away; make that really bad. "We'll protect you," she promised.

"He'll hurt me if I tell," Daniel continued, trying to get her to understand.

"He's in no condition to hurt anyone at the moment," Dana told him. "By the time he is, he won't be able to touch you."

Daniel relaxed slightly; that would have to do. "He comes every night and gives me something. Then he... he... touches me," he said, his voice choking up. "Hurts me," he continued, the words barely above a whisper. "He got mad because I was writing in my journal tonight. He hit me so I got the needle and warned him to stay away but he wouldn't. He came towards me and..." Daniel couldn't say any more before his emotions got the better of him again.

Dana got in close and held the boy as sobs wracked the thin body. Finally, the sobs stopped and she realised that he had fallen asleep, his body and mind thoroughly exhausted by his ordeal. When her colleagues came out, she looked up at their solemn faces. "Anything?" she asked softly.

One of the men held up a battered journal that he had found lying on the floor then he looked at the boy. "Is that Daniel?"

She nodded.

"This is his. I think the case is going to be pretty cut and dried."

---

When Daniel next woke up, he was in a white room. Panicking, he sat up quickly and looked around. A nurse in a white uniform was nearby and she turned towards him upon seeing him sit up. "Where am I?" Daniel asked.

"Denver Central Hospital," she replied.

"What happened?" The last thing he remembered, he was in the Hustons' house, crying into the arms of a policewoman.

"I'll just go get the doctor. He'll answer any questions," she stated before leaving the room.

Daniel flopped back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. He was in the hospital; he hoped that Huston wasn't anywhere nearby. Turning onto his side, Daniel realised that he had an IV drip attached to his wrist-and that his cheekbone was definitely broken or something! Quickly, he rolled onto his back again and breathed through the pain; that really hurt!

Footsteps alerted him to the arrival of the doctor. Daniel turned his head to see a grey-haired man in his mid-forties walking towards him. At least this man looked nice, he decided, but he would reserve judgement until later.

"Good morning, Daniel," the doctor said. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Daniel replied. "What happened?"

"You were asleep when you were brought in last night, suffering from complete exhaustion," the doctor-Warner, it said on his name tag-explained. He then proceeded to tell Daniel about his badly bruised and fractured cheek, and the fact he was on an IV drip to combat dehydration. "Your foster father is in intensive care."

Daniel's eyes widened; they let Huston be in the same hospital as him?

Lt Johnson walked in at that moment, having just arrived to check on Daniel. "Don't worry, there's a police guard on him. We found your journal-that should be enough to convict him with."

"Good," Daniel whispered. Then he stared at the policewoman, fear again in his eyes. "Am I in trouble?"

Dana shook her head. "You were defending yourself."

They believed him; that was good. "What's going to happen now?"

The look in those blue eyes is too old, Dana decided as she looked at the kid. No one should have to go through something like that.

Warner answered. "You'll need to go through detox first. Then it will be up to welfare."

Daniel turned onto his right side and curled up tightly. He would be sent back to an orphanage and no one would want to foster him so he would have to remain there until he was old enough to leave. But at least he wouldn't be sent back to the Hustons. "Detox?"

"We found traces of heroin in your blood," Warner explained. "It would be best if you went through detox until you have recovered. Dr. O'Neill will be in later to talk to you about it."

Wonderful, Daniel thought sarcastically. Just what he had wanted to do this year.

---

Doctor Jack O'Neill had done a lot in his twenty-six years. He had become addicted to painkillers at age fifteen after a car accident in which one arm and leg were broken, and his life started to spin out of control. He had been about to drop out of school when, after school one day, he'd come across the hockey team playing on the school field. Intrigued, he'd sat and watched the whole practice. After a few inquiries, he'd found out the practice schedule and had turned up the next time, ready to play. He had proven to have a natural talent for the game, which pleased him no end. However, he almost blew the chances of remaining on the team when the coach caught him popping pills before practice one day. The coach had given him an ultimatum: if Jack wanted to play hockey to a higher level, then he had to give up the pills. Bolstered by the confidence the coach had in him, Jack had taken steps to break his addiction to painkillers and had succeeded. Two years later, he had been accepted to medical school on a hockey scholarship. He had played university level hockey for a number of years, trying out for state level until a freak accident when he was twenty-two had damaged his left knee and he was unable to play again. Since he had medicine to fall back on, he had something to help him through the disappointment, and he had graduated as a doctor just recently. Now he was working at the hospital, as well as a clinic for young drug addicts in the hopes that he could make a difference.

This case was going to be tough. He'd been called in early that morning to speak to a teenager who had been brought in last night but apparently this wasn't a normal addict. It appeared that the kid's foster father had been giving him the drugs as part of the ongoing sexual abuse. The tough thing was going to be guiding him through the withdrawal as well as the guilt, and possibly the denial that he was now addicted.

Jack walked into the hospital room to find the kid throwing a tantrum. Mood swings were common in withdrawal so Jack wasn't fazed by the plate of food that was headed towards him but he could tell that the nurse was. He continued further into the room and said to the nurse, "I'm Dr. O'Neill. I'll handle it from here."

"Thank goodness," she muttered as she headed out of harms way.

"Go away!" Daniel yelled at the newcomer. He'd just about had it with everyone's well-meaning help. He didn't need their help or their pity for the poor abused orphan boy.

"You must be Daniel," Jack said calmly. "Not feeling too happy today, are we?"

"None of your damn business!" Daniel shot back. He knew there was no reason to be angry but his stomach was cramping and he needed something to stop it now!

"Actually, this is my business." Jack stopped at the end of the bed and looked at the kid. Daniel didn't look older than twelve even with the messy hair and wild eyes. Jack could see why the foster father had victimised him; Daniel was going to be a stunner when he grew up. And right now that innocent face and wide blue eyes made him the perfect victim for guys like Bruce Huston-and the bruise on his cheek gave evidence to that. "My name's Jack. I'm going to help you through this."

Daniel stared critically at him. "You don't look like a doctor."

"Appearances can be deceiving," Jack understated. "You don't look like an addict."

"I'm not." The denial was vehement.

"Yes, you are. You might not have taken the drugs yourself but you are an addict." Jack kept his expression neutral as he carefully watched Daniel. "I'm here to help you."

"No!" Daniel threw a metal tray at Jack, who skillfully side-stepped it. "I don't need any help! All I want is to be left alone!" He had always coped better alone; no one else really cared for him anyway.

"I can't do that," Jack stated.

"No, of course not! No one can leave me alone! But nobody really cares, do they? After all, when you're all finished with me, I'll go back to the orphanage and wait till I'm sent someplace new where the same thing could happen again!" Daniel got out of the bed, ripping the IV out of his arm, went over to the nearest corner of the room and sat down on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest. He wanted to rewind the clock six years so that he could stop his parents from dying and then he wouldn't be in this situation.

Jack saw the anger drain out of Daniel suddenly and cautiously went over to him. Being careful of his bad knee, Jack crouched down in front of him. "I care."

Daniel huffed in disbelief and looked away from Jack, staring over his shoulder at the bed. "You don't even know me."

"I know you're a tough kid, someone who doesn't like relying on others," Jack replied. "But everyone needs a little help now and then, even if they think they don't need it."

"How would you know?" Daniel demanded. Everyone had said they knew how he was feeling but they didn't; nobody could.

"Because I was like that ten years ago. I was an addict and thought I could get through withdrawal on my own," Jack shared. At least talking about this was easier than it had been back then. "I hit out at everyone-my parents, my friends, my coach-hoping that they would leave me alone. Most did but my coach didn't. He stuck by me, making sure that I didn't give up. I wouldn't be here today if he hadn't done that."

"And you want to be my coach?" Daniel said, trying to make the words sarcastic as his stomach cramped yet again.

"In a matter of speaking." Jack could see that behind the tough words, Daniel was scared of what was to come. The kid hadn't been in any way prepared for this, hadn't wanted to become addicted, yet he was going to have to deal with it. Adolescence had been well and truly left behind, and Jack felt sorry for the kid for that loss. "Can I do that for you?"

Daniel contemplated the idea. He had to admit to himself that he was scared of doing this alone and Jack seemed nice enough. "Is it going to be hard?"

Jack wasn't going to start lying. "Yes. But we'll get through it. Okay?"

Daniel nodded. "Okay." But he wasn't going to trust Jack completely; Huston had ruined his ability to trust men.

"Sweet." Jack held out his hand. "How about we go back to the bed? I'll sit in the chair." He knew that Daniel would be wary of him at first.

Uncertain, Daniel looked at the outstretched hand. He wanted to take that hand but he couldn't.

Jack waited for five seconds before backing off. "Okay. I'll go sit, you can come over when you're ready." He slowly got up, his bad knee protesting at the movement, making him feel really old. Then he moved over and sat in the plastic chair next to the bed.

Pleased to have some space again, Daniel remained where he was for another minute before slowly making his way over to the bed. "How long is this going to take?"

"As long as it takes," Jack replied. "Probably a month or two. It depends on how long it takes to get the drugs out of your system." He took a good look at Daniel's pale face. "Cramps?"

"Yeah." Daniel put an arm across his stomach; the cramps seemed to be getting worse.

"They don't last for long," Jack informed him. "The trick is to get through them."

"Any bright ideas on how to do that?" Daniel asked sarcastically, the pain bringing out his waspish side.

"You need a distraction," Jack said knowledgeably.

Daniel's eyes narrowed; he knew what Jack was trying to do. "Oh, of course. And I presume you're going to provide the distraction."

"Naturally." Geez, the kid has a smart mouth on him. "So, you into sports?"

"No."

Well, that was succinct. "Well, what are you into then?"

"Egyptology," Daniel replied. He would start in on a spiel and see how long it took for Jack's eyes to glaze over. "That's the study of everything to do with Egypt, including their language both modern and ancient, their culture, their past, the mythologies..." Another cramp hit and Daniel had to clench his teeth.

"And you're actually interested in all that stuff?" Jack asked when Daniel seemed to trail off. "How did you get into that?"

Daniel breathed out slowly then focused on the question. The pain in his heart was masked by the pain in the rest of his body. "My parents were archaeologists, specialising in Egyptology."

"Did you get to go to Egypt often?"

"I lived there for most of my life," Daniel replied, closing his eyes against the memories that were threatening to surface; he only had enough strength to fight one thing at a time. "I could speak Egyptian before I could speak English."

Jack smiled. "That sounds pretty cool. Do you know any other languages?"

"Twelve," Daniel uncharacteristically boasted, opening his eyes again. For some reason, he wanted to impress Jack.

"Wow," Jack commented. "I barely passed Spanish in high school." The kid was obviously very smart. "So you like languages?"

Daniel raised his eyebrows; wasn't the answer to that obvious? Then he curled up again, the cramps getting worse.

"Why?" Jack needed to keep Daniel talking to keep his mind off the cramps.

"It hurts," Daniel whispered. "Make it stop, please!"

"I know it hurts," Jack responded, wishing there was something he could do. "You just need to hang in there."

"I can't!" This was nothing like what he had experienced over the past month and he didn't know how to cope with it. "Please!" A wave of nausea hit and he leaned towards the side of the bed.

Jack quickly got a bedpan and held it under Daniel's mouth as the kid emptied the contents of his stomach. Then he took the pan through to the bathroom and grabbed a washcloth, wetting it before going back into the main room. Daniel had curled up on his side again, his face a strange white-green combination, with dark circles forming under his eyes and his hair mattered with sweat. Jack sat down beside the kid and put the washcloth on his forehead. "Feel any better?"

"A little," Daniel admitted. His body had tensed as Jack's closeness but he welcomed the cool cloth nonetheless.

"Listen, is there anything you want me to bring you next time? Some comics or books maybe?" Jack asked, wanting to keep Daniel's mind busy.

Daniel hesitated before answering; would Jack think him strange if he requested his journal? Maybe-after all, what normal teenage boy kept a journal? "Some books please."

"Okay." He could easily arrange that. "Do you want me to get your stuff from the Huston place? You know, your clothes and such?"

"Won't the-the welfare people have done that?" Daniel asked, not knowing the drill for situations like this.

Jack bit back the comment that they would probably still be arguing over what was going to happen next to Daniel. "Not yet. Besides, having your things here might help a little."

Daniel nodded; there was no way he wanted to go and get them himself so he would let Jack do it. "Just... don't look at anything."

"I'll keep my eyes shut the whole time," Jack promised. That raised a tiny smile from Daniel, and Jack felt proud of that achievement.

---

It looked like a nice ordinary house to Jack. Then again, many houses where abuse occurred normally did. Jack went in and explained to Mrs. Huston why he was there, and she meekly let him go into Daniel's room and take what the police hadn't. A battered suitcase and a brown duffel bag lay in the bottom of the wardrobe, and Jack found that they easily held Daniel's possessions. The journals and photo albums went into the suitcase, along with the books, pens, a battered teddy bear with hardly any fur left, and a small box of 'artifacts' which Jack didn't open. The clothes and shoes-of which there were a lot fewer than he had thought-went in the duffel bag. Jack looked sadly at the possessions; didn't anyone care enough to make sure Daniel had more than this?

With a sigh, he picked up the case and bag, then left the bedroom, contemplating what he could do to help brighten Daniel's life.

---

Early the next morning Jack waltzed into the hospital room with Daniel's things plus a present. He was pleased to see Daniel was eating breakfast, even if the kid was still looking a little wild around the eyes. "Hey."

Daniel looked up from his unappealing breakfast of oatmeal. "Hey," he said listlessly. Then he noticed what Jack was carrying. "Is that my stuff?" he asked, showing a bit more enthusiasm.

"Sure is." Jack put the suitcase on the bed and the bag on the floor nearby. "And I didn't look at a thing. Kept my eyes shut the whole time."

Although Daniel knew Jack was teasing him, he felt pleased that he had been listened to. He quickly opened the case and looked over his things, his hand briefly touching the teddy bear for reassurance. Then he frowned and pulled out the journals, counting them as he did so. Some were missing. "Where are the rest of them?"

"Uh, the police have them," Jack replied. "Evidence, you know."

Daniel tensed up. "They're private." No one else was supposed to read them.

"I know." There was nothing Jack could say that would make Daniel feel any better about the loss of privacy. "But it's standard procedure in a case like this."

Daniel wrapped his arms around himself; he hated the thought that goodness knows how many people would read his private thoughts. Theoretically he knew why the police took the journals but that didn't reassure him.

"I noticed that you have a lot of journals," Jack continued casually. "So I figured you might want this." He held out a brightly wrapped rectangular parcel.

"What is it?" Daniel said suspiciously.

Jack grinned. "Open it and find out."

Wary, Daniel took the package and carefully removed the wrapping paper. It was a journal. Not just any journal, but one with a lock on it. A small smile appeared on his face; Jack understood. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Jack pointed to the lock. "It's a combination lock so that only you can open it." That feature was the deciding factor in Jack's decision to buy it. He knew how much teenage boys valued privacy.

Daniel looked at the numbers, already figuring out a combination for it. Four numbers were allowed so he would use his parents' birthdays as the number.

"I'm not supposed to be here right now," Jack stated, pleased that Daniel liked the gift, "so I'd better get going. I'll be back later, okay, and we can talk about anything you like."

"Are you sure you're not a shrink?" Daniel asked, lifting his head to look at Jack.

"As if!" Jack snorted. He knew that in the work he did, he occasionally came across as a shrink but he was foremost a doctor. "What do shrinks know?"

Daniel nodded in agreement. He'd had to visit a psychologist after his parents had died but it hadn't helped. "Do we have to talk?"

"Not for the whole time if you don't want to. But there will be a couple of things we need to discuss, okay?"

"Okay." Daniel supposed he could live with that. But in the meantime, he could clear his head by writing in his new journal. As Jack left the room, Daniel picked up a pen and the teddy bear-discreetly placing the latter next to him where no one else could see it-then settled in to do some writing.

---

It helped to write everything down. Daniel found that time just melted away and he was less focused on what his body was saying it needed. And he could write things in the journal that he would never tell anybody else, things that no one else would ever know about and therefore wouldn't judge him by them. This was how he had coped with his parents' deaths; it had been much more useful than seeing a psychologist.

"Have you been writing since I left?"

Jack's voice surprised Daniel and he jumped at the sound. He turned his head to see Jack advancing towards him, so he quickly closed the journal and protected it by tucking his legs up to his body. No one was allowed to read it.

"Hey, it's okay," Jack stated as he sat down in the plastic chair next to the bed. "I'm not going to read it. So, how much have you written?"

Daniel shrugged; he hadn't been keeping track but his right hand was feeling a bit cramped so he'd probably written a lot.

"O-kay." The silent treatment, Jack mused. He could handle this. "You want to talk about what happened?"

Daniel shook his head. He never wanted to talk about what had happened.

"Well, I thought I should let you know, the police are coming in a few minutes to take your statement so you'll have to tell them what happened," Jack informed the kid. Daniel's appearance was less unruly now, which would help convince the police that he was telling the truth; all that writing must have done some good.

"Do I have to?" Daniel asked, his eyes widening with nervousness. He really didn't want to talk to anybody about this, especially the police.

"Unfortunately, yeah," Jack replied. The image of Daniel staring at his abuser with those wide blue eyes came to him and Jack felt sick; how could anyone have betrayed this kid like that? "But I won't stay if you don't want me to."

Daniel thought about that. He didn't want Jack to know anything but he didn't want to be left alone with the police either. And Jack would be better than one of the doctors or nurses listening in. "You can stay," he stated quietly.

Jack nodded, pleased that Daniel trusted him enough to stay.

As things often go, as soon as they got that sorted, there was a knock on the door and then two police officers entered the hospital room. Daniel recognised one of them as the policewoman who had comforted him on 'that night', as he referred to it in his journal. At least, he thought it was her; everything about that night was rather blurry now.

"Hi, Daniel," Dana greeted the kid. He looked much better than he had the other night.

"Hi," Daniel replied politely.

Jack moved away from the bed as the police inquired after Daniel's health and then started in on the questions. He noticed the adult way Daniel was answering, which was totally at odds with his youth; too often, Jack had seen that in children who had been abused or had become addicts. They grew up way too soon and often found it difficult to have a normal life. That was part of the reason why he had started volunteering at the drug rehab centre before he had finished his medical degree; he wanted to help those kids regain part of what they had lost... if they could.

Daniel was very pleased when the police officers went. He hadn't liked reliving what Huston had done to him, and he knew that if the man was charged, he would have to testify at the trial; just what he didn't want. But like everything else in his life, he didn't have a choice. At least Jack seemed to understand what he needed, moving away so he didn't hear what was being said. It gave him a small measure of privacy, something he desperately wanted. He didn't relax as Jack drew near again though, his knees still drawn up to his chin. "Now what?" The question came out harsher than he had planned.

"Now we have a little chat about what's going to happen next," Jack replied, sitting in the plastic chair.

"I don't want to." Daniel turned his head away to look out the window - not that there was anything interesting to see out there. He didn't want to know what was going to happen to him... well, he did but he didn't. He was scared - scared of going back to an orphanage and scared that he might go someplace worse.

"Okay, I'll just talk then." Jack could see the signs of anger building up and knew that sooner or later, Daniel was going to explode. Absently, he wondered what the kid was like when he wasn't going through withdrawal; was he shy or outgoing? Previous observation tended towards the former in Jack's opinion; the perfect type to be victimised. "This afternoon, I'm going to take you to a rehab centre so that your recovery can be properly supervised."

"No." Daniel shook his head.

"You'll stay there for a few weeks until you have beaten this," Jack continued.

"No!" Daniel started rocking back and forth; he didn't want to go to any rehab centre. He wasn't addicted, he wasn't! It would go away in a few days, he knew it would. "I don't want to go."

Jack looked down briefly and then up again at the agitated youth in front of him. "Unfortunately, Daniel, you don't have a choice."

"I'm not going!" Daniel jumped off the bed, dumping his journal on the floor, and went over to the window. There, he started pounding on it. "I'm not going, I'm not going!" he shouted as his hand hit the glass.

Quickly, Jack went over to Daniel and grabbed the kid's arm to prevent him from injuring himself. "Yes, you are," he said firmly.

"Let go of me!" Daniel screamed and started struggling wildly, panicking at the touch. "Don't touch me!"

"Daniel..." Jack stepped back as the kid struck out at him with his free hand, all the time still holding onto the other arm.

"No!" Daniel twisted madly, not feeling any pain with the adrenaline rushing through his body. He could feel Huston's hands on him, could feel the blasted drug inside him twisting his stomach into knots. "Stay away from me!" He couldn't go through it again!

"I'm not going to hurt you, Daniel," Jack stated, trying to figure out the best way of handling this. Finally he decided that he needed to prevent Daniel from harming himself even though the kid was going to react badly to his touch. But it needed to be done. Pulling Daniel in close, he turned the kid around to face away from him, and then locked his arms around Daniel's upper body.

Daniel suddenly found himself trapped, his arms pinned against his sides. "No, no, no!" He kicked out with his feet, trying to reach any part of Huston that he could. "Please don't do this!"

Jack was hard put to keep his balance with Daniel struggling so wildly, and he staggered as a kick landed on his left shin. "Daniel, it's me, it's Jack. I'm not going to hurt you," he said in a calm voice, knowing that it was possible that the kid might be having a flashback. "I'm here, you're safe now, no one's going to hurt you."

Tears rolled down Daniel's cheeks and his chest heaved as the emotions started to overwhelm him. "Please don't hurt me," he whispered desperately, hoping that Huston would listen this time.

"I promise," Jack replied equally as softly. He felt Daniel's struggles grow weaker but didn't relax his hold just yet. "It's okay, Daniel. You're safe now."

"Safe?" Daniel mentally grabbed onto the word. He was safe? Through blurry eyes he looked around him. This wasn't his bedroom. So if this wasn't his bedroom, then it couldn't be Huston behind him. That meant it had to be... "Jack?"

"Yeah, it's me." Jack gave a silent prayer of thanks that Daniel had calmed down and loosened his grip slightly. "You okay now?"

The true concern in Jack's voice was Daniel's undoing. A huge sob escaped him and the tears started falling rapidly as his legs collapsed.

Jack gently sank to the floor with Daniel and held the kid as he cried. "It's okay," he murmured, stroking Daniel's back. His eyes fell on the teddy bear peaking out from the bed sheets and a wave of sympathy rolled over him. It wasn't fair that this had happened but Jack was going to do everything he could to help Daniel through this. "Everything's going to be fine," he promised.

Hopefully, he would be able to keep that promise.

---

Daniel wouldn't have described his actions as hiding behind Jack but that was exactly what he was doing as they walked into the rehab centre. He was half hidden behind the doctor, staring at the people that he saw there. There were all types-mainly young but from all walks of life. Daniel didn't see anyone else his age though, which made him feel very self-conscious. Jack had explained that younger teenagers occasionally came through the centre but there were none at the moment. Daniel would have his own room next to a female counsellor; his experience had been taken into account when determining where to put him. The days would consist of counselling in group sessions as well as individual sessions, and the rest of the time was his own. Daniel was very pleased that he had a journal to write in, and Jack had lent him a copy of 'Lord of the Rings' so that he had something to read. But on the whole, he found that he was daunted just by being there. There was still a little bit of denial-he wasn't an addict like the others-and that added to his nerves. He didn't want to be there.

Jack didn't say anything to Daniel about his nerves, not wanting to embarrass the kid, so he kept up a constant stream of information as he took Daniel around the centre. He didn't have to go to work for several hours so he had decided to help get Daniel settled in. It would be hard for the kid; most of the addicts who passed through the centre were at least a couple of years older than Daniel. And then there was the whole abuse thing, which a second psychologist would be dealing with. Jack couldn't imagine what Daniel was feeling or thinking, and he hoped that it didn't destroy the kid. He would be doing his best to ensure it didn't.

He took Daniel to the small bedroom he would be sleeping in. It was a pretty basic room, just a single bed along one wall, a table next to the bed, and a chest of drawers for clothes or other possessions. "You can leave your things here," Jack said, gesturing to the bed. "They'll be safe in here."

Reluctantly, Daniel put his duffel bag and suitcase on the bed, pushing them back against the wall. He didn't want to leave his things unattended, especially his journals, but he knew he would look pretty stupid carrying them around all the time. He turned back to face Jack, pushing his glasses up at the same time.

Oy, Jack thought, the kid looks so lost. He would make sure that Janet, the counsellor, kept an eye on Daniel as much as possible. Jack didn't think that Daniel was the kind to run away but one could never be too certain; and Janet would also make sure that the older patients didn't harass the youth. Despite her petite size, Janet was a formidable young woman with self-defence training who had gone through medical school with Jack, and he knew better than to doubt her abilities. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be," Daniel replied, crossing his arms over his chest. I can do this, he told himself unconvincingly. Then he braced himself and followed Jack out the door.

---

I can't do this!

Daniel threw himself down on his bed and hugged the pillow to his chest as he tried to fight the tears. The counselling session he'd just attended had been an individual one, and the stupid woman had tried raising what had happened at the Huston home. After enduring a few minutes of the questions and comments, Daniel had yelled at her and then run out of the room, making his way back to his bedroom to hide. He curled up on the bed, pillow against his chest, and stared at the wall, willing the tears to go away. He wasn't a baby; he wasn't going to cry over this. He was just going to put the whole thing behind him and pretend it hadn't happened at all. That was how he coped.

Several tears leaked out and rolled down his cheeks. Angry at himself, he took his glasses off and threw them behind him. The clatter that they made when hitting the wooden floor didn't help his mood. Stupid things anyway; they made him look like a geek, which he supposed he was but it didn't mean that he wanted to look like one.

"Daniel?"

He remained staring at the wall. He should have guessed that the psychologist would tell Janet. "Go away."

"I know this is hard for you, Daniel," she started to say.

"How would you know?" Daniel shot back. He was sick of people saying that. No one knew how hard this was for him!

"But that's no excuse for your behaviour," Janet continued as if he hadn't yelled at her.

Daniel just remained silent; even if he had wanted to speak, he was too busy trying not to cry.

"Do you want to talk about why you ran out?" Janet persisted.

"No." Daniel winced at how hoarse his voice sounded.

Janet sighed; Daniel had only been there a few hours and didn't seem to be adjusting well. She came into his room and sat at the foot of the bed. "How do you feel? Any cramps?"

"I'm fine." The pain had been less today, although there had still been some cravings.

"Okay." She would give him some space now and hopefully, he would be more talkative later. "Ten minutes, Daniel, and then I expect to see you in the kitchen. Everyone has their jobs to do, no matter how angry they're feeling." She stood up, went over and picked up his glasses before putting them on the bedside table. Then she left him alone.

After Janet had left, Daniel checked his watch so that he wouldn't be late. Then he gave into the tears, muffling the sobs in the pillow while wishing that he were almost anywhere else.

---

The next few days followed a similar pattern. When he wasn't needed for counselling or for his chores, Daniel spent his time writing and reading, finding that it helped him deal with being at the centre. He coped with the group counselling sessions because he didn't have to contribute anything if he didn't want to but he hated the individual sessions. Each time, he ended up storming out and retreating to his room.

Jack visited every day, mostly in the early mornings before he had to work at the hospital, and Daniel began to look forward to his visits. Every day, Jack brought him something different like a comic book or a novel, something to keep his mind busy. On the fourth day of Daniel's stay, after he had just left the counselling session in anger, he was surprised to see that it was Jack who had come after him.

"Hey, kid." Jack entered Daniel's room and sat on the bed but not too close. "I hear things aren't going too well." Janet had just given him an update on Daniel's progress before they'd heard that he had run off again.

"I hate her," Daniel stated, referring to the shrink, not to Janet. He was facing the wall, hugging his teddy bear which usually resided under his pillow so no one would see that he still relied on such a childish thing.

Jack nodded knowingly. "Because she wants you to talk about things that you don't want to remember, right?" The question was rhetorical as Jack knew something of what Daniel was going through. "Have you told her that you don't want to talk about it?"

Daniel snorted. "She keeps saying that I'll feel better once I talk about it and when I tell her I won't, she keeps telling me that I won't know that unless I try."

"Well, she does have a point," Jack said. "But it's not easy, is it?" Daniel remained silent, hugging the bear to his chest. "Are you having any nightmares?" He knew the kid was because Janet had been woken several times by the shouts.

"I thought you weren't a shrink," Daniel avoided the question, his hands tightening on the bear.

"Daniel."

"Maybe." The answer was muffled as Daniel turned his face into the pillow.

"Have you been writing in your journal?" Jack asked.

Daniel nodded.

"Good." Jack reckoned that was just as good as talking about things, at least at this stage. "Now let's go talk to Doctor Wiseman. You can let her know why you keep running away from her and apologise, then we'll go see a movie."

Daniel lifted his head to stare at Jack. "A movie?" He hadn't been to see a movie in a couple of years. "I don't think that's allowed."

"Sure it is," Jack disagreed cheerfully. "So long as we're back by eight. We'll go to McDonald's, grab some burgers, watch a movie, and be back before curfew." He figured that Daniel needed some time away from the centre to do things that kids his age would normally be doing. "What do you say?"

"Um, okay." He wouldn't mind getting out of the centre for a while.

"Sweet. Let's go talk to the supervisor then."

Ten minutes later, Jack and Daniel were headed into town. They went to McDonald's first, and Daniel had his first Big Mac. He was surprised to find that he liked it - and that his appetite had finally come back. And he found that he was enjoying himself in Jack's company, with the man doing his best to keep Daniel laughing.

When they got to the cinema, Daniel scanned the list of movies for one he thought Jack would like; since Jack was paying for it, it was the least he could do. Finally, he settled on 'Top Gun'. He reckoned that 'The Karate Kid II' looked better but Jack wouldn't want to see anything as childish as that.

Jack raised an eyebrow. That was a strange choice for a kid. "Are you sure you want to see that one? I was thinking maybe 'The Karate Kid'."

Daniel shook his head, thinking that Jack was just suggesting it for him. "That's for kids."

"Excuse me?" Jack pretended to be offended. "I'm not a kid."

"You really want to see that one?" Daniel said, a little skeptical about Jack's motives but willing to be persuaded.

"Yep. Big kid at heart, that's me," Jack boasted proudly. He briefly rested his hand on Daniel's back to guide him towards the ticket line. "'The Karate Kid' it is then."

They bought the tickets and then got some snacks. Jack stated that it was a cinema rule that everyone had to eat popcorn and an ice-cream, so they got a large popcorn to share and an ice-cream each. Once they were seated, the popcorn was placed on the armrest between them and Daniel immediately started eating, enjoying the treat.

All through the movie, Jack was surreptitiously watching Daniel's reactions. Despite the humour in the movie, Daniel watched it with a serious face, only occasionally chuckling softly. Jack considered that a small achievement and vowed to make Daniel laugh more often-not just chuckles but real laughs. If he could do that, then he would consider his job well done.

Like the McDonald's visit, Daniel found himself enjoying the movie. He was pleased that Jack had insisted on seeing it. And Jack was loving it, laughing in a carefree way Daniel wished he could imitate. Maybe, in the future, he would be able to.

"So," Jack said as they were walking out of the cinema, "what did you think?"

Daniel glanced up at Jack, trying to judge his mood. "It was pretty good," he replied neutrally. "I can see why it appeals to older people."

"Hey, you enjoyed it," Jack teased, nudging him gently. "Go on, admit it."

Daniel tensed at the touch then relaxed, trusting that Jack wasn't going to hurt him. "Okay," he admitted with a small smile. He liked the fact that Jack was treating him like a normal person instead of someone who had been damaged. "I enjoyed it."

"I knew it!" Jack exclaimed gleefully, feeling proud that he had received a smile from the kid. "What's say we do this again next week?"

Daniel was flattered that Jack wanted to spend more time with him; he'd never really had any friends, being quiet and withdrawn, not to mention having to move around so much, so it surprised him that someone like Jack seemed to want to be his friend. But then, of course, it could just be that he was taking pity on the poor orphan kid. "I-if you want to. I mean, you're probably busy with work and everything, so I'll understand if you can't," he said, giving Jack a way out.

"Of course I'm not too busy." Jack ruffled Daniel's floppy hair in a gesture of affection and pretended not to notice the way the kid tensed up. "We can have McDonald's again, or something else if you like."

"Okay." Although Daniel had tensed automatically, he kind of liked Jack ruffling his hair. It made him feel liked-in a good way, not like the way Huston had liked him. "Jack?"

"Yes, Danny?"

Blue eyes widened at the shortening of his name; he wasn't sure how he felt about being called 'Danny', since it was usually only his parents and bullies that had used that form of address. But the way Jack said it sounded much nicer than the way the bullies always said it. "Uh, this isn't just because, you know... you feel..." He couldn't finish the sentence, feeling embarrassed about even asking. "Never mind."

Jack had a fair idea of what Daniel was asking. "I don't just take anyone out to the movies," he replied. "Only my friends and my dates-of which you are the former, not the latter," he stated with a grin, letting the kid know he was teasing.

Daniel relaxed, relieved that this wasn't just all part of the service at the centre. Jack had just called him his friend. That made Daniel feel good inside for the first time in a long, long time.

---

After that, it was a little easier to cope with being at the rehab centre. Daniel looked forward to Jack's daily visits, enjoying the time that the older man spent with him. Daniel found himself opening up to Jack more than he did to the counsellors or the psychologist, although he still didn't share any details about what Huston did to him to anyone. They spent a lot of time just talking, and once a week they went to the movies. Occasionally, they went and did something like roller skating; Jack was trying to show him how to have fun. Pages of his journal were devoted to Jack, which Daniel didn't realise, so excited was he that he had a friend. And with Jack's support, he was able to get over his addiction and deal with what had happened to him.

The roller-skating had been lots of fun. Daniel had initially been skeptical but Jack had crouched down in front of him as he had been sitting watching the other skaters, and looked him in the eye. "Danny, have you ever been on roller-skates before?"

Daniel had shaken his head as he watched little kids zoom past on the skates. They looked so happy and carefree, as if they were allowed to enjoy their childhood. Not for the first time, Daniel wished that his childhood could have continued to be like that.

"Have you ever wanted to?"

There had been a hesitation before Daniel had nodded. "When I was young," he qualified.

"Hey, you're still young," Jack had pointed out. "Remember my motto?"

"Never deny the kid inside," Daniel had recited. Jack had told him that often but Daniel had trouble believing there was a kid inside him. There was definitely one inside Jack, though.

"Exactly." Jack had patted Daniel's knee and then stood, looking down in expectation.

Daniel had sighed and given in, fully expecting not to enjoy it but he had been surprised. Jack had made it fun, and Daniel had appreciated the lengths the older man was going to in order to make it that way. And Jack had also taken some photos, giving one to Daniel to remember the day by. Daniel treasured it, sticking it into his journal and looking at it every evening.

When the day came for Daniel to leave the centre and go back to the orphanage, he wasn't happy. He stood in the foyer area with his suitcase and duffel bag, looking at the floor instead of Jack, who was standing in front of him. "Do I have to go?"

"Unfortunately, yeah, you do," Jack replied. He was sad to see Daniel go too but hopefully they would be able to keep in touch. If Daniel wanted to, that was. Or if he was allowed to; he knew some places were very strict about friends. "Here's my phone number," he said, handing Daniel a card. "If you ever want to talk about stuff, just give me a call."

"Okay." Daniel took the card and, opening his duffel bag, tucked it into his journal. Then, on impulse, he put his belongings down and hugged Jack tightly. "Thank you," he whispered.

"For what?" Jack carefully returned the hug. It was the first time Daniel had voluntarily touched him and he didn't want to cause any negative reaction.

"For being my friend." He wasn't sure that he could have coped if he hadn't had Jack's support.

Jack allowed himself to hug a little tighter. "You're welcome."

Daniel didn't want to let go but all too soon, he was gently encouraged by the care worker to let go of Jack. He moved back and wrapped his arms around himself. He didn't want to go but knew he had no choice.

"Hey, it'll be okay," Jack said, reading the body language well. "Just remember that if you work hard, you have to make some time to play too." He had tried to help Daniel to remember how to be a kid and have fun, and had been rewarded with the kid's laughter-which was the best reward of all. "And don't forget that sometimes it's okay to be a kid."

"I won't forget," Daniel promised. He had forgotten how good it was to laugh with someone. As the care worker led him away, Daniel looked back over his shoulder at Jack, wanting one final look in case they never met again. And then the door closed as they stepped outside, blocking his view. Reluctantly, he turned to face forward. He was going to miss Jack.

At the orphanage, Daniel was taken to the supervisor's office and was told to wait while the care worker went inside. When she came back, she was followed by the supervisor, Mr Hawker, whose features resembled that of a bird. Daniel had never got along with the man, finding him unfair and cruel. So he shouldn't have been surprised that the first thing Mr Hawker said to him was, "Hand over the card, young man."

"What card?" Daniel asked, gripping the handles of his duffel bag tighter. He was not going to hand over Jack's number.

Hawker clipped Daniel over the ear, making the teenager flinch. "The card that the doctor gave you. You know it's against the rules to use the telephone."

"No," Daniel refused, staring defiantly at the supervisor. "You have no right to take it away from me."

"While you're in my care, I have every right," Hawker retorted. He tore the duffel bag out of Daniel's grip and then started searching through it.

Daniel threw himself at Hawker, angry at the breach of privacy and not wanting his only link to Jack to be taken away. But Hawker pushed him away, causing Daniel to fall. While the teenager recovered, the supervisor flipped through the journals until he found the card. With a smug look of triumph, he put the card in his pocket and then dropped the journal carelessly on the floor.

Anger simmered inside Daniel at Hawker's actions but he didn't react outwardly. Having spent a lot of time in the orphanage over the years, he knew what the punishment would be. Although since he was already in trouble anyway, he probably couldn't make it any worse. Still, he remained where he was, seething quietly.

"Keep up that attitude, Jackson, and no family will foster you," Hawker threatened.

I don't care, Daniel thought mutinously. He didn't particularly want to run the risk that the next foster father would be like Huston.

"Pick up your things and get down to the dormitory. Then you'd better go to the kitchen and help there since it's too late to go to school," Hawker ordered, turning away from Daniel.

With care, Daniel picked up his belongings that had fallen out of the bag and put them safely back in again. Then he trudged out of the room, already planning how he could get in contact with Jack.

---

It was three days before Daniel had a chance to ring the rehab centre from a payphone on the way home from school. Unfortunately, Jack wasn't there but Daniel left a message in the hopes that it would be passed on. Also unfortunately, he was seen making the phone call by Britney, an orphan like him but she was a tattletale. She went straight to the supervisor when she got back, and when Daniel arrived a few minutes later, Hawkins was waiting for him.

"You had to disobey me, didn't you?" he accused the teenager.

Daniel stared at him in bewilderment. What had he done this time? "Excuse me?"

"I told you not to use the phone, didn't I?"

"The phone here, yes," Daniel agreed. Someone had told on him, that was obvious.

"Any phone," Hawker informed him, glaring sternly at the kid. "Who did you call?"

"None of your business," Daniel replied, his stubbornness kicking in.

Hawker slapped the back of Daniel's head hard. "I don't make a habit of allowing drug addicts into this orphanage but since you were already in the system, I made an exception for you. Don't make me regret that," he warned.

Daniel bit back the automatic response that it hadn't been his fault, knowing that such a statement wouldn't be believed. He needed to stay here; he didn't want to get kicked out and have to live on the streets because then he would never get into college. He looked down at the floor, assuming an expression of submissiveness. "I apologise."

Hawker was silent for a moment, assessing the truth of Daniel's words. Finally, he sniffed, accepting the apology. "You will not attempt to call anyone again, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," Daniel replied respectfully. He listened as Hawker gave him his punishment-extra chores-and then went straight to the dormitory. If he wasn't allowed to speak to Jack, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to send letters either, then he would just have to use his journal as a substitute. And at least he still had the photo. His heart ached at the thought of never seeing Jack again but he knew that as soon as he was out of the welfare system, that he would be able to do what he liked. That was definitely something to look forward to.

---
January, 1997

Greg Sullivan was your typical tall, dark and handsome type of guy. He was a DJ at a couple of local night-clubs in Colorado Springs, and had a boyfriend of four months, although he had never been faithful to him. He was also a drug addict. Of course, he would never describe himself as the latter-he could stop doing drugs any time he wanted to, and at the moment, he didn't want to. The drugs made him feel really good and occasionally made him forget that he was in a dead-end job with no hope of ever finding anything better.

His boyfriend, Daniel Jackson, was the stuff dreams were made of, and Greg was immensely proud that he was the one that Daniel had chosen to devote himself to. Daniel could have had his pick of men or women but he had chosen Greg. They had moved in together just after Christmas because Greg was sick of going around to Daniel's apartment only to find that no one was home-Daniel spent way too much time in the local library. He had decided that if he had Daniel in his home, at least he wouldn't be wasting his time when he found out no one was home.

Recently, Daniel had been doing a lot of research, and Greg was getting suspicious. Surely Daniel couldn't be working that much. There had to be something else going on, and tonight he was determined to find out what. After the sex, of course. And the drugs.

---

Daniel rubbed his eyes then looked back at the computer screen. He had almost finished typing up his doctorate, which was good as he was reaching the end of his funding and if he didn't finish it soon, he wouldn't be able to get more money to continue researching. His doctorate was on ancient writing systems, specifically Ancient Egyptian, and he had uncovered that there had been a lot of cross-pollinisation with other cultures. In fact, he had a theory that the Ancient Egyptians had actually been around a lot longer than anyone thought, and that they had built the pyramids long before date currently accepted by archaeologists and historians. But he had found that no one wanted to listen to his theory, which was a problem when it came to funding; who wanted to fund something that was so crazy? It didn't matter that his research had been meticulous and that he had found a lot of evidence-it was still considered to be farfetched. There had even been a few quips about aliens building the pyramids, which Daniel ignored even though they were close to another theory of his, which was that the pyramids were landing sites for alien ships. But since that theory was even more crazy than the other one, Daniel had not told a soul about it. Nor did he intend to unless he could prove his first theory, which meant that he had to complete his doctorate first and then somehow obtain money to continue his research.

Sighing, he saved the file then leaned back in the chair. Life just wasn't going his way at the moment. Oh, he had a boyfriend but even that wasn't going as he'd planned. When he had met Greg, he had fallen for the man's charms immediately despite his vow never again to be with a man-and the fact that Greg was good-looking hadn't hurt. Greg had made him feel loved, even thought there had been no declarations of the sort, and Daniel didn't love him anyway. But Greg had made him feel good about himself, and that was something that Daniel had needed.

But now, things had changed. Daniel didn't know exactly how... well, actually, he did. Greg was using drugs. He had probably been using drugs since before they had got together but Daniel had never noticed. He should have, as he knew all the signs intimately, but he hadn't, possibly because they hadn't been living together until recently. Greg had never once offered him anything, which was good because Daniel didn't do drugs, having been through that ten years ago. He'd started paying attention when Greg had recently started displaying the signs. Glazed eyes, over-the-top enthusiasm-they were only two of the signs but they were unmistakable. And he didn't know what to do about it. Greg would only deny the drug use and that would possibly make him angry, which would then make him dangerous.

Shaking his head, Daniel sat up straight again and started typing. He would have to give it some more thought.

---

The front door slammed open at about eleven pm, and Daniel looked up to see Greg enter the apartment with a flourish. The raven-haired man was slightly unsteady as he made his way across to where Daniel was sitting at the table. "Dannyboy!" Greg sat down on the table with a thump, scattering all Daniel's notes. He flung his arm around Daniel's shoulders. "What's up?"

Daniel tried to lean away from Greg's inquisitive lips. "I'm trying to work. Are you high?" He had never seen Greg this bad before.

"Nope. I just feel really good." Greg shifted his hand into Daniel's hair. "Working can wait. Come to bed." He planted slobbering kisses on Daniel's neck.

Daniel tried to move away. "No, Greg, I'm busy. I've still got some more work to do." He regretted his words when the other man tightened his grip. Daniel looked into Greg's eyes and saw the glassy look. Oh, this wasn't good.

"You're refusing?" Greg's voice was low and dangerous.

Tensing at the tone, Daniel warily replied, "I'll come to bed as soon as I finish this."

"No, you'll come now. Unless you've been getting some action on the side," he accused.

"Of course I haven't," Daniel denied. He wouldn't do something like that; it just wasn't in his nature.

"Well then, there should be no problem."

Daniel winced as the fingers in his hair tightened further, Greg holding him in place for a kiss. He let the other man plunder his mouth, too stunned to fight him. What was Greg doing? He had never done anything like this before!

"Kiss me," Greg demanded, drawing back slightly.

"Not like this," Daniel protested, hoping that he could get through to his lover. "I don't like it like this." There were no feelings at all, and Daniel was afraid.

"Sure you do." Greg leaned in again, grabbing Daniel's wrist when it came up to push him away.

"Greg, no!" Daniel struggled against the hold and suddenly found himself flying across the room. He crashed into the wall and heard his left wrist snap upon impact. He slid down the wall, dazed, cradling his wrist against his chest for support. There was also a throbbing pain in his head, and he realised that his head must have hit the wall as well. Determined not to let Greg see his pain, he stared at his boyfriend, who hadn't moved from the table.

"If you won't put out, I'll find someone who will," Greg said angrily as he stormed out, not even sparing Daniel a concerned look. He was sick and tired of playing second fiddle to Daniel's research.

Daniel remained on the floor for another few minutes, fighting back tears of pain. He couldn't believe what Greg had just done. He tried to excuse his lover on the grounds that Greg hadn't been himself but that was of little comfort. Slowly, he picked himself up and headed into the bedroom for his wallet. Then he rang for a cab and went downstairs to wait for it.

The cab arrived three minutes later, and Daniel told the driver to take him to the nearest hospital. Much as Daniel would have liked to ignore his injury, the fact that he couldn't move his hand indicated that his wrist was definitely broken, which meant it would need a cast. He slumped back in the seat and stared forlornly out the window. How had things got this bad so quickly? Greg had never displayed violent tendencies before. Daniel surmised that Greg must be really into the drugs and that was why he had been violent. That was still of little comfort though, and it meant that he would have to do some serious thinking. Did he really want to stay in a relationship that could continue to be violent? Or was there some hope of getting Greg off the drugs? And most importantly... was it worth staying with him?

Daniel was still thinking when the cab pulled up at the hospital. He paid the cab driver then got out and looked for the emergency entrance. Locating it not far from where he was, Daniel headed inside.

The place was bustling with sick and injured people everywhere. Daniel went over to the reception and received a form to fill out. Finding a spare seat, Daniel sat down and, awkwardly holding onto the paper, wrote his details on it. Then he took it back to the receptionist, who told him to have a seat and someone would see him soon. Daniel obeyed, returning to his seat to impatiently wait. His wrist was throbbing badly, although his head was feeling a little better, so that was something. Staring into the distance, Daniel tried to tune out the pain.

"Daniel Jackson? Daniel Jackson?"

With a start, Daniel pulled his attention back to where it was supposed to be. "Here," he said, standing up and swaying a little once he got to his feet; trying to ignore the pain obviously hadn't worked.

"Through here." A young nurse ushered him through to one of the examination rooms and told him to take a seat on the bed.

Daniel perched himself on the bed and looked around him. He hadn't had much occasion recently to visit any hospitals but he saw that it hadn't changed much since his visits during his childhood. Still plenty of posters advertising one disease or another. He had read three of them by the time the doctor entered the room.

---

Over the last ten years, Doctor Jack O'Neill had travelled overseas to Third World countries and assisted with medical programs there, before finally coming back to the States and working part-time in the ER department, with the other part of his time spent working with teenage drug addicts. He enjoyed the challenge of getting the kids turned around, and always felt a sense of accomplishment when he had a success. On the down side, there had been a number of failures but he tried not to take them to heart; some kids were just on a downward spiral and nothing could stop them. He had never married-his fiancée, Sara, had broken off their engagement when Jack had announced he was going overseas-but he loved children, and was planning to move from emergency to paediatrics soon.

"So, what have we here?" he greeted his patient. The young man-Jack put him at maybe twenty-five-was very good-looking despite his skin being pale because of the pain. And he seemed to be familiar. Jack looked at the form the man had brought in with him: Daniel Jackson. Could it be the same one whom he'd befriended ten years ago?

"I think I broke my wrist," Daniel replied, unaware of the doctor's thoughts.

"That wasn't a good thing to do," Jack commented. He dragged a chair over to the bed and sat down on it. Taking Daniel's wrist, he examined the swelling and tenderness. "Can you move your fingers?"

Daniel gritted his teeth and tried but nothing happened.

"Okay, I'll send you down for x-rays, but I'd say that your wrist is definitely broken. Once the x-ray is done, I'll be able to see where the break is and then we can do something about it," Jack explained. He scooted his chair over to the desk and wrote a few notes on the chart. "How did you break it?" he inquired conversationally.

Daniel was silent for a moment-he hadn't thought about what he would say if asked that question. "I, uh, tripped over a rug and fell against the wall."

"Uh-huh." That was one of the lamest excuses Jack had ever heard. He went back over to the bed and carefully probed Daniel's head for injuries.

"Ow!"

"Looks like you bumped your head too." Jack got out his penlight and shined it into Daniel's eyes. "It doesn't look like you have concussion."

"I didn't hit the wall that hard," Daniel stated, avoiding the doctor's eyes.

"Hard enough to break your wrist," Jack disagreed. If he had to take a guess, he would say that someone-possibly Daniel's partner-had physically abused him. But getting Daniel to admit that would not be easy. "It's better to be safe than sorry. Let's get you x-rayed then we'll see about keeping you in for the night."

"But I'm fine," Daniel protested. He didn't want to think about what Greg might do if he wasn't there in the morning.

"Sure you are. That's why you're here." Jack opened his door and called for a nurse. When the young woman from earlier arrived, he instructed her to take Daniel for an x-ray and then to bring him back to the examination room.

"Yes, Doctor," she said. "This way, Mr. Jackson."

Reluctantly, Daniel followed her to the x-ray room. He let the radiographer pose him in the correct position for the x-rays, then he was escorted back to the doctor's room. By the time he got there, the doctor was already perusing the x-rays.

"Your ulna has snapped just below the joint but fortunately hasn't moved," Jack said, pointing it out on the x-ray. "You'll need to have that in plaster for at least six weeks, and immobile for first couple of those weeks so that it stays in place. You're right-handed, aren't you?"

"How did you know?" Daniel replied, finally looking at the doctor. Six weeks! How was he going to finish typing up his thesis one-handed?

"We've met before. At the Denver clinic." Jack watched carefully for a reaction.

Daniel paled then blushed; he hadn't recognised the doctor at all. This was the man who had seen him at his lowest and knew all about his history. Oh, and there was the small matter of the crush he'd had on Jack all those years ago. Of all the doctors to get, why had it been this one? "Oh."

"How have you been?" Jack inquired, keeping the conversation casual. If Daniel was like many people, he would have tried to put those days of addiction behind him and forget about everyone involved. That would certainly explain why he hadn't heard from Daniel at all.

"Fine," Daniel answered curtly. He didn't want to discuss his life with anyone.

"That's good." Jack recognised that Daniel didn't want to talk about it, which sent up a red flag. He gave the young man a sympathetic smile and wondered how he could get the young man to open up to him. "Don't worry, six weeks will seem like no time."

Daniel didn't smile back. The next six weeks were going to seem like a year.

---

An hour later, after the cast had been put on, Jack announced to Daniel that he didn't have to stay in overnight. "However," he said, "I want you to come back in if you feel any dizziness or extreme pain. And you'll need to come back in if the joint swells any more. Oh, and keep the cast dry-you really don't want a soggy cast. I've prescribed some pain-killers for you, and some anti-inflammatory pills, so hopefully that will keep the swelling down." He gave Daniel the prescription, hoping that the young man wasn't going to get hooked on them, then handed him a couple of pills to tide him until the chemist opened in the morning. "We'll need to take another x-ray in a couple of weeks to make sure the bone hasn't moved, so give reception a call and they'll fit you in. If you have any problems, just come in and ask me."

Daniel nodded. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Here's my number for the surgery," he said, handing over his card. "Just don't go tripping over any more rugs, okay?" Jack was a little worried about sending Daniel home but there was little he could do.

"I'll try not to." Daniel gave the doctor a small smile and then left the examination room. He went outside and hailed a cab. Although he didn't want to go back to the apartment, he would. He wanted to see if Greg could give him an explanation over what had happened, and only after that would he decide if Greg was worth staying with.

---

The apartment was silent when he got home, reflecting the shocking event that had happened only a couple of hours ago. Daniel got ready for bed, his movements hampered by the cast and the sling. After swallowing the pills, he headed into the spare bedroom and got into bed; he didn't want to sleep in their shared bed tonight. Stretching out on his back, his arm pillowed by a cushion on his stomach, he closed his eyes. But sleep was an awfully long time in coming.

---

When Daniel awoke the next morning, his head felt fuzzy, and his wrist was aching again. The cast felt tighter too-he reasoned that his wrist had probably swollen some more during the night. He wondered whether to go back to the hospital but decided to wait and see what happened during the day. If it got too bad, he would go later.

He slowly got up and went to the bathroom. Pulling his sweatpants down and then up again was hard with only one hand but he managed to do it eventually. As he looked in the mirror above the basin, he winced at the sight. There were no bruises but his skin was pale and he could see the fear in his own eyes at the thought of facing Greg again. He didn't want to be scared of Greg but he was, especially now he was in no condition to fight back.

Daniel walked out of the bathroom and almost collided with Greg. He froze, wondering how Greg was going to behave this morning.

Greg saw the wariness in Daniel's eyes and, of course, the plastered arm in the sling. "Danny, I am so sorry." He took a few steps towards his lover, and Daniel automatically stepped back. "I hurt you last night and I am really sorry."

"Are you?" As Greg drew nearer, Daniel could see that the man wasn't high anymore. He backed away until he was stopped by the wall.

"Yes." Greg stopped right in front of Daniel. "What I did last night scared me, and I promise that I'll never do it again." He would just have to cut back on the dosage a bit.

"Are you going to stop doing drugs?" Daniel asked. He never wanted to feel afraid like that again.

"I am. You're more important to me. I don't know what I would do if you left me," he said, laying on the charm. Greg held out his arms. "Please?"

"Did you sleep with someone else?" Daniel wanted to know, not willing to forgive just yet. He wrapped his good arm around himself.

"No, I didn't," Greg lied smoothly. "I just wandered around for a bit, trying to clear my head. Then I came back and slept on the couch."

Daniel thought he sounded sincere and while most of him forgave Greg, there was a part of him that didn't trust Greg anymore.

"Babe, I really am sorry. I love you, and I will never hurt you again. Please forgive me?" Greg pleaded, playing on his lover's forgiving nature.

Greg loved him? Daniel's head didn't believe that statement but his heart wanted to. He wanted someone to love him. Sighing, Daniel stepped into the embrace. He would give Greg one more chance because he believed that Greg wouldn't intentionally hurt him again. But deep down, he wondered if he was making the right decision.

---

Later that day, after Greg had gone back to bed-alone-Daniel caught a cab to the nearby chemist. He got the prescription filled and then took a couple of the painkillers straight away. Then he went back to the apartment and spent the rest of the day either zoned out on the pills, trying to type up his thesis while Greg slept or reading through his old journals. He tried his hardest not to think about the events of the previous day, and for the most part succeeded. Instead, he thought about events he had believed long-forgotten-mainly his time with Jack at the rehab centre.

He shook his head at the naïve writings in his journal, the outpourings of a confused and hurting teenager. His first crush; he was glad that Jack hadn't noticed it or it would have been really embarrassing. He hadn't realised it himself at the time-it was only once he was older that he recognised the signs.

He read one entry with amusement: Today we talked about jobs and Jack told me why he became a doctor. Then he asked me what I wanted to do. When I told him that I wanted to become an archaeologist or linguist, he didn't laugh at me like everyone else does. Instead, he said that he was sure that I would be great at whatever I decided to do. I can't believe he has so much faith in me! No one in this country has ever had that much faith in me. I wish he could be my foster dad but I suppose that wouldn't work out because then we probably couldn't be friends anymore. But I am definitely going to miss him when I have to leave.

Daniel smiled. He had missed Jack a lot, and he had been so mad when he hadn't been allowed to call Jack. He had often wondered whether Jack had thought about him and why he hadn't called; now he had a partial answer to that. Daniel found that he was very pleased that Jack hadn't forgotten him. But the question remained as to why Jack hadn't tried to contact him. Next time they met, he would have to remember to ask.

---

That night, he was left alone as Greg went out to work and didn't return until the early hours of the morning by which time Daniel was sound asleep, knocked out by the painkillers. When Daniel woke in the morning, Greg was in bed with him, snoring softly and smelling of sweat. Not wanting to think of why that was, Daniel quietly got out of the bed and went to the kitchen, his thoughts focused on his wrist. The cast seemed even tighter that morning. He should probably go to the hospital and get it checked out.

I wonder if Jack will be there.

Daniel shook his head; Jack wasn't going to be there. Less than two days after seeing the older man again and already he was slipping back into his teenage habits of wondering whether he would see Jack again. It hadn't happened back then-seeing Jack, that was-and it most likely wouldn't happen now. Plus, he was an adult; he didn't need Jack's help or support as he had back then.

"Hey." Greg sauntered into the kitchen, bleary-eyed and scruffy. He was only wearing a pair of boxers, which didn't hide his morning erection. "You're up early."

"So are you." Daniel had expected Greg to sleep for another few hours. "Do you want any breakfast?" He got up and began to awkwardly get some plates down from the cupboard, hampered by only being able to use one hand.

"Just you," Greg replied, spooning up behind Daniel and startling him.

A plate slipped out of Daniel's hand and fell to the floor, shattering into several pieces. Daniel stared at it in shock, not wanting to focus on the man behind him. "I have to clean this up."

"It can wait," Greg stated, drawing Daniel back from the sharp pieces as they were both barefoot. "I can't."

"Greg, I can't." The last thing Daniel felt like now was sex. "I have to go back to the hospital. The cast feels too tight this morning."

Greg grinned and rubbed his erection against Daniel. "I can take care of the pain."

"Not now," Daniel said firmly. He wasn't even feeling turned on by feeling Greg's obvious arousal. "Maybe later."

"Fine." Greg made his frustration evident. He moved away from Daniel. "I'm going back to bed."

As Greg walked out of the kitchen, Daniel slumped against the refrigerator. He was seeing a totally new side to Greg and he didn't like it one little bit. If this was a loving relationship, shouldn't Greg have stayed to help clean up the mess? Daniel shook his head; if this was a loving relationship, then he wouldn't have the broken wrist in the first place. He should leave Greg and find someone else. Problem was, he was too scared to leave. Not because of the violence but because he didn't want to be alone. He had no friends, just acquaintances, no one whom he could stay with while he got back on his feet. And that was the other thing-he had nowhere to go. So he needed to stay with Greg until he could find somewhere else to live. He only had to hope that it wouldn't turn out to be a mistake.

---

It had to be fate. Not only was Jack on duty, but he was the doctor that came to attend to Daniel. The younger man figured it probably had something to do with the fact that Jack had done the cast in the first place. What he didn't know was that Jack had seen him and arranged it so that he could treat Daniel.

"What seems to be the problem?" Jack asked as Daniel sat down on the hospital bed.

"The cast is too tight," Daniel replied.

"Right." Jack checked the mobility of Daniel's fingers and the space between skin and the cast. "So, how's the archaeology going?" he questioned casually. He had been thinking a lot about Daniel in the past couple of days and wondered whether the kid had fulfilled his dream of becoming an archaeologist.

Daniel was surprised that Jack remembered that. "Uh, good actually. I have a Masters of Archaeology and I'm currently working on my Doctorate." For some reason, like when he had been younger, he wanted Jack to be impressed by that.

"Congratulations," Jack said with a genuine grin. "What's your doctorate on?" He turned away to write a few notes down on the file nearby.

"Ancient writing systems," Daniel replied, keeping it short; after all, most people weren't interested in the details.

Jack nodded; he didn't know too much about that topic. "You get to go on many digs?" He looked at Daniel, interest evident in his expression.

Daniel grinned briefly. "Every chance I get. When I can afford it, that is."

"Sweet. Now, it seems that your wrist has swollen under the cast so we'll have to cut this one off and replaster your arm. That means that later on it will probably become too loose but we'll deal with that then." Jack led Daniel to the area where the cast would be cut off and left him there for a few minutes to set up the new plaster. Then he came back and redid the cast himself, chatting to Daniel all the while.

"I went around to see you about a week after you left," Jack said at one point. "I wanted to know how you were settling in but they wouldn't let me see you." He had been so mad about that.

Daniel grimaced. "The supervisor wasn't too keen on anyone having contacts outside the orphanage. He took away the card you gave me as soon as I arrived, and I was punished for trying to ring the centre a few days later." That had been one of the things he'd read about yesterday.

"Ah." Jack had wondered why Daniel hadn't called. "How long were you there?"

"Three months." Three very long months.

"And then you were fostered out?"

Daniel nodded. "I had two more placements over the next seven months, then I was at the orphanage until I turned sixteen." That birthday had been the best day of his life.

Jack was about to comment that sixteen was young to leave but then he remembered that Daniel had always been mature for his age. "What happened then?"

"I got into college and lived with a few different families. Then when I turned eighteen, I moved into an apartment."

The doctor hoped that Daniel had been alright, being younger than most others at college. But he couldn't ask about that-he had no right to ask-so he changed the subject. "Hey, did you remember to have fun?" he asked, recalling the mantra he had taught Daniel.

"I tried," Daniel stated truthfully. His version of fun was quite different to Jack's though. "It wasn't always easy."

"Well, it's the trying that counts." Jack had certainly tried to have fun over the years. He was getting a bit old for some things though. "Say, do you want to catch a movie or something? A comedy?" He grinned at the old joke.

"Um... I'm in a relationship," Daniel said somewhat uncomfortably.

"I wasn't asking for a date, Daniel," Jack said, his grin widening. Not that he wouldn't mind it but he knew-or rather, assumed-that after his experience, Daniel wouldn't be gay. "Just an outing between two friends."

"Oh." That would teach him to jump to conclusions. Daniel ducked his head in embarrassment. "I'm sorry."

"No problem. So, what do you say?"

"I-I don't know." He had the feeling that Greg wouldn't take too kindly to him seeing Jack, even for an innocent movie date.

Jack didn't push but when Daniel was ready to go home, the doctor handed him a card. "My email address and phone number. In case you feel like going to the movies or just talking."

Daniel looked at the card; he would make sure he wouldn't lose this one. But he would put it somewhere very safe so Greg couldn't find it. "Thanks." He took a scrap of paper out of his wallet and scribbled down his email address. Daniel then handed it to Jack. "Here. I-if you want to write." It was an impulsive action but he remembered how much trust he'd come to have in Jack a decade ago.

"Thank you." Jack tucked it safely into his shirt pocket, not questioning why Daniel hadn't given him a phone number. The immediate conclusion he jumped to was that Daniel's boyfriend/girlfriend was the extremely jealous type and didn't want the young man to have friends. He could be completely wrong but considering Daniel's broken wrist, Jack was pretty sure in his assumption. "Take care, okay?"

"Okay." Daniel gave Jack a small smile and then left, feeling happier than he had in weeks.

---

The next few weeks passed quickly, Daniel soon adapting to only using one hand most of the time. He and Jack regularly emailed each other, and occasionally talked on the phone-the latter only when Greg was out. Daniel enjoyed having someone to talk to about everyday things since Greg's moods were getting worse. It had been hard refusing Greg's advances without provoking an angry outburst, and so Daniel had given in on several occasions. But he wasn't enjoying the sex anymore, and he knew that he should leave, especially as Greg didn't seem to notice that there was anything wrong.

Daniel emailed Jack about the problem, leaving out most of the details and just saying that he had decided to break up with his partner but had nowhere to go. Jack emailed back, saying that Daniel could stay with him until he found someplace to live. Grateful, Daniel wrote back and said he would move in as soon as could.

That evening, Daniel was just closing his suitcase in the main bedroom when Greg came in. The latter had seen the two boxes near the front door, and had immediately become curious. Just what was Daniel up to? "Hey, babe. What's up?" He didn't like the look of this at all.

Daniel paused and turned to face Greg, taking in the dilated pupils. He couldn't understand how he had ever trusted that he would be safe with Greg. He should have remembered that relationships weren't for him, and that men were definitely not to be trusted; Jack being the exception to that rule. He could trust Jack because Jack didn't want anything else, just friendship. "I'm leaving."

"Excuse me?" A sharp edge entered Greg's tone. "You're leaving?"

"Yes." Daniel forced himself to keep looking at Greg despite the fact that he was afraid of what his soon-to-be ex-partner was going to do.

"You wanna tell me why?" Greg crossed his arms and glared at Daniel. After all he had done for the guy, this was how Daniel repaid him?

Daniel steeled himself for the confrontation that was bound to come. "I can't live with you while you're on drugs."

Greg couldn't believe what he was hearing! "You sanctimonious little-"

Daniel paled as Greg swore and raved at him, the latter's expression growing more angry by the second. Don't show fear, he told himself, already annoyed that at the cold pit of fear in his stomach; that will just make things worse. "You're not the same person as you were when we met," he stated when Greg stopped for breath. "I feel like I don't know you any more."

"That's because you've been spending too much time on your precious research," Greg spat out. He didn't believe that the drugs were the only reason that Daniel was leaving. There had to be something-or someone-else. "Or maybe you've been seeing someone else," he accused.

"When have I had time to do that?" Daniel denied the accusation.

"I don't know. Maybe all the nights that I'm at work." The more Greg thought about it, the more it seemed like the truth. "You've been cheating on me!"

"I'm not the cheat in this relationship!" Daniel shot back. On more than one occasion, Greg had come home smelling of sex. Daniel hadn't said anything because he hadn't wanted to provoke the other man but now he gave voice to his suspicion. "You seem to be getting plenty of action at the club so why do you need me?"

Angry beyond words, Greg lashed out at Daniel, striking his left cheek hard. The impact sent Daniel to the bed, landing awkwardly on his good arm. He quickly rolled onto his back in time to see Greg stalking towards him. Daniel instinctively kicked up with both feet and pushed Greg away from him. However, that didn't buy him enough time to escape. He was hampered by the cast on his left arm and couldn't get across the bed to safety before a hand clamped onto his ankle. Daniel kicked out again but the hand remained where it was.

Greg pulled Daniel towards him, all rational thought out the window. He was determined to make Daniel pay for his words and for the audacity in dumping him. No one ever dumped him! He would not let this geek be the first. "Nobody dumps me. Especially you. Do you get that?" he hissed.

Daniel's eyes narrowed as he took in what Greg was implying. All his life he had been called a geek or similar, and quite a few of his foster parents had always made him feel worthless. He was not going to let Greg make him feel that way too! "Well, that's too bad. I am dumping you. You can tell your friends what you like but I am dumping you."

Blinded by rage, Greg wrapped one hand around Daniel's throat while the other pinned the younger man to the bed. Daniel would not get away with this. "No one else is going to want you! You're just a weak, pathetic geek!"

Although he was gasping for breath, Daniel was infuriated by those words. "I... am not... weak!" he said before putting all his strength into a left-handed punch aimed for Greg's head.

Greg was knocked to the floor, stunned. Daniel used the opportunity to grab his suitcase and run out of the bedroom. He was glad that he had put his important things in the case, such as his journals, research notes and disks, and photos, because he wasn't going to be able to take the boxes of clothes and books with him. He would just have to hope that they would remain safe until he could come back and get them. Some of the books were fairly expensive but they weren't as precious to him as the likes of the journals. The books and clothes could be replaced; his research and his memories couldn't.

Thankful that he'd had the foresight to order a cab, Daniel ran out into the pouring rain, his suitcase getting heavier by the second. He virtually threw himself and the case into the waiting cab then gave the driver Jack's address. Then he leaned back, his breath coming in gasps. He'd done it! He had left Greg! He'd barely escaped being strangled but that didn't matter for the moment. The important thing was that he had left! He had taken control of what happened to him and walked out. The teenager who had been unable to stand up to his abuser had turned into a man able to stand up for himself and leave before the same thing happened again. This was a good moment.

---

When Jack opened the door, he was greeted by a rain-soaked Daniel carrying a battered suitcase. "Daniel! Come in, come in." He held the door wide open for the younger man to enter the house. As soon as Daniel was close enough, Jack took the case out of his hands and put it down in the hallway. Then he ushered Daniel into the lounge room where the fire was burning. "I wasn't expecting you until later."

"Greg came home early," Daniel said, shivering now that the cold had seeped into his body. "We had... words."

Jack could just imagine what kind of words they'd had. He didn't betray any surprise at Daniel's partner being male as he'd already had his suspicions, but he was astonished that Daniel had entered into a relationship with a man in the first place. Now wasn't the time to talk about such things though. "You'd better get changed out of those clothes." Jack headed back towards the hallway where the suitcase was.

"Uh, I didn't bring any. I was in kind of a rush," Daniel admitted, hugging his arms across his chest.

Jack stared at the suitcase and then at Daniel. "Then what's in the case?"

Daniel looked at the floor, slightly embarrassed. "Important things."

"Right." He figured that Daniel had left in a hurry, and that he had brought the stuff that was irreplaceable. "I've got some stuff you can borrow."

"Thanks." Daniel followed Jack into the main bedroom and accepted the fluffy towel that the latter gave him. He ducked into the nearby bathroom to dry off and called out when he was ready. The door opened slightly and a hand bearing clothes reached through the gap. Daniel took the clothes gratefully then closed the door so that he could get dressed.

Once he was ready, Daniel went back into the lounge room where Jack was waiting for him. He sat in front of the fire, wanting to warm up, and drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his good arm around them.

Jack handed him a drink of scotch once Daniel was settled. When Daniel looked up to accept the glass, Jack saw the bruising on the pale throat. Instantly, the doctor in his was alarmed. "Daniel!" He crouched down in front of the younger man.

"What?" Daniel was genuinely puzzled.

"Did Greg do this to you?" Jack asked as he gently touched the bruising.

Daniel instinctively flinched and leaned away from the touch. "It's nothing." He didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

"It's not nothing, Daniel, he tried to strangle you!" Jack said, his temper flaring at the thought. How dare that guy even lay a finger on Daniel! He had a good mind to go around to Daniel's former apartment and teach this Greg a thing or two.

"It was my fault," Daniel stated, trying to get Jack to see things his way. "I guess I told him the wrong way that I was leaving."

"Firstly, there's no right way of doing it. And secondly, that's no excuse for violence." Jack clearly saw four separate bruises-one for each finger-on the left-hand side of Daniel's neck. "Was he drunk?"

Daniel shook his head. "Greg never drinks this early. He works as a DJ at night so he doesn't drink anything beforehand."

Jack's eyes narrowed. "So you're saying that he was sober when he did this?"

The young man hesitated. "Not exactly." He looked away from Jack, knowing that the other man would be able to work out what that meant and would be appalled.

It didn't take long for Jack to figure it out. "You mean he was high?" When Daniel's lips tightened, Jack knew he was right. "How could you trust someone like that?"

"Because I didn't know, alright?" Daniel immediately went on the defensive. "I'd only realised the day before he..." He trailed off, not wanting to accuse Greg directly.

He didn't have to. "The day before he broke your wrist and almost fractured your skull," Jack finished for him angrily. "Why didn't you leave him then?"

"I had nowhere to go."

The simple statement, spoken in such a despondent voice, pulled at Jack's heart. He calmed down, remembering that Daniel wasn't the one he should be getting angry with. "I'm sorry."

"It wasn't your fault." Daniel felt tears pricking the back of his eyes, and he pulled a face to try and stop them from falling.

"I know. I'm sorry you had to go through that though." Jack tentatively put his arm around Daniel's shoulders, relieved that the gesture wasn't rejected. "Do you want me to go with you to the police?"

"Excuse me?" Daniel drew away from Jack's comforting semi-embrace and just stared at him.

"You are going to go to the police, aren't you?" Jack queried. "He's assaulted you and now he's tried to kill you."

"He didn't mean it," Daniel defended his ex-lover. "It was the mood swings, that's all. He's normally a very... gentle person."

Jack noticed the hesitation and knew Daniel wasn't telling the truth. "Daniel, if he was on drugs the entire time you were... together, then you wouldn't know what he was normally like." He had heard that kind of excuse many times from partners or spouses of drug addicts.

"Yes, I would," Daniel said stubbornly. He didn't like having his judgment called into question. "I'm not going to the police."

"Daniel-"

"Jack, how do you think the police would treat this matter? Domestic abuse goes unpunished and unnoticed all the time between straight couples, so can you imagine them intervening when the couple is gay?" Daniel downed his drink and then hugged his knees closer to his chest with his good arm. "I left him. That's the end of it."

No, it's not, Jack thought but decided to drop the subject for now. He didn't want Daniel to walk out on him too. "Okay. But did he do anything else? Is your wrist okay?" He needed to know if Daniel was injured further.

"It's fine. I'm fine." The other injuries were emotional and he would have to deal with them by himself the way he always did.

"Okay," Jack said again, accepting that for now. "So, feeling warmer?"

"Not really." The adrenaline was leaving his body, causing him to shiver from more than the cold.

Jack slowly hitched closer and put his arm around Daniel's shoulders again. "This okay?"

Daniel felt the heat of Jack's body seep through to his. "Yeah." It was, surprisingly, okay to have Jack this close. He leaned into the one-armed embrace and just savoured the comfort for a long time.

---

When Greg calmed down after trashing the bedroom, he started thinking about what he could do next. He had to track Daniel down and make him see that he was making a big mistake. He was confident that he would be able to do that, ignoring the fact that he had almost strangled Daniel earlier.

There wasn't anywhere for Daniel to go that Greg knew of. He knew his boyfriend didn't have many friends, and certainly none that he would be able to go to on such short notice. So where had he gone? Maybe there would be a clue on the computer. He knew Daniel had an email account but he had never bothered to inspect it before. Now it seemed like a very good idea.

He went into the spare bedroom where the computer was located. Greg switched it on and waited impatiently as it loaded up. Then he found Daniel's email program and went through the inbox. The results were very interesting...

---

Daniel was trying to sleep in the spare bed when someone pounded on the front door. He stayed in bed, curious as to who it might be at this time of night, and listened to Jack's footsteps heading down the hallway.

Wearing only a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Jack peered through the peep-hole to see an unfamiliar man standing there. "What do you want?" he yelled, not the kind of person to open their door in the middle of the night for some stranger.

"Please, they're after me," came the desperate plea.

Still suspicious, Jack cautiously opened the door a fraction. "Who are after you?"

Greg took advantage of the open door and slammed into it, knocking Jack to the ground. Then he closed the door behind him and went further into the house. "Where is he?" Greg demanded.

"Who?" Jack cursed himself for not having quicker reflexes. He got back to his feet and warily watched the stranger.

"You know who," Greg spat out. "Daniel."

So this is the infamous Greg, Jack thought, his fists clenching by his sides. "Get out of my house."

"No." Greg went into the lounge room, turning on the light as he went. Then he spun around to face Jack and produced a syringe from under his coat. "You will bring him here now!"

When Daniel had heard Greg's voice, he thought he had been mistaken. Greg couldn't have found him; there was no way he could have known about Jack. So curious, Daniel went out to investigate...

And froze.

No, it can't be happening again! he thought desperately.

Jack heard the soft footsteps behind him and half-turned to see Daniel appear. "Get out of here!" he urged the younger man.

Daniel couldn't move; his feet were cemented to the spot. All he could see was the syringe that Greg was holding defensively. "No," he murmured. He felt like he was fourteen again, watching Huston wave the syringe around.

Greg looked past Jack to see his lover. "Daniel! Come here!"

"No," Daniel said with more strength this time. "Not while you've got that." He nodded his head towards the syringe. This time it was going to happen differently. No one would get hurt.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Greg said, lowering the weapon. "I just wanted to talk."

"There's no point. I'm not going to change my mind." Daniel's right arm hugged his chest as the memories kept flooding back. He tried to push them away, knowing that he needed to focus on the present if no one was to get hurt. "Please leave."

Greg looked bewildered. "Daniel..."

"I mean it." Daniel found the strength to look Greg squarely in the face. "And if you hurt either one of us, then I will never forgive you."

Jack stayed out of it, keeping near Daniel while watching Greg carefully, just in case the latter tried to do something rash. He could see that Daniel was trembling and he couldn't blame the young man for being scared. But he couldn't help Daniel with that until after the threat was gone.

"But we were so good together," Greg whined, not used to Daniel being so firm.

"At first," Daniel agreed. "But then you started using more and things got bad." His left wrist ached in confirmation. "I can't live with you anymore. I don't want to live with the threat of being hurt everyday." In his mind, he was telling both Greg and Huston, his two attackers overlapping.

Greg's expression was suddenly filled with loathing. He glared at Jack and held the syringe up high again. "It was you, wasn't it? You poisoned him against me!"

"No."

"No!" Daniel's denial overlapped Jack's. "He didn't do anything. You did that all yourself!"

"Liar!" Thanks to the drugs, Greg was quickly edging beyond reason again. "If I can't have you, then he can't either!" With a sudden move, he charged Daniel.

Jack was ready for him. Neatly stepping sideways, Jack grabbed Greg's right hand and twisted it until he dropped the syringe. Then he kicked it out of the way just before Greg turned and tackled him. The two men went down, Jack on the bottom initially but he was quickly able to reverse that.

Daniel stood rooted to the spot for a few seconds before he realised he should do something. He retrieved the syringe very carefully, remembering the last time he'd had to handle one. This will go down differently, he determined; no one would get hurt. "Stop it!" he shouted.

Neither man listened to him. Jack managed to flip Greg over onto his front and from there, the older man grabbed his attacker's arm and bent it backwards, immobilising the man on the floor.

"Jack!" This had gone far enough and he was scared that Jack might actually injure Greg.

The urgency and fear in Daniel's voice cut through the angry haze. Rapidly calming down, Jack turned his head to look at the younger man while keeping Greg pinned down. He could see that Daniel had the syringe in a shaky grip and that the young man was still trembling. "What do you want me to do with him?" Being a doctor, Jack was supposed to respect life but he wanted nothing more right now than to slowly choke the life out of Greg. He wouldn't do that, he couldn't, but he sure felt like it right now.

"Let him go." Daniel hated that his voice sounded so shaky but with the current situation and the memories, he had little control over his reactions.

"I should call the police," Jack stated, pulling on Greg's arm and eliciting a satisfying cry of pain.

"No." Daniel had another idea. He put the syringe down on a nearby table then went and crouched down in front of his ex-lover. "I don't want to see you again. You hurt me because you're not the man you once were. You need help but I can't help you; you need to want to get clean." When Greg didn't say anything to that, Daniel sighed and then continued. "Someone will be calling to get the rest of my things tomorrow. If they're damaged, then I'll call the police." That was the best he could do to protect his books.

Greg was silent for a minute as he thought through his options. His humiliating defeat had drained some of the anger out of him and he now realised that Daniel was never coming back. "Fine, I'll get out of your life and your precious stuff will be safe. Happy?"

Daniel didn't reply to that. He just looked at Jack with a pleading expression.

Jack sighed. He didn't want to let Greg go but if that's what Daniel really wanted... Jack stood up and released the man beneath him. As Greg slowly stood, Jack stood close, staring him in the eye. "If you ever come near Daniel again or do anything to harm him, I will make sure you regret it. Got it?"

"Yeah," Greg said reluctantly. "A word of warning though-he's a lousy lay." With that parting shot, he looked at Daniel. "See ya, babe."

Daniel turned away, unable to watch Greg leave. He wrapped his arms as best he could around his chest, hurt by the jibe. He knew he hadn't responded these past few weeks but before that, Daniel had thought that their sex life was good. Granted, it had taken a while before he had been comfortable with penetration but other than that...

Jack came back from escorting Greg out and was immediately concerned. "Are you alright?"

"No," Daniel replied honestly. Shock started to set in and his trembling increased. He sank onto the couch, his legs unable to hold him up any longer.

"Hey." Jack sat down next to him and pulled him into a hug, tucking Daniel's face against his shoulder. "Everything's going to be alright." He would make sure of it.

Daniel let the heat from Jack's body seep into his as the man comforted him. He really needed someone to lean on right now, and Jack had done an excellent job last time. He relaxed into the hug and let the memories drain away. For a few minutes, he let himself be at peace.

Jack smiled indulgently when he felt Daniel's breathing even out into that of sleep. It had been a harrowing few hours for the young man and Daniel needed all the rest he could get. He eyed the light switch but decided to leave it as he didn't want to disturb Daniel. Jack shifted slightly to get more comfortable and then closed his eyes; he would not let Daniel be alone tonight.

---

The next morning was awkward. Daniel awoke in Jack's arms, both of them still on the couch, and was immediately embarrassed. He'd slept well for several hours-seven, in fact-in a deep state where no dreams intruded. He knew that tonight the nightmares would come; they always did. But it had been strange that the bad dreams hadn't intruded while he had been with Jack.

He had felt so content in Jack's arms, and he hated himself for feeling that way. He didn't want to feel more for Jack than friendship, and the contentedness threatened that. He didn't want to get involved with anyone again, not for a very long time at least. The few relationships he'd had with women had never lasted very long, and look how the one relationship with a man had turned out! No, he would steer well clear of relationships; he was so sick of being hurt.

Although Jack hadn't said anything when he'd woken up just after Daniel, nor said anything over breakfast, the younger man felt embarrassed about Greg coming around, intruding in Jack's home life. It shouldn't have happened. He knew now how Greg had found out-he must have forgotten to delete the email on his computer. He should have deleted it straight away, then last night could have been avoided.

Jack could see that Daniel was embarrassed so he didn't mention anything; he would wait until the younger man said something. Or until this evening, whichever came first. In the meantime... "Do you want to come and watch some hockey today?" he asked over breakfast.

That was the last thing Daniel had expected Jack to say. "Hockey?"

"Yeah. Another doctor, Lou Ferretti, and I coach a hockey team for troubled kids. Today is match day," Jack stated. He wasn't sure whether Daniel was into sports or not but it would be the perfect opportunity for the young man to get his mind off his troubles. "They could really use the support," he cajoled.

"Okay, why not?" Daniel agreed. It wasn't like he could do much research today without his books or computer, so something like hockey could be a good diversion. "What time?"

"Pre-match warm-up is at nine, the match starts at ten." Jack looked at the clock. "You can have the shower first if you like. I'll rustle up some clothes for you."

Daniel blushed; he really should have packed some of his own clothes. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Jack made a mental note to go around to Daniel's former apartment and get the rest of his things before Greg could get rid of them. Maybe he could get his friend Murray, who was a professional wrestler, to go with him; not even Greg would be stupid enough to tangle with Murray. "We can go get your stuff later, okay?"

Daniel nodded. Just so long as he didn't have to go inside, that would be fine with him..

---

At the indoor hockey stadium-ice hockey, as it turned out to be-Jack sat Daniel down in the teams' section and then went off to deal with a dozen teenage boys and one very tough looking girl, not all of whom would actually be playing that day. Daniel watched Jack handling the kids and thought about how well he got along with them. Maybe that was because Jack was just a big kid at heart, Daniel mused. He focused on the warm-ups, pulling his attention back to the arena when his thoughts threatened to wander into dangerous areas. He wanted to enjoy this, not dwell on past mistakes.

When Jack came back to sit beside Daniel, he explained all about the game-interspersed with a lot of shouts at the kids or the referee-and the latter found that he was enjoying himself. It felt good that Jack was taking the time to teach him how the game was played; something that Greg would never have done.

It felt good to have a friend.

The whole team went out for McDonald's after the game. The team was on a natural high from winning, and Daniel couldn't help but be affected by it. He also watched Jack interact with the teenagers, behaving like a big kid but with a sense of responsibility. Jack was being a role model, Daniel realised, teaching these kids about acceptable behaviour. Some of the kids looked they were members of a gang but they weren't anything but polite to the waitresses and to him, the stranger in their midst. He recognised the world-weary eyes a few of them had, and he hoped none of them had been through the experiences he had. It was probably a false hope but at least Jack was looking out for them. How different might his life have been if Jack had stayed in it?

Jack was glad that Daniel seemed to be enjoying himself, or at the very least, not thinking about last night. They would have to talk tonight about what had happened but for now, Jack was happy to let Daniel just have fun.

After lunch, they went around to Daniel's former apartment, Murray in tow. Daniel was a little intimidated by the big black man but pleased that on such a short acquaintance, he was willing to help Jack retrieve Daniel's boxes.

Greg wasn't home so the two men were able to go in and get the boxes while Daniel waited impatiently, and just a little bit nervously, in the car. It was only when they were heading back to Jack's place that Daniel let out the breath he had been holding. Greg hadn't showed up, there hadn't been any sort of confrontation, so everything was alright. He had made a clean break, there was no going back. And he would be fine.

---

After tea-home-delivered pizza-Jack and Daniel went into the lounge room and relaxed in front of the TV. They didn't feel the need to talk so they didn't, the silence between them not uncomfortable as Daniel thought it might have been. But finally Jack spoke, wanting Daniel to talk about things. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Daniel responded automatically.

"Do you want to talk about yesterday?" Jack prodded.

"Not really." Great, the psychologist in Jack has come out to play.

"Talking about it can help."

"I'm fine. There's nothing to talk about." Daniel crossed his arms across his chest, wincing when his cast banged against his ribs.

Jack noticed but didn't say anything about it. "Fine, I'll start. Did he rape you?"

Incredulous, Daniel turned his head to stare at Jack. "Greg? No, he didn't." Technically, the times when he hadn't wanted sex didn't count because he hadn't said no.

"Really?" Jack found that hard to believe.

"Really," Daniel confirmed, resentful that Jack didn't believe him. "He might have been violent but he never did that."

Jack nodded, accepting that. "Why did you hook up with him in the first place? I thought you didn't trust men." He remembered how Daniel had one day yelled that at him when irrational anger had hit.

Daniel looked away and tensed; he didn't need to be reminded of his failings. When Jack asked again, Daniel replied quietly, "He was charming. I thought I could trust him." How wrong he had been.

"Ah." Jack had heard that many times from abuse victims. "But you couldn't?"

"No!" Daniel tucked his legs up to his chest, aware that it was a childish reaction but needing to protect himself. "No, I couldn't, okay! I was stupid and naïve and a-a fool..."

"Daniel!" Jack hitched closer to the younger man but made sure that there was some distance between them. "Naïve maybe but not the other two. You wanted to trust, to be close to someone. That doesn't make you stupid or a fool."

"Yes, it does," Daniel disagreed, warily watching to make sure that Jack came no closer. "He was cheating on me the whole time and I didn't know. He just used me as a convenient lay because I was gullible enough to believe that he liked me." His voice was full of loathing and disgust.

Greg hadn't needed to rape Daniel to produce the same effects, Jack realised. "Then he was the fool, not you. If he didn't understand what he had in you, then he was the one who was stupid." Jack meant those words sincerely, not just part of the standard comfort phrases. Daniel would make a wonderful husband or partner to someone who really appreciated him.

The words touched Daniel's heart and he had to fight back tears again. He was so sick of crying, of being scared, of being hurt. He was a grown man, he should be acting like it! "You're just saying that."

"No, I'm not. I mean it. Someday the right person is going to come along and show you how special you are." Jack was certain that was true.

The sincerity in Jack's voice made Daniel say quietly, "I'm tired of being hurt, Jack, of being wary all the time."

"I know." Jack took a risk and moved closer. When Daniel didn't push him away, Jack drew him into another hug. "I'm going to help you, okay?"

"Okay," Daniel agreed. It would be so nice not to have to carry his fears alone anymore. He knew he could trust Jack because the older man only wanted to be his friend, and that made Daniel's heart feel lighter. Maybe he could be happy again.

---

Jack set Daniel's computer up in the bedroom the younger man was currently occupying. Daniel spent a lot of time in there working on his thesis but he also spent plenty of time 'playing'. Jack, as he had done back at the rehab centre, had taken it upon himself to make sure Daniel had plenty of recreational time-but giving him plenty of time to work-so there were many afternoons and evenings over the next couple of months when they went out. Movies were the most common 'fun' thing to do, followed by ice-skating, bush-walking, and on one memorable day, tandem parachuting. Daniel had been reluctant to participate in that one because he wasn't comfortable with heights but he let Jack talk him into it and had found it better than he'd thought. He really appreciated Jack efforts at being his friend and always reciprocated by joining in whatever fun Jack had planned. He had a great time, and by the end of three months, found that his nightmares and his fears were fading. All thanks to Jack.

For once, life was looking pretty good.

---

It took another month for Daniel to complete his thesis, and another one passed before he received word back about it. The day he was called in for the interview was his 26th birthday, and he had taken Jack along for moral support-or more to the point, Jack had decided to come along for that reason. Daniel was glad of the support; he was very nervous about the interview. It turned out that he hadn't needed to be.

Daniel exited the interview room with a big smile on his face. "I did it!" he said as soon as he saw Jack.

"I knew it!" Jack crowed and leapt up to envelop Daniel in a crushing hug. He'd had faith in the younger man to do this. "Well done, Doctor Jackson!"

A huge grin threatened to split Daniel's face in half when he heard the title. Doctor Jackson! He'd done it! He had finally done it! "I can't believe it!"

"Believe it!" Jack kept his arms around Daniel, wanting to savour the moment. He had been aware of growing feelings towards the younger man over the past five months but he'd kept them suppressed, not wanting to frighten Daniel off. They were good friends-the best of friends. There was no reason to spoil a good thing.

Daniel felt warm and tingly all over at Jack's genuine enthusiasm. He couldn't imagine sharing this day with anyone else, which surprised him. Sometime in the past five months, he had come to rely on Jack being there through his highs and lows, sharing in his celebrations and frustrations. Jack was the best friend he'd ever had.

But there was something wrong. Jack wasn't letting go. And... did Jack have an erection? "Uh, Jack?"

"Oh, sorry." Jack released Daniel and stepped back, hoping that the other man hadn't noticed his arousal. Looking into Daniel's wary blue eyes, Jack felt that hope die. "Shall we go and celebrate?" he said, trying to distract the younger man.

Daniel licked his lips nervously; could Jack have been lying to him all along? Were they actually friends or had it been an act to gain his trust? "Are you...?" He didn't want to finish the question, afraid of what the answer might be.

Jack sighed. It looked like he would have to confess his feelings. "Attracted to you? Yes. Have feelings for you? Yes." He saw Daniel tense up at those words. "But only recently, and I wasn't planning on acting upon them. Your friendship means too much for me to do that."

Daniel didn't know which part he should be reacting to, the fact that Jack had feelings for him or the fact that Jack hadn't been going to do anything about the feelings. "It does?"

"Yes, it does," Jack confirmed.

"I didn't know you were gay." Maybe that explained why Jack hadn't been on a date in all the time that Daniel had been staying with him.

"I didn't deliberately hide it... it just never came up in conversation," Jack explained the omission. "And... I didn't think you'd be too comfortable around me if you knew."

That was probably true, Daniel conceded. But he wasn't now-well, maybe a little bit. "You were really planning on doing nothing?"

"You're my best friend, Daniel. I didn't want to ruin our friendship by dropping that on you."

That was so sweet. A little over-protective perhaps, but sweet. "So you're okay with us just being friends?" Daniel wasn't sure he could get involved with someone again so soon; his libido hadn't surfaced in months anyway.

"Absolutely," Jack assured him with a genuine smile. He was determined to be content with that. "Now come, Doctor Jackson. We have some celebrating to do."

Daniel smiled back. Nothing had to change, they could still be friends. "Lead the way."

---

That night, in bed, Daniel had a lot to write about in his journal as he sorted through all of his feelings. He admitted to himself that he felt more for Jack than he had for anyone else since his parents had died. But was it love or simply gratitude and friendship? That's what he had to decide.

It wasn't easy.

He got out his old journal from the time at the rehab centre and opened it to the picture of him and Jack roller-skating. It had been a much treasured picture until he had stopped believing that he would ever see Jack again. Now, it reminded him of the trust he'd had in Jack at a time when trust had been very hard to give. Even now he knew that he could trust Jack but as a friend. Could he trust Jack as a lover, a partner? The thought had never crossed his mind until today.

Daniel drew up a list for and against a relationship.

For
---
Trust Jack more than anyone else
Doesn't do drugs
Makes sure I don't work too hard
Makes me feel like somebody
Supports my research and studies
Makes me laugh
My best friend

Against
---
Never noticed sexual feelings towards him
Is male

He lifted his pen and compared the two sides-the 'for' side definitely had more. But the two 'against' were pretty strong deterrents, especially the second one. He had expected that his future relationships would be with women. If he could find love with a man though, he shouldn't be afraid of it.

He had become used to Jack being around; he had put off moving out for months. And he certainly loved Jack as a friend-maybe that was a good start. He had never really been friends with his other lovers. So maybe if it started from friendship, it was more likely to work. But he would never know if he didn't take the risk to find out.

As he turned to look at his bed, he saw the old, tatty teddy bear sitting on the drawer nearby. The toy had been with him for twenty years, had been there for the highs and lows of his life. Smiling wistfully, Daniel went over and picked it up. He knew Jack had seen the teddy on several occasions but had never made fun of him having it there. Greg, on the other hand, hadn't understood what comfort Daniel took in just looking at it every once in a while.

Decision made, Daniel put the teddy down. He would say 'yes'.

A knock sounded on his bedroom door. "Daniel?" Jack called.

"Come in."

Jack entered the bedroom as Daniel turned round to face him. The older man hadn't been able to sleep and had got up to get a drink when he'd seen that Daniel's light was still on. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Daniel said truthfully, smiling at Jack. "Just been thinking."

"About?"

"Us." Daniel took a couple of steps towards Jack. "I don't know whether I'm attracted to you but I'm... I'm willing to find out."

"Really?" Jack had expected that Daniel would take longer to think about it than this.

Daniel shrugged uncertainly. "You're my best friend."

Jack didn't like the way that sounded. "You don't have to do this to keep my friendship, you know."

"I know. I-I want to try this."

"Okay." Jack could see that Daniel was nervous about this so he didn't move any closer.

"Can we...?" Daniel licked his lips nervously. "You know... Kiss?" He wanted to see if he felt anything.

"If you want to," Jack stated. He closed the distance between them and looked into Daniel's clear blue eyes. "Are you sure about this?"

Daniel looked away for a second, hesitating, and then turned back. "I'm sure." It would be a birthday present to himself. A nervous feeling in his stomach, he leaned in and touched his lips to Jack's. At first he wasn't sure that he felt any arousal but then the feeling in his stomach changed as Jack moved his lips slightly. Daniel drew back so that he could see into Jack's eyes, and he saw the answering need there.

"Well?" Jack asked, thinking that the kiss really hadn't been long enough. Then again, the way he felt towards Daniel, a lifetime wouldn't be enough. Okay, maybe that was exaggerating things a little-after all, he had to breathe sometime.

A shy smile lit Daniel's face. "This might work." It wasn't an all-consuming desire... but maybe it was something better. He leaned back in, wanting to experience more.

This time, Jack put his arms around Daniel's waist and pulled him close. He couldn't feel Daniel's erection but he figured that the younger man might not respond that way immediately since they weren't on the same page yet. And anyway, he was happy just to be kissing Daniel. More than happy, as parts of him were empathetically proclaiming. But it was more than just desire; he had loved Daniel first, even way back when they had originally met. It hadn't quite been the love it was now but there had definitely been something, on both sides seemingly. Something about Daniel had drawn Jack to the kid back then, and Daniel hadn't rejected him, had in fact enjoyed spending time with him.

Daniel relaxed into the embrace, letting himself become aroused by the kiss. How had he not noticed this before? Normally there was some sort of warning when he desired someone. This time it seemed that he had been so happy just to have Jack as a friend that he hadn't noticed. A slow burning desire was working its way through his body, warming him. He absently noticed that Jack was much gentler than Greg, sharing rather than just taking, although that could change in the future. But for now, it was very nice.

After a couple of minutes, Daniel looked over his shoulder at the bed then back at his new boyfriend. "Stay with me tonight?" he asked tentatively.

"Every night," Jack promised, his hand coming up to cup Daniel's face. He was going to cherish Daniel for as long as he could, and show the younger man that life could be better.

Another shy smile on his face, Daniel led Jack across to the bed. They got in, Jack on his back with Daniel half lying on top of him, his arms wrapped around the young man. "How do you feel?" Jack asked quietly.

"Good," Daniel replied. "Nervous. Kind of like a teenager with his first crush, actually," he admitted. His crushes had all been on girls at that stage though. Daniel tilted his head up for another kiss.

Jack obliged, then stated, "Me too." He shifted one hand to rest in Daniel's floppy hair. What he felt, though, was way more than a crush. "And I aim to keep you feeling young," he vowed, knowing how much of Daniel's childhood had been stolen from him. "We'll start with 'The Simpsons'."

Daniel laughed as he shook his head, the first real laugh he'd had in years, as Jack mentioned the animated show. Typical of Jack to think of television first since the man was obsessed with the show-that, and 'Wizard of Oz'. "Just keep me laughing, Jack, and love me-that's all you need to do," he stated, smiling. The last eighteen years had been rather devoid of laughter, unlike when his parents had been alive. But Jack had always been able to make him laugh.

"That I can do," Jack promised as Daniel put his head back down to rest comfortably on the older man's chest. "That I can do."