Snapshots 2

Shadow Of A Doubt

by Sistine

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ass/sistine/snapshots02.php
Summary: A look inside the minds of Jack and Daniel during the events of 'Entity'

DANIEL

As hard as it is to watch Sam lying there, possessed by the alien entity, it's just as hard watching Jack be in there with her. He does the protectiveness thing very well but it worries me that this isn't just about an alien messing with one of the team; that it's personal. Unrequited love-type personal, although in this case, the love would be returned. The fact that he's down there and I'm up here points to that. Then there's also the fact that he hasn't left her side yet.

I heard the gossip after the zatarc incident, heard the rumours and a couple of times, saw the evidence that Jack cared for Sam a lot more than he was supposed to. I didn't take too much notice of it at first - everyone at the SGC knows that Jack cares too much for the whole team - but then I saw that smug look after the loops and the possibility seemed more likely. I known Sam's in love with the colonel but I'm not sure whether she's in love with Jack. There's a fine distinction between the two; I should know... I'm in love with Jack, not the colonel. Sure, he wouldn't be Jack without the military part but I have always looked past that to what I consider to be his soul. And that's the part that gradually made me love him.

I knew when I told Jack to leave me on Klorel's ship nearly three years ago. The staff weapon wound was nothing compared to the pain I felt at the thought of never seeing Jack again. As soon as Jack left me, I realised that I didn't want to stay there and die; I had to make it back on the off-chance that the rest of SG-1 made it back too. And that hope got me to the sarcophagus and through the Stargate with only a couple of seconds to spare. When they finally turned up in the gateroom, and I saw Jack again, I couldn't stop smiling. Jack often comments that's one of the few times he's seen me really smile up until recently. Still don't know what the 'Spacemonkey' thing was about though.

I decided to keep my epiphany a secret though. I was confused, both loving Jack and loving Sha'uri. There was no question of my having both, nor did I know whether my feelings would be returned by Jack. So I kept quiet and took the friendship that Jack offered. I had to be satisfied with that.

Things had started to change after Edora. I'd faced up to the fact that Jack might never come home. Then he did. Then he went on that undercover sting and told me that our friendship had no foundation. That really hurt. I was upset with him for weeks over that - it was kind of nice the different ways he apologised for those words. Just when our friendship was on solid ground, he tells me to blow up a submarine with him in it. That hit me so hard, I actually cried in front of all the military men there. The funny thing about that was that none of them seemed to think it was strange, and I've tried hard not to think about why that was.

We'd been clashing on and off since then, our relationship a little bit strained, and then one day Jack realised why. He was in love with me too. Not that Jack was going to come right out and say it. It took him a few days to get up the courage to tell me. Janet might've suspected something because she told him to take me home after P3X-888 and look after me for a couple of days while I recovered from nearly being eaten (or killed, whatever). Two days of bickering - I didn't want Jack around in case he saw how I felt - and then he just suddenly kissed me to shut me up. I overreacted, he defended himself, we had a bit of a chat, and the rest is history.

It hasn't been easy trying to be lovers and teammates. Our first mission post-revelations was with the Enkarans and look what happened there. Both of us trying too hard to do things normally, culminating in my spectacular near-sacrifice. Jack was ropeable after that, and I got a long diatribe about why, among other things, I should never do that again. I don't intend to; once was enough. But it showed us that we should listen to each other and just be ourselves on missions. The universe tends to conspire against us though, what with wayward death-gliders, conspiracies, addictions and Goa'uld ready to ambush us at every turn. The strength of our relationship has certainly been tested recently.

Then there's Sam.

Everyone read much more into Jack's 'confession' than he intended, or so he told me. He tends to see Sam as 'Carter' - always has. Not that he hasn't seen she's a woman but to him, she's always been his second-in-command, his subordinate. I've never been Jack's subordinate, something which used to annoy him greatly because I didn't initially recognise why he was giving the orders. Sam sat me down and explained it to me one day, and after that I got it but it didn't change what I did. And eventually Jack came to understand why I did things my way but he still grumbles about it. A lot.

The rumours about Jack and Sam have taken the suspicion away from Jack and me. While everyone thinks that those two are trying to keep their feelings from interfering with their work, they're not watching us. Jack thinks that's a good idea but I hate the fact that Sam thinks he's in love with her when he's not.

I think.

Getting back to my original point, I hate seeing Jack in there, knowing what everyone thinks about him and Sam. I'm wanting to be down there too but knowing I can't without raising suspicions. Everyone sees the concern he's displaying - including me - but only I can see the guilt in his posture, and I want to help him through it.

Over the years I've learnt that Jack blames himself every time one of his 'kids' gets hurt. It might not be his fault but to him, that doesn't matter. He failed to protect us. I resented his overprotective attitude until I understood this, and now I know he's just trying to keep us safe. In this case, he's blaming himself for not blowing up the 'nest' when he had the chance. He didn't and now Sam's lying there possessed by the entity. He's not going to take that anger out on Teal'c so it'll be me, especially since I wanted to communicate with the entity. I try not to take it personally when Jack argues with me, although it's hard sometimes. But I know he just needs to release those feelings. And since we spend a lot of time together, he usually releases them on me. I tend to do the same to him as well, to which both Sam and Teal'c will testify, so it balances out.

What was I saying earlier? Oh yeah, unrequited love. There's a small part of me that is still doubtful about Jack's commitment to me when he could have a beautiful woman like Sam. Jack would just say that there's no need to worry but... I can't help it. It's part of who I am. And that's why I'm standing here, flanked by Teal'c, the general and Janet, watching Jack watch Sam and trying to see if there's anything to worry about.

I see Sam's eyes flutter open but Jack takes his time alerting us to the fact that Sam's conscious. Don't know why but I'm sure he has his reasons. Janet's down there in a flash, telling Jack that Sam can't talk, that she's currently like a stroke victim. Not the sort of thing to be telling him right now. I can't see Jack's face but I can see him and right now he's probably thinking that he should've shot the 'nest' before the entity could infest Sam.

My feet are moving down to the lab before I'm aware I'm moving. I can't stand here so far apart form him and watch him suffer. Even if it's Sam he ultimately wants, I'll support him through this. I love him and couldn't do anything less for him.

--------------

JACK

I should've blown that thing up when I had the chance. How do I let myself get talked out of these things? The... thing... had already fried our computers, hurt a few people, and shut itself away from us. How much more information about a threat did they need! But no, his kids decided it would be a good idea to communicate with it. Look how well that turned out.

Watching Carter breath in and out, I feel a little guilty at the relief I feel that it wasn't Daniel. I'm sure Daniel is annoyed that he didn't get the chance to communicate with it but I'm thankful he didn't. It's hard enough to see Carter here in that bed, let alone if it was my lover. Given my history of watching over Daniel, it would probably cause less suspicion than being here with Carter. Go figure.

I can feel Daniel's eyes on me but I resist the temptation to turn around. If he sees my face, he'll have one of two reactions: come in here to talk to me, or run away thinking that I lied to him about Carter. I know that I gave the wrong impression to Doc Fraiser earlier, and I'm worried that I could do the same to Daniel. I'm worried about Carter, yes, but not for the reason everyone will be thinking.

Sometimes I wonder how someone as beautiful as Daniel could be so insecure about securing and keeping someone's affections. I have a sneaking suspicion that the answer lies somewhere in his foster-family years and, of course, Nick's rejection of him as a child. I could've cheerfully shot Nick when it had been uncovered that he hadn't taken in his recently orphaned grandchild, preferring to focus on his archaeology. But there would've been accumulative damage to Daniel's psyche over the next ten years as he was shifted from family to family, no-one wanting to adopt the quiet, intelligent child. Teal'c and Carter are right behind me re the shooting; how dare people treat our archaeologist so badly.

Even after all the times I've told him how beautiful he is and how much I love him, he still has his doubts. He tries not to show that doubt but he can't hide his feelings totally from me any more. He's learnt to let down his guard with me, a privilege I've returned. Unfortunately, I don't know how to completely rid Daniel of these doubts.

A pair of blue eyes suddenly stare at me from the bed. There was an assessing yet knowing look in her eyes that was devoid of anything Carter-ish. Was she in there or was it the probe-thingy? "Carter?"

Nothing. She showed an awareness of being asked a question but gave no response. Time to call in the cavalry. Turning towards the observation deck, I call to Fraiser, "She's conscious." When I turn back to Carter, she - it - is using the salute that I did to the camera earlier, connecting me with that. "Can you talk?" I ask it.

Obviously not as silence ensues. That stare is really starting to bug me.

"Colonel, her PET scan resembles that of somebody who's had a stroke. Parts of her brain seem very active, others seem dormant or suppressed."

I get ya, doc. The thing that's inside Carter is shutting off parts of her brain that it doesn't need yet, or maybe it just can't work the human brain. And can it quit with the staring already!

"With complete motor control, however, it might be able to communicate with a speech synthesizer if I explain its operation," Janet continued, a little bit of speculation in her voice.

"Just concentrate on getting it out of her, will you?" Don't chat with it, kill it. What is it with these people wanting to chat with hostile aliens? Shoulda blown it up.

Janet's voice sounded a little teary as she replied, "I don't know how, sir."

Okay, time for other options. I turn to face General Hammond, noticing Daniel's unhappy posture. The kid's probably as upset as I am, just hiding it a little better. "How about the Tok'ra or the Asgaard, don't they owe us a favour by now?"

"Until the situation is resolved, Colonel, we're still under quarantine. That means our allies as well. We cannot risk the entity leaving this facility."

Well, that's just great, General. Turning back to Carter- the entity, whatever - I note that it's still staring. Why, I wish I knew. But it's really creepy.

I see Daniel reach the door of the lab at the same time as Siler - didn't see him leave the other room. Saved by the tech. I know why Daniel came down - he doesn't like to see me hurting. He has to learn not to do this though because we can't afford to raise any suspicions. Conveying this through a quick glance, I turn to Siler. "What is it?"

*****

Down in the 'nesting' area, Siler explains what he's found so far. "Looks like it used a capacitor to deliver a charge right through the keyboard, sir."

"Well, don't touch it." And that goes double for you, Dannyboy.

My favourite linguist is currently in curious-mode, indicated by the folded arms and furrowed brow. And what a nice brow it is too...

"Sam said it was growing. Expanding."

Of course she did.

"Perhaps the entity has possessed her. Sensed that her mind was a more efficient storage vessel."

No more horror movies for you, Teal'c, although I do actually have to agree with part of that. I have my own theory though. "It was a trap."

"A trap." Daniel is sceptical but not disbelieving.

"Yep. It was watching us the whole time." Through the base's cameras. It had been learning and assessing, and it had fooled us all.

"So you're saying it knew Sam and I wanted to make contact with it?"

"Yeah." Got any other explanation?

"And this device was created as a delivery system in order to invade the body of MajorCarter."

Couldn't have put it better myself, Teal'c. I'm glad someone else thinks the way I do. "Yes." One look at Daniel tells me I'm not going to like what he says next.

"So basically, what you're saying is that if we'd just listened to you in the first place and blown it up..." He trails off, looking at my expression, which is blank. "No, seriously, I'm-I'm-I'm asking, is that what you're saying?"

Did you know you're cute when you're indignant, Danny? I let my expression show that yes, I am saying that we should've blown it up without chatting to it. I'm sorry, Danny, but that's the way it is, it's part of who I am. I'm not going to make apologies for trying to keep you all safe, even if I have to pay for it later when we go home.

"If we had destroyed the entity, DanielJackson," Teal'c replied, "MajorCarter would not have been adversely affected."

What he said. Oh, I can see Danny's frustration levels rise at having to deal with two trigger-happy teammates, both of whom he's tried to reform. He's not happy.

"Okay, look, I-I know your first instinct is to protect, both of you, that's your job, that's what you do..."

Glad you understand that, Daniel, but you can't always accept it, can you?

"...but no matter what happens, no matter how this turns out... Sam wasn't wrong to try to communicate with it."

Those big blue eyes bore into me, willing me to give in and say that he was right. Not this time, Danny. This entity used us to get into Carter and now she's possessed by it. I'm not giving in on this one.

I can see the moment Daniel gives up in disgust and walks away from us. He sometimes finds it hard to accept that his Jack is willing to blow things up to protect those he's sworn to keep safe. I have the feeling he's going to withdraw into himself now, try to block out what's happened to Carter and the fact that his lover is taking a totally opposite view to this whole situation.

Teal'c watches me watch Daniel, a hint of suspicion in his eyes. He's been more protective of Daniel since the Osiris incident when he thought I wasn't doing my job. Gotta head him off. "I'll talk to him," I promise, heading out the door.

If I can find him.

--------------

DANIEL

'This one is important.'

'She is.'

'You will not terminate this one.'

Those words keep going round in my head as the conversation in the briefing room goes on around me. I can't stop thinking about them. Jack admitted to the entity that Sam was important to him. Didn't even qualify the statement, just... 'she is.' The entity is using knowledge from Sam's brain to ensure its survival, knowing that none of us would harm Sam. But it focused on Jack, like it knew something about his feelings that we didn't. Sam is important to Jack, we all are. But the entity clearly believes it's something more, and I don't think I was the only one to notice that.

Jack tried to talk to me on the way up to the briefing room. Not about Sam - he can't do that at the SGC - but about killing the entity. He wasn't apologising but he was making the effort to try to explain his reasons. I appreciated that; most of the time, he doesn't explain his reasons except when he knows that I really need to know. Basically it boiled down to protection. He'd recognised the threat long before any of us did. Maybe it was instinctive but he knew something would happen. Those instincts are what makes him a very important part of SG-1 - not the most replaceable member as he so often believes. I told him that I understood but I don't think he believes me. He can read me equally as well as I can read him. But he's not going to push it further now. Later, when we've saved Sam, he might.

Right now he's letting me know that he's still with me, sitting beside me, his elbow just touching mine. The touch is discreet, no-one else would notice it, but he shouldn't be doing it here. But he is, connecting us together. He doesn't want to go through this alone and if we can't openly support each other, we have to do it this way. I'd prefer his hand on mine but under the circumstances, this will do. He's obviously read my body language and decided I need this, showing me that no matter how concerned he is for Sam, he's still aware of what I need. That's a comforting thought. I push my arm slightly against his, letting him know that I'm there for him too... even if I am still a little mad at him.

"The entity insists Sam's mind is intact," Janet was saying, "but I can't detect anything beyond the barest trace. I believe that if I were somehow able to remove it, she would be essentially brain-dead."

There was silence for a couple of seconds, then Hammond stated, "I see." He didn't look very happy. He wasn't the only one. Beside me, Jack had gone still, his fingers entwined with each other.

"Then why does the entity insist that Sam's mind is still within?" There has to be a reason.

"It's the only way to keep us from killing it," was Jack's quick response.

There is that, assuming that the entity is intelligent enough to use tactics like that. "Or it's telling the truth and we just can't detect it." Look at the positives, Jack.

Janet was about as positive as Jack. "Look, even if Sam is still in there somewhere, it won't be for long. The entity's influence is still growing within her mind and there's nothing I can do to stop it."

"What course of action remains?" Teal'c asked.

To me, the answer's obvious but this is the military I'm dealing with. "Well, it wants to survive so we send it home."

Hammond disagrees, of course. "This alien technology is capable of traveling back to us through an outgoing wormhole. I won't risk the same thing happening again. I've already ordered that the co-ordinates be locked out of the dialing computer."

Okay then, plan B. "Let me talk to it. Maybe we can... convince it to leave willingly."

I can tell no-one believes that is possible, and Jack's attitude clearly states 'you want to talk to it again?', but at least the general is willing to give me a try. "Very well, Dr Jackson. Dismissed."

As I walk to the door, I notice that the general is having a little chat with Jack, and as Jack's wearing his poker face, it's not pleasant. When he catches up with me, I ask what it was about.

"Hammond knows about the zatarc thing."

Of course he does... oh, that thing. "He said something?"

"No, he just implied that Carter is very important to me." Jack's hands were in his pockets, a clear sign that he was annoyed.

"Oh." Very important. I get every word Jack isn't telling me. The general thinks Jack's in love with Sam. And Jack couldn't correct him. If he needed correcting. "Was he wrong?" I can't help asking tentatively.

"Dammit, Daniel, I don't need this right now. Yes, Carter's important to me but not in the way he's implying."

I'd been waiting for that explosion. Jack had been too quiet throughout this whole thing and had needed the release. "Sorry, Jack."

"No, I'm sorry, Daniel." He looked around to see if anyone was watching and then cupped the back of my neck. "You do know I'm very thankful it's not you lying there. Seeing you like that... let's just say Hammond would have more than a suspicion just who I really love." His lips briefly touch mine and then he strides away again. "Let's get this over with."

I stand rooted to the spot for a few seconds before my legs find the co-ordination to move. Jack kissed me here on base. Against the rules. Granted no-one will see it, especially with the cameras not working but... he kissed me. To reassure me. Consider me reassured... for the moment. Not to mention stunned. And for a few seconds, he's taken my mind off Sam - he's very good at distractions. "Jack, wait up."

--------------

JACK

Daniel looks as apprehensive as I feel as we wait for Teal'c to bring the zat. He's got the easy job though, just talking. I'm the one who's going to have to shoot Carter.

The whole thing's taking on an edge of unrealness. Everyone, bar Danny, is looking at me like I might break any second, assuming that Carter's the love of my life and I'm absolutely torn up about what's happened. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to play to that and hope that no-one tells Carter, otherwise she'll be worse than she already is and will have further to fall when she finds out the truth. Maybe I should have a bit of a talk with her after all this, assuming I don't have to kill her.

After Teal'c hands me the zat and I hide it, Daniel and I go in. The entity is still as hostile as ever, rebuffing all of Daniel's attempts to negotiate with it. It's very crafty, taking over someone because it assumes we'll hesitate about shooting. But it doesn't understand human nature, therefore it doesn't realise that we are prepared to kill Carter so that she doesn't have to live like this.

"You're saying your world was damaged by radio waves from one probe?"

A bit unbelievable that, although Daniel seems to accept it more than I do. He's also more sympathetic when he continues. "We didn't mean to hurt you, it was a - it was a misunderstanding."

"Yet it is done."

Can't argue with that. Going to do more if you give me the chance.

"So you came here to... to what?"

"Preserve."

"Preserve your world?" Danny, bless him, was trying hard to understand.

"Yes."

"How?"

"By destroying you."

As if we didn't see that coming a mile off. Given the damage it originally did, I didn't think it was here to make friends. "Well, that's not going to happen." Over Carter's dead body. Daniel shoots me a look that says he's not happy at the interruption.

"Transmission was interrupted. If I had been able to complete transmission, you would have been destroyed. My world would have been preserved."

No arguing with that either, unfortunately.

"Well, i-in a way, you succeeded. We won't go back. You can repair the damage and we-we won't send any more probes through."

"Yes, we will." The 'softly-softly' approach isn't working, Daniel, so there's no use 'Jack'-ing me. I'm not listening. I'll apologise later when this is over. "We'll send dozens of them. One after another. I don't care what it does." And at the moment I mean that but I know I'll have to justify it later to a certain archaeologist who's wondering what I'm doing.

"No."

"Leave her. Now."

"You won't."

"You've read my file, think again." I've done much worse, so doing this won't bother me. It will bother Daniel though and I hate lowering his opinion of me.

"I must preserve." It's getting anxious now.

"Fine. Stick to your guns then." And I'll stick to mine.

"Jack-" Daniel tries to reach my conscience to change my mind about this course of action.

"Daniel, we're going to do this my way." Oh yeah, going to be paying for that one later if the look in Daniel's eyes is anything to go by. He's heard me say that sort of thing before.

"You can't."

"General?" I ask for back-up, partly to let Daniel know that I'm not the only one thinking this.

"You're damned right we can," Hammond provided.

"Please."

No. "Leave her."

"I must preserve."

But not here. "If you want to preserve your world, leave Major Carter right now."

I can see the entity's indecision - the trembling hand above the keyboard and the uncertainty in it's eyes. It's finally getting a clue that we're not bluffing. The seconds stretch out and then finally, it snaps, pulling out the tubes and getting up off the bed. Daniel takes a step back while I take a step forward to protect him, telling the guards at the same time to stand down. I want to see what it does.

"Let her go," I order as it walks out of the room. Drawing my zat, I follow, aware of Daniel close behind me.

The entity walks quickly through the corridors, coming to a halt at one of the intersections. Several guards hold their guns on it. It looks directly at me as it raises it's arms towards the ceiling, daring me to stop it. I can't fire the zat, not yet. I don't want to hurt Carter, to kill her. But I know that I won't have a choice.

Energy crackles from its fingertips up to the ceiling. It doesn't seem to be causing any damage to the base. I don't know what it's doing but I can't let it continue.

So I fire.

The energy stops immediately and it glares at me. If only it had just about anyone else's face, I wouldn't be having so much of a problem with this. I can feel the sympathy from Daniel without turning around. He knows how hard it is for me to do this better than anyone else on the base because he's the one who helped me change from what I was. Helped me learn the value of friendship more than anyone else and brought my soul back from the brink of darkness.

It looks at me again, defiantly. Then it raises it's hands again and sends energy to the ceiling. I can't let it do this. Forgive me, Sam.

I fire as the energy stops, and Carter crumples to the ground.

I killed her.

-----------------

DANIEL

I don't believe it! Jack actually zatted Sam twice! He... he shot... she's dead. She couldn't have survived two zat blasts, could she? It's impossible, no-one's ever done it before. I can see the look on Jack's face and know he's beating himself up about it. He's going to blame himself for this, and being the one who pulled the trigger... why wasn't it anyone else?

Even as I ask myself the question, I know the answer - because no-one else would dare. It was the same when Jack told Paul to give the order to blow the sub earlier this year. Paul knew that Jack's life wasn't his to take, that only I could give the order that would kill Jack and Teal'c. We're all too close for our own good but everyone understands that. And if one of the team has to die, then only another of the team can help that happen. So that means that the general, thinking that Jack's in love with Sam, basically ordered Jack to kill her.

I'm thinking that no matter how much space Jack wants tonight, he's not going to get it from me. He's going to get the full TLC works from me, and I'll let him know that I understand what he's done because he'll think that I won't. I know he used to do bad things, and sometimes still does them, but he's a much better person than the one I met five years ago - he just doesn't think so. He doesn't want me to think badly of him either. I don't, although his little display in the lab earlier was annoying. 'We're going to do this my way'? He'll be apologising for that for the next two weeks. My way.

They load Sam onto a trolley and wheel her off down to the lab to see if anything can be done for her - can be done to save her. Jack's just standing there, lost in thought, with Teal'c and the general standing nearby. I can't stand seeing Jack like this, and he might not thank me for this later but I'm going to hug him. He's done it for me so often that hopefully the other two won't read anything more into it.

"Jack?" I place a hand on Jack's shoulder and turn him round to face me.

I was expecting a little more resistance but oblivious to his audience, his expression falls and he says, "Danny, what have I done?"

The only answer I give him is to wrap my arms around him, and he returns the embrace, burying his face in my shoulder. I can feel the tension across his shoulders - this whole thing has affected him badly.

The general's eyes meet mine over Jack's shoulder. There was no suspicion in that gaze, just sympathy. "Look after him, Dr Jackson," he said softly before he left, followed by Teal'c.

Neither of us say anything for a long minute, just being content to hold each other with the general's approval. Eventually Jack lifts his head and looks searchingly into my eyes. For once I'm not sure what to say but whatever Jack sees in my eyes is apparently enough. "Thank-you."

"For what?"

"Being here."

"Where else would I be, Jack?" You know I would never leave you.

"I killed her." Jack's voice is filled with guilt and pain.

"You had no choice." I lean in and gently kiss him, reassuring him that I'm here with him. He's never going to forgive himself for this but I'll try to help him forget sometimes. He's always too hard on himself. I might have a word later with the general about making Jack be the one to pull the trigger.

Jack steps back suddenly, his expression guarded again. I stiffen, thinking he's rejecting me but then I hear the footsteps that he obviously had heard. I should really stop having these doubts; it's making me paranoid.

Thankfully, the footsteps belong to Teal'c. "MajorCarter has been put on life-support," he informs us gravely.

"What?"

"Why?" came the simultaneous responses.

"There is still a faint heartbeat."

You're kidding. No-one survives two zat blasts. Has to have something to do with the entity.

"Where is she?" Jack asks, already heading down the corridor. He doesn't wait for Teal'c's answer though, leaving us behind.

---------

TEAL'C

As I round the corner, I see DanielJackson's look of hurt, then as he sees me, it changes to surprise. Having seen him embrace O'Neill before, and seeing the embrace returned, it has confirmed my suspicions that they are involved with each other. No-one else appears to suspect anything, which I believe to be most fortunate, although I do not understand this worlds' prejudice against their relationship. Were they on Chulak, they would not have to hide.

O'Neill obviously did or said something to put the hurt in DanielJackson's eyes. After observing O'Neill's behaviour today, I believe it would have something to do with MajorCarter. I do not believe that O'Neill would be unfaithful to DanielJackson but I do believe he is capable of hurting the young scholar deeply without being aware of it. After the Osiris incident, DanielJackson appeared to be hurt by O'Neill's bluntness and unwillingness to help, and I have subtly communicated to O'Neill that his behaviour was unworthy of him. I am unsure whether he listened.

"MajorCarter has been put on life-support." That she survived the two zat'n'ktel shots is extraordinary.

"What?"

"Why?"

"There is still a faint heartbeat." There is silence from DanielJackson, a surprised look again on his face.

"Where is she?" O'Neill asks as he heads away from us.

I look at DanielJackson in time to see the scholar's face fall before he consciously makes the effort to hide his emotions from me. He appears to feel threatened by O'Neill's obvious concern for MajorCarter, perhaps a little doubtful as well. I am aware of DanielJackson's opinion of himself and if I had the opportunity, I would shoot the Tau'ri that created that self-doubt. And if O'Neill hurts him, I would have no hesitation in shooting O'Neill with a zat'n'ktel.

"DanielJackson," I say softly, bringing his attention back to me. "GeneralHammond wishes to see us."

"Lead on," he replies, shooting a longing glance down the corridor where Jack had gone, still hurting about something. I walk behind him closely, trying to comfort him with my presence although I am not the one he longs for.

Shooting O'Neill twice.

------------

DANIEL

After a five minute talk with the general about the entity - I'll save the other talk for later - Teal'c and I head down to the lab. For some reason, Teal'c is walking very closely behind me, as if he's trying to protect me from something. Or someone. Maybe he suspects something between me and Jack.

When we get there, Jack is just sitting there staring at Sam's face. I watch him as we enter the room and his eyes only briefly flick to us, then they go back to watching Sam. I can't help the flicker of hurt that I feel at the dismissal. But I also know that right now he needs to concentrate on Sam... and he won't reach for me while there's an audience.

The silences stretches out for a little while before I decide to break it. "Just thought you should know, Hammond ordered the mainframe thing in the MALP room destroyed in case the entity found its way back in there somehow. It's probably what it was trying to do." That's what everyone else believes although I don't actually agree with that myself. It said it can't go back.

There's no reply from Jack, no acknowledgement that he even heard me. I'm beginning to get a hint of what it was like for Sara when Charlie died; Jack would've shut himself down and focused on his guilt and his grief. Sitting here watching, that's his penance. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier though.

[SG-1 to the MALP room immediately.]

That does not sound good, and presumably Jack agrees because he's first out the door. When we get to the MALP room, the mainframe is all lit up again. Siler states what he thinks is the obvious reason. "Think our friend is back, sir."

To me, that's not the obvious conclusion because unlike most people, I was actually listening to the entity and it said that it wouldn't fit back in the mainframe. So there has to be another reason.

"Alright, let's blow it," Jack states, determined to destroy it this time.

Before I can even argue about that, three words appear on the computer screen: 'I AM HERE'. Suddenly I understand what the entity had been doing earlier. It couldn't return - but Sam could. Jack will never forgive himself if he blows up the mainframe now. "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!" Okay, that was a few more than was necessary but I need to make sure Jack listens. "Look at this!"

"The entity," Teal'c states.

The words on the screen multiply until they fill the screen. Jack's blank expression shows that he doesn't know what I'm on about. "No, it said it couldn't go back. It's Sam."

"Daniel, I shot her twice." Jack is adamant.

"After it transferred Sam's consciousness out of her body. You killed the entity after it put Sam into this... this thing. She's in here." Trust me, Jack... believe me. Please.

"Why? Why would it do that?"

Thank-you, Jack. The tone of voice told me that he wants to believe me but doesn't know why the entity would do such a thing. I do. "You demanded it. You threatened to send an army of probes through to its' homeworld. Saving Sam, and allowing itself to be killed, was the only way of preserving its homeworld."

I see the hope in Jack's eyes and for once I can see the trust he has in me. I've spent much of the last four years believing that Jack never trusts me without Sam or Teal'c agreeing with me first. After the near-miss with the Enkarans, we had a huge argument over that and during that, he revealed that it wasn't that he didn't trust me, but that he had to factor in all the safety issues that I didn't. Unfortunately, the truth of that meant that I couldn't argue back; I do tend to think of others first rather than my safety. And Jack's job is to keep me - all of us - safe. But it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt when it appears that he doesn't believe me. Which makes this special, knowing that this time, he trusts me.

"General Hammond," he says after he picks up the phone. Jack sends me a grateful yet cautious look. He's not going to rejoice until Sam's safe. "We've got a situation down here." He nods, then hangs up. "Hammond's on his way down."

"You'd better tell Janet too," I prompt.

"Oh yeah." He surprises me by saying, "Good call, Daniel," before heading off to the lab.

I'm stunned. A compliment? At work? This whole thing must've affected him more than I thought....

------------

JACK

Another day, another miracle. I don't know how Carter or the entity pulled it off but she's alive. Against all odds, Carter survived. I didn't kill her, a fact for which both of us are grateful. She's alive and I don't have to live with her death.

Everyone's happy. I'm mostly relieved at the moment but am working my way up to happy. Even Daniel's hap.... wait a minute, where'd he go? He was standing right over there next to Teal'c just a few seconds ago. He'd been hugging himself, his body turned slightly away from me, a clear sign that he was in protective mode but whether it was for himself or over Carter, I don't know. I haven't given him much reason to still believe in us recently, so it could be either or both. He was trying to let me know he was still with me with that kiss earlier, and when I pushed him away after hearing footsteps, he might've thought I was rejecting him or something. Daniel's self-confidence is a fragile thing because in personal matters, he doesn't have much. I've always had to be very careful what I do or say, especially since we became involved, so that I don't hurt him too deeply. He's learnt to distinguish the things I don't mean and the things I do, which is good but I don't think it makes it hurt any less. I need to go after him but I also have to stay here and support Carter. Unfortunately I can't do both at the same time.

Janet's organising people to take Carter back to the infirmary. "See you later, sir?" Carter says weakly.

Guess that's taken the decision out of my hands. "Yeahsure, youbetcha." And I will. After I find my archaeologist.

I eventually find him in the locker room getting changed. Leaning against the nearby wall, I ask, "Whatcha doing?"

"What does it look like?" came the sarcastic reply. He does not look too happy.

"Give me five minutes, I'll come with you."

"Wouldn't you rather be with Sam?" he asked, slamming the locker door.

"No, I wouldn't. I'd rather be with you." I keep my voice as non-confrontational as possible and don't mention that Carter's likely to be asleep; I'm not entirely stupid.

"Really?" The tone is withering.

"Yes, really. Daniel," I stop him as he tries to leave, placing one hand on his chest. "What's wrong?"

Flinty blue eyes stare into mine. "Nothing." He takes a step back and then tries to side-step me but I move in front of him. "Get out of my way, Jack."

"No." I see the anger in his expression but he's not going to try to go through me; we both know our strengths and we also know each other. He's not going to hit me and I'm not going to move until I know what's going on inside that head of his.

"Jack, please." The anger softens a little. "We can't talk here anyway," he points out. The arms go around his ribs and his head ducks down, making me guilty for pushing this. But unfortunately for him, I know the tactic.

"So we'll go to your place and you can tell me what's on your mind." My theory being that if we're at Daniel's place, it's not so easy for him to walk out on me.

I can see the struggle taking place in his mind, trying to work out my plan. "What if I don't want to talk?"

"Then I'll talk and you'll listen." I know how to push Daniel's buttons; he'll talk.

He makes me wait for a full minute as he decides what to do. I use that opportunity to get changed, keeping a close eye on him in case he decides to run.

"Okay. But we go in separate cars."

"Deal." I pull a shirt on, watching his pupils dilate with desire as he stares at my bare chest. When he realises what he's doing, and that I'm watching him, he blushes and looks at the floor instead. I grin wolfishly. It amazes me at how Daniel can still be so embarrassed at things like that after all we've done together. It's very sweet though, and very much a part of his charm. He avoids looking at me as I swap my BDU's for trousers, not giving me anything more to tease him about. "Let's get outta here."

I follow Daniel very closely all the way home to his apartment. I'm not giving him any chance to escape. Walking past Daniel into the apartment, I gently take the keys from his hand, lock the door behind us, then recapture the hand and firmly lead him down into the living room. He doesn't resist until we draw near to the couch, then he starts trying to pull his hand free.

"Jack..."

"Daniel." I sit myself down on the couch and when he doesn't follow suit, I tug his hand firmly, pulling him down beside me. He somehow avoids landing in my lap - unfortunately - and he moves as far away from me as I will allow considering he can't get his hand free from mine.

He sends me a reproachful look from beneath his lashes. "This isn't exactly encouraging me to talk, Jack."

"I'm wearing down your defences first," I freely admit. I know what my touch does to Danny; it's hard not to notice how he reacts to it. I'm the only person he'll let this close because I make him feel safe. All those hugs and accidental touches - he'd never tolerate them from anyone else but with me, it's different. It lets him know that I care about him, and sometimes that I'm sorry about something. Mainly it lets him know that I'm there with him, supporting him. And that's what I'm aiming for right now because I think he's feeling unsure of 'us' at the moment.

I start stroking my thumb over the back of his hand and watch his defiance slowly crumble. It's actually quite soothing to do this, just stroking gently with no ulterior motive except to get Daniel to relax. It must be working because I can feel the tension leave his hand.

"Jack."

"Yeah?" I look into his eyes and see the sadness in his voice reflected there.

"Why are you doing this?" Again the sad tinge to the ordinary question, asking me why I'm even here.

"Because I love you, am in love with you, and right now you need me, that's why."

Obviously that's not enough of an answer for Daniel. "But today you... the others... you ignored... I didn't know what to believe." He can't get all the words out.

I hear what he couldn't finish saying. "Today I spent a lot of time watching over Carter, the others thought that's because I'm in love with her, I ignored you in the lab but kissed you in the hall, and you didn't know which of my signals to believe. Sound about right?"

Daniel nods, his free arm wrapping around his waist. I'd reach over and hug him but he wouldn't permit that right now. Instead, I keep stroking his hand, reassuring him. "I'm sorry. For everything. For not agreeing with you about communicating with the entity; for ignoring you, for sending conflicting signals, for making you doubt what I feel for you. Did I miss anything?"

A shake of the head this time. "Everyone was so certain that you're in love with Sam. Even the entity thought so. And you were always there with her. I know you should've been there for her but..."

"It's okay to feel that way, Danny." I entwine my fingers with his. He obviously was also feeling a little guilty about his wanting me with him while Carter needed me. "I wanted you there with me too."

Daniel lifts our entwined fingers and studies them while he's thinking. His expression is very serious. Beautiful but serious. "You love Sam." It's not a question.

"Yes. I also love Teal'c, although don't tell him I said that." That raises a small smile from Daniel. "But I love them because they're part of my family. You're family as well as being the other half of me. I can't live without you." Okay, that was mushy. Daniel must've thought so too because his eyes became suspiciously bright.

However, he wasn't going to give in just yet. "You ignored me, Jack. I wasn't asking much, just an acknowledgement that you'd heard me, that-that you knew I was there."

"I knew." I always know.

"When we... hugged... Hammond, he didn't suspect anything," Daniel told me. "Didn't see us."

"He's not supposed to," I remind him. I'm not ready to retire again just yet.

"I know but..." he trailed off.

"Just once you'd like people to know it's you, not Sam." I squeeze his hand, telling him I understand. "So do I. But we can't."

Daniel is silent for a long time. I shift my body around to face him. He doesn't move, just keeps staring at our hands. I don't know what else to do. I've tried to convince him that he's the most important thing in my life, and that I'm sorry for the way I treated him today, blowing hot and cold. Now I just have to wait. The fact that he hasn't tried to withdraw his hand from mine is a good sign.

Finally, he speaks. "And if I said that I couldn't do this anymore?"

I reach over and gently tilt his face up so that our eyes meet. "Then I'd retire and we'd go someplace where we didn't have to hide," I deliberately misunderstand his question. The biggest problem for Danny is the secrecy; he understands the reasons for it but still hates it. This is my way of letting him know that I'm not going to let him go.

"But the Airforce is your life!" He doesn't correct my misunderstanding, in fact looks surprised by it.

"So are you, and you're more important than the Airforce." Don't know what I'd do but I'd think of something. Easier than thinking of what to do without him. "Do you want us to leave?" 'Cos there's no way Danny's going through the gate without me.

"No." The soft reply tells me that I said all the right things. "But next time, can you try to be more circumspect when watching over us 'kids'? The last thing we need is for rumours to start up about you and Teal'c."

I grin. "Definitely not my type." I lift his hand to my lips and kiss it. "Shall we take this discussion into the bedroom?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Daniel gets up quickly and pulls me along behind him. All's well with his world again until the next time I stuff things up. But at least he's the forgiving type, and making up is always fun. I just hope he keeps on forgiving me because I'm bound to make more mistakes. If he doesn't... I'll cross that bridge if I come to it. But until then, he's all mine.

---------------

DANIEL

I run my fingers lightly over Jack's chest as he sleeps. Every day, every night, that we spend together like this, I have to pinch myself to believe it's real. It's so hard to believe sometimes that Jack would prefer me over someone like Sam. But he does. Otherwise he wouldn't be here because if he gets caught, it could mean jail time rather than just a transfer if it was Sam. That alone tells me what I mean to him, even if sometimes I have my doubts.

I trust Jack. Completely. I also know that he would never cheat on me because that would be a dishonourable act, something that Jack is not. He's totally committed to me. His actions tonight proved that. He came home with me and held onto me until I realised this. He loves the others but always turns to me, not them. He said I'm the other half of him. I agree thoroughly. Together we're complete; separately, we're not. He grounds my over-enthusiasm and I help him think outside the military. We complement each other in every way and fit together perfectly.

It's not Jack that causes my doubts, it's me. I don't doubt him, I doubt what holds him to me, which I suppose makes Jack's work a lot harder because he has to keep reassuring me. It's hard not to be insecure when one hasn't had a lot of security in one's life. Both Sam and Jack recognised this early on and made it their business to - subtly - give me that security. And now that Jack and I are partners, I have it. I just can't always believe it and I'm waiting for it to be taken away from me like everything else.

And it was that doubt, magnified by my addiction to the light a month ago and the darkness within that was revealed to me by Shifu, that pushed me to the brink of suicide. All of them became huge problems, and I couldn't see my way past them to the love Jack has for me. When I was standing on the ledge, I told Jack he didn't understand. He didn't know what I wasn't talking about then. He does now but he still doesn't understand, not completely. But he's trying to.

I shift a little so that my head rests on his shoulder and my right leg lies across both of his, while my hand keeps caressing his chest. This feels so perfect lying here doing this, having Jack here beside me. Even in his sleep, he keeps me close, his arm tightening around my waist in response to my snuggling. Keeping me safe. He trusts me with his heart and I trust him with mine. That's a very big deal for both of us, neither of us getting into this relationship lightly. I've just got to keep remembering that and accepting the love that Jack gives me, and stop doubting myself.

Content, I close my eyes and listen to the sound of his heart beating. Hearing that, I know I'm safe.

I'm home.

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