In The Company Of Men (Part 3/3)

by tejas

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ast/tejas/company003.php
Summary: The NID 'failed' to destroy the quantum mirror. SG1 do a little research with it and learn what might have happened had Nirrti come in ships before the SGC got off the ground
Info: Lots of folks run screaming into the night at the mention of mpreg. From the feedback I've gotten elsewhere, even non-mpreg fans have enjoyed this one. I tried to avoid the clichés and according to my readers, it worked pretty well. The non-con isn't *really* non-con, though the 'perpetrator' thinks of it as such after the fact. There is one scene that might be seen as partner betrayal, but it isn't intentional.

CHAPTER 25

"I don't know what else to do, Danny. We hurt Jack and that's not allowed." Daniel sounded lost, bereft. Jack sat terrified as he watched his best friend, his lover, falling apart in front of him. Images flashed through Jack's mind. Daniel crying in a storeroom, standing on the wrong side of his balcony railing, cowering in the corner of a padded cell, in restraints while a dozen strangers spoke with his voice. Jack retreated deeper into his training, burying his emotions. It wouldn't help Daniel for him to lose it, too. Daniel needed him to be strong.

"Caruthers," Jack kept his voice professional, "what's happening here?"

"I've read of these cases, before. Sometimes the first dosage is too strong and the mind can't handle the rapid changes in brain chemistry. The dissociation is rare, but not unknown. We've never been able to figure out why it happens, but now, I'd say this is something caused by the chemicals we identified in Lord Cascadia's blood. Given his break down a few days ago, I'd say they're probably at fault here, too." His forehead creased in thought. "In his case it was probably a gradual buildup. They must not metabolize as fast at the rest. Maybe they accrete in the brain. I just don't know enough about them to be certain! We'll probably have to get him back to your infirmary for proper treatment." Caruthers looked worried. Jack hated it when doctors looked worried. They were supposed to know this stuff.

"Bottom line, Doc. What can you do?" Jack's resolve to deal with this as Daniel's team leader warred with his need to pull his lover into his arms.

"Sedate him. Let him rest. Let his body metabolize the drugs as much as possible. See how he is when he wakes up. Even one overdose shouldn't do permanent damage." Devon set about preparing another syringe. When he was finished, he looked directly at Jack. "You must remember, though, he will still feel guilty. Knowing Lord Cascadia as I do, I don't think that's drug induced. Ridding his body of the drug isn't going to make this all go away."

"I can't, Danny. It's too hard. It hurts too much." Daniel was muttering to himself, to the other self that had appeared earlier. That chilled Jack more than anything else. He sounded so lost, so alone. Jack couldn't stand it. His career was over anyway; he'd screwed up as team leader from the moment this rollercoaster ride started. One thing Jack was determined not to screw up at was being there for Daniel. He shifted around and pulled Daniel into his arms, taking over the comforting rocking motion.

"It's okay, love. I'm here. You're going to be fine." Jack rubbed his arms and back, pressing kisses into his hair, wishing he could find a way to get through to the confused man in his arms.

"Danny? Danny? What's going to happen to me?" Daniel continued his conversation with himself. He sounded so lost, it was the only word that fit. Jack ran his hand through Daniel's hair and began to pet him. It seemed to comfort him, so he continued.

"It's okay, babe. The doc here's going to give you something to help you sleep. Everything will look better after you sleep." Jack prayed to a god he wasn't sure existed that he wasn't lying.

"Am I going to have to go be in the dark?" Jack's thoughts grew dark as he heard the plaintive childish tone. His imagination supplied all sorts of scenarios that might have led to Daniel's plea to not be in the dark. None of them boded well for whomever in his lover's past was responsible for it.

"You know what happens in the dark. Don't make me go back. I'll be good."

"No dark, Daniel. It's light in here and I'll keep the lights on while you sleep. I promise, love, no dark." Jack blinked at the change of name. Daniel's body relaxed some, settling more easily in his arms. 'Danny' sounded more like his Daniel, but Jack couldn't forget his near hysteria earlier. He raised his head to look at Caruthers. "We can't put him in," he nodded to the bed, "there." Caruthers leaned up and saw the tangled sheets spotted with dried blood.

"Oh. No, you're right." Caruthers put the syringe back into his case and replaced that in his bag. "Let's get him into the sitting room, first. He can stretch out on the sofa."

"I promise, Daniel. It won't be dark. Sleep now." 'Danny' stroked Jack's chest with one finger. Jack wasn't sure who he was comforting with the motion. With a sigh, he closed his eyes as if relieved. A moment later they opened and Jack ran his knuckles along the man's cheek. Danny pressed tentatively into the caress, as if not quite sure it was allowed. "Daniel's sleeping now, Jack." Danny stared into Jack's face as if searching for something. "He thinks you hate us."

"God, Daniel, Danny," Jack quickly corrected himself. "No, love, I don't hate you, I couldn't." He hugged his lover to him and felt his body respond. He could smell the musky aroma of the man in his arms. Jack breathed deeply, savoring the scent, reveling in his reaction to it.

"I'm glad, Jack, because we love you so much." Danny reached up and wrapped his hand around the back of Jack's neck, pulling him down for a kiss. Jack opened and let his lover claim his mouth. His own needs were rising fast and what he needed was the man in his arms. Needed to give him whatever he asked. Needed to submit to his desires. The presence of the others in the room faded from Jack's mind. All that mattered was his lover. "Do you want me, Jack?"

"Yes, Danny, yes, I want you." Danny smiled brilliantly and Jack felt warmth spread through him at the sight. He had no problem belonging to this beautiful, powerful man. Daniel sat up a little straighter, pulling out of Jack's arms, but still keeping one hand on him. Jack leaned back in, hoping for another kiss, but Danny chuckled.

"Soon, love, help me up, first." Jack struggled to his feet, his aching cock and balls making the movement more difficult than it should be. He reached down and offered his hand to Danny. His lover took his hand, rested his weight on his other hand and then shifting his feet, surged upright when Jack tugged. Before Jack had a chance to close the distance between them, Danny raised the zat in his hand and shot Caruthers.

"Danny!" Jack reached for the zat, but his hand fell to his side before he finished the motion. Smiling, Danny turned to him and stroked his cheek.

"Shh, love, it's all right. He was going to keep us apart. I can't let that happen. Don't worry, he's going to be fine." Danny tugged at the belt holding Jack's robe closed. "You're over dressed, Jack." He almost purred the words out. Finally releasing the knot, the robe fell open and Danny ran a hand over Jack's body. "So beautiful, my love. Take this off and get back into bed." He fondled Jack's dripping cock, wiping the moisture up with two fingers and then raising them to his lips. He slowly licked his fingers clean and it was all Jack could do to not come at the sight. "I'll join you in a moment."

"Don't be long." Danny stroked Jack's chest once more and gently squeezed a nipple. Jack let the robe fall with a moan and turned to sit on the bed as Daniel turned away. He scooted onto it, keeping his lover in sight at all times. For some reason he thought they shouldn't be doing this, but for the life of him, he couldn't remember why. The sheets smelled like sex, smelled like his lover. Jack felt high on the scent. He watched as Danny approached Jose, his body moving seductively. Danny held out his empty hand.

"You don't need that anymore, Jose." His voice was as seductive as his body language. Jose hesitated for just a moment, then handed it to him. Daniel tucked one zat in the back of his pants and held the other one as he took Jose in his arms. "Thank you, sweetheart." Danny pulled him into a passionate kiss and Jack felt a surge of desire. Intellectually he knew his lover kissing someone else should bother him, but all he could feel was how beautiful they were together. "Sweetheart, I need you to secure Devon." Jose nodded looking dazed. "Be gentle with him, I don't want him hurt, but make sure he can't get away." Jose stumbled away nearly knocking Ian down.

Ian looked almost as dazed as Jose had. Danny gestured for the smaller man to come to him. Ian's steps were hesitant at first, but grew more confident the closer he got to Danny. Jose returned with his hands full of belts and scarves and began tying up Caruthers in a manner similar to how he'd secured the Goa'uld. "Sweet Ian, I was hoping you wouldn't be difficult." Danny ran a hand through Ian's hair and pulled him close. He kissed him with the same passion he'd bestowed on Jose, but not, to Jack's mind, the same Danny shared with him. When Danny released him from the kiss, Ian's lips were swollen and his eyes looked glazed. "Dear heart, I need you do to something for me." At Ian's nod, Daniel caressed his face and continued, "I need you to help Jose. I don't want our guests to be able to see or hear anything. Can you take care of that for me?"

"Yes, Daniel, I'll be happy to help you." Danny frowned for a moment at the name, but then relaxed. Jack made a mental note not to use the wrong name. He didn't want that frown directed at him. Daniel's hot when he frowns. The thought came and went and faded from Jack's mind. Ian leaned into the caress like a cat when Daniel ran his hand through the smaller man's hair.

"Good Ian, I'm glad. Go now, help Jose. Don't worry little one, it's going to be okay." Ian smiled and nodded before heading toward the dressing room. Danny watched him go, then looked over at Jose.

"Danny?" Jack's voice cracked on the name. He needed him and he needed him now.

"I know, baby, just a moment more." Danny smiled at him, then pulled the second zat out from under his shirt and dropped it on the floor. He pointed the one in his hand at it and with three quick bursts the weapon was gone. Jack watched as his lover observed the other two men's work. He wanted to touch himself, but remembered that his lover didn't like that. He fisted his hands in the sheets, instead, and waited. He watched Danny and Danny watched them, smiling a little hungrily now. When they finished he beckoned to them and when they reached him, he wrapped his arms around them both and pulled them to him. The hand still holding the zat ran up and down Jose's back. The other one squeezed Ian's ass. He kissed them both quickly then stepped away, laughing. "Your Daniel has an embarrassment of riches." He gestured for them to go to the bed then set the zat down on the little table sitting next to one of the armchairs and walked over to sit next to Jack on the bed.

"Danny, please." Jack reached for his lover who pulled him to lean back against his chest. Together they faced the other men. Jose had put his arm around Ian and was nuzzling the side of his face. Danny ran his hands over Jack's chest and nibbled harshly at his neck.

"Soon, baby, but I need to see to our guests." Jack moaned as Danny shifted positions, settling back against the headboard. Once still, he pulled Jack back against his chest, his hands still roaming over Jack's flushed body. Jack closed his eyes and let his head fall back to rest on Danny's shoulder, rubbing his face into the other man's neck, feeling his lover's hard cock through Danny's pants, smelling his unique scent. "Aren't they beautiful together, love?" Jack opened his eyes at the question and watched Lord Daniel's consorts holding each other. He got the impression they were putting themselves on display for Danny. His cock jumped at the thought.

"Yes, Danny, beautiful." Jack twisted around just a little to see the man holding him. "But not as beautiful as you." Jack's voice was low and hungry. He'd waited and waited and hoped his lover wouldn't make him wait much longer.

"Sweet Jack." Danny whispered in Jack's ear before nibbling on his earlobe. "I can't wait to have you again." Jack shivered at the soft, hungry voice in his ear.

"Please, love, please, don't make me wait any longer." Danny laughed lightly into his ear and ran a finger the length of Jack's cock.

"Jose? Ian?" The men drew their attention away from each other and back to Danny. "Show me how beautiful you are all over." As the other men began to take off their clothes, Danny continued mapping Jack's skin. "Watch them, love." Jack kept his eyes glued to the stripping men, panting with need. He watched as Jose's chest appeared out from under his shirt and moaned at the memory of that solid body pressing him against the wall. Danny's fingers skirted the bandages he found, traced the edges of unbandaged bites and around bruises. Fingers danced lightly over his cock and tweaked his nipples. The mix of pleasure and pain drove Jack wild and he wasn't sure how much more he could take before he lost it completely. This Danny was so different from the frenzied man from the night before. Jack was drowning in lust and no longer had the presence of mind to consider why. Fully nude now, Ian and Jose looked to Danny as if for instructions and Jack felt him nod. "Your Daniel lets you play, doesn't he." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes, he does." Jose's voice was nearly a growl.

"He likes it when, when we spend time together." Ian was panting. They were both as hard as Jack. Ian's fair chest and stomach were flushed pink with arousal, his cock nearly purple. Jose's darker complexion didn't show it as much, but his eyes were black and his heavy cock was just as dark and full. Danny nudged Jack onto the bed and stood, beginning to remove his own clothes. He nodded to the empty side of the bed.

"Show me." Ian crawled onto the bed and settled there on his back, his legs open, cock standing almost straight up. Jose settled on top of him and they began to touch and kiss passionately.

"Not too fast, boys. Make it last. None of you come before I do, is that understood?" Daniel finished shucking his clothes and kneeled on the bed next to Jack.

"Yes, Danny." Jose gasped his answer. Ian merely nodded. Danny looked down at Jack. Jack licked his lips and nodded, he remembered that rule.

"My baby already knows that, don't you baby?" Jack smiled, glowing with the praise. "No penetration, either of you. That's mine." Twin moans of frustration answered him. "Would you like to see them suck each other, baby?"

"Yes! God, yes, Danny!" Jack could barely form the words at all. He wanted those cocks in his mouth, or their mouths on him, but knew better than to ask. Danny wanted him to watch, so he'd watch.

"You heard my baby, boys. Jose, turn around. I want to see each of you with a cock in your mouth." Danny put his lips next to Jack's ear and whispered. "Would you like to have one of them suck you, baby? Suck you while I fuck you again?" Jack gasped and closed his eyes, trying hard not to come yet. He couldn't speak, nodding would have to do. "Watch them, love, you get to choose." Jack turned his head to get a better view of Ian. Jose's larger bulk hid most of what he was doing, so Jack concentrated on the smaller man while Danny licked and nibbled and rubbed Jack's body. Ian had angled his head, using a pillow for support and was taking Jose almost completely down his throat. Jack thought he might just die if he had that mouth on him while Danny was inside him, but he didn't care. He vaguely noticed when Danny's touches stopped and then something slick and hard probed his sore ass. "Open for me, baby. I need to prepare you." Pain and pleasure flowed and blended in the haze of lust shrouding Jack's mind. All he knew was Danny's fingers opening him, his seductive voice whispering all the things he was going to do to Jack and Ian's mouth working the cock pumping slowly in and out of it.

"Danny!" Jack gasped when Danny's fingers hit his prostate. "Love, I can't hold out any more."

"Shh, baby, yes you can. I'll help you." He withdrew his fingers and firmly squeezed the base of Jack's cock. Jack groaned loudly in frustration as he felt himself retreat from his impending orgasm. Danny leaned over him, claiming his mouth in a rough kiss. "You want Ian, don't you. I've been watching you watch him suck Jose." Jack nodded, unable to speak after the breath-stealing kiss. "He thinks you're hot, you know. He told me." Jack's eyes widened in surprise. Ian wanted him, too? "He looks like a good little cocksucker. I'll have to try him myself, but I'd rather have your ass than his mouth right now." Danny rose up off of Jack and sat back on his heels. He twirled a finger and Jack knew his turn was finally coming. He shifted over and got up on his knees, spreading them to give his lover space. "Good baby, just like I like it." Jack heard him slicking up his cock and felt the blunt end begin to push into him. Jack tightened for a moment at the excruciating pain of his entry into his torn ass, but Danny's whispered orders to let him in flooded his mind with pleasure and finally he had his lover exactly where he wanted him. Danny pulled back and thrust in again, moaning his own pleasure. "Ian, stop. Come over here, I want you to suck my baby now."

"Oh, god, Danny, I won't last." Jack concentrated on not coming but it wasn't a battle he thought he could win. He felt Danny shift a little and then his arms came up around Jack's shoulders and pulled him up on his knees. Ian shifted over and placed his head between Jack's thighs, opening his mouth, ready to take the cock hovering over him.

"So beautiful, isn't he, baby?" Jack nodded as Danny helped him ease back down. He gasped when he felt that talented mouth take him and there was Ian's dripping cock in his face. "Take it, Jack." Danny ordered softly. "You need to learn so you can please me." Jack eagerly sucked the head of the bobbing cock in his face. "Taste him, baby. You love it, don't you." Jack sucked the fluid leaking from Ian's cock and was answered with a moan of pleasure. The salty, bitter flavor exploded on his tongue and he craved more. Jack wondered how much more wonderful Danny would taste.

"Yes! I can't wait to taste you, love." Jack had never done this before but he eagerly sucked the head into his mouth again. As his cock was repeatedly swallowed, his respect for Ian's skill grew. Concentrating on taking in as much as he could without choking gave him something to distract him from his own pleasure. Jack felt one of Danny's hands leave his body as his lover continued to lazily fuck him. He fell into Danny's rhythm, going down as Danny thrust into him and backing off as his lover pulled back. Ian's mouth was incredible and rising out of his mental haze for a moment, Jack marveled at the feel of his cock going down the other man's throat. So tight, so incredible. He wanted to learn to do that for Danny. He ached to do everything his lover wanted from him. Dimly, he was aware of sounds. Danny must be kissing Jose. The sounds stopped and Danny's pace sped up. Jack's balls were tight and aching with the need for release. Danny was slamming into him now, like he had the night before. Powerful, demanding, almost brutal. With one final deep thrust, Jack felt Danny let go inside him. His lover roared, hands gripping Jack hard. Jack couldn't take any more and he, too, found his release deep in Ian's throat. He was rewarded by a flood erupting into his own mouth and he swallowed as much as he could.

"Ian, love, come here." Danny pulled out of Jack and Jack gasped at the renewed pain. "Stay there, Jack, I need you to do something for me." Jack felt the bed shift and glanced over his shoulder to see that Danny had gotten off the bed. Ian shifted out from under Jack with difficulty, his arms and legs didn't seem to want to obey his body. Jack helped as much as he could, but gratefully rested his head on his arms as soon as he was able. "Jose, sweetheart, go sit against the headboard. Jack is going to suck you for me." Jack's thoughts were a jumble. He wanted to just go to sleep, but Danny's voice stirred something deep within and he knew he'd do as he was told. More, he knew he wanted to do what he was told. If Danny had ordered the other men to fuck him, Jack would have gotten hard and eagerly spread his legs. A memory tugged at his mind, but it was gone as soon as he felt Jose's hands on his shoulders, easing him upward so he could get into position. Jack glanced to the side and saw Ian lying on his side next to them. "Watch them, Ian. You can touch if you like. In fact, get up on your knees and kiss Jose. I don't want him to feel left out." Jack took the head of Jose's bobbing cock in his mouth. His taste was different from Ian's but still wonderful.

"Ahhh," Jose moaned out loud. Jack felt his cock begin to fill again. The bed behind him dipped and hands began to caress his ass. His cock grew harder. Danny was back with him. He sucked hard and was rewarded with hands gripping his head, directing him.

"Good, Jose, Jack's new at this. Teach him." Jack felt his arousal growing. Danny licked his ass, cleaning him as he'd done the night before. Jack moaned in pleasure around the cock in his mouth and Jose responded with his own muffled moan. "I love tasting myself on you, baby. I can't wait to taste myself on them, too." Jack felt the bed shift again and Danny's warmth retreated. He sucked harder, running his tongue along the underside of Jose's cock just as Ian had done to him. Suddenly, the unmistakable whine of a zat interrupted them. Danny cried out and collapsed landing on Jack's back. He choked as Jose's cock was shoved down his throat and then it was shrinking and falling out of his mouth. Jack struggled to turn and see to Danny. Jack shifted and felt his unconscious lover slide to the bed next to him. He reached out and touched his face, trying to make sense of what had happened. Jose and Ian looked as shocked and confused as Jack felt. They all reached for Danny, touching him and each other, their previous aroused states fading.

"My apologies for interrupting, gentlemen, but I fear I couldn't, in good conscience, let this continue." Jack pulled Danny into his arms and was cuddling the unconscious man. He turned his head just as Ian's incredulous voice responded to their unwelcome visitor.

"Beecham? What have you done!"

"Protected my lord's household, sir, just as you would have done had circumstances been different." Beecham looked calm and cool as if he zatted people every day. Jack wanted to stay with Danny, wanted to be with him, wanted to feel owned by him, but the feeling was fading and he knew he had to get away. Jack's mind started clearing as his lust faded. Someone tugged at his arm, and he found Jose pulling him off the bed and handing him the robe he'd been wearing.

"That's what you meant earlier." Jack couldn't look anyone in the face. His shame from before was back with a vengeance. What had he done? Jose's hand gripped his shoulder. Jack didn't know if he wanted to hug the man or slug him.

"Yes, that's exactly what we meant." Jose sighed and Jack caught his headshake out of the corner of his eye. "It was different this time, though. Stronger. Even stronger than with our Daniel. Did you feel it?" Jack nodded, not trusting his voice. He should be angry right now, that's generally how he'd react to something like this. Yeah, like this happens so often.

"It was different. I couldn't resist him at all." Ian sounded worried. Jack looked up at him. His need for answers overcame his twisted emotions.

"Why? Why was it different this time?" Jack looked to Ian who was sitting in one of the armchairs, having gotten back into his pants. "You're the experts, why was it different?" Ian sat for a moment, looking thoughtful.

"Sirs, I really must insist that one of you release Lord Jackson and Doctor Caruthers." Beecham's calm voice cut through the silence.

"NO!" Jack shouted and took a step toward the servant, who raised his zat and pointed it at Jack. "I mean, Caruthers, sure, we need him, but we don't need him." Jack jabbed two fingers at the Goa'uld. "That would be a very bad idea."

"And why would that be, sir?" Jack had to admit, the old man had a cool head. He suddenly wondered just what he'd done during the invasion. He seemed awfully comfortable with Goa'uld weaponry.

"Because, Beecham," Jose sounded tired, almost defeated. "He's Nirrti, he drugged them last night." Beecham didn't bat an eye at the revelation.

"I'd heard rumors, of course, but hadn't given them much credence. There are always such stories after wars."

"Rumors? There were rumors? No one thought this was worth sharing?" Jack glared at the others.

"Jack, you wouldn't believe all the nonsense that's been going around since the invasion. A lot of us have had more important problems to worry about than wild stories." Jack started to argue the point, but gave it up. He was right, there were more important things to deal with. Jose settled on the arm of Ian's chair and put his arm around his husband. Jack had no doubt now that that's how they saw each other. Even his muddled brain had recognized the connection between the two men. "Dios, how are we going to tell Daniel?"

"Don't worry about it, guys." They all looked at Jack in surprise. He headed over to untie Caruthers, raising his hands as he passed Beecham. He made quick work of the bindings, admiring the skill that had gone into securing the man without leaving marks. He began with Caruthers' face, "There are ways of getting a snake out and leaving the host alive." Anything the doctor was planning to say about his impromptu kidnapping died when he heard Jack's statement.

"There are? What? How? Why didn't anyone tell me?" Jack finished freeing the man as he spoke.

"Cuz we're all having a really crappy day, Caruthers and I've kinda had other things on my mind, okay?" Jack stood up slowly, his knees creaking with the strain and his ass screaming in agony. The doctor must have seen his grimace of pain because he scrambled to his feet and started to lead Jack to the bed. He stopped, his mouth falling open when he saw Danny's nude body on the bed.

"What happened?"

"Oh, y'know, Danny was in mind for a little orgy before lunch." Jack looked at the clock. They'd missed their scheduled check in. Another thought came to him. It was after noon and he wasn't hungry. He hadn't eaten since the night before but he wasn't hungry at all. He looked over to the bearing men across the room. "Hey! I should be hungry. You guys hungry?" They both shook their heads.

"It's the drugs, Jack." Jose leaned down to kiss the top of Ian's head. "Your appetite will come back soon." Jack shrugged. That was the least of his worries.

"Doctor, are you injured?" Beecham could have been offering him coffee except for the zat in his hand.

"Yes, yes, Beecham, just fine. He," Caruthers gestured to Danny, "shot me with that," he pointed to Beecham's weapon, "and the next thing I knew I couldn't move or see or hear anything." Now he glared at the other three men in the room.

"Devon, he told us to do it. We couldn't resist him." Ian still had that thoughtful look on his face. "Devon, what do you know about disassociation?" Devon had retrieved his bag and pulled out the syringe he'd prepared earlier. Moving Danny to the sofa would have to wait. They couldn't afford for him to wake up anytime soon.

"It's a defense mechanism. Prior to the invasion, there was serious debate if it was truly a personality disorder or not. Since the start of the paternal gestation program, too many cases have presented themselves and been well-documented for there to be any doubt." He deftly injected Danny just as the other man was starting rouse. Danny quieted quickly and Jack helped the doctor rearrange him more comfortably in the bed. Jack pulled the covers up and tucked them around his shoulders to keep him warm. Giving in to a rush of tenderness, he gently brushed his hand through Danny's, Daniel's hair but resisted the urge to kiss him. Things were still too raw, too confusing.

"How does this help us, doc?" Jack hadn't felt anything strange from being close to his lover, just what he thought was his normal desire to be close to him. The drugs must be wearing off some since he'd still been highly aware of his lover earlier even when Daniel had been asleep. He settled gingerly on the bed next to him. He really needed to have Caruthers check him out. The doctor started to speak, but Ian beat him to it.

"Do the different, well, personalities retain facets of the real person or are they completely made up?" That stirred Jack's memory. Something about the year he'd been retired after Abydos. He'd moped around his new house for a couple of months after moving in. It was snowing, he was sure something had happened while it was snowing.

"In general, the new personalities take on various attributes of the original personality. This is what led to the common, if imprecise term 'split personality'." Jack reached for the memory. He'd finally gotten around to unpacking some boxes of books and found one of Sara's. He'd missed her more than he'd ever let on and he'd sat down and read it just because it had been hers.

"Sybil." The others looked at him like he'd grown another head. "Sybil. I just remembered. It's a book about a woman who had fifteen or twenty different personalities. It's supposed to be true." He shrugged and tried to remember any details from it. Mostly he remembered feeling connected to Sara. "My ex-wife loved those things."

"Ah, I see." Caruthers pulled Daniel's arm out from under the sheet and took his pulse. Jack always suspected doctors did that half the time when they didn't know what to say. He nodded to himself and replaced Daniel's arm under the covers. Ian got the doctor off the hook.

"The Daniel, um, personality was calm, controlled. Over controlled, if you ask me. He also seemed determined to, as he put it, fix things, which sounds very much like our Daniel. He was protective, even if he wanted to take it to drastic extremes." Ian patted Jose's thigh. Jack wondered when he'd gotten dressed. A herd of Jaffa could have run through the room earlier and Jack would never have noticed. He had to get his head in the game. Ian continued, "I think Danny had all the passion and desire. He didn't have any of the control because Daniel had it. His pheromone production must have been on overdrive." Jack thought Ian might be on to something.

"No inhibitions." Something didn't mesh, though. "But he didn't," Jack swallowed and looked down at his hands, this was difficult to discuss at all, let alone after what had just happened. He wanted out of this room and away from these people. At that moment, he wanted away from Daniel, too. He really wanted off this rollercoaster. "He didn't hurt any of us," he faltered and shifted carefully where he sat, "well, not really. Not like last night." Jack felt his face flush. He was not seeing MacKinsey, but he had the feeling he'd have to talk to someone about this. The idea left a bad taste in his mouth. That's not an idea you're tasting, Jacky Boy.

"Daniel was controlled, but he was plotting cold blooded murder, Jack." Jose spoke with conviction. "Daniel needed both to do what he felt needed to be done. He separated the passionate side of his nature from his violent side because he'd used both to hurt you."

"That's a good description, Jose. I'm impressed." Caruthers did look rather pleased. No wonder. He hadn't had to come up with it himself. Jose squirmed a little.

"The book my girlfriend conned me into reading was called 'Shattered' something." He shrugged. "I hadn't thought about it in years until you mentioned yours." Jack shrugged back at him.

"The things we do for love." Jose and Ian both smiled at that and Jack suddenly realized that he was in deep trouble. He just knew Daniel would con him into something like that eventually, only it would probably be in Ancient. Jack looked back down at his sleeping lover. When that time came, Jack would gladly read whatever Daniel asked him to. Well, maybe not gladly, but he'd do it and be happy for the opportunity. He refused to consider the possibility that his lover wouldn't come out of this... whole. His personal devils were now laughing.

"He just realized it, Jose. I wonder what he'll get stuck with?" Ian poked Jose's arm playfully.

"How many languages do you know, Jack?" Jose hugged his husband as his laughter died down and he grew serious again. "He's going to be fine, Jack. You'll see. Daniel's strong, he'll get through this."

"Ha. Ha. For every book he picks for me to read, he has to go fishing for a week." He couldn't be expected to come up with anything better than that under these circumstances, but he was grateful to them for the respite. Besides, he knew Daniel would come to appreciate fishing. Who wouldn't?

"Gentlemen, about Lord Jackson." Beecham reminded them of their unfinished business. Jack scrubbed his hand through his hair and stood carefully. Right, this was still a mission. A completely FUBARed, screwed up, clusterfuck of a mission, but a mission nevertheless.

"He stays put for now. Karl, you're doing a wonderful job with that zat, so why don't you keep your eye on him." Orders were easy. "Ian, why don't you go get cleaned up. Jose, stay with Karl, there and watch his six, um, his back. Oh, you know what I mean. When Ian gets back, you go do your thing and then get back here." Ian got up and headed for the door. "Wait." Ian stopped and turned around to look at him. "I need you to send a message through the mirror." He went to the table and scribbled a note to Carter then folded it then walked over to Ian and handed it to the younger man. "Just toss that through, would you?" Jack didn't really want SG3 showing up on an S&R right then. Ian took the note and left, touching Jose's arm as he passed. Jose followed him for a few steps then took up a position near the door. "Doc, let's get this over with. Where do you want me?" Caruthers looked at the bed and shook his head.

"Oh, let's not." Jack stood with his arms crossed trying hard to look like he was in charge while his borrowed doctor tried to figure out where to put him to look at his ass. The first person who made a crack about aliens and anal probes was getting his jaw broken.

"Got it. How about over there?" He pointed to the table and chairs and Jack ambled back over, trying not to wince with every step. Devon disappeared into the dressing room and Jack waited while he did whatever he was doing. He returned quickly, drying his hands and then they got started.

Jack had to give the man credit, he was gentle and kept Jack's mind off what was happening by peppering him with questions about symbiote removal techniques. Not that Jack was able to answer them very well, but the usual railing about the Tok'Ra took up a lot of the time the doctor spent going over the bites on his shoulders and back. Personally, Jack preferred the idea of using the Hammer on Cimmeria. He didn't trust the Tok'Ra not to decide to keep Nirrti around for god only knew what reason. Cimmeria led to talking about the Unas, which led to Chaka. Jose had apparently been listening, because he laughed when Jack described how Daniel had managed to go from lunch to nearly adopted tribe member. Jack nearly joined him. The absurdity of going over old missions while bent over a table with a doctor's finger up his ass was getting to him.

"That explains it, Devon. Now we know how Daniel can stand being in the same room with Westridge." Caruthers chuckled as he applied a cream to Jack's damaged ass. As soon as it touched him, the pain began to recede and was gone in seconds.

"Damn, doc, what is that stuff? I'll take a case!"

"I'll send you one, though I'm sure your doctors have something similar." Caruthers handed Jack his robe and started to pack up his supplies. "The anal tearing isn't as bad as I'd feared, I'd say you were very lucky, but I guess you're not feeling very lucky right now."

"No. No, I don't think lucky is quite the word I'd use." Fucked, is more like it and in more ways than one. Jack leaned against the table, not willing to test out the effects of the medication by sitting. He was enjoying the absence of pain too much. Devon ran through the usual list of dos and don'ts for Jack and then suggested he go take a sponge bath and get dressed.

"Yes! Finally! Pants!" Jack started for the dressing room just as Ian was returning to take over from Jose. "Message get off okay?"

"Yeah, but she didn't look happy." I bet she didn't. Ian took over Jose's guard position, but didn't look quite as comfortable about it as the other man had. "What did you tell her?"

"Just that we were delayed but would be there in an hour." Jack turned back to where he knew his pants were waiting. They'd only been here for a little over twenty-four hours, but Jack didn't think he could afford to wait the full two days. He quickly washed as best he could and stoically ignored the fact that he'd still had traces of Ian's semen on his face and neck. Washing off dried blood was familiar, but the other was too new, too strange. It hadn't bothered him the other morning at his place. That was just him and Daniel. Jack paused with his razor poised over his cheek. Him and Daniel. He lowered his hand to the sink and stared at his reflection. Would there even be a relationship when this was over? Would Daniel ever be able to look him in the eye again knowing what Jack had let happen? Would Daniel ever want to touch him again knowing how much Jack had wanted Ian? How eagerly he'd taken Jose into his mouth? Jack lowered his eyes. He couldn't even look at himself. How could he expect Daniel to want anything to do with him after this? He quickly finished shaving without looking into the mirror at all.

Dressed and with both their packs in hand, Jack came back into the bedroom. Jose was back and he was helping Caruthers get pajamas on Daniel who was still deep in his drugged sleep. Jack approved, because he was taking him home and dressed was better. Much better.

"Jack?" Ian pointed to the packs. "You're leaving?" Caruthers glanced at him then finished what he was doing.

"Yep. Got things to do, people to see." Resignation letters to write. "Got a stretcher handy, Doc? I don't really want to lug him down those stairs if I don't have to." A phone ringing in the sitting room interrupted Caruthers' response. Ian stepped quickly to the silent phone near the door and answered it.

"Yes?" He listened to whoever was on the other end. "Beecham?" He looked at the man still holding his zat. "Are you sure?" Ian looked confused. "Oh. Yes, of course, I'll send him down in a moment. Show the gentleman into the front parlor and see to his needs."

"Beecham, there's a Constable Carter," Jack wondered at the name. "to see you. He says he knew you in the resistance." The resistance. Jack wished he'd had money riding on that one. Carter was a very common name at home, Jack figured it had to be common here. It couldn't be. Could it? Beecham looked surprised. Jack decided this was an unexpected visit.

"Sir?"

"I'll take it." Jack took the weapon, feeling suddenly much better about things in general. Nothing like being armed. "Oh, Karl, would that, by any chance be Jacob Carter?" Beecham looked surprised.

"Yes, sir. We knew each other during the invasion."

"Any idea why he might be visiting today?" And does he have a not so still, small voice in his head?

"No, sir, though I suppose it might have to do with the other constables who were here earlier speaking with Lord Jackson." Beecham hesitated at the doorway. "Sir? How much should I tell him?" That was the question of the hour. His tendency was to keep this contained as much as possible, but if this Jacob was like their Jacob, he could be useful to these people. But with Nirrti still around, who was to say that she didn't have another snake loyal to her? This whole alternate reality crap sucked.

"How much do you trust him, Karl?" Jack was a good judge of character and his read of Beecham was that he could be trusted. And Jack did have a zat. Better a snake in the hand, so to speak.

"With my life, sir." Jack nodded, still thinking.

"Has he ever met these guys or Jonathan?" Beecham shook his head. Jack glanced at Jose. "Jose, I take it you've got more than just that shotgun around here, right?" Jose nodded and caught Ian's and the doctor's eyes. "Can you two handle a weapon?" Ian nodded and Caruthers just shrugged. "Go, I want all three of you armed." Jose started for the doorway. "Oh, get something else for Karl here, too." Jose left the room. "Karl, wait until he returns. I want everyone armed before you go."

"Sir? Constable Carter is an honorable man. He poses no threat to us." Beecham looked a little affronted at the very idea.

"I'm sure Lord Jackson's an honorable man, too." Beecham paled at the implication. Jack recalled a scene from a movie SG1 had gone to see in their first year as a team. 1500 years ago, everybody "knew" that the earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everybody "knew" that the earth was flat. And 15 minutes ago, you "knew" that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll "know" tomorrow. Jack had looked up the quote later and memorized it, though he'd never told anyone. It seemed a fitting thing to keep in mind in their line of work. Teal'c, on the other hand, had wanted to go to New York to recruit the Men in Black for the SGC. It had taken them weeks to convince him it wasn't real. Looking back, Jack figured he'd been pulling their legs. Aliens had the weirdest senses of humor. "How much does he know about the goold?"

"Constable Carter is very knowledgeable about them, sir. He could be of assistance." Jack nodded, thinking hard, weighing the risks. How he gained that knowledge is what worried Jack.

"Okay. When Jose gets back, he'll go down with you." Jack held up his hand when it looked like Beecham might object. "Aht! No arguments. If he's like our Jacob, you're right. He could be a big help, but if he's been compromised, I want you to have backup." Jack wanted Jacob to be Tok'Ra. He might just be human. He had to prepare for him being Goa'uld. "Call when you're on your way up. Say Lord Jackson wants to talk to him or something. Wait for me in the sitting room." Jack gestured to the sitting room. "Send Jose in here and Ian and I will come out." He turned to Caruthers. "When they get back I want you and Jose to stay in here with these two. Under no circumstances are you to let him," Jack pointed his zat at Nirrti, "loose. I don't care if he starts having a seizure or turns into a frog, keep him restrained, got it?"

"Got it, Jack. You know, if you go back now, you'll have to send our Daniel and Jonathan home. Doctor Frasier was adamant that they needed at least forty-eight hours for their cellular structure to stabilize."

"I know, Caruthers, but it can't be helped. Maybe in a few days we can switch again if they need more treatment." Not if Jack had anything to say about it. "Or maybe we can provide you with the medicines and equipment you need to help them here." They can dock him for it. Caruthers wasn't happy with the idea, but Jack wasn't going to be swayed on this point. Besides, Jack was going to be there to watch Nirrti get what was coming to her. Assuming he wasn't in a cell for conduct unbecoming. Someone knocked at the door and Jack gestured to Beecham to open it. He positioned himself behind the door ready to shoot whoever came through.

"Sir." Beecham opened the door wider and Jose came in, a heavy duffle bag in his hands. Jack relaxed and stepped out of his hiding place. Jose set the bag on the floor and started pulling out weapons. Jack handed Beecham the zat again then he joined Jose, looking over the arsenal. He didn't recognize any of the models, but they were similar to ones he was familiar with. A shotgun was a shotgun. There were only so many practical designs for an automatic handgun. While they distributed the weapons, Jack outlined his plan to Jose. He was banking on the man's experience. Jack wished he had his team with him. He glanced guiltily at the bed where Daniel slept. With him and whole. Jose and Beecham both took handguns they could hide under their clothes. That left a shotgun for Caruthers and an automatic rifle that reminded Jack of an odd cross between an AK-47 and his own P-90. He started to offer the zat to Ian, but watching the younger man expertly check then load the weapon he figured he should leave him what he was apparently familiar with.

"You have shot that before, right?" Ian scowled at him.

"Why is it everyone seems to think I'm some frail flower? Yes, Jack, I know how to use this." Jack backed off. Apparently this was an ongoing issue and he looked too comfortable with the weapon for Jack to want to piss him off.

"Sorry. Had to ask." The scowl deepened. "It's a colonel thing." That earned him a half-smile. "Okay, lets get this show on the road. Be careful, guys." They nodded and Beecham opened the door for Jose, closing it behind them as they left. "Ian, go make sure it looks normal out there, would you?" Now there was nothing to do but wait. Jack wandered the room. Once in a while he poked his head into the other room to check on Ian. Beecham had never finished clearing away from dinner, so Ian was dealing with that. Caruthers sat in the armchair nearest the door with his shotgun held across his lap with Nirrti in clear view. The goold hadn't moved much in the past hour or so, but Jack didn't trust that the snake didn't still have something up his sleeve. If Jack had his way, they'd take him through the Hammer still soundly trussed and on a stretcher. He couldn't think of a single reason not to.

Jack found himself standing by the bed. Daniel looked peaceful in his drugged sleep. Jack ran his hand over his face and focused on the man, trying to block out the other memories that kept intruding. He felt old. This was Daniel. His Daniel but Jack was afraid he'd never be his again. Maybe, just maybe Daniel would be willing to stay his friend. It was the best he could hope for at this point. How had he put it, A beautiful night. At least we had that. Jack sat on the bed near his love and gave into the urge to kiss his forehead. "Yes, love, it was a beautiful night."

"He's going to be fine, Jack." Jack nodded.

"Yeah. He is." But then he'll be gone and Jack didn't know what he'd do when that happened. "How long will he be out?"

"With the dose I gave him, probably another four or five hours. Plenty of time for you to get him home." A few moments later, Caruthers broke the silence. "Doctor Frasier told me about the rules regarding homosexual relationships in your military. She didn't seem to care much for them." Jack nodded. There really wasn't anything he could say to that. "What do you think will happen when you get home?"

"Oh, if I'm lucky the general will let me retire quietly and I'll get to keep my pension. Oh, and stay out of prison. Staying out of prison would be nice." They each sat quietly after that. Each lost in their own thoughts while they waited.

Less than twenty minutes later the phone rang. Jack stood and nodded to Caruthers to answer it. "Hello?" Jack watched Nirrti wishing he was the one on the phone, but he didn't want to risk it in case it was someone other than Beecham or Jose. The rest of the household still had no idea about them. "I'll tell him. See you in a minute." Caruthers hung up. "They're on the way up. Carter was here looking for Lord Jackson." Jack swore. He could still be innocent, but the odds of him being one of Nirrti's pet snakes just went up. Jack headed for the door.

"Ian, you done? They're on their way up." Ian stopped halfway to the bedroom door and glanced around the room. Apparently satisfied with what he saw, he joined Jack in the bedroom. "If things get out of control, I need you to stay out of the way. I'll zat him and we'll take it from there."

"Do you really think he might be one of them?" Ian looked nervous for the first time since morning.

"Beats me, but I haven't survived this long by not being careful." Ian nodded, seeming to be trying to understand.

"I still have a hard time thinking of you as a soldier. Or thinking of him" pointing to Daniel, "doing what you do."

"Believe me, Jonathan is as big a shock to me. As for Daniel, well, Daniel does whatever Daniel wants to do. He's a survivor." Ian didn't seem to have an answer for that.

Someone knocked at the door and Jack pointed to Ian and hid behind the door again. When he was set, he nodded to the other man who opened the door and let Jose in. Jose pulled out his weapon and Jack tensed. Fortunately, he just turned it around and handed it to Ian who tucked it under his shirt. "Don't do that!" Jack took a couple of deep breaths to help get his heart back down to a normal pace. "Let's do it. Be careful in here. I'm trusting you, Jose."

"I'll take care of him, Jack." Jack nodded.

"Jose," Jack glanced at the man in the bed. "Keep the lights on in here." Jose nodded and Jack turned his back on the bed. He had other things to deal with now.

"After you." Ian opened the door and Jack followed him out his zat held behind his back. Beecham was busy at the sideboard and Jacob Carter's alternate self stood near the fireplace facing the bedroom door. Jack stopped a few feet inside the room and stood calmly with both hands behind his back.

"Constable Carter, very nice to meet you. I'm Lord Cascadia's Third Consort, Ian Fanning of the House of Jackson. This is a guest of his lordship's," Ian paused. Even though Carter had never met these men, it was quite likely he already knew their names, maybe their faces. "Colonel Jack O'Neill."

"O'Neill? Any relation to Lord Cascadia's First Consort?" He'd done his homework. Since neither man had moved, Jack didn't have to shake hands. He waggled his head a little.

"I suppose you could say that." Jack smiled and kept reminding himself this wasn't the Jacob he knew. Carter waited, apparently hoping for more, but Jack had said his piece.

"Ah. Will Lord Jackson be joining us, soon?" Carter was keeping a close eye on all three men. Beecham finished his task and moved to stand at the end of the sideboard, apparently waiting for orders.

"He's a little tied up at the moment." Ian raised an eyebrow in a manner worthy of Teal'c at Jack's comment. "Perhaps you could talk to us, instead." That got Carter's back up.

"My business is with his lordship alone." Jack had been afraid of this. There was only one thing to do, now.

"So, while we wait, I understand you were in the resistance with Karl, here." Jack rocked a bit on his heels.

"Yes, we worked together during the invasion. Karl proved himself to be very capable." Jack bet he had.

"Thank you, sir. It was an honor." Beecham's voice drew Carter's attention and Jack swiftly brought his zat around and shot him. Carter cried out and dropped to the floor. At that distance, the energy was more diffused, if Carter was a snake, maybe the host would have a moment to speak with them. Jack rushed over, zat at the ready. Carter's eyes flashed then returned to normal.

"Who the hell are you?" It was the host speaking. He was trembling with reaction to the blast, but had remained conscious.

"Maybe a friend. Turn over, show me the back of your neck." Ian started forward to help the man, but Jack waved him back. "Show me your neck or I'll shoot you again." Carter struggled with his uncooperative muscles, but managed to flop over onto his stomach. He bowed his head and Jack carefully reached down to move his hair out of the way. There was no entry scar. "Are you a voluntary host?" Carter moved onto his side and nodded. He was recovering rapidly.

"Yes. We're Tok'Ra." He closed his eyes for a moment.

"What's the name of your snake, your symbiote." Jack still held the zat on him. He just hoped he was dealing with the same pair as at home. He was taking a chance, but he needed Carter.

"I am Selmac." His eyes flashed and the Goa'uld tones made the other two men flinch. "You know of us?"

"Know of the Tok'Ra? Sure, but how do I know you're really Selmac?" Jack tried to remember Selmac's last host's name. Daniel would know. He realized he should have asked Carter, but who knew Jacob was going to show up. Contrary to popular belief, he did read his team's reports, but there'd been a lot of paper across his desk since Jacob joined up. It started with an 's', he was sure of it. Scaramouche or something. "What was your last host's name?" Jack mentally crossed his fingers that he'd know it when he heard it. Or that Selmac had even had the same host here.

"Her name was Sarooch. I couldn't save her from the virus." Sadness and guilt flickered across Jacob's face. "May I get up? Jacob's hip hit the edge of the hearth when we fell. I need to heal him quickly or he'll give me hell for weeks." Jack nodded and lowered the zat, but didn't put it away. He hoped he was looking at an ally, but he needed more than hope.

"Sure, take a load off." Jack pointed to the armchair he'd been sitting in the night before. Once the Tok'Ra was seated, he sat in the one opposite it. Daniel's chair. The benefits of Caruthers' cream were starting wear off.

"You didn't tell us the Tok'Ra were like them!" Ian had his gun out and was pointing it Jacob. He looked terrified.

"Easy, Ian, just take it easy. Selmac can heal a lot of things, but I'm thinkin' a bullet in the brain would be a bit tough." Jack stood, ready to zat the younger man if he looked like he might shoot. "I didn't tell you because I didn't think you needed to know and I knew it would freak you out." Ian slowly lowered his gun, not taking his eyes off Jacob. "They're the good guys, trust me. But don't call Selmac a Goa'uld, it'll piss him off." Most of them were good guys, at least. Jack really wasn't sure what he would have done had Anise been in Jacob's head. "We have a treaty with them and everything." Jacob looked startled at that. "Ian, sit down and relax. Karl? How about a stiff drink for Ian, here. I think he could use one." Jack caught sight of Beecham's face. He looked like he was about to pass out. "Pour one for yourself, while you're at it." The servant just nodded and proceeded to pour the drinks. Jack resumed his seat as Ian settled into the chair facing the fireplace.

"Who are you? Did the council send you?" Jacob was speaking. Jack figured Selmac was hard at work on their bad hip.

"I'm the guy with the zat. Tell me why you're here and we may be able to help each other." Jacob sat back still staring at Jack, but Jack didn't think he was really seeing him. He had that faraway look that told him there was a lively conversation going on between host and symbiote. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Beecham hand Ian a glass. It was empty in seconds.

"I'm here to see Lord Jackson. We were supposed to meet two nights ago, but he never showed up."

"Why were you meeting?" Jack swore that if he started giving him the run around he'd zat him again. The Tok'Ra's habit of hoarding valuable information was infuriating. Jack ignored that he'd done the same thing to the locals. That was different. He knew it was. Somehow. Jacob looked at their faces as if trying to decide how much to tell them. "Do not play your usual Tok'Ra games with me. I'm not in the mood. I need to know this and I need to know it now."

"The resistance never ended." Like that was a surprise to Jack. Maybe he could throw the man a curve and get him to swing at it.

"Do you know where Nirrti is?" Jack didn't let his satisfaction show. He had an advantage in that he knew Jacob, one Jacob anyway. The Tok'Ra hid it well, but he saw the surprise in his face for the split second it showed.

"No. We don't."

"Is that 'we' as in the two of you in that chair or 'we' as in there are other Tok'Ra agents around?" He didn't really expect Jacob to answer that one, so he gave him a slider to swing at. "Tell me it's not Anise! That woman has been nothing but trouble since the day I met her!" Damn! Jacob's face told him exactly what he didn't want to hear.

"You knew Anise and Rosha?"

"Rosha? What happened to Freya?" Jacob shook his head.

"I don't know of any host name Freya. Anise's current host is named Robert." He rubbed his hands together and clasped them in his lap. "Look, you seem to know quite a bit about us. I know you're not a Goa'uld, but I have no idea who you are or why you're here. That," he pointed to Jack's BDUs, "isn't a uniform I recognize from this planet. You must have come through the chappa'ai, am I right?"

"Nope, not at all. Didn't come through the gate." Seeing his confusion at the term Jack explained. "We call it a stargate."

"You have a ship?" Jacob looked hopeful.

"No, no ship."

"Jack, just tell him! You've already decided he's on our side. Just tell him." Ian had been sitting quietly, but was apparently getting as frustrated as Jacob.

"Yes, Jack just tell me." Jack couldn't help smiling a little. That sounded like their Jacob.

"Okay, but you may not believe me. Half the time I'm not really sure I believe it." Jack launched into an abbreviated version of who he was and what had happened. Jacob asked a few questions at the beginning. His eyes misted when Jack described his team but recovered and listened to everything intently.

"That's incredible. Karl?" Jacob spoke to Beecham for the first time since Jack and Ian entered the room. "Have you seen this mirror?"

"Not recently, Jacob, but I was in the room with Lord Cascadia and Doctor Jackson. Colonel O'Neill looks very much like his lordship's First Consort."

"Jonathan doesn't have as much gray. What can I say? It's Daniel's fault. Not a single gray hair when I met him. Not one!" Jack instantly missed Daniel's usual response to the accusation. Mostly, he just missed Daniel. It was like he was already gone.

"Where's Nirrti. We have to deal with him. We can't risk letting him go."

"He's secure for the moment, but you won't have to worry about Nirrti. We'll be taking him with us when we go." Jack stood up. Jacob and Ian joined him.

"Why would you take him with you? Do you have any idea how dangerous Nirrti is?"

"Oh, yeah, we've run into her a few times in our universe. She's dead now, though, so that won't be a problem." Jack gestured for Ian and then Jacob to precede him.

"Who killed her?" Jacob paused before following Ian.

"Some of her research subjects took care of that for us." Jack couldn't resist this part. He always got a kick out of it. "We did kill, let's see, Ra, Apophis. Had to kill him several times. Damn snake wouldn't stay dead. That bitch Hathor, Seth, Ammonet, Cronos, though it was actually Teal'c's robot double that killed him. There've been others, but I never can remember them all."

"You've been killing off System Lords?" Jacob looked scandalized. Seemed the Tok'Ra were the same no matter which universe they were from.

"It was that or let them kill us! Daniel and I kinda pissed them off when we took out Ra on Abydos." Jacob just shook his head and turned to join Ian at the bedroom door, which was slightly ajar. Jack nodded for Beecham to join them. Jose opened the door for them and they filed in. Jack raised his eyebrows at Jose who just shrugged. Jack accepted it. He probably would have listened in, too. At least they didn't have to go over it again. Jacob stopped near Nirrti, a look of hatred on his face. Jack tapped his shoulder and directed him to the bed where Caruthers was taking Daniel's pulse again.

"How's Doctor Jackson?" Jacob kept glancing back over his shoulder at the bound Goa'uld.

"He's fine. He'll sleep for a few more hours, but I can't guarantee what his condition will be when he wakes up." Caruthers shook his head. "What can you tell us about the tainted drugs?"

"Not a thing. That's Anise's area."

"Why am I not surprised?" Jack wished that particular snake was in the room, just so he could have the pleasure of zatting her, him into oblivion. "Nothing like a little collateral damage to catch a snake, um, Jacob?"

"What? You think we did this?" Jacob looked shocked at the suggestion.

"Oh, come on! This has Tok'Ra written all over it. Anise tried to alter the virus and screwed up."

"No! It wasn't us!" That sounded suspiciously like Jacob telling the truth.

"Nirrti seemed to think we had something to do with messing up her 'experiment' as she called it. If it wasn't you and it wasn't us, then who was it? I can't believe she'd ever trust anyone enough for one of her pet snakes to have the opportunity." Just when he thought the rollercoaster was heading into the station, it took another dip.

"You're right. Nirrti never gave her lieutenants that much power." Jacob shook his head. "Damn! We've got another Goa'uld and no way to get reinforcements."

"Oh. You don't know, then." Jack loved being able to tell Tok'Ra stuff they should already know.

"Know what?"

"The gate's here and apparently Nirrti brought the DHD along when he showed up yesterday." Jacob looked confused. "DHD. The thingy you dial to make the gate work."

"Oh! It's here? Mel told me weeks ago that he'd sent the chappa'ai here, I've been trying to figure out an energy source for it. He never told me he even had the control unit. Where is it?"

"The gate's doing a lovely impersonation of a sundial in the backyard and Ian should know where the DHD is." Jack raised his eyebrows at Ian.

"It's in one of the storage buildings."

"I hope you know how to hook it up. I would also suggest you move it somewhere a bit more secure." Jack shivered dramatically. "Gives me the willies thinking of it just sitting there." Ian had joined Jose and Beecham, who seemed pathological about his job, was straightening up. Caruthers was writing in a journal, probably Daniel's medical file. "Look, Jacob, do you happen to have one of those healing devices on you?"

"No, I don't carry it with me." Jack sighed. It had been a long shot, but worth a try.

"Healing device?" Caruthers was as bad as Frasier.

"Don't get excited Doc, you've got to have a snake in your head to use it."

"Sir, what does it look like?" Beecham appeared at Jack's elbow making him jump.

"Karl! Don't do that!" Jack glared at the servant. "It's about yea big," he held out his palm to demonstrate the size, "and has a big red jewel thing in the middle. Fits over the hand." Beecham seemed to think for a moment then he nodded.

"I do remember seeing something like that in his lordship's collection. I helped him catalog everything Lord Jackson sent to him." Maybe that god Jack wasn't sure he believed existed was there after all.

"Is it here? Can you get it?" Beecham nodded and Jack shooed him toward the door. "Go! Hurry!" He turned to Jacob. "Can that dissipate the drugs?" Jacob's eyes flashed and Selmac answered.

"It depends on what was used. The healing device is usually used to heal physical injuries and cure illnesses. We tried to use it to cure the plague, but were unsuccessful. I have used it to heal the damage caused by poisons, but without knowing more about the chemicals involved, I cannot be sure it would work."

"Will you try?"

"I will try." Jacob's head dipped a moment.

"We can't promise anything, but we'll give it a shot." It seemed there was another snake running around, but if Jacob could heal them, Jack had to figure things were looking up. "Colonel is it?"

"Please, just Jack. It feels weird having you be so formal." So close. So close to getting out of here. They could deal with their snake problem on their own.

"I take it you know me, the other Jacob well?" He settled down in the chair Caruthers had been in earlier, close to the door and with a clear view of Nirrti. Jack nodded.

"He's our liaison with the Tok'Ra. He and Selmac are good friends." Jack gave him a quick rundown on his Jacob then realized what he wasn't asking. "Sam Carter's the best second I've ever had." Jacob smiled ruefully.

"I can't quite picture my Sammie in the Air Force."

"She hates it when her dad calls her that." Jacob laughed.

"So did mine." Beecham entered the room after a quiet knock, for which Jack was grateful. Jacob looked relieved as well. The conversation was heading into deep waters and Jack was too wrung out to deal with that.

"Is this the device you requested?" Beecham pulled a healing device out of his pocket.

"Yes! Thank you Karl, I could kiss you right now!" Beecham looked a little taken aback. "But I won't. Don't worry. Jacob? Do your stuff." Jack waved him to the bed and stopped by the side of it, watching as Jacob stood over Daniel with his hands hovering over the supine man. The device activated and a golden glow began at Daniel's chest and flowed outward. For a moment, Jack was back in an isolation room and Daniel was wrapped in bandages. He blinked and the image corrected itself. Jack wasn't going to lose him again. Somehow, someway they'd make this work. Even if he could never touch him again, Daniel would be in his life. Jack wasn't going to let him go no matter what. The glow faded and Jacob lowered his arms. "Well?"

"There was some minor damage to most of his organs." Jack felt light headed. "I was able to heal that, including the areas of the brain that were involved, but he's still got traces of the chemicals you mentioned in his system. I tried to speed up their dispersal, but it's going to take some time for them to be broken down completely. I don't think there's enough left to cause any more problems, though." He shook his head. "It's difficult to tell. I've never run into them before. Selmac's guessing." He turned to the doctor. "Your sedative should wear off fairly soon. I couldn't be too selective on what was being metabolized."

"Brain damage?" Jack locked his knees to keep from collapsing.

"Very minor. It might have healed on it's own with the chemicals gone. The human brain has a great capacity to rewire itself at need." He looked thoughtful. "It could account for some of the more bizarre behavior among the fertile men." He shook his head again. "I never thought I'd find myself wishing for a sarcophagus, but we're going to need a lot more hands if we're going to be able to heal every damaged man on this planet."

"You'd do that?" Caruthers was almost salivating.

"Aht! You two can discuss that after we're gone. Jacob, you tired?"

"No, not especially. The damage wasn't that severe, why?"

"Cuz, I could use a turn with that." Jack looked at Caruthers who grinned in understanding.

"You? Oh!" Jack had skirted the details of what had happened to him, but Jacob was a smart man. "Of course. Sit down and I'll see what I can do." Jack handed the zat to Jose then sat carefully in one of the overstuffed armchair watching Jacob raise the device over him. Being in a sarcophagus was easy, he went in, kinda fell asleep and when it opened he felt better. This was different. There was some pain involved in being awake while the device worked, but Jack bore it stoically. At least with this he wouldn't be facing days in the infirmary. Or prison, for that matter. It was well worth the pain. Jacob finished and Jack felt better than he had in ages. Not only were his wounds healed, but also the constant dull ache in his knees was gone. He rarely noticed it anymore, but its absence was incredible.

"Very glad you happened to stop by today, Jacob." Jack stood rubbing his hand together and reveling in his newfound pain-free state. The knowledge that there was no longer a court martial in his future didn't hurt his mood, either. The way he felt now, he almost thought they could dispense with the stretcher altogether. At this rate, he could carry Daniel down to the mirror by himself. Fortunately, his good sense reminded him that if he wanted to enjoy his fixed knees for a while longer, he shouldn't be lugging more than his own body weight down long flights of stairs if he didn't have to. "So, how do we carry two men down the stairs without the rest of the household seeing us? Suggestions?"

CHAPTER 26

"Tell me about them, Daniel." Doctor Frasier sat speaking quietly with him in their room while she fed the baby. This time their daughter was wrapped in a bright yellow blanket. Another gift from the industrious Cassie. Jonathan was asleep in the big bed having insisted on being up with their daughter several times during the night. Daniel's strength was returning rapidly, for which he was most grateful. Best of all, though, his mind felt sharp and alive for the first time in years. The remnants of an embarrassingly large meal sat on the table and still Daniel continued to nibble. His appetite had come back stronger than he'd remembered it ever being. Daniel had found himself eyeing Jonathan's meal sitting under cover waiting for him when he woke. He knew he'd had enough, but it didn't feel like it. He ignored the kiwi he'd set aside from his own fruit plate for Jonathan. He'd always loved kiwi but they hadn't seen one in almost a decade. So he'd left it. Kiwi was one of Jonathan's favorites.

They'd convinced the doctor to let them return to their room the night before. She'd insisted that nurses come in regularly to check on them, which neither of them objected to. Newborns were a lot of work, no matter how experienced the parents were. Jonathan was recovering well from the birth and while this wasn't as good as being home, it was much nicer than the well equipped, if sterile, isolation room they'd had. Daniel swallowed the last bite of pineapple and wondered if his second father-in-law could get them regular supplies of the fruit. He wasn't sure how good their crop was. He missed pineapple.

"We have seven little boys. Jonathan and Ian both had two and Jose had three." He smiled, thinking of his boys. He missed them much more than pineapple. Daniel couldn't wait to introduce them to their sister. He anticipated some interesting discussions about the differences between boys and girls. Maybe he'd leave those to Jonathan. He grinned at the thought. "Nicolas is the oldest, he's five and quite a handful." Jonathan always said their oldest reminded him of Daniel, but only when he was getting himself and his brothers into trouble. "Next is Alex. He's also five, but a couple of months younger. Then comes Sean who's four, Robert's almost four and Patrick turned three in August. Finally the twins, Raphael and Stefan. They're two. They're both quite good at it." Doctor Frasier laughed. She'd told him that her own daughter was adopted at the age of twelve, but her laugh told him she knew something about little ones and the trouble they could get into. "Nick is usually getting himself into things and Pat seems to always be right there in the thick of if it with him. Alex is a bit of a loner, but he looks out for the younger boys almost obsessively. He's very protective of Sean and Robby." Daniel could hear the pride in his voice as he talked about his family, but saw no reason to deny it. He'd always known that he'd need to provide an heir for his House, but given his lack of interest in women, especially since meeting Jonathan, he really hadn't given it much serious thought. Now he had eight children and would likely have many more in the future. He never thought of the children he sired on the men sent to him as his. "I imagine when the twins get a little older, they'll be trailing along behind as fast as their little legs will carry them."

"And now they have a sister." Doctor Frasier pulled the nipple out of the baby's mouth and set the bottle down to free her hands so she could bring her to her shoulder to try and coax a burp out of the now indignant newborn. Daniel had to work to resist taking over. He forced himself to relax and let the woman have her moment with his daughter. His daughter. He took his glasses off for a moment and rubbed his eyes, disguising wiping away the moisture as simply rubbing eyes tired from interrupted sleep. "Have you two decided what you're going to name her?" Daniel grinned again as he replaced his glasses. They had decided just before Jonathan laid down for his nap, but as had become customary in their family, it wasn't for him to say. His husband would kill him if Daniel didn't wake him for this.

"Let me wake Jonathan. It's his place to tell you." Doctor Frasier, hampered as she was by the baby now gobbling down her dinner again, couldn't object too strenuously to his intention. "No, it's all right. He's been sleeping for several hours now. He really should eat, anyway." She wasn't happy but seemed to accept his reasoning. Daniel stood, delighted again that he'd been able to do away with the blasted wheelchair, and walked to the bed. He sat down next to his husband and gently ran his hand through the tired man's hair. Getting no reaction he leaned down and pressed a light kiss to his lips then spoke softly, "Love? You need to wake up and have some dinner. Lunch. Whatever." Jonathan sighed and moved in his sleep. Daniel knew exactly how he'd wake him if it weren't for their visitor. Instead, he cupped the older man's cheek and spoke in a normal tone of voice. "Jonathan. I need you to wake up." That reached him. Hazy brown eyes squinted up at him in the low light.

"D'n'y? Whz wr'ng?" Jonathan blinked a few times and started trying to sit up.

"Nothing's wrong, love, it's just time for you to eat. You've been sleeping for hours." Daniel helped him sit back against the headboard, with pillows to support his back. Jonathan always complained of back pain after birth. Devon had said it was just strained muscles readjusting to the lack of pull on them, but whatever the reason, between them and the abdominal incision, it took Jonathan a while to get back on his feet properly. "And before you ask, Doctor Frasier stopped by and she's feeding the baby right now." Daniel moved aside so Jonathan could see the woman and child across the room.

"Shall I bring her to you, Jonathan?" Doctor Frasier started to get up, but Jonathan gestured for her to remain where she was.

"No, not right now. I'm not really awake enough and you look like you've got it under control." He smiled at her and Daniel could tell he was still tired, but that wouldn't change for a couple of weeks at least. Daniel smiled with him then forced his smile to stay steady as he arranged the infirmary table for his husband and brought him his dinner. Jonathan took longer and longer to bounce back after every birth. He didn't like to think of his beloved husband getting older, but he was. He didn't have all of Jack's gray, but the pregnancies had taken their toll in their own way. Daniel's father had been nagging him to take another consort, but Daniel was reluctant. Even though more consorts would relieve him of his extra duties to the Reproductive Council's directives, their household was settled and happy. He didn't want to do anything that might upset that. His father had suggested that another consort might relieve the pressure of having Jonathan bearing so often. Daniel was torn and knew he'd have to discuss it with the others eventually. Maybe he'd let them find someone. That was for later. Right now they had something much more pleasant to discuss.

"Love," Jonathan looked up from his sandwich, "Doctor Frasier asked me what names we decided on." His husband's eyes twinkled as he swallowed.

"Ah." Jonathan wiped his mouth with his napkin and pushed his fruit serving closer to Daniel's side of the table and patted the edge of bed next to him. "Why don't you work on that pineapple for me while I tell her." Daniel started to object, but got a mock stern look in response. Instead, he winked at Jonathan as he sat and popped half a pineapple ring in his mouth. They hadn't seen even canned pineapple in far too long. "In my family, a first, middle and last name were quite enough, but since I married up," he slapped Daniel's thigh, "the kids get more names than any one person needs." Now it was Jonathan's turn to wink and grin. They were both enjoying this far too much. Daniel knew it was at least partly due to the absence of the tainted drugs in their systems, but that didn't account for the general air of giddiness they shared. They had a living, breathing, healthy daughter and every expectation that she'd stay that way. Of course they were giddy. Jonathan turned back to their guest who was now holding their little miracle and slowly rocking her into a sated sleep. His eyes grew moist and Daniel put his arm around him and hugged him placing a kiss against the side of his head. He rested his head against Jonathan's and held him, both of them looking at the woman and child across the room. "Our first daughter's name was Claire, for Danny's mother." Daniel hugged him a little tighter, sharing comfort at the thought of not only their lost child but of the woman they'd both loved dearly. She'd accepted Jonathan in his life so easily just as she'd always accepted everything about her unconventional son. Daniel missed her more every day.

"So you're naming her for your mother then?" Daniel silently blessed this woman for not dwelling on their obvious grief.

"Mom's name was Margaret and yes, that's one of her names." Jonathan's mother had died before the invasion and Daniel was grateful for that small mercy. Losing them both at the same time would have been horrendous.

"Just tell her, Jonny." That earned him a raised eyebrow. Maybe Jonathan wouldn't have hated nicknames so much if his mother had called him Jack instead.

"Since the boss here insists," Daniel shook his head in exasperation and rubbed Jonathan's shoulder. "Her name is Janet Margaret Claire Maria O'Neill Jackson." Doctor Frasier stopped her rocking and just stared at them with a surprised, and Daniel thought, pleased expression. She looked down at the baby sleeping in her arms and blinked rapidly. Daniel pressed a tender kiss on his husband's cheek and squeezed his shoulder once before releasing him and getting off the bed. He went to Doctor Frasier's side and knelt down next to her.

"Doctor, Janet, our daughter," Daniel placed one hand on his daughter, just feeling her breathe, "is alive because of you. We're honored to have her bear your name." He rose a little and placed a chaste kiss on the woman's cheek, then released his Janet and gently brushed the tears from the doctor's face. She turned her beautiful brown eyes to meet his. "We gave her life, but because of you, she has the chance to live it." Daniel was surprised when she raised her own hand to wipe his cheeks. He hadn't realized his own tears had fallen. "Every daughter my husbands bear me will carry your name in honor of the woman who saved their lives."

"Just not the first one, cuz that would just be too weird." Daniel covered his mouth to keep from laughing out loud and waking the baby. Doctor Frasier did the same and they both turned to look at Jonathan who sat innocently working through his meal. "Somewhere in the middle will be great, though." Jonathan winked at them and stuffed half a kiwi into his mouth. Leave it to Jonathan to lighten the mood. Daniel turned his attention back to the woman in front of him.

"I don't know what to say. I'm beyond honored." She looked flustered and Daniel took pity on her.

"You don't have to say anything. You never have to say anything, Janet. There's no way we can ever thank you enough, but we can do this." She shifted the child sleeping in her arms and Daniel stood up. "Here, she's sleeping well. I should probably go and make sure SG6 hasn't conned their way out of the infirmary yet." She stood up carefully and handed the tiny yellow bundle to Daniel. He suspected her patients were only part of the reason she needed to leave. He'd seen how she held herself around others. Cheerful, yet always in control. He understood the need. Daniel tucked his daughter into the crook of one arm and walked the doctor to the doorway. She opened the door, but then turned to speak before leaving.

"Jonathan, someone will be by to do your afternoon checks in a little while. I'll make sure they wait a little so you can finish your lunch." She looked up at Daniel as if she wanted to say something, but closed her mouth and smiled while her eyes misted again as she looked at her namesake. Daniel put his free arm around her and pulled her to him resting his cheek on the top of her head.

"Thank you, again, Janet. For everything." He released her and she nodded as she turned to walk through the door. Daniel caught her wiping her cheek as he closed the door behind her.

"Every girl named Janet?" Jonathan's voice drew him back from the door. "Danny, I don't ever want to hear you tell me you're not sentimental again." Daniel chuckled and went back to sit next to Jonathan. He continued to hold little Janet in one arm and rested his other hand on his husband's thigh. Jonathan rested his head on Daniel's shoulder and gently twitched the blanket away from their daughter's face. "She's so beautiful, Daniel." Daniel leaned his head against his husband's while they watched her sleep. "Move this table, would you, and then come back to bed." Daniel glanced at the table and saw that Jonathan hadn't eaten half of what was there. The pain medicine sometimes dulled his appetite along with making him sleepy. All the kiwi was gone, though.

"Sure you're finished?" He handed Jonathan the baby just as his husband yawned. Daniel eased off the bed so as not to jostle the healing man.

"Yeah. Maybe I'll finish it later after another nap." Daniel rolled the table to the side and recovered the dishes. He debated trying to fit it all in the little refrigerator in the room, but decided he was too tired. His body was reacting to the large meal and all he wanted to do now was sleep. With the table out of the way, he toed off his shoes, set his glasses on the bedside table and slipped out of the stretchy pants he'd been given. They were comfortable, but he didn't want to sleep in them. At home they slept nude, but neither of them felt comfortable with that here, especially not with medical personnel coming and going.

Daniel helped Jonathan ease down into bed and then rearranged the pillows. Jonathan commandeered one to put on his other side. He tucked little Janet into the crook of that arm and then used the pillow to support her. Daniel slipped into bed next to him noting the time automatically. So far, she'd proven to be a good sleeper. They might have four hours before she woke them. If Daniel was lucky, he could sleep through Jonathan's checkup. He leaned up for a moment to make sure the baby was settled then stretched carefully out on his side next to Jonathan. There was an art to sleeping with his husbands right after they'd given birth without hurting them and Daniel was an expert. He sighed and relaxed into the feeling of his love's body along the full length of his. He rested his head partly on the pillow, partly on Jonathan's shoulder and wrapped his arm across his husband's chest. Jonathan turned his face toward him and they kissed softly. Even if the baby weren't sleeping with them, Jonathan wouldn't be up to much more for weeks, but for now, this was enough. This was everything. The kiss ended and Daniel nuzzled the side of Jonathan's face for a moment before changing position a little. He squirmed until his head was resting on Jonathan's chest, his arm over his waist, and his hand on their sleeping daughter. He closed his eyes and murmured, "Sleep well, my love."

"You, too, Danny." Jonathan's soft, drowsy rumble was the last thing he knew before sleep claimed him.

Daniel was almost on his feet before he realized he was awake. He heard the baby crying in her quiet way and he quickly moved around the bed to get to her before Jonathan woke all the way up. "I've got her love, just go back to sleep." His husband yawned and nodded then settled back to sleep. Apparently his luck had held because Daniel didn't remember rousing at all for Jonathan's checkup. He carried little Janet to the dresser that had been designated as a changing table. He spoke softly to the fussy baby and quickly cleaned her up and changed her into a new diaper. Daniel reminded her that she'd enjoy her bottle more if she was comfortable, but she apparently disagreed. They always did. Daniel was just glad that she wasn't a screamer. He settled into the rocking chair with her and watched with tired amusement as she gripped the nipple in her mouth, barely getting any formula in her urgency. With practiced ease, he coaxed her to relax and soon she was suckling with determination.

The twins had been impossible and all four of them had been run ragged taking care of them as well as the other children. Not only two newborns, but both had colic for their first few months. If it hadn't been for Jonathan and Ian, he and Jose would have gone mad. If it hadn't been for the rest of the household, he didn't know what they would have done. Daniel always wondered how parents without household staffs made it. Especially those with more than one bearing man. Bearing men without husbands often moved in together, even if they didn't marry. It was more a convenient necessity than a marriage. The Reproductive Council funded home help for men who needed it, but it was never enough. Daniel had hired men to help out in the village near his estate and even loaned out any of his household staff that wanted to help men in the district. But that was just one village, one district. There had to be more he could do. He needed to talk to the others and see what ideas they had. Between them, they should be able to come up with something.

Daniel brought little Janet to his shoulder to burp her when someone knocked at the door. He got up, snagged his glasses from the table and slipped them on before opening the door. Once open Daniel was surprised to see Jack waiting in the corridor. "Jack? Is something wrong?" Surely they hadn't been gone two days.

"Hey, you got rid of the chair. That's great!" Daniel nodded as he stood aside to let the other man in, gesturing with his head toward his sleeping husband and pressing a finger to his lips. He went back to the rocking chair and sat down, offering the baby the last of her bottle. That's when he remembered he was sitting there in his shorts and a t-shirt. He shook his head and decided it was too late to do anything about it. Jack sat uneasily next to him, studying his hands, the floor, the walls, anything but making eye contact. Daniel's worry escalated. This wasn't a man nervous about his host's state of undress. "Tell me, Jack. What's happened? Are the children okay? Ian and Jose?" Jack finally looked at him, but his startled expression told Daniel he was on the wrong track. He sighed and relaxed. His family was fine.

"No, Daniel, it's okay. The kids are still at your Dad's. Ian called them just before we left. Seems Nick decided he wanted to go to the park yesterday and Pat tagged along. They just didn't bother to tell anyone else they were going." Daniel shook his head at his son's independent streak. No matter how often he blamed Jonathan for it, deep down, he knew exactly where it came from. "Scared your uncle, but the boys are fine. Jose and Ian are good, too. Yeah, they're, they're good." Maybe not so fine after all. That sounded a lot like Jonathan trying to evade a question he didn't want to answer.

"Jack?"

"Hey, you've got Frasier walking around two feet off the ground. She's going to be gloating for weeks." His half-hearted smile didn't comfort Daniel at all.

"Damnit, Jack! Tell me what's wrong!" In his exasperation, Daniel raised his voice, startling the baby and getting a snort and a mumble from the man in the bed. He quickly soothed little Janet and got her suckling again, giving his visitor a dirty look in the process. Jack had the good grace to look guilty, but then Daniel realized he'd had an air of guilt surrounding him since he got there.

"Look there's no easy way to say this, so let me just say it." Jack finally made eye contact with him. "Nirrti's alive." Daniel's mouth dropped open. His mind whirled. With everything that had been going on recently, he hadn't given much thought to the source of the problems they'd been having. Those two words said it all. But how could it be?

"No, she can't be. They found her body. My dad was there!" Jack shook his head and Daniel's heart sank. These people knew more about their enemy than anyone in his world.

"You found the old host. The snake found a new one." Jack rubbed his face. "Nirrti has apparently been changing hosts to do her dirty work. The latest one showed up at your place. We brought him with us, stuck him in a holding cell." Janet chose that moment to finish her bottle and Daniel settled her in his arms and began to rock her to sleep while he tried to assimilate what Jack had told him.

"Why?" What possessed them to bring her, him here?

"Why what?" Jack looked genuinely puzzled.

"Why did you bring him here? Why didn't you just kill him? Why is Nirrti still alive?" He spit the words out with more venom than he'd thought he possessed. "I'll do it. Give me gun. I'll do it if you won't!" Daniel felt rage building within him. All the pain and anguish of the past few years boiled to the surface. At last he had the opportunity to vent it at the source.

"No, Daniel. No, you won't. There's more." Jack seemed to be struggling with something. How could there be more? Wasn't the monster's survival enough?

"Look, the reason we didn't kill him right away," Jack held up a finger in a very Jonathan-like manner so Daniel kept silent forcing himself to keep his rocking sedate. He didn't want to let his rage spill over onto his daughter. "We can save the host, but we had to bring him here to do it." Daniel was incredulous.

"Save the host? Anyone who sided with that monster," Jack's cringe at the word just fueled Daniel's rage, "deserves to die!" Daniel was trembling. Jack started to speak, but Daniel shook his head violently. His daughter was deeply asleep, which was the only reason he hadn't disturbed her. He took a deep breath and stood, walking slowly toward the bed. He carefully settled her in the crook of Jonathan's arm making sure the pillow gave them both support. His husband murmured in his sleep and shifted a little to accommodate the baby's presence. Daniel ran his hand through Jonathan's hair, "Jonathan? I'm going out for a bit." Jonathan opened his eyes a little and yawned as he nodded. "I'll be back before she wakes up, but if not, there's another bottle ready for her." The sleepy man nodded again and reached for Daniel's hand. "Did your checkup go okay?" Another nod and a quick smile flashed across Daniel's face. Peace flowed through him at the sight of his husband and daughter sleeping peacefully. He leaned down and kissed little Janet's forehead and then Jonathan's. He wouldn't allow anything to harm them.

Daniel shot a cold glance at Jack standing stiffly by the door as he went to the closet and began to dress. They couldn't talk about this here. He knew he couldn't hold onto his temper much longer and he wasn't going to drag Jonathan into this right now. He'd tell him about it later, but the man had enough on his plate with recovering from childbirth. Daniel did his best to shield his husbands from whatever hardship he could. They had enough to deal with. It was the least he could for them. Dressed he strode to the door and gestured for Jack to follow him out.

"Daniel!" Jack stopped him in the corridor after they passed the security detail watching their suite. He looked almost as angry as Daniel felt.

"I don't know what you think you're doing, but whatever it is, I won't let it happen!" Daniel wanted to grab the man and shove him against the wall and beat some sense into him. Only years of controlling his rages gave him the strength to resist the urge. Daniel headed back down the corridor. Maybe General Hammond would give him some information.

"Damnit, listen to me!" Jack grabbed his arm as he passed and jerked Daniel around to face him. He angrily shook Jack's hand off of him.

"What!" Jack had no right to look at him like that. Their world hadn't suffered. They didn't have to struggle every day just to make sure there was a next generation to carry on. They didn't have to watch their children sicken and die because some monstrous bitch decreed it should happen. Daniel couldn't stand the look on that too familiar face any longer. He grabbed Jack by his shirt and slammed him against the wall. "We trusted you, damnit! Now you want to help them?"

"It's your dad!" Daniel replayed the words in his head over and over trying to make sense of them. Dimly he heard someone ask Jack if he needed help. Jack just shook his head and kept his eyes on Daniel's. "The goold don't take willing hosts. He hasn't done anything wrong. We can get rid of the snake. We can save him." Daniel got the impression there was someone Jack hadn't been able to save.

"No. You're mistaken. It's a mistake." That's it; somehow they've made a mistake. His father couldn't possibly be a host.

"Oh, I don't know. I think the eyes lighting up and the weird voice and nearly frying Daniel's brain with a hand device kinda gave it away." Daniel shook his head, still denying what Jack had told him. God, Dad, no! I can't loose you, too! "I want to see him."

"Oh, Daniel, that's a very bad idea." Daniel dropped his hands from Jack's shirt and stepped back. Jack waved a hand to someone and Daniel followed the movement he caught out of the corner of his eye. The security detail had been standing right behind him, ready to come to Jack's aid.

"He's my father! You have no right to keep him from me!" This was a mistake. He'd clear it up, but he had to talk to his father to do it. Surely there was no way a Goa'uld could fool him. He knew Melburn Jackson better than anyone alive.

"Daniel." Jack looked uncertain for a moment, then his expression changed. "You know what? You're right. You want to see him? I'll take you down myself." Jack headed purposefully down the corridor toward the elevator. "And when I've done this for you, there's something you've got to do for me. But if you pass out or have a fit or something, you get to explain it to Frasier."

The rest of their journey to the holding cells was made in silence. Daniel wavered between rage and stark terror. The closer they got, the stronger his terror became. When they stopped at the armory so Jack could check out a weapon, Daniel almost objected, but the forbidding look on his companion's face dissuaded him. What if Jack was right?

The corridors were narrower and seemed darker than the ones he'd begun to grow used to. Daniel began to feel claustrophobic. The concave walls made it feel like some sort of animal warren. The only color was on the pipes running from floor to ceiling at the end. The bright, primary colors looked jarringly out of place. He felt as if he was walking through a nightmare. They turned to the right at the end and Jack knocked on the door before them. The sound of the lock being released seemed to echo in the small space. The door opened and Jack motioned the guard aside. Daniel followed Jack into the space on the other side. He barely noticed the guard leaving, closing the door behind him. Cells bound the small central space. Bare bulbs cast more shadow than light. The shadows of bars lining the floor reminded Daniel of a disturbing painting he'd once seen half completed in Ian's studio not long after the invasion. In the painting, the shadowed lines had been joined by the shadow of a dangling body and the rope it hung by. Daniel blinked and the image from the painting faded. He'd never asked Ian about it and hadn't seen it since.

"Danny?" Daniel started at the voice. Jack stood in front of the cell his father's voice came from. As he walked slowly to stand by Jack, he saw lines of red light running parallel behind the bars. A figure rose from the shadowed bunk and approached the light. For a moment, the shadows cast across the man's face lent a demonic air to his features. Then his father stepped closer and the illusion was shattered. "Danny, thank god! You've got to get me out of here!" He sounded almost panicked.

"Oh, here we go. It won't work, Nirrti, we know who you are." Jack stood calmly beside him, looking more bored than anything else.

"Dad? Are you all right?" This wasn't right. This couldn't be happening.

"For now, son, but," he paused, "look, I need to talk to you alone." His father looked pointedly at Jack.

"That is not going to happen. I'm not going to leave him alone with you so you can mess with his head." Daniel was confused, desperate. He trusted his father and Jonathan more than anyone else in any universe. He looked at Jack, but at the moment all he could see was his husband. They were so much alike. He had tried to keep them separate in his mind, but it was almost impossible. His head knew the difference, but his heart told him to trust the man at his side. He looked back to his father, the shadows of the bars painted across his face reinforcing his captivity. He and his father had often been at odds over the years, but Daniel had never questioned the man's integrity, his loyalty or their love each other. His father had always made him feel safe.

"Jack, please, let us have a few minutes." Jack pursed his lips and shook his head.

"Not going to happen, Daniel." He pointed at the man in the cell. "That is a Goa'uld. Until we get Nirrti out of his head, you can't trust a word he says."

"Danny! Don't listen to him! Nirrti's dead! I saw her body myself! You saw the pictures! How could I be her?" God, Dad, I don't know what to do! Daniel wanted to believe him. Wanted to believe this was some horrible mistake. He stared into his father's dark eyes and couldn't help but wonder who was looking back at him.

"They tell me the Goa'uld can change hosts." Daniel wished he could wake up. This had to be a nightmare.

"Danny, please! You've got to believe me!" His father took another step toward the bars, but stopped just shy of the lines of light. "Your mother would have believed me." Daniel blinked in shock. He took a step backward before he realized he was moving. His reservations vanished in a heartbeat. Daniel went cold inside, his earlier rage distilled into icy determination, leaving his voice hard and cold.

"I'm done here, Jack. We can go now." Daniel turned on his heel and strode across the small room to the door, waiting while Jack released the lock and opened it again. Before leaving, Daniel turned back to the cell. "If you can hear me Dad, please trust me. I'm going to get you out of this. Just hang on for a while longer." The man in the cell smiled and Daniel knew his father had never borne that particular expression in his life. Then his eyes flashed with an inhuman light. Daniel shivered.

"Don't be silly, Lord Cascadia. Nothing of the host survives."

"They love saying that," Jack put his hand on Daniel's shoulder and pulled him toward the door, "even though they know it's not true." They let the guard back in and began their journey away from Daniel's nightmare. They walked in silence before Daniel found his voice.

"Tell me how this happened and how, how we save him." They left the narrow corridors behind and headed to the elevator. Daniel was completely lost. He really hadn't been paying attention on the way down.

"As to how it happened, don't know. We'll ask your Dad when he's himself again." Daniel watched Jack run his security card through the reader at the elevator. He'd said 'when he's himself again'. Jack sounded so certain. When the doors opened, they went in and Jack punched the number for the infirmary's floor. "As for how we're going to get Nirrti out of him, there's a lovely little planet called Cimmeria that we're going to take him to. Nice folks. My buddy Thor," Daniel still stumbled over the idea that these people had aliens for friends, "gave them this wonderful device called Thor's Hammer. They go in, but only your Dad comes out." Daniel nodded. He wanted more information, but wasn't sure he could take it all in at the moment. "What tipped you off in there, anyway?" Daniel looked at Jack and shrugged.

"Dad would never have used Mom like that." It had taken years for his father to even mention his dead wife. Long years when Daniel would have gladly shared his grief, but that had been the one thing his father couldn't share. It had only been since the boys had started to ask questions about the family that he'd started to open up again. But even during the worst of their arguments, his father had never thrown his mother in Daniel's face.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Why did you let me?" There was no accusation in Daniel's question, just curiosity.

"Because I know you. You're just like my Daniel. Once you get an idea in your head, there's no getting around you. Stubborn as a whole pack of mules." Jack looked down at the floor and Daniel sensed something was up.

"Speaking of your Daniel, where is he? I'd have thought he would have come with you." Jack's face grew still and he seemed to close in on himself. "He's all right, isn't he?"

"He's going to be fine." Daniel wasn't sure whom the other man was trying to convince.

"What happened?"

"Oh, nothing much. Nirrti thought it would be a hoot to dose us with your drugs." The older man tried to make light of it, but the mention of the drugs hit all of Daniel's internal alarms.

"He drugged you both?" He tried to imagine himself and Jonathan both suffering the effects of his fertility drugs. Daniel checked Jack for signs of injury, but didn't see any. Jack's words came back to him. And when I've done this for you, there's something you've got to do for me. Daniel looked over the control panel, but wasn't sure what he was seeing. "Can you stop this thing?" Jack hesitated and then hit a button on the panel. The elevator came to a halt. "Jack, tell me. Are you all right?" The other man looked uncomfortable.

"Me? Yeah, me, I'm good." Daniel crossed his arms and waited. "Look, Daniel got your stuff and I got Jonathan's." Jack's face flushed. Oh. Daniel closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. When he'd collected himself, he opened his eyes again to see Jack studying the floor.

"Jack," Daniel spoke softly, "are you and your Daniel," he paused, not sure what term would be appropriate here, "lovers?" Jack's discomfort seemed to grow. Daniel wasn't sure if that meant they were or weren't.

"Yes," Jack drew the word out, "and no." Daniel's eyebrows rose.

"What does that mean?" He had a feeling he knew what Jack wanted from him, but he had to know the whole situation if he was going to be any help at all.

"We, um," Jack put his hands behind his back and stood up straight as if drawing strength from the action. "We are, but it's a recent, um, thing." The man's hands buried themselves in his pockets as his shoulders slumped.

"Recent." Daniel sighed at Jack's nod. "So you hadn't," he waved his hand and let his voice trail off, again uncertain how to broach such a delicate subject with this familiar stranger.

"Uh, no." Again, Jack seemed to find the floor and their shoes fascinating.

"But now," again he let his words die out.

"Yep." Daniel's heart sank at Jack's one word response. He remembered what he'd been like when he first started taking the fertility drugs. He'd been so grateful that he and Jonathan had already been lovers for years. They'd enjoyed rough sex on occasion, but he'd been so out of control those first few times it had scared him afterward. He'd felt so guilty he hadn't been able to touch Jonathan for weeks after. In those days, Jonathan had been in much better shape than he was now. He'd been able to help Daniel restrain himself some and had been able to take it when things got out of control. It had taken Daniel years to develop the level of control he had now. But he was still terrified when faced with a virgin.

Jose had nearly broken off their betrothal when Daniel insisted they make love a few times prior to using the drugs for conception. It wasn't until Jonathan explained things to him that he understood that it was for his own safety. He was still sometimes terrified of being with Ian. Ian was so much smaller, seemed so much more fragile, even though he knew he wasn't. Daniel had started to consider that maybe it would be better if they were all together during the matings. Maybe the other two could restrain him before he hurt whoever he was impregnating. Daniel ran his hands over his face roughly. He felt the anger building again. Goddamn Nirrti! He wanted to wrap his hands around her neck. An image of his father laughing as he played with his grandsons flashed through his mind. Daniel clasped his hands behind his neck and squeezed. Dropping his arms, he wrapped them around himself and tried to focus on the matter at hand.

"Daniel? You okay?" Jack's voice startled him.

"Yeah." Who was he kidding? "No." Daniel shook his head. He didn't feel like he'd ever be okay again. "I will be." Jack managed to produce a quick smile in spite of his obvious discomfort over the situation. "Look, I have some idea of what you both must have gone through." He eyed Jack again. The man had been walking and moving easily. He certainly didn't look injured and no matter how capable he was physically, his Daniel was bigger and stronger. "I would have expected that you would be," he cleared his throat, "in some pain right about now. Um, why aren't you?" Before Jack could answer an alarm went off.

"Crap!" Jack slapped at the panel and the elevator started again. Apparently they'd been stopped too long. "Saved by the bell." Daniel must have shown his confusion at the unfamiliar phrase. "Don't ask me, I have no idea where that came from." He started to say something else, but didn't. Daniel heard it anyway. Ask Daniel.

When the elevator stopped, Jack all but dragged him into an isolation room. Daniel studied it for a moment then decided it wasn't the same one they'd been in before. Jack looked around suspiciously for a moment as if he was trying to see if he recognized it. Apparently, whatever he'd been expecting wasn't there and he relaxed as he closed the door behind them. "Before we visit Daniel, we need to talk." He grabbed a chair and gestured to Daniel to find a place to sit. Once settled, Jack began, haltingly at first, to tell him what had happened. Daniel knew he was leaving out quite a bit, but a lot of what Jack didn't say, Daniel was able to fill in. He listened to Jack's story calmly, trying to remember all the things the counselors had told them over the years. The other Daniel's disassociation sent a shiver down Daniel's spine. That could so easily have been him. Could be him. He set that to one side and refocused on the other man. One thing at a time.

When Jack got to his Daniel's manipulation of Jose and Ian, though, Daniel's calm shattered. "He did what?" His voice thundered through the room as he surged to his feet and started pacing angrily. That bastard touched them! He kissed them! Daniel picked up the chair he'd been sitting in and threw it across the room. The loud crash and the clatter that followed were satisfying, but it wasn't enough. Jack was standing now and in his fury Daniel grabbed him like he had in the corridor and slammed him against the wall like he had before. "What else did he do?" He jolted Jack against the wall again. "Did he fuck them? Did he impregnate them?" Daniel had always wondered what it meant when someone 'saw red', but now he knew. He wanted to kill the man who'd dared to touch his consorts. His husbands. In his absence, anyone would do. They were his and no one touched them! Suddenly Jack moved and before Daniel knew what was happening, their positions were reversed except that his cheek and shoulders were being pressed against the concrete. His glasses were askew on his face and one arm was held cruelly behind his back. He struggled and cursed but couldn't break Jack's grip. Daniel finally stilled, panting with effort.

"It's a good thing my system's clear of the drugs cuz I'm betting yours isn't. Whadaya think?" The drugs. Oh, god! What kind of monster was he? "What do you feel right now!" Jack shouted at him and Daniel struggled again, but the man's iron grip didn't lessen. "Possessive? Someone touched your men? Your property? Is that how you think of them? You own them?"

"NO! God, NO! I love them! I," Daniel gasped for breath. He didn't own them! They loved each other.

"It was the drugs! Daniel's pheromones were all over the place! The guys figured it out! The stuff in their drugs make them susceptible to your pheromones! It's like an addiction! They could no more resist Daniel than they can resist you!" It was as if all the air had been sucked from the room. Daniel knew he wasn't breathing and his heart felt like it would burst. Addiction. Addiction. The word ran circles in Daniel's mind. They were addicted to him. They didn't love him. He was nothing more than a narcotic to them. Air rushed into his lungs and he sagged against the pressure holding him up. Jack shifted his grip and helped lower Daniel to the floor when his knees refused to hold him any longer. Daniel folded his legs up in front of him, wrapped his arms around them and buried his face in his knees. Strong arms wrapped around him. He started to pull away, he didn't deserve comfort, but he couldn't do it. The happiness Daniel thought he'd created for himself and his family had come crashing down around him and he couldn't face it alone.

"Addicted." He choked the word out. "They're addicted to me?" Even Jonathan. How could even Jonathan still love him? Daniel had brought other men into their home. Taken them to his bed. Fathered children on them. He'd been with countless men, strangers. He'd prostituted himself. He'd always told himself it was because he didn't want to upset their happy home. I am such a fool! That was just a way to have as many men as he could. Mark them! Own them! How could even Jonathan still love him? He thought back to one morning not long before this nightmare started. Jonathan's words echoed in his mind. After all, you're the heir to the House of Jackson, one of the few fertile men in this district. That was it. That was the sum total of their relationship now. Everything else was nothing more than drug induced desire and three men making the most of having to live with the monster he'd become. Daniel sobbed. His babies. He couldn't be near them anymore. Couldn't subject them to what he was. The arms around him pulled him closer and soon he was being rocked.

"Shh, Danny, it's not what you think." Jonathan's voice was gentle. Daniel buried his face in his husband's shoulder, but it felt wrong, too angular, too hard. He stiffened and started to pull away. Jack, not his Jonathan. Never his Jonathan again.

"Sorry, sorry." He wiped his eyes on his sleeve. Daniel had no idea where his glasses were. He looked around for them, not because he cared about finding them, but it gave him something to do other than look at Jack. "Did I, did I hurt you?"

"Oh, please. I've had paper cuts worse than that." Daniel nodded. Something tapped him on the arm. Jack held his glasses for him. Daniel took them and put them on. His hands were shaking so badly, he almost couldn't. He shifted, putting a little distance between them and sat back against the wall. The concrete was cold and it started to seep into his bones matching the chill in his soul.

"Thank you, for, for telling me." Daniel's voice was hoarse and thick. He didn't recognize it as his own. "I needed to know."

"Didja now. And just what do you think you know?" Daniel glanced quickly at Jack, stunned by his nonchalance. It was times like this when the reality that this was an entirely different universe sunk in. Still, the man deserved an answer and Daniel didn't deserve the comfort of silence.

"About the drugs. That the only reason they're," he couldn't bring himself to say their names, "with me is because of the drugs. Their," he swallowed, "addiction." A strangled croak came from Jack and he whacked Daniel's arm with the back of his hand.

"I knew it! I knew you'd find a way to make this your fault!" Jack shifted over and mirrored Daniel's position against the wall. "What is it with you Daniels, anyway?" Daniel was confused. The man might just as well be talking about the latest grape crop. "For a bright guy, bright guys, you can both be amazingly dense!"

"What?" He felt like he was having a conversation with one of the boys. Three-year-olds were remarkably adept at making adults feel like idiots.

"If I know my Daniels, and I do, you think you're what, a monster?" Jack reacted again to that word. Before Daniel could ask, the other man continued more softly, "Daniel, my Daniel, called himself that earlier." Jack looked down at his hands and then made eye contact with Daniel. He couldn't endure those familiar brown eyes and Daniel looked away. "Look at me, Danny." Reluctantly, Daniel obeyed. "I don't have a clue what you've been through all these years." Jack cocked his head, "Well, maybe a little one." The man's forehead creased in thought. He looked just like Jonathan for that moment, hair color not withstanding. "Did we tell you about the Touched?" Daniel shook his head.

"No, I don't think so."

"Never mind. Tell you later. The point is, I may not know exactly what you and my Daniel went through, but I can tell you something about your guys." Daniel ducked his head again. Calloused fingers touched his chin and tipped it up so he was looking into those eyes again. "When things started to get," Jack cleared his throat, "intense last night, do you think I objected?" Daniel's face burned with shame. He didn't want to hear this. "Do you? Never mind, you're going to hear it anyway. No objections. Not one. I wanted it! I wanted it as much as he did. And you know what?" Jack lowered his voice, "It was the best sex I've ever had in like, ever!" Daniel tried to turn away, but the insistent fingers were back, preventing him. "And you know what else?" Jack's voice took on a familiar, warm tone, "Right now, not a drop of that crap in my veins, I love my Danny even more than I did yesterday." Daniel felt tears welling up in his eyes. He wanted to hear this from his loves, but didn't think he ever would again. "I wish I could shout it from the rooftops, but I'd rather stay out of prison, so I'd appreciate it if that didn't leave this room."

"I'd n-never do anything to hurt you, Jack. I'm sorry. I know none of this would have happened if you hadn't helped us." Guilt warred with the joy of knowing his daughter would live. If the souls of every fertile man in his world were the price of their daughters' lives, then so be it.

"I know you wouldn't, Danny. Neither of you would ever hurt anyone if there was another way. Trust me on this, I've seen it over and over again. Too many times, if you must know. You Daniels sacrifice everything if that's what it takes to save someone else." Jack looked away and scanned the room like he had when they first entered. "This isn't the one."

"Sorry?"

"Isolation room. This isn't the one," Jack rubbed his face, "the one Daniel died in." Daniel figured he must have heard wrong. "It was over a year ago. We were on a planet, oh, who cares what the fuck the bastards call it now." There was venom in Jack's voice. "They were working on a really nasty weapon and things got out of control." Jack stared into space. "Daniel broke into the room, knowing full well what would happen, and disarmed it with his bare hands." Jack rubbed one of his hands, as if remembering something. "The burns were bad even when he was still up and walking around." Daniel didn't remember any scarring on his counterpart's hands. "Ever hear of radiation poisoning?" Daniel felt the blood drain from his face. He couldn't speak, just nodded. He'd heard of it. Jonathan had told him about the experiments in nuclear power that had gone wrong. "Yeah. Well." Jack's voice was flat now. "If Daniel hadn't made such a good impression on this alien we'd run into once, we probably wouldn't be having this conversation. As it was, he was gone for a year." Jack rubbed his hands briskly on his thighs as if trying to scrub away the feelings he was experiencing. "The point is, you Daniels take on the world without ever thinking about what it might do to you. You think you're expendable." Now hard brown eyes sought his and Daniel almost flinched under their uncompromising gaze. "Get this through your head. You. Are. Not. Expendable. Not replaceable. Not a burden. Not a monster."

"Jack." This was too much. Too much to absorb in one sitting. Jack wasn't talking about him. He was talking about the other Daniel. The other Daniel who he might have been. Daniel shook his head in denial that he was anything like this other person.

"Aht! Don't start. You forget, I'm Jonathan O'Neill. Not your Jonathan, but might as well be in all the ways that really matter." Jack seemed to stop and rewind his words. The result seemed to please him and Daniel couldn't hold back a quick smile at the familiarity. "Where was I? Oh, yeah. I may not be your Jonathan, and if you don't mind my saying, I'm just as glad not to be since I'm not sure about the whole pregnant thing, but I know what a Jonathan in love looks like when I see me. I mean one. Him!" Jack looked like he was going to continue trying to explain, but Daniel didn't think he could take it.

"I get it, Jack." He really was another Jonathan. "You're saying that Jonathan's still in love with me even though,"

"There is no 'even though'!" The endearing exasperation made Daniel smile a little until something occurred to him.

"Are you sure you weren't just seeing yourself in him?"

"God, it's like talking to a brick wall! Don't you get it? There was no us until we saw you! It was seeing you two together that made us realize that an us could exist." Now Jack smiled tenderly as if remembering something. "And us was so easy." Tenderness gave way to sadness. "But there won't be an us unless you can get through to my Daniel." Jack got to his feet, wincing when his knees cracked in protest. Daniel followed him up, swaying a little at the sudden change in position. "Daniel's in the infirmary. He won't talk, won't eat, just lies there, staring at the wall. He's muttered a few words to the nurses, but he isn't even noticing I'm alive." Jack looked deep into his eyes. "I'm losing him, Daniel. I can't lose him. Not again." Daniel shoved his own worries aside. Maybe his life with his Jonathan was over and maybe it wasn't, but he couldn't stand by and do nothing to help this Jonathan keep his Daniel.

"I'll do what I can, Jack, but I don't know how much good I'll be."

"Just don't think of him as yourself." Jack headed to the door. "Knowing you Daniels, you'd both end up heading into an incoming wormhole." Daniel wasn't quite certain what that meant, but from his tone of voice, it didn't sound good.

"I'll do my best." He fell into step beside Jack. "When I'm through, I need you to tell me all about Thor's Hammer."

"No problem. I'll tell you all about it when we bring your dad home." Jack nodded to one of the people they passed.

"No, I need you to tell me first." They stepped to the side of the corridor to let a gurney with a patient on it go by. Daniel followed Jack to another doorway.

"Why?" Jack looked back over his shoulder as he went in.

"Because I'm going with you."

CHAPTER 27

Daniel floated. He was warm and comfortable. Slowly, noises began to register. Beeps, low, indistinct voices, the sounds of people moving purposefully around him. Recognition followed along with a throbbing pain in his head. Infirmary. He felt muddled and confused as disturbing snatches of dreams came back to him. As he left sleep's safe haven behind, his mind filled with horror. The 'dreams' came back in full force and Daniel identified them for what they were. Memories. His eyes flew open while his heart pounded in counterpoint to his throbbing head with the beeping nearby keeping time like a crazed metronome. Bright lights sent pain stabbing through his head and he slammed his eyes shut. Daniel groaned and instantly wished he hadn't. Once they knew he was awake, someone would come. He'd have to face someone, talk to him or her and he couldn't. Couldn't look anyone in the face knowing what he'd done. The sharp scents of the infirmary faded, replaced by something noxious and darkly familiar. He tasted bile and began to gag. Hands moved him quickly to his side as he dry heaved a few times.

"Do you think you're finished?" Lieutenant Rogers helped him lie back again. Daniel kept his eyes screwed shut. "Doctor Jackson? Can you open your eyes, sir?" The nurse spoke loudly, too loudly for Daniel's comfort. He started to shake his head, but decided that was a bad idea.

"Hurts." He whispered the word and hoped she could hear him.

"Can you tell me what hurts, sir?" Why wouldn't she go away? Why wouldn't she leave him alone?

"Head." Please just go away! He wanted to yell at her, but didn't want to set his stomach off again. Sounds assaulted his ears, Daniel tried to tell himself they were nothing to fear, but they filled him with fear and loathing and a desperate need to protect himself.

"Do you know where you are?" The nurse persisted in her questioning.

"Infirmary." Daniel hoped that's what he said. His mouth didn't seem to want to cooperate and he was having difficulty focusing on what she wanted. His mind was too busy taunting him with memories of his crimes; too busy keeping track of whatever was hunting him.

"Doctor Frasier will be here in just a moment, sir. We'll see what we can do about your headache when she gets here." God, no! He felt panicked at the thought. Janet would have treated Jack. Even if he hadn't told her who did it, Janet's not stupid. She would have figured it out.

"Sir, please, you need to calm down. You're safe, now. You're going to be fine." Daniel couldn't decide if he wanted to laugh or cry at that. He was never going to be fine again. He knew he'd have to deal with what happened eventually, but he couldn't face it yet. It had cost him the most important thing in his life. It had cost him Jack. He wasn't sure how he was going to be able to keep going this time.

First, he had to figure out what was causing the stench. It coiled in his mind and tapped into his memory. The Benton's basement. He'd dealt with and put it aside decades ago. Of all the things to resurface why did it have to be that and why now? He was torn between wanting to close his eyes and escape into sleep and wanting to keep them open to make sure the lights were on and he was able to defend himself. Daniel forced himself to keep his eyes closed. The light hurt his head and he kept telling himself over and over that there were no rats, but overlying the normal antiseptic smells of the infirmary lay the dank, sour smell of a poorly tended basement. If he kept his eyes closed, he didn't have to see if Jack was in the next bed. Didn't have to face the accusation, the hatred he'd see there. But keeping them closed brought the memories to full life. Maybe Janet would sedate him and the choice would be taken from him. He wasn't sure he had what it took to ask her for it. Sleep brought dreams and there was no escape from them. Approaching heels clicking on concrete made him start and the sound pounded through his head. He toyed with the idea of pretending to sleep, but he could hear the heart monitor beeping away much too quickly. Janet would never buy it. Daniel lay still, waiting out the tortured moments while Janet spoke quietly with the nurse. It would be his turn next, if he wanted it or not.

"Daniel? Can you hear me?" Janet kept her voice low, apparently the nurse had told her about his headache.

"Yes." He grunted the word out through jaws clinched with pain that was getting worse by the moment. Even the light through his closed eyelids was agonizing.

"Rogers said you had a bad headache. One to ten, Daniel." A cool hand on his wrist told him Janet was checking his pulse. Janet was there. No matter what she knew about him, she was safe. She'd fought to treat Apophis, she wouldn't harm anyone under her care. He waited until she released him and patted his wrist. The light shining through his eyelids dimmed and Daniel felt a flood of shame as his near panic reasserted itself.

"Fifteen." He hoped she heard him, because he didn't think he could speak any louder without screaming.

"I need you to open your eyes for a moment so I can check your pupils, then we'll see about something for the pain."

"Blackmail." He managed the word as he opened his eyes halfway. He had to keep up the façade. The more normally he behaved, the less likely he'd be faced with endless meddling from some psychologist. They were generally pretty easy for him to fool, but Janet was another story. The lights were still on, but she'd dimmed the one right over his head. He decided he could handle that. The shadows weren't that dark and the ward was still well lit, overall. He wasn't alone, either. But every sudden sound made him jump. He was wired and he needed to get a handle on that before it landed him somewhere he never wanted to go again.

"Okay, given your photosensitivity at the moment, this is going to hurt, but I need to assess your condition before I prescribe anything. The lab results from your blood tests should be in soon." The flare of the penlight sent shards of pain slicing through Daniel's head. He couldn't hold back his pained groan. "Doctor Caruthers told me what he sedated you with and gave me a quick rundown on the drugs you were probably given. The Colonel brought back the glasses you two drank from and Doctor Caruthers offered to assist with the testing since he knows what to look for." She flicked off her instrument of torture and Daniel slid his eyes shut in relief. Her words barely registered. The dark induced panic had waned during the exam but it threatened to return almost immediately. Daniel breathed deeply, trying to get control of himself when he finally made sense of what she'd said. Doctor Caruthers told me, Doctor Caruthers told me. Devon had come back with them!

"Shot him." Daniel forced his eyes open. "Shot Devon." He raised his head and blinked, trying to see her as clearly as possible through the pain and without his glasses. "Tell him." Daniel gripped the sheets and rode out the waves of pain caused by moving, the dim light around his bed and the effort of speaking. "Sorry. Sorry. Tell him." Janet put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back onto the bed.

"Take it easy, Daniel. He told me what happened." Oh, god, no! "He understood that you weren't yourself and he's fine. He doesn't blame you, he's just worried about you. If anything he feels guilty for what happened."

"Not his fault. Mine." Daniel gasped and pressed his hands to his head. He had to stop talking. It was making the pain worse, making it harder to control the panic.

"I'll pass along the message and we can discuss that later. Right now, I'm going to put a cool cloth on your head and see if that helps the pain, okay?" Daniel moved his hands to his sides and felt the pain recede slightly as the promised cloth was laid on his forehead. "Thank you nurse, let me know as soon as the lab sends his results up." Janet remained silent for a moment, then she moved closer to his head and lowered her voice as if to keep anyone else from hearing her. "The Colonel told me that you were having some problems earlier with being in the dark. Can you tell me if that's still something we need to consider, Daniel?" He opened his eyes a little. He had to see her for this, despite the pain. Janet wore her usual expression when he was in her infirmary. There was none of the revulsion he felt, no hint of approbation. Somehow, she didn't know everything. If she did, she wouldn't be able to look at him like he was someone worthy of her concern. Daniel tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry and he only succeeded in making himself cough, which compounded the pain in his head. She helped him raise his head a little and then brought a glass of water to his lips. He gulped down a couple of swallows and then turned his head away. Any more and he feared it would come back up. She was still waiting for his answer, one hand gently rubbing his shoulder. Her touch seemed to help and the almost unendurable pain backed off a little more.

"Yes. Old stuff." Daniel was panting between the phrases. He hoped she'd chalk it up to his headache and not fear. He analyzed every small sound, waiting for the rats to come out of their holes. He knew there weren't any there, but he couldn't stop listening for them anyway. "Go away again. After." He hoped he was making more sense than it sounded like to him.

"Daniel, you're exhibiting some signs of post-traumatic stress. Can you tell me if this is related to the 'old stuff'? Did you experience it when it happened?" Jack had called her a Napoleanic power-monger, but Daniel always thought of her as more of a bulldog. Once she got her teeth into something, Janet never let go. Daniel really needed her to let go of this.

"Don't know." Daniel tried to remember what had happened after that last time in the basement, but it was hazy. The next placement had been with the Ambersons, but he'd been back in the county home for a little while first. He'd been in and out of there quite a few times and they all ran together. He realized he probably didn't want to remember it. "Maybe." It was so long ago and his time with the Ambersons had been good. He'd felt safe there. "Long time ago."

"Okay, we'll deal with it if it continues to be a problem. For now, we could move you into one of the isolation rooms." The pain flared again and Daniel's heart pounded.

"No!" He spoke too loudly and felt the water he'd swallowed sitting uncomfortably on his stomach. "Please. Want to stay here."

"Easy, easy, Daniel." The hand on his shoulder patted him and the other one took his hand and squeezed. It had the desired effect and he calmed a little. "It's okay, I won't move you if you don't want to go. Don't want to be alone?" His face flushed as he squeezed her hand in response. He felt like a fool. He was a grown man in what was arguably the most dangerous job on the planet and he was grateful because he didn't have to be alone or in the dark. There was something else he was afraid of, but he had to know. Maybe knowing would make dealing with the rats easier.

"Jack?"

"I released him a little while ago. He was going to report to the general and then I expect he'll be parked in that chair again, getting in the nurses' way." She smiled as she nodded to the other side of his bed. He turned his head slightly, wincing at the pain the motion caused and saw one of the hard plastic infirmary chairs pushed up against the wall next to his bed.

"Doctor? Here are Doctor Jackson's lab results." Rogers was back and she handed Janet a clipboard.

"Thank you, nurse." Daniel closed his eyes and ignored them. Jack wasn't hurt? Hope began to creep in. Was he confusing nightmares with memories? "Well, Daniel, it seems the healing device cleared most of the fertility drugs out of your system. There are still some lingering traces as well as some from the sedative." Janet rambled on but Daniel wasn't listening any more. What healing device? Had Nirrti gotten lose? Why had he healed them? So much of what he thought he remembered was still muddled. He knew he'd raped Jack. The sense memory was too strong to have been just part of a nightmare, no matter how much he wished it could be. But the rest. The weird sensation of talking with a separate part of himself. One part wanting to die, planning to die but needed to clean up his mess, first. Even if it meant killing the others to protect them. The other just wanted Jack however he could have him. That was nightmarish, insane, but so clear. Much clearer than anything else he'd done, or might have done.

"Healing device?" Daniel opened his eyes; he couldn't talk about this without seeing her. He had no idea what Janet had been saying, but she stopped talking and took his hand again before leaning towards him.

"Yes, Daniel. Their Jacob showed up. He's Tok'ra there, as well. He used the healing device to help clear you both of the drugs, but he couldn't manage it completely. The Colonel says his knees haven't felt this good in years." She chuckled and shook her head. "I think you three are going to have your hands full on your next mission." Next mission. Janet talked as if nothing had changed. Daniel had to figure out what was real and what wasn't. He had to know before he could face Jack. If they'd been dreams, he'd have to keep that to himself. He'd have to deal with that and never let Jack know what lurked in the dark corners of his mind. If he could do that, then maybe there was hope for them after all, but he needed time. "Daniel?" He jumped a little at the sound of Janet's voice. He thought it might not have been the first time she'd said his name. "I'm going to give you something for the pain. I'd like to give you something for your anxiety, too, but I'm limited in what I can use because of the other drugs still in your system. Doctor Caruthers told me that most of their pain meds don't react well with the fertility drugs, so we're going to err on the side of caution. I need you to let someone know if you feel nauseous or anything else out of the ordinary, okay?"

"'Kay." Daniel wasn't sure what ordinary was any more. Janet efficiently injected something in his IV and then handed the syringe back to the nurse who left with it. "I've got to go take care of some things, but if you need me, just have the nurse get me." She rubbed his shoulder again and he felt his headache start to ease up some. He didn't know if it was her touch or whatever she'd given him, but it was better. "The Colonel will be here soon, so if he bothers you too much, just tell me and I'll threaten him with something sharp." She grinned and with a squeeze of his shoulder turned and left, her heels clicking on the concrete floor.

Daniel was cold. It was always cold in the basement. He carefully curled onto his side, facing the wall, pulled the blanket up to his chin and rode out the renewed pain. It wasn't quite as bad as it had been, but it was still there. The sounds of people moving and talking behind him provided some comfort, but he could still smell the Benton's basement. This was familiar. Bit by bit he started to remember those weeks after he'd been taken from the Benton's. He knew he'd been hospitalized for a while, but never really thought much about it. It hadn't been important to him. For a while there had been nightmares, but they'd started to fade in the familiar surroundings of the country home and then at the Amberson's they went away completely. He'd gotten through it when he was ten; he could get through it now. He just had to remember how.

Daniel stared at the wall and forced himself to go through his mental storage. He pictured himself in his office, sorting through files, touching bits of his childhood and then putting them aside when they were the wrong ones. Soon, his headache was forgotten. He rubbed his lips with a thumb and started when a memory from the hospital sprang clearly into his mind. Daniel tucked both thumbs firmly into his fists and nestled them under his chin. He decided that at thirty-nine he didn't need all the coping mechanisms he'd employed at ten. Chair legs scraping on concrete startled him. It's a chair. They always sound like that. It's nothing to be afraid of. I'm safe here. He purposefully ignored whoever was sitting near him now. He knew it had to be Jack, but he couldn't handle that at the moment. He had to deal with this first. More memories from the hospital rushed in. Therapists talking to him and him ignoring them. He'd done then just what he was doing now. Pulled back into himself to work out what was wrong. They'd told him over and over that he was safe and that nothing would hurt him in the hospital and they'd been right. He'd finally started talking again when he couldn't smell the basement anymore. Daniel focused on the smells around him, trying to replace the illusion of rot with the reality of sharp antiseptic and the military issue fabric softener on his bedding.

The person in the chair got up and Daniel heard him walk a short distance away to speak with someone. He incorporated their familiar voices into his attack on the illusion. Jack and Janet hadn't been in the basement, so he couldn't be there, either. That was what he'd learned in the hospital. Don't focus on the things that were the same like the chill in the air. Daniel's stomach rumbled. He pushed that aside as well. He'd been hungry then, too, but that had been the hunger of many missed meals not the relatively benign feeling he experienced now. He forced himself to focus on the things that were different, like Jack and Janet and clean sheets and a warm blanket. He let their voices wash over him, barely registering their words. Bits and pieces filtered through to him, but they were meaningless. ...just staring...traumatic...happened...unresponsive...days. A touch on his shoulder made him jump. He panted through the panic and realized someone was talking to him.

"Daniel? Can you hear me?" Janet. It was Janet's warm hand on his shoulder, not the cold sharp claws of a rat.

"Yes." When had his voice gotten so high pitched?

"That's good." Janet patted his shoulder. She'd probably have taken his hand if he hadn't kept them tucked up safely out of the way. "The colonel's here to see you, would you like to talk with him?" The stench of the basement still permeated everything. How was he supposed to talk to Jack with that in his nose?

"No." Please, Janet, don't ask me to explain.

"Do you want him to go?" Daniel thought of seeing the empty chair out of the corner of his eye and knew he didn't want Jack to go. Jack could help him. If Jack were sitting there calmly, then Daniel couldn't be in any danger. Even if Jack hated him, he wouldn't let the rats get him.

"N-no." Daniel breathed the word out. He needed Jack. Needed him more now than ever before. Jack's presence gave him hope that he was still willing to be there for Daniel. He understood that it was possible Jack was only there to make sure Daniel didn't tell anyone what had happened. If that's all Jack wanted, so be it, but Daniel would take what he could get and right now, he needed Jack with him, even if his caring was only another illusion.

Time passed while Daniel fought his demons. Bit by bit, he built up the image of what was real in his mind, forcing the illusion into the shadows. At times he felt disconnected from his body and that was a relief. During those periods there was no pain, no hunger, no fear. He almost wished he could just stay there where it was safe, but that way lay madness and while he might have lost everything else dear to him, he couldn't afford to lose himself. Lingering in the back of his mind was the slim hope that he and Jack could find their way through what had happened and come out the other side still together. That alone was worth fighting for.

Sometimes he heard the water dripping from the pipe overhead until he remembered that was from the basement, not the infirmary. The rats were always lurking in every squeaky gurney wheel, every clink of metal on metal. Sometimes his bed shifted and changed into the boxes he'd climbed onto to get off the damp floor. Every time the illusion broke through, he'd painstakingly replace it with the reality of the infirmary. Jack spoke to him from time to time, but Daniel didn't allow himself to be distracted from his task. His voice was welcome, though. Daniel thought of it as a soundtrack, helping to reinforce the here and now. Someone, he thought it might have been Sam, came by and took Jack's place. He'd have to remember to tell them how grateful he was that they hadn't left him alone. A rat ran across his ankles and he jerked, pulling his knees up closer to his chest, tucking his feet up as close to his body as possible. When the panic subsided, he realized someone, maybe Sam, had laid a second blanket over him. That had been the touch he'd felt, not the monsters from his childhood. Slowly, he again pushed the basement and the water and the gnawing hunger and the rats back to where they belonged and he heard his heart monitor echo his success.

More voices. He ignored what they said, just listened to the music of their tones. Jack was back and Daniel felt himself relax a little more. Another voice joined his and his relative calm shattered. The chair scraped against the floor again and now he smelled the musky odor of rats. A face appeared between himself and the wall. His face.

"Daniel? Jack thought I might be able to help you." A hand, Danny's hand reached for him and all of Daniel's work came crashing down around him. A rat landed on his shoulder and Daniel screamed. He batted at it and rolled away to escape the others that had found their way up on the boxes. It was so dark; he couldn't see the edge until he was on it. Daniel hit the dank, filthy floor and scooted under the pipes to get away. He had to find a place where he could protect himself until someone let him out. He jammed himself into the corner of the basement and curled up as tightly as he could so they couldn't bite his face, but they followed him. They climbed all over him, stronger than he'd thought possible. They started to pull him from his safe haven. He closed his eyes, remembering Mr. Benton's warning that rats liked to eat little boy's eyes. "Get off me! Get off! Help me! Somebody help me! Get them off!" Daniel screamed and sobbed and batted at the rats that seemed to be getting bigger. A voice called to him, over and over and Daniel risked looking to see who was there. To see if it was someone who'd help him or not.

"Daniel! Daniel, it's me! It's Jack. There's nothing there, you're safe." Jack's hands were gripping his arms. Daniel looked around, confused. He wasn't in the basement and Jack was there. He shuddered at the memory of feeling rats all over him, pulling at him.

"Jack?" Be real. Please be real.

"Right here, big guy." He pulled Daniel into his arms and suddenly Daniel felt better than he had since he woke up. The sour smell was still there, but the longer Jack held him the more it faded. He could smell the other man's spicy aftershave and slowly it replaced the dank odor that had overlaid everything else. This was real. His head sank against Jack's chest and he listened to his lover's heartbeat. Daniel felt drained. Jack rubbed his back and murmured to him. This was real, not the basement, not the smell, not the damned rats. "That was one helluva flashback, buddy."

"Flashback?" Daniel tried out the word. Was that what he'd had? He ran through what Janet had said earlier. Post-traumatic stress. He'd had a flashback. That's what all this was.

"Oh, yeah. Had a few myself. You ready to get back into bed?" Daniel shook his head against Jack's chest. "No problem, we can stay here for a little while." Jack settled down a little more and pulled Daniel more securely against him. Daniel gripped the other man's shirt with one hand and relaxed, feeling safe for the first time in hours. "Hey, doc, wanna clear these people out of here?" Daniel didn't look up to see Janet's reaction. He was already feeling embarrassed enough without having to face her right away. He yawned wishing he could fall asleep in Jack's arms, right there on the floor.

"Thanks, Jack." Jack kissed the top of his head briefly and Daniel smiled. The crowd must be gone. No matter what else happened, at least Jack wasn't going to hang him out to dry. They might never be lovers again, but that brief kiss told him Jack still cared, that was no illusion.

"Wanna tell me what that was all about?" Daniel stiffened, then forced himself to relax. It was a little late to pretend he was fine, not after the entire infirmary witnessed Doctor Jackson wigging out.

"Um, rats." Probably not the full explanation Jack expected.

"Rats. Huh. Didn't know you had a thing about rats." Daniel smiled again against Jack's chest.

"I don't. Not any more." The chill from the floor was seeping into his bones, now, so Daniel decided it was probably time to face the music and get up. Besides, his feet were cold and he really wanted to lie down. Sitting up slowly, he reluctantly pulled himself from Jack's arms, but he couldn't look at him. "It was a long time ago, Jack." Any hope Daniel had that his friend would let him leave it at that died.

"Just don't start with 'once upon a time'." Jack stood easily and held out a hand to Daniel. "Way too cliché." He took it and got up a little more slowly.

"Janet said your knees were good." He glanced at Jack and caught a glimpse of a scowl.

"Don't change the subject, Daniel. Talk to me." Daniel sighed as he got back into bed. He'd have to go through at least some of it now. Rogers showed up immediately and grabbed his hand. He was startled to see blood all over it and the scrubs he was wearing. She quickly cleaned it and put a bandage over the still slowly oozing spot on the back of his hand. The nurse handed him a new scrub shirt and he quickly exchanged it for the bloody one. Rogers set about reconnecting him to the machines and he ignored her, staring at his hand. For a moment he thought he'd been bitten, but then he remembered the IV with relief. When she left he saw Jack and Janet still standing by his bed. "Not getting any younger here."

"Fine." They weren't going to let this go, and Daniel realized that maybe it would be easier if he spoke to them. Maybe it would help. One thing he hadn't been able to figure out is why it had come back like this. "I was about ten when I went to live with the Bentons. She was okay, but he was, um, not." That was putting it mildly. "She'd take off some weekends to visit her mother or something and then he'd get kinda mean." Jack's face had gone stone cold. Janet's was frozen in a professional mask. This was why Daniel rarely ever talked about his childhood. People's reactions were worse than the memory of anything that had happened after his parents died. "He didn't like me much and sometimes, when she left, he'd get drunk, get mad and, um," this was tougher than Daniel had expected. "He'd lock me in the basement."

"With the rats." If they'd been in the field, Daniel would be looking around to see whom Jack was planning to kill.

"Jack, he's already dead. You can't shoot him." His weak attempt at levity fell flat. "Anyway, long story short, at first it would just be for a few hours while he went out. Then, I guess he decided I handled being alone too well, so he started leaving the light off and I was too short to reach the string to turn it on again. Toward the end, he'd be gone for a day or two. Finally, someone, the oil guy, I think, heard me, called the cops and I never saw them again." There it was out. Daniel laid his head back and looked at them. Lying down felt good. Daniel felt muscles he hadn't realized were tense finally begin to relax. He felt like he'd been beaten. "What I don't understand is why it came back now."

"Repressed," Janet never got to finish her thought.

"No, that's my point!" Daniel sat up. "I didn't repress it! I dealt with it then." He looked back and forth between them. Jack looked frustrated, but Janet looked like she was deep in thought. "I've been on digs before where the rats were so bad we had to bring in dogs to deal with them and it was never a problem. Do you have any idea how dark an Egyptian tomb is?" He settled back again with a thump and pinched the bridge of his nose. His earlier headache was gone, but he worried a little that this would bring it back.

"Daniel, do you have any idea what triggered the flashback?" He shivered at the memory of seeing his imaginary self again.

"Um, I'd been having some, um," he cleared his throat not really wanting to say this, but knowing he had to, "hallucinations since I woke up." Jack's eyes opened wide and Janet glowered.

"We'll discuss the importance of reporting symptoms later. Are you still experiencing any hallucinations?" Daniel let the threat pass for the moment. He took a deep breath but there was nothing there but the usual smells he associated with the infirmary. A hint of Jack's aftershave warmed him. The clink of a tray on a table was just that. He shook his head.

"Nope, nothing. Everything's back to normal." Daniel paused, "but it shouldn't be should it. I mean, if this memory was so intrusive that I had a flashback from it, it shouldn't have gone away like this, should it?" Now he was worried that he was feeling normal. Only at the SGC. Even what he'd thought of as a sense memory of raping Jack had faded. Maybe that wasn't real, either. He pushed it away. He'd have to get Jack alone where they could talk before he'd try to deal with that. One way or another he had to know what had really happened and what he'd dreamed or hallucinated, but at least Jack didn't seem to hate him. That was something he could work with. That made all the difference.

"Ordinarily, no, a post-traumatic stress disorder episode doesn't resolve this easily. But, we're dealing with chemicals we don't have any experience with. The disassociation you experienced is apparently a known side effect. Perhaps this is, too. I'll speak with Doctor Caruthers and see what he says." She smiled at him and patted his arm. "Maybe it is over. Your body may have burned off enough of the chemicals during the past few hours to alleviate the symptoms. Your metabolism was running pretty high, but now," she gestured to the heart monitor the nurse had reconnected," your readings are much more normal. You said you were experiencing hallucinations, was there something in particular that set off the flashback?"

"Yeah." Someone had told her about his little excursion into split personality land. "I thought I saw, um, 'Danny'," he could hear the quotes he mentally put around the name, "and then he called me Daniel and that was pretty much it." He just knew this was earning him a trip to MacKenzie's office. At least since the Machello thing, MacKenzie cut him a great deal of slack. Guilt had its uses.

"Daniel?" Jack looked a little guilty himself.

"Jack?"

"Not a hallucination."

"What?"

"Don't start that, you two." Janet had her hands on her hips and a stern expression on her face. "What the colonel is trying to tell you is that he brought the other Daniel, Lord Daniel, to see you."

"Oh." Daniel frowned at his friend.

"Hey, you were acting kinda weird," Daniel cut him off, getting a little angry.

"So you thought you'd bring in a virtual stranger for a visit?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time!" Before Daniel could respond, Janet cut in.

"Daniel, you were virtually unresponsive and the colonel and I both thought it might be a good idea to have someone who'd had experience with taking the drugs speak with you." Daniel crossed his arms. He hated it when other people were being reasonable and he was ready for a good fight. "We had no idea what you were going through and thought he might be able to reach you."

"He reached me, all right." Even Daniel heard the faint pout in that remark. He really wished they could do this after a nap. He remembered his idea about making people think everything was normal. Now that everything did feel normal, more or less, maybe it was time to revisit that strategy. "Look, I'm sorry I scared you. I was a bit confused about everything and the only thing I could think of was to try and deal with it the way I had before." The corners of Janet's mouth quirked up in an almost smile.

"That was actually a remarkably rational decision. Given your state of mind at the time, I'm impressed." Daniel mouthed 'thank you' at her and then turned an expectant face toward Jack.

"So the thing with your hands," Jack held one up with the thumb enclosed and tucked it under his chin, "that was because of the," he mouthed the word 'rats' looking quite uncomfortable with the whole thing. Daniel ducked his head and muttered his response.

"Not exactly, but I didn't think that would help this time." He carried on in a more normal tone as he raised his head, "But that's neither here nor there, the point is I'm fine." He looked at Janet, pasted the most upbeat expression he could muster on his face and smiled at her, "Can I go back to work now?" Janet shook her head, but couldn't keep the grin off her face.

"No, Doctor Jackson, you may not go back to work until I'm certain your system is clear of the drugs you were given." She beckoned to a passing nurse. "Evans, I need another blood draw from Doctor Jackson." Her orders given, she turned to Jack. "Colonel, if you have nothing better to do, perhaps you'd like to bring yourself and my patient some lunch. At least that way I know you'll both eat." Daniel's stomach rumbled at the thought of food, then he yawned again. "Or maybe a nap would be better. I'd hate for you fall asleep in the special of the day." Food or sleep. He wanted both, but his eyes started to close involuntarily. "Okay, Daniel, why don't you try for a nap, first? If you can't sleep, I'll have a meal brought in. Your visitor can wait."

"Visitor?" That woke him up. Who wanted to see him? Daniel looked around the room and saw his counterpart speaking to a nurse near the doorway.

"He's very insistent. Something about a promise he made to the colonel," Janet didn't appear to be happy with the situation. Jack's expression dared Daniel to fight him on this, but Daniel was curious so he decided to let it slide, except for one thing.

"Hey, how come he gets released?"

"Seems like you got a bigger dose than I did."

"Lucky me." Oh, yeah, lucky, lucky me. Jack just grinned at him and started to amble away, his hands in his pockets. "Jack?" Daniel called to him. The least he could do since he was free was bring him food. The infirmary staff seemed to think the only things a patient should eat were soup and jello. Daniel saw his counterpart from the other universe approaching Jack. He looked determined. "When I wake up, I expect lunch. If it's a choice between meatloaf and that chicken thing, I'll take the meatloaf."

"Don't blame you."

"And a brownie! Two brownies!" If he was going to be stuck here, at least he could have chocolate. Jack held up two fingers in acknowledgment, waved at him, then turned back around and spoke to Lord Daniel as he grabbed his arm and dragged him along toward the corridor.

"In your dreams, Daniel." With that cryptic parting remark, Jack swept out of the infirmary with Daniel's counterpart, his real, not imaginary, counterpart in tow. Daniel relaxed into his bed and pulled the blanket up, yawning again. His episode had worn him out. Janet shook her head and started to say something, so Daniel let his eyes close. Maybe he could avoid her comments on his diet if she thought he was sleeping. Anything she might have said was lost to him as he dropped off almost immediately. tbc

CHAPTER 28

"Jack, let me go!" Daniel pulled away from his husband's counterpart and glared angrily at him in the corridor. "I am going with you, so you might as well get used to the idea." He searched the other man's face for clues to his emotional state. He saw barely suppressed rage and hints of what could only be fear. Seeing Doctor Jackson's reaction to the fertility drugs had scared the older man badly. At first he thought the rage was directed at him until he realized it, too, was in response to his lover's distress. Daniel hadn't been close enough during his counterpart's episode to hear everything they discussed afterwards, but he caught a few words here and there. He caught enough to realize the other Daniel had been dealing with some horrific event from his childhood. Daniel now understood something of his alternate's reticence about the years following his parents' death.

"No, you're not." With that, Jack turned on his heel and stalked away, but Daniel hadn't spent a lifetime training as his father's heir to be thwarted in something he knew he had to do.

"Colonel," Daniel kept his voice cool and controlled, using the tone generally reserved, if rarely used, for obtuse underlings, "correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe you have final say on matters pertaining to foreign dignitaries." Daniel had always hated the arrogant pomp and nonsense that went with being the heir to both a Dukedom and a Great House. Sometimes, though, sometimes that training came in handy. He watched with smug satisfaction as the colonel stopped in his tracks and turned around to face him. His satisfaction faded a little at the closed look on Jack's face, but he didn't let it show. He'd come to like and respect this other O'Neill. He was so much like his own Jonathan that it hurt Daniel to see him unhappy. He didn't want it to be this way, but he had to be there for his father. Daniel had to do something.

"What did you say?" Jack approached slowly and Daniel had the impression of a big cat preparing to strike. Standing his ground, Daniel raised his chin and managed to look down his nose at the taller man.

"I believe that General Hammond has final say in such matters on this base and even he can be overruled by his superiors." Daniel thanked Jonathan's confusion over how things could possibly work in a country without nobility. Doctor Jackson had answered their questions quite thoroughly.

"I should kick your ass right back through the mirror for this." Jack stood toe to toe with him and Daniel wondered for a moment if he was about to be struck. He remembered his father's patient voice reminding him to never let subordinates see him waver. He had to appear confident and in control at all times, especially when he knew he was on shaky ground. He could change his mind later after 'due deliberation' and 'consultation with his advisors', that showed wisdom, but he could never show weakness or he'd lose the respect of the people who looked to him for governance and support.

"Assaulting the representative of a foreign head of state would be unwise, don't you think, Colonel?" Perhaps he'd been unwise to allow these people to treat him so familiarly. He knew now that he'd been ill from the tainted drugs from the outset and then everything had happened so fast. Daniel still felt like he was walking on loose sand. He usually preferred to treat people as equals rather than subordinates. Daniel wondered how much of his success with people was due to himself or the fact that he treated people as equals when few in his position did. The obvious answer was something of a blow to his ego. It didn't help that he genuinely liked these people. Liked them and respected them. He'd even been making private plans for beginning their own explorations through the stargate, though he knew he'd never be allowed to risk himself going through it. Guiltily, he realized he had an ulterior motive for going with them. He felt shame for envying the orphaned childless widower in the infirmary.

"So that's the way it's going to be, is it Lord Cascadia?" Jack sneered and managed to make his title sound like the filthiest insult Daniel had ever heard. For a split second, it was his Jonathan sneering at him and Daniel's breath caught in his throat. The moment passed and in his place he saw Jack, a man who seemed to ache with the need to protect his lover from a long gone past.

"I'm not him, Jack." Daniel whispered and wished they weren't standing in a corridor with people coming and going past them. Jack's expression flickered for a moment, but then hardened again. "I don't need to be wrapped in cotton and kept safe."

"But you're a 'dignitary', Lord Cascadia, so that's exactly what we have to do. Can't have you breaking a nail, now can we?" And I always thought Jonathan's bitchiness was hormonal. Jack shook his head and turned back in the direction he'd started in.

"He's my father, Jack!" Daniel caught up with him, silently cursing his need to nearly jog to keep up with Jack's longer stride. "I have to be there for him." So much for throwing his weight around. Daniel should have realized that his position in his world would be meaningless here. He had to find something that would carry weight with this O'Neill. They stopped in front of the elevator when Daniel realized the only thing that might convince this man, who, Daniel realized, probably did have final say over who went with his team. "I'm a rich man, Jack." He held up one finger to forestall Jack's reply. From the look on the other man's face, he had exactly the wrong impression about where Daniel was going with his statement. "Wait. Hear me out. I'm a rich man. One of the wealthiest on the continent and likely one of the wealthiest on my planet. I would trade everything, everything I have, everything except for my family, for the chance to do what your Daniel does." Jack's expression softened slightly and he looked down, avoiding Daniel's gaze. "But I don't have that option. I will never have that option, even if we set up our own stargate program. I will never be allowed to run the risks Doctor Jackson does." Daniel heard the bitterness that had crept into his voice.

"Look, Daniel," Jack stopped when the elevator opened and they stepped aside to let the occupants exit. Once inside, Jack stared at the control panel before punching the button for the level Jonathan was on.

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be," Daniel felt a cold rage building inside. This was born not of the tainted drugs, but of the frustration of his circumstances. "To be caged?" He finally had Jack's attention. "I used to travel all over the world. Jonathan and I have been to every continent, on every ocean. We've explored places that would have given my father a heart attack had he known I was there. Now," Daniel rarely let his frustration surface. There was no use. His life was his life and there was no way to change it, but he knew he'd always regret it if he let this one chance pass him by. "Now, I can't leave the district except to go to Portland on business and then only with an 'appropriate' escort. When the time comes, I'll be allowed to attend the Grand Council meetings in New Amsterdam, but that's it. And do you know why?" All the anger that had been building up for almost a decade was finally bubbling to the surface. Real anger, not drug induced. "Not because of anything I accomplished. Oh, no. I had to give up any meager career I might have been able to sandwich in between my other responsibilities when the plague hit. No, it's because I'm a goddamned stallion!" Daniel wished he could hit something. It was all he could do to not slam his fist into the wall of the elevator. Only the knowledge that he'd probably break every bone in his hand prevented it. A broken hand would make convincing Jack moot.

"Daniel," whatever the other man wanted to say, Daniel didn't want to hear.

"Don't! Just don't! My staff in Portland runs my domain. Ian runs my estate. Jonathan handles most of the business of the District and Jose is unofficial head of the Cascadia Security Force. Jonathan and Ian both still pursue the careers they used to have. Jonathan because power generation is still necessary and Ian because people need art now more than ever. All I do, all I am is a healthy set of balls!" In that moment, Daniel hated every man that had ever come to him. Hated their wary faces, hated their inevitable arousal, hated his response to them. He even hated the men he shared his life with. Hated the freedom they had to retain some part of their former lives. Hated them for the care they took of him. Hated them for never having to face what he did. Hated himself for being nothing but a means to create a new generation. The only thing he'd ever had that was his was his mind and the unconventional education he'd fought for and even that had failed him when it came to trying to translate the invaders' language. This universe's Daniel Jackson was even a better linguist. He hated the cruel circumstances that made his body the only thing he had that was actually important to anyone else.

"C'mon." Daniel looked up from where he'd been studying his shoes and saw Jack standing outside holding the elevator door open for him. He'd been so consumed by his thoughts he hadn't realized they'd stopped. Daniel followed Jack feeling useless and suddenly old, his anger gone. Nothing would change. His father would be returned while he waited, like a good little nobleman, for the staff to do the dirty work. Mustn't dirty my hands. Mustn't go anywhere without my bodyguards. Mustn't go into the wilds just because they speak some obscure language no one's ever recorded before. Oh, no, must stay home and do something important like reading harvest reports and the financial news. He followed Jack, defeat consuming his soul. Daniel wasn't sure why he'd expected anything else. Even Jack could tell he wasn't worth the effort. The feelings he'd had when he first heard about his husbands' addiction to his pheromones rushed back with a vengeance. He was still getting flashes of memory from his breakdown in Ian's office. He finally realized what Ian had been talking about when he told Daniel how important he was to them. He was the devil they knew.

"We can talk here." Jack's voice brought Daniel out of his depressed musings. He looked up and realized they were in a storeroom of some kind. He hadn't noticed they hadn't been heading to their suite. Daniel had been avoiding thinking too much about how he was going to face Jonathan again. He couldn't decide which would be worse, facing Jonathan when he was awake, or facing Jose and Ian again. He glanced around the room they were in. Toilet paper and what looked like various cleaning supplies lined the shelves. Daniel had a brief thought that he'd be better off in here than in the relative luxury he shared with Jonathan. Just another of the unpleasant necessities of life.

"It doesn't matter, Jack. I won't make any trouble for you." Daniel crossed his arms and leaned tiredly against the wall. "I'm sorry for, um, well, for the scene I made. I guess I'm too used to getting my own way." Daniel shrugged. Thinking about what he'd said to the other man, he knew he'd sounded like a spoiled brat.

"Yeah, I heard." Daniel just nodded, still not looking at Jack. "Feeling kinda sorry for yourself, are you?" Daniel looked up sharply at the sarcastic tone.

"What difference does it make, Jack? You've won. You made it very clear that my presence isn't welcome or requied. I'll take Jonathan and the baby and we'll go home and wait for you to deal with Nirrti."

"Giving up, are you?" Daniel shrugged then put his back against the wall and slid down to sit on the floor with a gentle thud.

"What difference does it make? I have nothing to offer to your mission. I'm grateful to you for doing this at all." He rested his head against the concrete and forced himself to look at his companion.

"Oh, cut the crap, Daniel!" Jack strode to him, reached down and dragged him to his feet. "I know my Daniel better than I know myself. That means I know you, too!" Daniel brought his arms up between Jack's and broke the other man's hold, irritated at his presumption.

"You know nothing about me." Daniel straightened his shirt and turned to move away from Jack. The other man slapped his hand against the wall, his arm forming a barrier trapping Daniel in place.

"I know what it's like to be in a cage." Jack's voice was quiet, but the intensity made it more effective than a shout. "I know what it's like to have my life ripped apart." Daniel stayed where he was, feeling like a rabbit trapped by a wolf. "I know what it's like to feel like a failure. Useless. Surplus to requirements." Daniel closed his eyes and willed the other man to stop. "Daniel." Jack's voice changed and Daniel opened his eyes. "Look at me." Reluctantly, Daniel shifted until he was facing Jack again. Jack lowered his arm and put his hand on Daniel's shoulder. "Do you remember the other realities we told you about? The ones being wiped out by the Goa'uld?" Daniel thought back and tried to remember those conversations. They were less than two weeks ago, but it seemed an age after everything that had happened.

"I think so. Some things are still a little hazy." His natural curiosity was getting the better of him.

"There's only one thing you need to remember." Jack held up one finger to emphasis his point. "Only one. You weren't there." Daniel started to remind him that he'd been a little busy in his own reality at the time, but Jack continued without letting him speak. "Don't. You know what I mean. Their Daniel Jackson wasn't part of their stargate program." Daniel sighed.

"I'm not him, Jack. I've come to realize I probably couldn't do what he does. You can't compare us." Daniel realized where this was going. Jack was so enthralled with his Daniel that he couldn't see how different they were. How special his Daniel was. What Jack was seeing as something innate to his nature was really the result of Doctor Jackson having survived a hard life. The Daniel of this reality had developed a strength and resilience that he never could. That only came from overcoming adversity and Daniel had never faced real adversity until fairly recently. He wasn't doing such a good job of overcoming it, either.

"Yes! Yes, I can! Because I see in you the same things I see in him!" Jack walked a few steps away and then whirled back to face him. "When you first came through, you thought we were goolds, right?" Daniel nodded, a little ashamed of his initial reactions. "You stood there, unarmed, unprepared and threatened Teal'c. I gotta tell you, that was vintage Daniel Jackson."

"And then I fainted five minutes later when I met Doctor Jackson." Another less than stellar memory.

"Yeah, well, you'd be amazed at how many people have swooned at his feet over the years." Daniel blinked in surprise at the comment. Then he started to chuckle and before long he was laughing so hard he slipped back down to the floor. This time, Jack joined him, like he had in his and Jonathan's suite. Daniel laughed until he felt tears in his eyes. He slowly tried to get control over himself as he wiped the moisture from his eyes.

"I must admit I wasn't expecting you to say that." Jack reached over and poked him in the shoulder. It was a very Jonathan gesture.

"Seemed like the right thing to say at the time." Daniel nodded, still chuckling a little. "Look, you're right about one thing, Daniel, like I said before, I don't know much about what you've been through, though I got a little taste of it." Daniel looked at the man sitting next to him and watched him twine his fingers together and clasp his hands in front of him. "But one thing I do know is that you are potentially the most important person on your planet." Jack turned his head to look into Daniel's eyes. All traces of mirth were gone and looking back at him was a soldier. A professional who'd dedicated his life to protecting his people, his planet from the evil that infested both of their universes. His stare was unnerving.

"I, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm nothing. I do my duty" Daniel wasn't sure the euphemism got through. "I breed. That's it." Daniel's mind was clear for the first time in possibly years. The revulsion he felt at that word was crystal clear and he couldn't look at the other man any more. He leaned his head back against the wall again and closed his eyes. "I thought, maybe, for once I could be useful, do something no one else could do. And," this was hard. He prided himself on not being like his selfish, spoiled peers, but if he was honest with himself, he was being very selfish. "And I wanted to take the only chance I'd ever get to go through the gate." Daniel sighed. "God, I'm no better than the empty-headed peacocks I've derided all my life. I still expect to get my way because of who my parents are."

"Oh, please, you may be a lot of things, but empty-headed isn't one of them." Daniel smiled a little. With his eyes closed, he could almost imagine it was Jonathan sitting next to him.

"Thanks. I think." Daniel wished he could just sit there in the dimly lit storeroom forever. There were no responsibilities, no one needing him to be something he wasn't, no façade to maintain. "I wish Mom were here." The old grief was still there, dulled and blunted with time, but he'd carry it with him always. He sighed again. He was almost forty years old, a husband three times over, a father eight times over, Earl of Cascadia and he wanted nothing more than a hug from his mother and to hear her tell him it was going to be okay. The man next to him was silent for a long moment.

"Yeah." Daniel nodded without looking to see if Jack saw him. "I guess no one ever really escapes that." Jack sounded as melancholy as Daniel felt and he realized Jack must have lost his mother at some point, too. It seemed odd to hear the soldier echoing his own loss. "Moms have a knack for making you feel better no matter what's wrong." Jack cleared his throat next to him. "Or kicking your butt. Whichever works." Daniel chuckled and looked at his friend. Jack was his friend. This wasn't Jack talking to someone who reminded him of his Daniel, no, Jack was talking to him. Somehow that made Daniel feel a little better. A little less like a pale imitation.

"Oh, yeah. Mom could be tough when she had to be. Kept Dad on his toes, that's for sure." He smiled at the memories of his parents together. They'd been so close. "I'm glad she didn't live to see this happen."

"It's going to be rough, but he'll get through it." Jack turned his head to look at Daniel and Jonathan's quirky grin flashed onto his face. "But hey, he's a Jackson, right? More stubborn than a whole pack of mules and probably giving Nirrti hell right now."

"I hope so." Jack was right about one thing; Daniel knew just how stubborn his father was. "You know more about this, this stuff, than I do. Do you think that maybe," he wasn't sure he was going to get the answer he wanted, "maybe Dad somehow, I don't know, influenced Nirrti to let me know it wasn't him?"

"I bet it was, we've seen it before, seen a host influence the goold." He knew Jack was just trying to make him feel better, but he appreciated the effort. "He's going to need you, you know."

"He's my father, Jack. I'll do whatever I can for him." And the longer he kept Jack sitting with him, the longer his father was being held captive in his own body. Daniel levered himself up off the floor and offered his hand to Jack, helping him up as the older man had helped him earlier. Once on his feet, Jack grimaced as he flexed his knees and headed for the door. He paused with his hand on the handle.

"It's a long walk back from the Hammer." Jack turned, a gleam in his eyes. "Lord Cascadia, as a foreign dignitary," Daniel winced inwardly as Jack causally tossed his own words at him, "I can't order you to accompany my team to the Hammer." Daniel stared at Jack, his mouth open in surprise. He felt his heart pound and hope began to grow. "But I can request it. I believe it would be in the best interests of the mission for you to come with us to help get your father back to the gate after," Jack seemed to flounder for a moment, "after we get the damned snake out of his head." Daniel smiled then. That sounded more like the Jack he'd come to know. He composed his face and prepared to answer with the same formality.

"Colonel O'Neill," that still sounded odd to Daniel, "I'd be happy to accompany your team." Daniel couldn't hold his formal stance any longer. He closed the space between them and threw his arms around Jack in an enthusiastic hug. "Thank you!" He stepped back, his hands still on the other man's shoulders. "I can't tell you what this means to me!"

"You'll have to follow my orders out there, you know that, don't you? And we still have to get the general's approval." Daniel nodded emphatically. Jack rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I must be outta my mind." Daniel released him and they headed out into the corridor with Daniel still grinning like an idiot. He was going to be there when his father was freed. He was going through the stargate!

Daniel stood at the foot of the ramp leading to the stargate waiting for the others. He wore a pack, similar to the ones he'd worn before on expeditions, but it had been a while. They hadn't issued him a weapon, even though he'd assured them he knew how to use a handgun. Still, it felt good to be going somewhere again. Major Carter stood nearby, talking quietly with Doctor Frasier who kept sending him threatening looks. Getting her permission had been more difficult than getting the general's and he had been less than pleased. It was only after Daniel had mentioned the possibility of trade between their realities that General Hammond had settled down. Major Carter's eyes had lit up at the suggestion and she'd immediately suggested that the schematics for Jonathan's high efficiency wind and hydro power plants could be worthwhile. As it would be next to impossible to transport large items through the mirror, intellectual property seemed to be the best options. His world would be able to acquire some small bits of equipment and their plans, things that might be able to be copied later. Doctor Frasier's consent came only after she placed herself on the team, both to watch over Daniel, whom she seemed to believe was teetering at death's door and to be ready to render aid to his father once he was freed from Nirrti. Daniel tried to focus on the adventure and not the reason for it. It was easier.

"Excited?" Major Carter and the petite doctor moved to his side.

"I can't believe it! Another planet! This," Daniel turned and waved at the gate. "This has been sitting in my garden for years, but we had no idea what it was for. Now," Daniel turned his excited face back to the two women. He'd gotten used to seeing women again, but not so used to it that he didn't still get a thrill from being so close to them. It wasn't sexual at all, just the joy of seeing what they'd lost but would now have again. Starting with his daughter, his and Jonathan's. He sobered a little. "I just wish Jonathan could be here with me."

"No way, Daniel." Doctor Frasier leveled a stern expression at him. She reminded him of Devon when he was putting his foot down about something. Daniel decided it must be a doctor thing. "It's bad enough that you're going, over my better judgment I might add. Jonathan's in no condition to be going anywhere but home."

"I know, Doctor, I wouldn't risk him for anything, but it feels strange for him not to be here." Daniel looked back at the gate. "We went all over the world together." He shrugged and looked back at the women. "I just wish he was here now."

"How did he take it when you told him?" Major Carter stood with her hands resting on the weapon dangling from a strap around her neck. She looked incredibly relaxed and incredibly dangerous at that moment.

"Um, I," I chickened out, that's how.

"You didn't tell him, did you." Doctor Frasier looked amused.

"He was sleeping. I didn't want to wake him."

"Uh-huh. You mean you chickened out." Daniel still found it more than a little unsettling that these people could read him as well as they did. Maybe he was more like his counterpart than he thought. Jack certainly thought so and now Doctor Frasier seemed to read his mind.

"I prefer to think of it as being a thoughtful and caring husband." That certainly sounded better than admitting he didn't want to face Jonathan's anger. "Devon's going to stay with him while we're gone. He'll fill Jonathan in when he wakes up." Unless Devon decided to take Daniel's advice and just sedate the man for the duration. It was probably the safer option. Major Carter just snorted and turned the control room above them.

"Sergeant, any word from the Colonel?"

"Yes, ma'am. They're on their way." Jack and Teal'c were bringing his father from his holding cell. He'd spent very little time with the Jaffa. The man had made himself scarce since that first day. Daniel was alternately grateful and irritated. He'd like to have had the chance to learn about him now that he understood he wasn't the enemy. He'd like the opportunity to apologize for his initial reaction.

"Ready, kids?" All three of them turned to see Jack and Teal'c bringing Daniel's father into the gate room. His hands were bound in some sort of metal restraints and a peculiar collar-like contraption wrapped around his neck, forcing his head up with a gag of some sort covering his mouth. The entire thing looked to be made of the same metal as the hand restraints. The whole thing looked painful and Daniel grimaced.

"Is that really necessary?" No matter how much he told himself Nirrti was a danger to them, all he could see was his father.

"Oh, yeah." Jack and Teal'c positioned their prisoner behind Daniel and the women. "Okay, dial it up!"

"Daniel," he turned away from the painful sight of his bound father and looked at Major Carter. "The restraints are made of a naquadah alloy. That's the same material the gate's made of. Not even a Goa'uld can break them. Remember, they've got to get through the labyrinth before they get to the Hammer." She put her hand on his arm. "It really is the safest option for all of them. If Nirrti got loose, they might have to shoot your father. Nirrti would keep him alive, but it would be very painful for him." He flashed her a quick smile before swallowing hard and looking down at the floor. They'd gone over it all at the briefing, but Daniel had been so excited by the prospect of gate travel that he hadn't let it sink in. "Don't worry. We'll take them off as soon as Nirrti's gone."

"Thank you." Daniel looked at her, then at Doctor Frasier and smiled. "I seem to be saying that a lot."

"Could be worse. You could be saying 'I'm sorry'." He looked at her quizzically, but she didn't explain further.

"Or, 'I'm fine', which usually means 'it's just an arterial rupture'." Doctor Frasier's dry comment elicited a laugh from everyone in the room. Even the soldiers stationed in the gate room behind them chuckled quietly.

"What's the hold up?" Daniel looked over his shoulder at Jack. He had his back to the gate, looking up at the control room as he spoke.

"Waiting on the general, Colonel. He should be here in a moment, sir." Jack waved to the man in the control room and turned a grumpy face to the others. "That's the military for you. Hurry up and wait." Anything Daniel might have said died as a grinding noise drew his attention back to the stargate. The inner ring had started to move. Steam rose dramatically from the huge clamps attached at various points around the ring. He couldn't help the bolt of fear that ran through him. The ring stopped with a decided clunk and he barely registered the sergeant's voice announcing that the first chevron had locked. Almost immediately it moved again and a second clunk was announced.

"Is it supposed to make that much noise?" What if something went wrong? What if they ended up somewhere else? What was he doing here?

"What?" Major Carter looked confused and studied the stargate as if looking for something wrong. "Oh, yeah, it does. I don't even notice it anymore." She gave him a reassuring smile and winked at the other woman.

"Relax Daniel. We do this all the time." Jack's voice settled his nerves a little as the gate continued to move and Daniel stared, mesmerized by the activity while the man in the control room continued to call out each time a chevron locked. Finally, a note of excitement crept into the voice from the control room as he called out the final 'locked' and then what looked like water erupted from the previously empty center of the ring with a loud kawoosh. Daniel staggered backward a step and hunched as if to avoid being hit. Major Carter put her hand on his shoulder.

"It's pretty impressive, isn't it?" He nodded dumbly and watched as the 'water' settled into the center of the ring. It looked like a pool standing on its side and all of Daniel's fear vanished. He was going through that. He remembered Major Carter's explanation, or at least he remembered parts of it. He was looking at the event horizon of a stable wormhole. They'd step through it and seconds later, they'd emerge on the other side. On another planet.

"SG-1, you have a go." General Hammond's voice came over the loud speaker, followed immediately by Jack's.

"Okay, Carter, to Oz." The blond woman slapped him on the shoulder and then headed up the ramp to the stargate. Daniel took a slow step, and then another. Doctor Frasier fell into step beside him, but he couldn't tear his eyes away. The major stood at the gate with the blue light from the open wormhole reflecting off of the metal pieces of her gear. She smiled at him and waved him to her. He and the doctor joined her at the stargate and he wondered what it felt like to touch that shimmering pool.

"Ready?" He looked at her and smiled as he nodded. "Go ahead, touch it. Everyone does their first time through." His smile turned into a grin and he ignored Jack's rude comment about newbies. He reached out a hand and touched the surface. The feeling was, literally, indescribable. His mind tried to find some way to interpret the sensation, but this wasn't something human perception had evolved to deal with. The nearest he could come up with was the absence of perception. Maybe cold. There was the slightest impression of a pull, as if the wormhole wanted to suck him into itself. "C'mon, Daniel, just follow me through. It's a piece of cake." With that, she turned and stepped into the pool and vanished with a faint plop. Daniel had the urge to run around and see if she was on the other side, but he knew better. He took a deep breath and felt something touch his arm. Looking down, he saw Doctor Frasier smiling up at him.

"C'mon, before the Colonel bellows again. Just watch yourself on the other side. The first few trips through are a bit rough." She urged him forward and together they stepped into the ring. Mind-numbing moments later, his foot completed the step he'd begun on Earth and he stumbled to his knees. Nausea gripped him and his body felt like he'd been caught out in a blizzard. Hands pulled him upright and he stumbled along as he was directed, trying desperately not to throw up.

"Sit here for a moment. Your stomach will settle." Major Carter's voice was calm and matter of fact. He blinked in the strong sunlight and swallowed again as his stomach finally settled with a last half-hearted gripe. Sunlight. Forest. A tall obelisk stood on the platform with the stargate they came through. Daniel stared around him with amazement. He was on another planet! His amazement faded to ironic amusement.

"It looks like, well, like home." His companions laughed.

"The colonel often complains of the same thing." Daniel turned around to watch for the rest of their party. At that moment, a beam of light shot from the top of the obelisk and touched the major, then left her and hit Daniel. It felt odd, but not threatening. They'd told him to expect it, but it was still something of a shock. It moved on and scanned the doctor then vanished. Major Carter spoke quickly into her radio.

"Sir, we're clear of the platform. Ready for you to come through." Hoof beats drew Daniel's attention to the other side of the clearing.

"Hail and well met, visitors from Midgard!" He stood as a woman swung down from the horse and approached them.

"Gairwyn!" The major greeted the woman like an old friend. She was, if he remembered correctly, the leader of these people. Before Gairwyn could respond a slight plopping sound brought his attention back to the stargate. Jack, Teal'c and his father stepped through. The man and Jaffa grabbed their now struggling prisoner and approached the obelisk. Before they reached it, the same light that had touched them, hit the three men. Daniel's stomach clinched as his father writhed under its influence. Major Carter grabbed his arm and prevented him from going to them. "Wait! It's going to take them into the labyrinth." The light brightened, engulfed the men and then it and they were gone. He turned quickly to the woman beside him.

"Dad!" Daniel couldn't help the panic in his voice. "You're sure they're all right?" No amount of warning could have prepared him for the reality of seeing three men disappear before his eyes.

"Major Carter? Daniel! It's good to see you again! You have brought an Ettin with you?" The newcomer greeted him as if he were the other Daniel. "Thor's Hammer will free his captive soon enough, just as it did Kendra." Gairwyn and the major embraced and then Gairwyn approached him, becoming uncertain as she got a good look at him. He knew he didn't look quite the same as the Daniel she knew. "Daniel?" Gairwyn looked to the major in confusion then back to him. "Are you well?" Daniel was at a loss. He barely understood the concept of alternate realities. He had no idea how to explain to this woman who, by the looks of her clothing and horse, weren't as technologically advanced as the people from either Earth.

"Gairwyn, this isn't Daniel." She stopped and Daniel realized she wasn't sure how to explain it, either. "Well, he is Daniel, but just not the one you know."

"You are Daniel, yet not Daniel." She looked at him with dry amusement. He liked her on the spot. "This should be an interesting tale. Come, you can explain over an ale and then we'll go to meet your people when they emerge through Thor's Hammer."

"Thank you, Lady Gairwyn. We appreciate your hospitality." That earned him a surprised snort.

"Well met, Daniel yet not Daniel." She smiled as she spoke. "Gairwyn I am, but no lady, just mistress of this place while the men are away. But if you are friends with these, then you are friend to us." She clasped his forearm and he mirrored the gesture. A warrior's greeting, he noted. Gairwyn seemed to notice the third member of their party for the first time.

"Oh, and this is Doctor Janet Frasier." Major Carter introduced Doctor Frasier. "She's a healer from our world." Doctor Frasier stepped forward and offered her hand. Gairwyn bypassed the handshake; giving the petite doctor the same greeting she'd given him. He wondered if he'd have an opportunity to ask her about her culture in the short time they had. There was so much too learn and it was easier than worrying over what his father was going through at that moment.

"You seemed a little short for a warrior, Doctor Frasier."

"I prefer to think of myself as compact." Her comment elicited a full-bodied laugh from their hostess as she turned to lead them out of the clearing.

"Come." She grabbed her horse's reins and led the animal as she walked along side them. While Major Carter and Doctor Frasier tried to explain alternate realities to Gairwyn, Daniel kept looking around, trying to make himself believe he wasn't walking through the woods near his estate. His initial excitement about being on another planet faded to mild disappointment. He wasn't sure what he'd expected, but not blue skies and bright sunshine and trees he could almost recognize. The worst of his guilt over not having Jonathan with him faded as well. At least Daniel could tell him he hadn't missed much. After he stumbled for the fifth time he started to pay more attention to path rather than the scenery. It was beautiful, but rather than feeling alien it was just making him feel homesick.

"So, how do you like your first alien planet?" Doctor Frasier dropped back to walk with him leaving Gairwyn and the major in the lead. The two women were deep in discussion with Major Carter explaining about his father and trying, in vain, it seemed to adequately explain alternate universes. Eventually, Gairwyn shrugged and said she'd ask someone named Bragi when he returned, must to Major Carter's relief. Daniel had just been grateful to the doctor for not hovering over him, but now it seemed it was time to pay the piper.

"It's," he didn't want to appear ungrateful for this opportunity, "nice." That sounded uninspired to say the least, but it just made the doctor grin.

"Not quite what you were expecting is it." He smiled and shook his head as he turned his attention back to the path.

"Don't feel too bad, a lot of planets look like this one. We figure the Ancients picked them precisely because they were similar to the worlds they were comfortable on." He nodded. Her logic seemed sound. They walked in silence for a while and Daniel got the impression she hadn't dropped back to speak with him so they could talk about the planet.

"I'm fine, Doctor."

"Of course you are. Why should I be concerned just because one of my patients is out roaming around on another planet even though he couldn't walk across the room without nearly passing out twenty-four hours ago." Her words stung. He'd hated the weakness that followed flushing the chemicals out of his system. He didn't appreciate having it thrown in his face.

"Then why did you approve my coming along?" Daniel regretted the sharpness of his words. He knew she was concerned, but she'd already made her position clear, even to the point of joining them.

"Because," Doctor Frasier's voice was gentle, which made Daniel feel even worse for his tone. "You and the colonel were persuasive. Your father's going to need someone he knows and trusts there when he's freed from Nirrti. Who better than his son?"

"I'm sorry, Doctor, Janet. I didn't mean to snap." He reached a hand to help her, as it was apparently her turn to stumble over a rough patch.

"Thanks." He released her arm, but she wasn't through with him yet. "Yes, you did mean it, Daniel, but I understand. You've been through the wringer the past couple of weeks, not to mention what you and your people have been through the last few years. I'd be shocked if you didn't snap at someone." She grinned at him, "I'm tough, I can take it." He returned her smile a little ruefully.

"That you are, Doctor, that you are." He turned his attention back to the surrounding forest. Doctor Frasier's presence was comforting because whether he'd admit to it or not, he was starting to tire. He'd been cooped up for far too long even before his illness came to a head.

They arrived at Gairwyn's village none too soon for him. Daniel discovered he was more interested in sitting down than in investigating what he thought of as an 'alien' Norse village. He declined the proffered ale but gratefully accepted the watered fruit juice offered in its stead. It was tart, but he could feel the sugar from the fruit refreshing him. It took little nagging for him to eat when that was offered as well. The grilled meat and dark bread tasted heavenly and Daniel, at least, ate with good appetite. The others nibbled at theirs while they waited to see if Gairwyn could locate enough horses to outfit them for their trip to the Hammer and back. Most of the men were still out 'a-Viking', though as Gairwyn explained they were looking for work in the larger towns rather than out raiding. The result was that most of the village's horses were away. Major Carter had explained that it had taken quite a while to get there the last time, but even though Gairwyn's people had discovered a more direct path with the aid of Bragi, who was apparently an alien from a race known as the Asgard, who'd been with them for a time, speed was of the essence. None of them wanted to risk entropic cascade failure for Daniel or the others and Doctor Frasier didn't want their Daniel returning through the mirror at all, if possible.

"Good news, friends." Gairwyn returned to them and sat next to Major Carter at the rough table. "We have visitors from a neighboring village and they offer their mounts for your journey." Daniel started to object out of habit, he didn't like people going out of their way for him. For some, favors came with price tags. It was a lesson he'd learned very young. "Fear not, Daniel, all rejoice the demise of an Ettin. To become even a small part of such a tale is worth much more than the loan of a few horses. So many have offered to act as guide that I have had to deny them all and will lead you myself." Daniel smiled at the thought that this would end up as some epic poem to be sung around campfires for generations. He drained his cup and wiped his fingers on his pants as he'd seen the other do. They rose and donned their packs then followed Gairwyn to their borrowed mounts.

As soon as Daniel saw Major Carter and Doctor Frasier's awkwardness in the saddle, he offered to lead the spare mounts, which necessitated him taking the last position. Gairwyn rode easily, as did he, but he suspected the two Air Force officers had never spent much time in a saddle. Major Carter objected to his taking the tail of the group, but Daniel took a bit more delight than perhaps he should have in reminding her that as the far better rider, he was in the best position to aid either of them should they have trouble with their mounts. He accepted his victory with slightly better grace than she accepted her defeat while Doctor Frasier did her best to hide her laughter. Gairwyn merely chuckled before leading them out of the village between the cheering populace who lined the trail to wish them well.

They rode for almost two hours before Gairwyn called a halt in a clearing. The only features of interest were the sound of a stream somewhere close at hand and what looked like the mouth of a cave. Daniel wasn't sure if he was disappointed not to see his father already waiting for him or glad that he'd be there when they emerged. He groaned as he dismounted. He might be an experienced rider, but it had been a while since he'd been in the saddle for any length of time. His legs and back let him know, in no uncertain terms, that they were not happy. However stiff he felt, it was nothing compared to how the major and the doctor were apparently suffering. He and Gairwyn led the horses to the stream while the two officers tried to find their feet. The short walk to the stream helped, but he was grateful to return and sit for a few minutes.

"How much longer should it take?" It had been close to four hours since the light whisked Jack, Teal'c and his father into the labyrinth that led to Thor's Hammer. Major Carter looked up from where she was sitting after having stretched to ease the kinks in her sore muscles.

"Last time it took longer than this, but they were fighting a goolded Unas along the way. Now they know the way out, but Nirrti's not going to make it easy." She took off her cap and ran a hand through her hair before replacing it. "If Teal'c has to carry him, it's going to slow them down." She shrugged. "As a friend of Daniel's once said, it'll take as long as it takes. The doorway will open when the time comes." She smiled reassuringly at him and leaned back against the wall of the cave. Daniel sighed in frustration and banged his head lightly against the cave wall. He couldn't see the doorway she mentioned, but he trusted her word. Gairwyn settled next him and patted his arm.

"Fear not, Daniel. Your father will be returned to you." He gave her a fleeting smile and patted her hand. "Tell me of your world. Major Carter tried to explain that you come from Midgard, but not the Midgard that is our ancient home. I do not understand how such things can be, but when one has spoken with gods, one can accept much." Her smile when she mentioned her 'gods' hinted that she used the word in jest. She raised a hand in the major's direction. "And yes, I know Thor is no god and Bragi not his bard, but they are powerful beings who protect and teach us. We still speak of them as we always have." She shook her head. "It will take many generations before all of my people see them as mere mortals."

"That must be difficult for you." Daniel could only imagine the turmoil such a revelation could cause.

"Less so, I think, than what your world has gone through." Daniel began telling her about his world, leaving out the loss of their women. He wasn't sure how to explain the full situation to her. From time to time, the major or the doctor would speak up and point out ways in which his Earth differed from theirs. Gairwyn was disturbed by the concept of a noble class. Apparently, Cimmerian civilization had grown more egalitarian than even their ancestors. They still had a king, but a council of elders drawn from each region selected him. That same council could depose him if he ever abused his position, but apparently that happened rarely. Kings were chosen from the general populace and were usually men considered to be the most wise and capable. She hinted that it didn't always turn out that way, but didn't elaborate.

Daniel found himself feeling a little defensive of his people's ways. On one hand, he agreed wholeheartedly that there were many nobles who had no business holding power of any kind. The potential, and sometimes the reality, for abuse was too great to maintain a strictly hereditary ruling class. On the other hand, governing required disciple, dedication and a level of education that few people of any class were willing to obtain. Noble families usually worked hard to ensure their heirs were prepared for the positions they'd been born into. Then, of course, there were those like Westridge who were completely useless.

"I do not understand how such a system could sustain itself, Daniel." Gairwyn shook her head. "I mean no disrespect, but do you consider yourself better than those you command?"

"Gairwyn, even our world still has a noble class in some countries." Doctor Frasier seemed to sense his disquiet and came to the defense of her patient; even though he knew her position on the subject was closer to Gairwyn's than his own. "There are abuses, but I can't say it's any worse than in our republic." Gairwyn nodded thoughtfully.

"I suppose there will always be men more interested in power than in serving their people. Still, it is unsettling to think that of places where such men are born into a position rather than having to earn it. Is there no way for a karl," she noticed the others' blank look at the term and explained, "a common man to rise if he is capable?" Thank you for asking. Daniel grinned.

"As a matter of fact, there is, after a fashion. The continent I'm from was colonized by my ancestors several hundred years ago," he didn't go into the difficulties with the Native Americans they'd found. At least the first inhabitants of his North America had been treated much better overall than those in this universe. "The land was rich, but rugged and many couldn't handle the hardships. Those who did were able to amass great fortunes through their own efforts. Many of those fortunes have been lost and regained over the centuries, with others rising along the way. This was how the Great Houses were founded. Without the law insisting that certain areas remain in noble hands, only those who could adequately manage it could retain it. Eventually, grants of nobility were given to those who had proven themselves most capable." He shrugged. "It may be simply perpetuating an outdated system," and the longer he was with these people, the more he began to believe it, "but it's the only one we have at the moment."

"So, Daniel, is your family of the new nobility?" Major Carter looked more intrigued than anything else. He was grateful to not see censure in her eyes. It had been bad enough growing up among those whose newly noble families had immediately sought marriages into older noble families. Jack's reaction to finding out there'd been no revolution had been enough to make him want to avoid the topic in general. It was a case of 'damned if you do and damned if you don't'.

"My paternal grandfather was the first Duke of the West." Daniel smiled thinking of his grandfather. The old man had been a little leery of the whole thing, but made sure his son wouldn't automatically be prey to the paupered noblewomen of the old country. "My grandfather was worried that his wealth would draw the daughters of poor old world nobles like flies. So, he put most of his fortune in trust and deeded the lands he had," Daniel cleared his throat, "failed to report clearly to my grandmother." The others looked a little lost by his explanation. "By putting the lands in her name, he kept them independent of his dukedom. By putting most of his money in trust, he kept it tied to the welfare of the people he was now in charge of. He kept enough available that my father would have been able to live comfortably, but had Dad not worked hard, which he did, it wouldn't have lasted for me to inherit." His audience grinned in appreciation and Gairwyn chuckled.

"He sounds like a wise man to mistrust power given rather than earned. But what of your grandmother's lands?"

"My maternal grandfather was an archeologist and something of an adventurer." Major Carter and Doctor Frasier exchanged a knowing look. Daniel figured Nick was the same in this universe. He needed to ask Daniel before going home. "At first Grandfather Jackson wasn't thrilled with the idea of Dad marrying Mom, but apparently she charmed him and managed to prove herself to him. Her brother, my uncle, owned a shipping line that he'd started from a single boat when he was fresh out of school. After I was born and my grandparents learned that my parents couldn't have any more children my grandparents willed the unencumbered properties to him with the understanding that if he were to die childless he'd leave them to me."

"A fine solution to the problem, I'd say!" Gairwyn slapped his shoulder, nearly knocking him over. "And your uncle, has he any children of his own?" Daniel sighed. He missed his cousins.

"He had two daughters, but they died a few years ago." Daniel hoped she didn't ask how they died. He didn't want to explain.

"A few years ago I would have said they are with Thor. Instead I will say they are with the gods, whoever the real gods may be." Any reply Daniel might have made to her condolences was cut off by a scream of agony from behind the back wall of the cave. He'd never heard his father scream, but there was no doubt in his mind who it was. Daniel stood as fast as sore muscles would let him and the others joined him.

"We've got to get in there!" He searched for the opening Major Carter had told him of, but found nothing. Major Carter looked torn, and then seemed to come to a decision. She went to stand near a handprint on the wall and gestured to Gairwyn.

"Kendra put her hand here and then said something to open the door." Daniel glared at her. He'd trusted her and she'd purposely led him to believe they couldn't open the door themselves. Gairwyn alternated her attention between the handprints and their argument. The major faced him with a glare of her own. "Daniel, what would you be doing right now if the door was already open?"

"I would've gone in there!" He shouted at her, his father's screams tearing at him.

"Exactly! That's why I didn't tell you! You'd've gone in there and maybe made yourself a target or a hostage. Nirrti wouldn't have hesitated to kill you just to make us suffer." Daniel felt himself pale.

"I can't remember the words! Kendra told me, but it was so long ago. Bragi warned us to let the door open of its own." Gairwyn looked anxiously at the wall that separated them from the Hammer.

"Your father would have had to live with the memory of his hands killing you." Daniel closed his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck. "I've been there, Daniel. I know what it's like to not know if a memory is mine or someone else's." Daniel's eyes snapped open in horror. Major Carter nodded. "I was lucky. I hosted a Tok'Ra and only for a short time, but it took me years to fully come to grips with it. I know you. I know you'd die to protect your father, but I also know you wouldn't want to burden him with that memory." He shook his head wishing he could shut out the screams.

"It shouldn't be much longer, Daniel. He's going to need you to be strong. Can you do that?" Doctor Frasier had her pack off and had already started pulling out her equipment when she spoke. Daniel nodded, unable to speak. He walked to the back wall and placed his hands on it. He leaned against it, willing the screams to stop and the door to open. Then they did and the silence was almost as terrifying. The wall under his hands vibrated and Daniel jerked away stepping back as the door finally opened. He started to rush in but halted when Major Carter grabbed his arm.

"Let me go in first. Just in case, Daniel. This is where my expertise lies. " He nodded reluctantly, ignoring her attempt at humor. "Wait here, Janet, we'll bring him out." The major slid through the doorway, weapon up and paused for a moment. A moment too long for Daniel who tried in vain to see around her. Finally she dropped her weapon from its ready position and strode into the room on the other side. Daniel hurried through behind her and rushed to his father who lay on the ground near an archway, his clothes torn and bloody. He dropped to his knees and reached out to touch him. Daniel sighed in relief as his father grabbed his hand with his still manacled ones. He was shaking and moaning with his eyes closed. Teal'c was still removing the contraption that covered his father's face and neck but it seemed to Daniel he was moving in slow motion.

"Dad? Dad? Can you hear me?" His father's already desperate grip tightened. Daniel snapped at Teal'c. "Can't you go any faster?"

"Hey! Ease up. He's going as fast as he can." Jack's grip on his shoulder softened the impact of his words, but Daniel was beyond comforting.

"The kor shan'krev'lar mak was not designed to be easily removed, Lord Cascadia. I must unlock it carefully or risk harm to your father." Teal'c spoke calmly, his hands moving a small device from point to point on the restraint. "Usually, it was only removed after the prisoner's execution." Daniel wondered if that was supposed to reassure him.

"Teal'c knows what he's doing, doncha T." Jack's confidence calmed Daniel a little.

"Indeed, O'Neill, I dealt with these devices when I was still First Prime to Apophis. He used them to trap the symbiote in the host when one of his underlings earned his displeasure." Teal'c's normally unemotional voice revealed his distaste for the experience. Daniel had suspected that was the reason for it, but he guiltily remembered not wanting to ask.

"Gotta love those snakes." Jack's disgust was plain. Daniel used his free hand to check his father's body where his clothes were torn. An ugly red line like a healing scar ran across his side. He looked up at Jack in alarm. "Nirrti got away and we had to stop him. He was trying to bash my head in with a rock. That's what took us so long. We waited to let him heal your dad before we brought him through. No sense in him," he indicated Daniel's father, "having to suffer for Nirrti's mistakes." With one last touch of the device, the restraint opened along several previously invisible hinges. Daniel flipped the mouthpiece away from his father's face and stroked his cheek.

"Dad? You're safe. It's gone. You're free." Daniel was desperately trying to get a response from his father, but the older man just lay there, shaking and gasping. Teal'c made fast work of the manacles around his wrists and Daniel pulled his father into his arms. "It's okay, Dad, you're safe. I'm here." His father held onto him and buried his face in Daniel's neck, finally giving in to his sobs. He rocked him as he would have rocked one of his sons, murmuring nonsense words of comfort until he heard broken words that he could barely make out. Daniel ran his hand through is father's hair and pulled back a little, "I'm sorry, Dad I couldn't understand you. What is it? What do you need?"

"He wanted to kill you, Danny." His father hugged him, now, pulling Daniel to him like his life depended on it. "He wanted to punish me for fighting him. I would have seen my own hands choking you," a fresh wave of sobs cut off the rest of what he was saying, but Daniel didn't need to hear it. He held on as tightly as he could, rubbing his father's back as they held onto each other.

"But he didn't, Dad. You warned me. You found a way to protect me just like you always have." Daniel felt his own tears start. "I'm so proud of you." Daniel loosened his hold and pulled back enough to see his father's tear stained face. Daniel cupped his cheek and wiped it with his thumb. The man looked like he'd aged ten years and but it was his haunted expression that tore at Daniel's heart. But this was his father and at that moment he looked as beautiful to Daniel as his newborn daughter. "C'mon, Dad, I think I've had enough adventures for a while. Let's go home." The older man nodded wearily but made no attempt to rise. Daniel stood, his back and thighs protesting the action and reached down with a hand to help his father up. "There's someone I need to introduce you to."

CHAPTER 29

Daniel rolled onto his back feeling the too hard mattress and the too small pillow. Infirmary. His head felt like it was stuffed with cotton, which meant he'd been sleeping at least partly with the help of Janet's drug cabinet. He sighed a little as he took stock. Nothing hurt. He wondered why he was there. Memories rushed in as he woke more fully and his head started to clear. Oh, yeah. That. He squinted across the room at the sound of raised voices. It looked like a team had returned, but there were too many people and the one they were attempting to get into a bed wasn't in BDUs. Daniel reached for his glasses on the side table and put them on one handed while he fumbled the ever-present glass of water. The damn thing was never in easy reach. Finally finding it, he sat up, took a long drink, then replaced it and wrapped his arms around his knees. Teal'c walked in at that moment. If he'd been there before, Daniel wouldn't have had to put on his glasses to see who'd returned. Even without them, Teal'c was hard to miss. He started to call his team over, but decided to wait. They all looked a little busy. I guess their Nirrti's dead now, too. Daniel couldn't help feeling grim satisfaction at that. When had he gotten so bloodthirsty?

He felt the familiar pang of grief thinking about a host freed from captivity. At least they'd freed Skarra and now he was ascended. He missed his in-laws more than he ever let on. Only the knowledge that they were still out there made it easier. His Shaur'e was free, too, just not the way he'd hoped. There was still a chance for Sarah and while he hadn't been there, he'd had a small part in making it possible for the other Daniel to get his father back. He looked away from the group, staring down at his hands. He hadn't thought much about his interactions with Nirrti while she was masquerading as Lord Jackson. The old man's acceptance of him had meant so much, helped heal a wound he'd never realized he had. Now he knew it was meaningless. Nirrti had played him and Daniel was left with an oozing wound in his soul. He closed his eyes and lay back down. Suddenly, seeing his team was the last thing he wanted.

He still had to talk to Jack. He hadn't been the one to bring Daniel his dinner the night before after all. Sam had shown up, instead and told him Jack was tied up with the general and Lord Daniel. He'd managed to hide his moment of jealousy and blamed his sudden lack of appetite on continued fatigue. Daniel had eaten anyway, knowing he had to keep up appearances, but it had been like eating straw. Then, depending on what he learned from Jack, he'd have to face him. He wasn't sure which conversation he was dreading most, the one with Jack where their relationship could only end or the one with Lord Daniel. Daniel rolled to his side, putting his back to the rest of the ward. He hugged his pillow and allowed himself to remember the brief moments of happiness he'd shared with Jack. 'Us' had been easy. He couldn't remember which of them had said that first, but it was such a them turn of phrase. He smiled to himself rubbing the side of his face against the pillow. He pretended not to notice the dampness left on the case. He'd just slept too long and his eyes tended to water when he did that. Earlier he'd figured it out and he'd decided they'd had twenty-four hours as lovers. Not many memories to last a lifetime, but he'd take what he could get. He'd learned how fleeting happiness could be a long time ago. In many ways he'd been lucky in his life. He'd had two great loves. Some people were never loved like he'd been. He had a year and a day's worth of memories. That would be enough. It would have to be because there wouldn't be any more.

"Lord Jackson, I really must insist on examining you." Janet sounded mad. Daniel turned back over, pulling the pillow with him. He knew he was hiding behind it, but so far, no one was paying him any mind. Janet looked like she was limping. Daniel hoped she hadn't been hurt. He noticed Sam leaning against the wall, not looking any too chipper herself. Teal'c stood out of the way, watching. Jack was standing with his back to Daniel as if he didn't want to see him. I don't blame him. Having Jack walk away was going to be harder than Daniel had thought. If only there was a way to turn back the clock. He'd known they should have gone to bed the other night, but no, he'd been selfish and reached for more than he deserved and came out of it with less than he'd gone in with. Typical.

"Dad, please, let her take a look at you." The old man was sitting on a bed and Lord Daniel had his arm around his father's shoulders and a hand wrapped around his arm. Daniel couldn't tell if he was holding the man up or holding him down on the bed.

"Danny, turn me loose! I've got to talk to him!" Daniel's counterpart dropped his head and Daniel had the distinct feeling he was counting backwards in Greek or something.

"He's not going anywhere, Dad. You can talk to him when she's done." He looked up at his father. "Please, Dad. I nearly lost you. Humor me?" The old man turned angrily to his son.

"Danny Jackson stop this right now!" Daniel gasped and buried his face in the pillow. He felt his glassed digging into his face, but he didn't care. Those were almost the exact words the recreation of his father had said to him in the Gamekeeper's scenario. He had no idea what the last words his father had really said to him were. They'd been replaced in his memory by that angry order. Damn it, damn it, damn it! He couldn't see his counterpart, but he heard him.

"Fine. Doctor Frasier, I assume that you require me to undergo an exam before I leave the infirmary? If there's someone available, I request that I be allowed to get to it so I can return to my family." Daniel dropped the pillow and angrily threw the blankets off of him. He was halfway across the infirmary before he realized he was out of bed. He skirted the group around the bed and closed in on Lord Daniel. Daniel grabbed him by his open BDU jacket and yanked him in the direction of Janet's office.

"We'll be right back, Janet. Mind if we use your office?" Without waiting for her to answer he swung his counterpart around and shoved him in the right direction. When it looked like he was going to turn back around, Daniel used his greater bulk and bulldozed him into the room. With a final shove that made the other man stumble, he followed him in and slammed the door behind them. Lord Daniel righted himself and faced him, his face a mask of fury.

"How dare you!" Before the other man could say anything else, Daniel shoved him into a chair and loomed over him.

"You goddamned arrogant prick!" Daniel yelled and he didn't care who heard him. "How can you talk to him like that? Do you have any concept of what he's been through?" Daniel leaned over him, grasping the arms of the chair his alternate self was sitting in and got right up in his face. He'd learned this one from Jack. "Are you so self-centered that you can't think of anyone but yourself? He's been a prisoner in his own body for who knows how long and now you want to tell him what to do? If he wants to wait a half an hour to talk to someone, let him!" Daniel stood up and started to pace. He was so angry he was shaking. The blind arrogance of this man! "And then," Daniel stopped pacing and faced the man in the chair. His face was white and his mouth hung open in shock. "Did you even hear what you said to him? So you can return to your family?" Daniel threw one hand out, pointing to the ward. "That man is your family! He's your father you ungrateful bastard!" Lord Daniel's mouth snapped shut and his face flushed. He stood and approached Daniel steadily, his eyes narrowed.

"Yes, he is my father. So tell me, Doctor Jackson why is it all he's talked about for the past two hours, when I've been able to get him to speak at all, is needing to talk to you?" They stood toe to toe and since Daniel was barefoot he had to look up just slightly to meet his counterpart's furious gaze.

"W-what?" Daniel hadn't expected that at all. The tables had turned and now he was the prey.

"Oh, yes, couldn't wait to get back here to see you. Wouldn't talk to me. Told me to 'shut up, Danny' like I was still ten years old when I tried to tell him about his granddaughter. Oh, no, nothing would do but he get back here and talk to his other son!" Lord Daniel jabbed Daniel in the chest. "Wasn't fucking Jose and Ian enough for you? You have to try and take Dad, too?" Daniel backed away in shock. He didn't remember that. He thought he remembered raping Jack, but not Jose and Ian. Not them, too! He stopped when his back hit the closed door. He was panting and knew he was close to hyperventilating. Lord Daniel ripped his glasses of his face and rubbed his eyes. He bent over, hands on his knees and took some deep breaths. Daniel watched him feeling his knees buckle and Daniel slid down the door to sit on the floor with a thump. He wanted to say something, say he was sorry, say... there was nothing he could say.

"I d-don't," his mouth had taken over. Jack once told him he'd find himself blurting out things without knowing he was doing it. Now Daniel knew what he meant. "I-I don't remember that. I don't," amnesia was no excuse. He'd wronged this man and his consorts. That they might have been willing after a fashion, that it might be an actual crime didn't matter. Daniel buried his face in his hands. "Oh, god, oh, god, what have I done? What kind of a monster am I?" Why couldn't he remember that? Was it so unimportant to him? Was he so far gone that he could rape two men and not remember? This was no better than if he'd met them in a club and drugged them. They couldn't give consent. That was the definition of rape, sex without consent. Daniel jumped when he felt a hand grab his shoulder then release it. He swallowed hard. Whatever his counterpart wanted to do to him wouldn't be punishment enough. The hand shifted and Daniel braced for what would come next. Instead of the expected blow, he heard Lord Daniel slide down to the floor next to him. Daniel peeked out of his hands to see Lord Daniel sitting next to him with his head back against the door. He looked exhausted. Daniel relaxed a little figuring a beating wasn't on the program. Not immediately, anyway.

"You're not a monster, Daniel." He sounded tired, too. He sounded as soul weary as Daniel felt. "I seem to spend a lot of time sitting on the floor around here." Daniel tried to calm down and laid his own head against the door watching the man next to him. The change of subject seemed to be as welcome to Lord Daniel as it was to him.

"It's not much worse than the chairs around here." Lord Daniel's mouth quirked up in a travesty of a smile. It was about all Daniel's joke was worth. Joking. He was making jokes. Daniel turned away and closed his eyes. He remembered the 'Daniel' part of him contemplating suicide. He wouldn't do that, but he understood the feeling. He wished he could just disappear.

"What I've done is much worse." Daniel's eyes snapped open.

"What you've done?" What could this quiet man have possibly done in his life that would be worse than Daniel's crime?

"I married them. I gave them the illusion of family, of belonging, but they're just breeding stock." Daniel blinked in confusion. Lord Daniel loved his husbands and they loved him. It was obvious whenever any of them spoke about the others. He'd seen this Daniel with Jonathan. He'd never seen two people more in love with each other. His mind shied away from the obvious comparison. Lord Daniel shrugged. "Of course, that's all I am. Breeding stock." He turned and looked at Daniel. "Jack tried to make me out to be some sort of paragon. He said I was 'potentially the most important person on your planet'. My planet." Lord Daniel waved a hand as if to explain the awkward sentence. Daniel just nodded. "Daniel," the man's voice became oddly gentle, especially given the circumstances, "he wasn't talking about me. He was talking about you." Lord Daniel's smile was sad, but genuine. "He's so enamored of you he can't see just how unique you are." He put a hand on Daniel's knee and squeezed. Enamored? Jack was enamored of him? That can't be right. Not after what happened. "How weird is that? You'd think that he'd be finding every fault I've got, but instead he's decided that since I look like you," the man eyed Daniel's well-muscled arms where they were exposed in the short sleeved scrub shirt. "Sorta look like you, that I must be like you."

"Daniel." This was too much to take in. Daniel was still reeling over finding out about the other men. As much as he wished Jack could still love him, he couldn't deal with the possibility right then. Hope could be as devastating as despair.

"I'm jealous of you." Lord Daniel looked embarrassed.

"Really." You're jealous of me?

"You don't believe me."

"Uh, no. No, I don't. I've got nothing for you to be jealous of. Trust me." This was getting surreal. Even for the SGC where surreal was the norm. Daniel got an image of Dali's "Persistence of Memory" only with stargates instead of clocks draped everywhere.

"What?" The man's voice startled him.

"What?" Daniel hated it when he zoned out and someone was talking to him.

"What were you thinking?"

"Oh. Nothing important, just a, nothing important." He really didn't want to explain it. Dali may not have even existed in their world. Explaining Dali here was hard enough sometimes.

"Oh." That had been a conversation stopper. Which was probably just as well, because Lord Daniel was way off base.

"I'm jealous of you." Did I say that out loud?

"You? Really." Daniel wondered if the smile on his face looked like the one he'd seen earlier.

"You've got everything I've dreamed about since I was eight years old, Daniel." Daniel felt like he was falling apart. That had been a constant since this started. Old grief warred with newer grief. Guilt overlay everything. He felt so alone. More alone than he'd felt in years. Where was Oma when he needed her. He could go for ascending again at this point. He didn't remember much, but one thing he thought he remembered was never feeling quite alone. It was like he could feel the others out there, somewhere. He'd felt a little like he belonged, but he'd blown that, too, just like he'd blown every other relationship he'd ever had. Maybe he should have stayed with Chaka. They didn't communicate well enough for him to screw it up. An image of Chaka wearing Jack's clothes popped into his head. He shuddered. That was not a good image and he was drifting again.

"We're a helluva pair, aren't we?" Daniel was glad the other man didn't argue with him.

"Oh, yeah. I figure we've got one whole life between us." Lord Daniel grinned.

"Maybe we should take turns with it." Daniel ducked his head. According to Lord Daniel, they had taken turns with it.

"Danny, don't. It wasn't your fault. I know what it's like and I was given some training to learn to deal with the effects. I can't imagine what it must have been like for you." The guilt he'd managed to push down while they joked about their respective messed up lives surged to the fore again.

"It was," Daniel didn't know how describe it. It had been hot and exciting and more than anything he'd loved it. Loved being in control. Loved dominating Jack and the others. For the first time in his life he'd felt like he was in total control of his life. No, he realized. Not the first time. He'd felt like he had when he'd been addicted to the sarcophagus. He'd felt like he had in Shifu's dream.

"Hot?" Daniel glanced at his counterpart.

"But now it's,"

"Terrifying? You feel guilty?" Lord Daniel spoke with certainty. "I know the feeling. That's how I feel every time." Lord Daniel looked down at the floor. "Jose came to me a few months ago to let me know he was ready again. If Ian hadn't miscarried the following day, he'd be pregnant right now." He shrugged. "He decided the timing would be cruel, so he asked if he could wait until Ian was ready again." Lord Daniel casually wiped his eyes. This was as difficult for him as it was for Daniel.

"So, they decide when to, um," Daniel raised his eyebrows and hoped his counterpart wouldn't make him say it.

"Yeah. Well, sorta. The law says they have to bear. I help them push the timing a bit so they're not constantly pregnant, giving birth or recovering from childbirth."

"How do you manage that, what with the," Daniel knew that expression. Whatever he did to protect them hurt him.

"I, um, most men in my class don't have to," Lord Daniel cleared his throat. "The theory is that since most of us are well off, we can afford many consorts and, well, in reality they're, we're the ones who made the laws and," the man ducked his head and rubbed his eyes. Daniel realized what he was having trouble saying. He'd wondered how this would work.

"You mean you normally wouldn't have to, um, help bearing men who don't have, um, ready access to," he couldn't bring himself to say it, either. Lord Daniel nodded and wrapped his arms around his knees, pulling them up to his chest with his head down. Daniel remembered sitting up in bed like that after the catastrophic night with Jack. "God. That's," Rape.

"Yeah." The word was muffled, but his body language said it all. Daniel did the only thing he could think of. It's what he'd want but never ask for, never expect if it were he. He turned a little and pulled his counterpart into his arms and held him.

"I wonder if somewhere out there there's a Daniel Jackson with a normal life." The man in his arms started to shake at Daniel's comment and Daniel held him tighter. Then he realized he was laughing. Lord Daniel raised his head.

"Poor bastard's probably bored stiff." Lord Daniel sat back again.

"He probably looks forward to departmental meetings." Daniel started to chuckle.

"Most exciting thing that happens to him is when the irrigation system breaks down." Daniel sighed.

"Lucky guy." They spoke in unison, which set them both off laughing again. If there was a slightly hysterical twinge to it, neither man mentioned it.

"Jonathan says I don't laugh enough." Lord Daniel's voice held the same sadness Daniel felt.

"Jack tells me the same thing. Says I don't play nearly enough." Daniel shrugged. Few people understood how much fun his work was for him.

"From what little I know about your life, he's probably right." Daniel shrugged again. His childhood was old news for him. He'd survived it. After the first couple of years in foster care, it was all he'd expected. He wasn't sure he wanted to talk about it with this version of himself, though. A flash of the anger that drove him to drag the other man into this office resurfaced.

"I don't know what your father wants to talk to me about, but I can assure you I'm not trying to take him away from you." Embarrassment flooded Lord Daniel's face. "It wasn't easy to meet him," Not that I actually have. "but I know my father died when I was a kid. That man out there," Daniel's voice softened as his anger faded, "that man is your father." He grabbed his counterpart's hand. "Treasure him, Daniel. Don't loose any moments you have left with him to anger or resentment. Treasure every moment because you never know when it'll be the last one. He loves you, I know he does. He's had a rough time of it and is probably a bit confused right now. Don't shut him out and never part from him without telling him you love him." He had so many regrets. Maybe he could help keep this man from sharing them. Daniel tried to imagine what this other Daniel's life must have been like. He seemed more emotionally fragile than Daniel was. Perhaps he would have been the same without the walls he'd learned to build as a child. Daniel felt like he'd been on his own since his parents died.

"I'm sorry about that. I was outta line." The apology was spoken quietly, but sincerely.

"Yes, you were, but I'm not the one you should be apologizing to." Lord Daniel scowled for a moment then sighed.

"Not the only one, at least." Lord Daniel banged his head lightly against the door. "Except for my family, I think you've definitely drawn the better hand."

"Daniel, if I'd still had my parents, I doubt that I'd be here right now." Daniel had come to that realization on Abydos.

"What do you mean?"

"Catherine was waiting outside the hotel where I ruined my career. That was the last thing I had and I threw it away by telling the truth." Daniel was surprised at the bitterness he still felt at that. Some things never quite went away. Over the years some of the men in that audience had been approached to join the program, but as soon as they'd heard his name, they'd turned down the offers. While he wasn't overly interested in working with any of those people, he secretly wished for the opportunity to show at least one of them he'd been right. "If I'd had anything to fall back on, I'd never have taken the plane ticket. But I was standing on the sidewalk in the rain with twenty-four dollars in my pocket and nowhere else to go."

"I can't imagine what that must have been like." Daniel could see his counterpart concentrating. Apparently trying to put himself in Daniel's place, but apparently failing. He was glad. It wasn't something he'd wish on anyone.

"Your life seems just as incredible to me." He smiled a little. Daniel wanted to ask him about things, but knew that would open the door for questions about his life. Questions he really didn't want to answer. Not that there were all that many horrible memories to bring up, but because he figured this other Daniel was building him up as some sort of superman for having grown up differently. Jack hadn't helped any. He wasn't anything special, just a survivor. A survivor like the man next to him. "We're not so different, you know, we've just survived different things."

"Mrs. Amberson would have disagreed with you, I think. She thought I was pretty useless for a long time." Daniel started at the name.

"Emma Amberson?" Every time he managed to get his mind around how different their lives had been something like this popped up.

"Emma? Um, maybe. Might have been Emmaline. She was my father's steward when I was a kid." Lord Daniel looked at him expectantly.

"Malcolm and Emma Amberson were my foster parents for a while. They were great." Seems he couldn't get away from talking about it after all. Daniel guessed it was better than what they should be talking about.

"I think her husband's name was Malcolm. He was steward before I was born. Died suddenly, I think. She took over for him and my Dad gave her the job. She was damned good at it." Lord Daniel grinned. "As different as our worlds are, it's still odd how our lives manage to intersect." Daniel nodded. He'd had to leave the Amberson's when Mr. Amberson dropped dead of a heart attack one evening. Someone knocked at the door they were leaning on.

"You guys about done in there?" Jack sounded impatient.

"In a minute!" Daniel called back and then cocked his head at his counterpart. "You ready?"

"I guess. God." He rubbed his eyes under his glasses. "I made a right fool of myself, didn't I." Daniel absently noted the British idiom then ruthlessly shut down his curiosity. This wasn't the time.

"Yeah, well, I think I'm still in the lead in that race." He was still a little embarrassed about his flashback. No one had mentioned it, aside from medical staff checking on his state of mind, but he couldn't forget it. Daniel stood up and wished he was wearing shoes. His feet were cold. Lord Daniel stood as well and they faced each other, Daniel with his hand resting on the doorknob.

"Look, I need you to know that whatever, um, happened the other night, it wasn't your fault." Daniel looked away. Lord Daniel didn't know what he was talking about. Perhaps Jose and Ian would be able to shrug it off, but he doubted Jack would. Jack had never told him what had happened to him during the four months he'd been stuck in that Iraqi prison, but Daniel wasn't nearly as naïve as people seemed to think. "Daniel." Daniel looked back up at him. "He loves you. He loves you more now than before. Don't shut him out. Don't make his decision for him." Daniel swallowed hard. "You haven't spent as much time with Jonathan as I've spent with Jack. It's scary how alike they are. Jonathan can deal with not being in control when it's his decision, but he gets crazy when someone takes the choice away from him." Daniel closed his eyes. Was this supposed to make him feel better? "Don't. I know what you're thinking, but you've got to remember, Nirrti," he paused, probably reliving the horror of finding out his father was host to their own personal Destroyer of Worlds. Lord Daniel took a deep breath and continued. "Nirrti took the choice from both of you, but you still have a choice. You can choose Jack and if I ever find out you've hurt him by walking away, I'll come back through that mirror and kick your butt." Daniel looked his counterpart up and down and raised his eyebrows. "Okay, I'll bring Jose and have him kick your butt." Daniel smiled in acknowledgment of Jose being a much more credible threat.

"Let's go before Jack decides he has to blow the door. He gets itchy if he can't blow things up once in a while." Lord Daniel chuckled.

"Jonathan seems to like demolition a little more than is strictly necessary, too." Daniel nodded as he opened the door and gestured for his companion to precede him. The crowd that had been gathered around Lord Jackson's bed had dispersed. Jack was leaning against the wall next to the door and Jonathan sat next to the bed his father-in-law was in. A privacy screen had been set up, blocking the bed from most of the rest of the ward. The older man was holding his granddaughter and appeared to be fighting off tears. Daniel caught a glimpse of his counterpart's face. A mix of emotions was displayed there, with disappointment predominating. A forced smile quickly took over and he approached the bed slowly. Daniel followed for a few steps, but stopped shy of joining them, leaving the family a little privacy.

"How ya doin'?" Jack spoke quietly at his side.

"I'm fine."

"I thought you were going to hit him, but I don't see any bruises." Daniel scowled at him, but purposely didn't check to see if it got the same reaction he'd noted the other day. He wasn't prepared to go there right then.

"Thought about it. Didn't."

"Rollercoaster?"

"Oh, yeah. Big, big rollercoaster."

"I know the feeling." How could they do this? How could they relate so normally? Daniel felt like everyone should be able to see what was between them, the good and the bad. How could they hid it so well? Daniel watched Lord Daniel go to stand behind his husband. He hesitantly put his hand on Jonathan's shoulder as if fearing he'd be rebuffed. Jonathan, glanced back at him with a warm smile and reached over to pat Lord Daniel's hand before turning back to watch Lord Jackson holding their child. Jack sounded so Jack. Like nothing had changed. Daniel knew better. Everything had changed. "Think Frasier's going to let you out anytime soon?" Daniel looked at his one-time lover and shrugged.

"Your guess is as good as mine. I wanted to go home yesterday, but you know what she's like."

"And how would that be, Doctor Jackson?" Both men whipped around guiltily to find Doctor Frasier standing behind them.

"You sure you aren't Special Ops, Doc?" Daniel mustered a grin he didn't really feel.

"Caring and um, concerned about your patients' welfare, of course. What else would I have meant?" He beamed at her as she shook her head.

"Right. Well, since I'm so caring and concerned about my patients' welfare, I want you back in your bed right now." Doctor Bulldog was back.

"C'mon, Janet," time for a change of tactics, "I'm fine. Can't I go back to work?" He turned 'the eyes' on her, as Sam called it. It never really worked with Janet, but there was always a first time.

"Save it, Daniel. I just want to give you a final once over and then, if everything checks out, I'll release you." Now his smile was genuine, though he felt slightly off-kilter. "But you'll have to stay on base until your last blood work comes back." He'd been so sure she'd want to keep him longer.

"Oh. Thanks!" On base was fine. He dreaded seeing his inbox, but the sooner he tackled it, the sooner he'd be caught up. At least as caught up as he ever was. Loosing himself in his work sounded wonderful. Maybe he'd feel better able to deal with the mess of his personal life after spending some time knee deep in translations. With one last glance at the men from the other Earth, he turned to go back to his bed.

"Oh, Daniel." Jack called to him. He turned back and his heart nearly stopped at the tender smile on his lover's, no his friend's face. Ordinarily he would have replied, but he didn't trust his voice. Jack's smile faltered as he nodded toward Lord Jackson and the others. "Someone wants to speak to you." Daniel straightened up and nodded. He could do this. He'd think of the meeting with Nirrti as a dry run. He certainly didn't want to fall apart again. Daniel walked slowly to the empty side of the bed and waited. Lord Daniel watched him, his chin raised, but looking calm. He put his hand on his father's shoulder to get his attention away from the baby in his arms. She was sleeping peacefully. Daniel couldn't help but smile.

"Dad? Doctor Jackson's here." Lord Jackson looked up from his granddaughter's serene face and reached out a hand. Instinctively, Daniel took it and the old man squeezed tightly but didn't release him. He looked to his son for a moment.

"Son, take her, would you?" Lord Daniel extricated his daughter, who woke at the change of hands. She started to fuss and Lord Daniel jiggled her a little, talking softly to her until she yawned, stuck her thumb into her mouth with a little difficulty and then went back to sleep. Jonathan dragged a second chair around and Lord Daniel sat next to his husband, who put his arm around the younger man's shoulders and leaned in to kiss his cheek. Lord Daniel stiffened, then relaxed. Daniel wished he'd spoken to him about the other man's feelings about everything, but somehow, they'd ended up talking about his problems, instead. Maybe he'd be able to have a few words with him before they left. Daniel turned back to find Lord Jackson studying him intently.

"It's good to finally meet you, Lord Jackson." He didn't know this man. Had never met him. Nothing that had been said with the old man's mouth had come from him. Daniel kept repeating that to himself.

"We've met, young man." Daniel's heart pounded. That sounded exactly like his father.

"I don't think so, sir. I met Nirrti." Lord Jackson blinked hard and his hand nearly crushed Daniel's. "I'm sorry," I'm screwing this up. "That was rude. I just wanted you to know that I don't hold you to anything, um, anything that was said while you were," Daniel was starting to babble, he knew it, but couldn't seem to stop. "While you were, um," what was the polite way of saying someone was a prisoner in their own body, "incapacitated." There. It was done. Lord Jackson snorted.

"I was there, Daniel. I know what happened." Daniel ducked his head, unable to look into that face any longer. Lord Daniel's father still gripped his hand. Even without the extra strength provided by a symbiote, he had a strong grip.

"I understand." He looked back up, making eye contact. "But I also understand you had no control over what was going on."

"Doesn't matter." Daniel blinked hard. The rollercoaster took another dip. He started to speak, but no sound emerged. Daniel cleared his throat and tried again. He looked at their clasped hands, unable to meet the penetrating gaze of the other man.

"It does to me." The quiet whisper was all he could manage.

"Danny," Daniel's head jerked up at the nickname said in the remembered gentle tone. "Yes, Nirrti was in control, but what she said," he brought his other hand up and covered his mouth as he closed his eyes. He didn't release Daniel, just took a moment to compose himself. Finally, he dropped his hand to his lap and opened his eyes again. "She took what I would have said and used it to manipulate you into trusting her. I tried, boy." Tears ran down freely the man's face. Daniel wanted to join him, but held it in. He needed to get a handle on his emotions. They'd been all over the place and he didn't like it. He couldn't decide if the old man was telling the truth or if he needed to believe that something of himself had been involved. "I tried to stop her, but I wasn't," his hand came up again as if he could use it to hold in the sob. "I wasn't strong enough. I'm so sorry, boy! I tried, but I couldn't stop her!" He pulled Daniel closer. "Can you ever forgive me?" Out of the corner of his eye, Daniel saw his counterpart pass his daughter to Jonathan before moving to sit on the other side of the bed and pulled his father into his arms.

"Dad, it's okay. No one blames you for Nirrti's actions. She's the guilty one and she's dead now." His father shook his head, but didn't pull out of his son's arms. Daniel was glad. Both men needed this.

"He's right, sir. There's nothing to forgive. It wasn't you. Just like it wasn't my wife who tried to kill me." That got both men's attention. "She was taken as host for Ammonet. A few years later, Ammonet tried to kill me." His grief had become bearable in the past four years, but it wasn't easy, especially after reliving it so recently as he regained his memories. Daniel thought Shaur'e would have approved of this, though. She would have wanted him to comfort someone else who'd survived what she hadn't. "I knew Shaur'e would never hurt me. I know she tried to stop her, but a symbiote's control is too strong."

"You told me your wife died." Lord Jackson sounded almost accusing.

"She did." Daniel found himself rubbing the old man's hand with his thumb. "She was killed to save my life." He looked between the two of them. "She's free now." He heard the challenge in his voice. He wanted them to accept his words and leave it alone. The hand in his squeezed a little.

"I wouldn't have wanted to live like that, either." Lord Jackson sat back against the raised bed and touched his son's face before turning back to Daniel. "I can't thank you all enough for what you've done." It seemed their heart to heart was over. Daniel was relieved.

"We didn't do anything you wouldn't have done had our positions been reversed." Lord Jackson lay against the bed with his eyes closed. He still held Daniel's hand and his other hand was gripping his son's arm. He didn't seem inclined to let either of them go. Lord Daniel's forehead was creased in thought.

"Please don't, Daniel. I don't think I could take the two of you arguing over alternate realities or universes or whatever." Jonathan spoke from where he sat holding his baby. He sounded tired, but there was a definite tease in his voice. Lord Daniel looked over his shoulder at him and then back to Daniel as he rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Yes, dear." Lord Daniel quirked a grin in Daniel's direction and Lord Jackson opened his eyes in time to see it. He looked at Daniel.

"Jonathan sounds remarkably like my wife did. It's a little disturbing sometimes." Daniel paled at the thought. He frantically searched his memory for anything he could find that would disprove the old man's comparison. He looked at Jack and then back to Jonathan and finally to Lord Daniel who nodded a little ruefully.

"It is a little disturbing sometimes, but then Jonathan says I'm a lot like his mother, so I guess we're even." Daniel turned to see Jack who looked as startled as Daniel felt. This was just too weird.

"Caruthers is packing up a few gizmos Doc's giving him and then they're going to be heading home." Jack put his hand on Daniel's shoulder and patted him before sticking both hands in his pockets. Jack was still close enough that Daniel could feel his warmth. It was both comforting and maddening. Daniel wanted, he shut down that line of thought. It didn't matter what he wanted, only what Jack was willing to give. Daniel didn't know how he could be around Jack now and not lose his mind. But the thought of being apart hurt too much to contemplate. "If you're good, Daniel, maybe Doc'll let you get dressed and go down to see them off." Daniel wasn't sure he wanted to prolong his goodbyes that much. He gently disengaged his hand from Lord Jackson's.

"I guess I'd better get back and let Janet do her worst. In case she's not finished with me before you go," Daniel had no intention of seeing that mirror ever again if he could avoid it, "I want you to know it was good to meet you all." This was more awkward than he'd imagined. "I'll, I'll never forget you." At least he'd have the comfort of knowing there was at least one Daniel who had his O'Neill. He met his counterpart's eyes.

"Remember what I told you, Doctor Jackson." Daniel nodded and quirked an eyebrow at Jonathan as if to say the same held true from his perspective. He wouldn't need someone else to kick his counterpart's butt if he didn't work out whatever was going on between him and his husband. Lord Daniel shrugged and looked away.

"Good luck to you all." With that Daniel left and headed back to his own bed. His mind whirled with everything that had happened since they started the damned mirror exploration and at the moment, he didn't know what to make of it all. It was too close, too personal, too painful. He'd thought he needed to dive back into his work, but he was coming to realize that maybe what he really needed was to get away. Away from everything, and everyone, that reminded him of the past couple of weeks. He tossed his glasses on the side table and lay down on his bed with a sigh. Daniel threw his arm over his eyes and lay there feeling exposed and uncharacteristically fragile. He refused to hide under the covers again, though. That was too pathetic.

He had weeks, maybe months, of personal time accumulated. He'd take a few weeks and go somewhere. Somewhere warm and quiet where no one knew him. Somewhere he could hole up and lick his wounds before coming back and climbing on the rollercoaster again. The only question was if he should try and see Jack before he went or not. Daniel had half expected him to follow him when he left the others, but he didn't and that said more than words ever could. Keep it together Daniel, just a little while longer. As soon as Janet released him, he'd go see the general and arrange the time.

One day. They'd had one day. That's how Daniel would make it through this. One day at a time. But those days that stretched out before him were so empty. He wasn't sure he'd survive this time. Daniel wasn't sure he wanted to.

CHAPTER 30

"Got it!" Jack jumped when Carter slammed a file folder down on his commissary table. She slid into the chair across from him, grinning like one of her reactors had just blinked and called her Mom. He considered looking interested, but after the leads to Daniel's whereabouts dried up over the past couple of months, very little interested him. They'd watched his bank accounts, his credit cards, everything. Daniel had made one large withdrawal from his bank the day Janet let him go home and hadn't been heard from since. The general had given him a leave of absence, but no one had expected him to actually leave leave. Automated payments kept his mortgage going. His cleaning service came in and basically just fed his fish. The lawn service kept his neighbors happy. They tracked down every automated payment, and there were a few Jack really wanted to hear about, but nothing that led them, led him to Daniel.

He looked back down at his half eaten lunch. At first, Jack had been terrified that his lover was still somehow suffering from the aftereffects of the fertility drugs. Fear that the NID might have gotten wind of the situation and decided to do a little experimentation predominated, but even that led nowhere. Jack knew he was in serious trouble when he was disappointed to find the NID didn't have a member of his team in custody. Then came the anger and resentment. He'd bitten the head off anyone who'd dared speak to him. Even Teal'c had started to avoid him. Jack's house took the brunt of his rage and frustration, but he'd finally stopped punching holes in his walls when he'd ended up cracking his wrist. After the pain came numbness and that's where he stayed. He went to work, did his job, went off world, but felt almost nothing except a dull ache where his heart used to be.

The one constant had been the heartbreak. Even his guilt over what he'd done had taken a backseat to that. He'd taken to sleeping in his spare room because his bedroom, even his sofa brought back too many too brief memories. He hadn't even had the heart to jerk off. The release that used to relieve stress would be too empty; a painful reminder of what he'd had and might not have again. Eventually, his libido retired from the field. Retirement from the Air Force was beginning to look better and better. The only reason he didn't is because he knew it would be a very short retirement and he wasn't quite ready for that final step. Somewhere deep in his soul there was a sliver of hope remaining and when Daniel did turn up, he'd grab him and never let him go. Then he'd beat the shit out of him for walking out.

"Glad to hear it, Carter." Jack stirred his mashed potatoes. They'd gotten cold. He rarely noticed what went into his mouth anymore. He ate on base. At home, he took solace in a bottle of whatever was handy. The only thing he wouldn't touch was scotch. The last of the bottle they'd shared still sat on the coffee table. He'd finish it when this was over. Over one way or another, but not before.

"Sir? I thought you'd be," she sounded wary, "I don't know, maybe excited?" He finally looked up to see what the woman was yammering on about now.

"Carter, if you're happy, I'm happy, but you know I don't get excited over the same crap you do." Jack decided cold mash potatoes and whatever the hell the daily special was held more interest than Carter's latest discovery. Let her go find one of her geeks to rave to. Isn't that why they were there? He started digging a gravy pond in the casserole, but it wasn't the same now that the gravy was congealed.

"Sir," Jack knew that tone. It reminded him of his mother when she'd finally noticed the debris straggling out from under his bed in his 'clean' room. He sighed and put down his fork.

"I'm all ears, Carter. Wow me."

"Daniel used a credit card to buy gas in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico three days ago." Carter's voice impacted his ears, but his brain refused to resolve the sounds into words that had meaning.

"Excuse me?" She couldn't have said what he was finally beginning to think she'd said.

"Daniel was in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico," Jack cut her off having finally realized what she'd said the first time.

"Three days ago. Three days?" He was already striding across the commissary with Carter practically jogging to catch up. "Why the hell are we just hearing about this now?" He had to talk to the general. Jack was going after Daniel and he was going after him alone.

"Hard to say, sir. It's a small town. Maybe they had trouble with their connection with the bank." She caught up with him at the elevator and shrugged. Three days. Something about the town niggled at him.

"Carter, I've been to Truth or Consequences. There's not a whole lot there." Carter followed him into the elevator. Jack punched the button for level twenty-seven. This was too much of a coincidence. If Daniel wanted to stay lost, he could do it. He was probably one of the few men Jack knew who could have lost himself almost anywhere in the world and stayed that way. The man was a freaking genius and had a scary knack for making friends with the most unlikely people. People like hungry Unas. People like Jack. No, this was a deliberate act and, knowing Daniel, the town's name wasn't a coincidence, either.

"The name's a little eerie, don't you think, sir? It almost sounds like a threat." That was exactly what Jack was worried about. But there was something else he had to consider and that set his heart racing with fear. Even geniuses made mistakes and if Daniel's state of mind had deteriorated enough, he might have reached for the card out of habit. If that's the case, there was something else about Truth or Consequences. It was just about a hundred and twenty miles from El Paso. If he'd gone through El Paso three days ago, he could be halfway to Central America by now. Jack looked at Carter and then back to the elevator door but said nothing.

Teal'c and the general were waiting for them in the briefing room. No one sat down. "Colonel, Major, I've been in contact with Homeland Security. An agent Ramsey will meet you in El Paso. There's no sign of Doctor Jackson in Truth or Consequences and so far, there's no record of him crossing into Mexico, but we all know how resourceful he is. You three know him as well as he knows himself. Your flight leaves Peterson in an hour. Bring him home." The general wasn't interested in discussion. He'd been more pissed off than Jack had at Daniel's stunt. Only Jack knew that the Joint Chiefs had raked him over the coals for 'losing' their senior civilian consultant. If Daniel came back, he was going to have to do some serious sucking up. Jack ignored Carter's automatic response and Teal'c's grave nod. They turned and headed out. They'd all been ready for action for weeks. They finally had something to do and no time or effort was going to be wasted on needless discussion. Jack, however, had a feeling border watching wasn't going to be of any use.

"Colonel? You've got a plane to catch." Jack nodded, but didn't leave.

"Yes, sir, I do, but not to El Paso."

"Would you care to explain that, Colonel?" Jack winced. The general only used that particular tone with lowlifes like Mayborne.

"Yes, sir!" So he did.

Jack caught up with Carter and Teal'c as they waited for him at the first checkpoint on level 11. "Carter! You're in command of this one. Get down there and keep that Ramsey character from doing any more damage than necessary. T, loom. It should keep him in line."

"Sir? You're not coming with us?" Jack shook his head.

"O'Neill, Daniel Jackson will be more amenable to returning if you are there to persuade him." Teal'c stared at Jack with his usual impenetrable expression. Was there a lightening around his eyes? Jack stared back and couldn't help but wonder if the perceptive Jaffa suspected more than he said.

"I think you two can handle it." Jack was itching to get on his way, but he wanted them gone, first. It might be his last duty to the Air Force and he wanted to make sure he did it right.

"You don't think he's heading for the border." Carter followed her bold statement with an apologetic "sir". Jack shrugged.

"I've got a hunch." He raised a finger to silence them. "Just a hunch, but I need to check it out." He made shooing motions toward them. "Go, get down there. I could be wrong and if so, you're going to have to move fast. I'll catch up if my hunch doesn't pan out."

Jack sat in his rental car where 142 crossed 25 and watched the sunrise. He hadn't slept much the night before, but then he hadn't slept much since Daniel disappeared. Anticipation kept him from feeling his fatigue. The Land of Enchantment. Rolling hills and a scattering of scrub trees of some kind offered a panorama he didn't get to see often. Way too many planets looked like the Pacific Northwest. Even his own beloved Minnesota gave him the deep, quite woods he craved. Those were different, though. They were home.

Truth or Consequences, on the other hand, was just as boring as he'd remembered only touristier. He knew Daniel wasn't still there, but he was thorough and spent some time talking to people, checking out the kinds of places his friend might have gone to. He even checked out some he knew Daniel would never have been caught dead in, just in case. A few people remembered the quiet handsome man who'd come through, but not where he'd gone. The New Mexico map was laid out on the seat next to him, a half dozen red circles indicating the places he thought Daniel might have gone to ground. He really hoped Omega wasn't the one. The connotation gave him the willies. But that was just in case his first choice didn't pan out and oh, how he hoped it did. When he'd seen the town's name on the map, he couldn't help feeling like he was on the right track. Truth or Consequences had been a message to him.

Daniel didn't reach out to people very often, but when he did, Jack had to be quick, or he'd miss it. The night in Jack's living room had been the exception but oh, what an exception. Jack's libido made its first appearance in weeks at the memory of their first night together. He suspected Daniel would revert to type after what happened to them in the other reality. If anything, he'd gotten downright cryptic, but Jack was well versed in Daniel-speak. He'd taken the name as a sign. Jack wasn't usually one to count on signs and portents, but this had all the earmarks of being painted by Daniel especially for him. Painted in great big red letters. He started the car and headed northwest on 142. The drive would have been about two hours by interstate, but he thought the shorter, though rougher road around the national forest would put him in the right frame of mind. He had some thinking to do before he got there.

Jack cruised through Pie Town, watching for the landmarks he'd gotten by telephone. He'd never even heard of this place. Which wasn't surprising since it wasn't much more than a wide spot in the road. Jack wondered how Daniel managed to find it. There was the café he'd heard about. He had to take Daniel there before they left. They would be leaving together. Or staying together. Before he left, he gave Hammond his letter of resignation and told him he'd call and let the general know if it was time. The general had given him a long, measuring look before he accepted the envelope. He never said a word, just nodded and put it in his desk. One way or another, he and Daniel would be together. Jack refused to entertain the thought of any other outcome.

The closer he'd gotten to his destination, the more certain he was that this was the place. It was too perfect. Too them for it not to be and if Daniel was there, it was because he wanted Jack to find him. There was no other rational explanation. Once he'd started asking around about the place, one name had jumped out at him and that clinched it. He hadn't known it existed until he gotten on the phone with whazername from the Chamber of Commerce. Turns out she was also the librarian, so he took a chance and asked about Daniel. The Chamber of Commerce had been a surprise, but a library? The old biddy was either deaf or had fallen under his lover's spell because she never quite responded to his questions about Daniel. Probably a bit of both.

Jack parked the car and headed into Jackson Park on foot. He couldn't help but smile at the name on the sign. It was less a city park than a campground of sorts. A couple of worn tents looked like more or less permanent fixtures. A single small RV that had seen better days sat far from the road. As he approached, a familiar figured stepped out of it and leaned casually against the side, apparently watching his approach. Emotions flooded Jack. Love, desire, fear and finally, anger. He thought he'd worked through the anger by yelling and smashing things, but it resurged as he neared his target. Leaning against the RV, Daniel stiffened and Jack ground to a halt. What was he doing? He didn't want to be angry. Didn't want to scare Daniel off again. Where Jack wanted him was in his arms, in his bed, in his life for as long as he drew breath. The thought was enough to get him half hard. The man had left him a trail of breadcrumbs; the last thing he wanted to do was kick him for it. Jack calmed down, reaching for the warm half-aroused glow he'd felt on the drive up here. As his mood came around he noticed Daniel started to relax as well. They were like a damned feedback loop. Each so attuned to the other that even twenty yards away one man's emotions influenced the other.

Jack approached in silence, drinking in the sight of his lover. Daniel wasn't looking too good at the moment, actually. He'd lost weight and the skin under his bloodshot eyes looked almost bruised from lack of sleep. Jack suspected he looked about the same. Daniel hadn't shaved for at least a couple of days and the sweats he wore looked like they could use a turn or two in a washing machine. As Jack got closer, Daniel's arms wrapped around his midsection and he seemed unable to look at Jack for more than brief moments at a time. Daniel-speak for 'this seemed like a good idea at the time, but what if I was wrong'. Finally, Jack was within arm's reach.

"Hey." Jack's mellow greeting had the desired effect and Daniel's mouth quirked up in a quick smile. Jack's libido liked that smile a lot. Gotta take it slow, he's not ready.

"Hey. Um, so, you found me." He looked down at the ground and then back up, not raising his head completely. Daniel seemed to be feeling a little less secure about Jack's presence than he wanted Jack to believe. "I kinda thought you'd've figured it out a couple of days ago." He cleared his throat and gestured to the RV as he led Jack inside. "I'd just about decided no one was looking." Daniel's sad voice hit Jack like a sledgehammer. He followed his lover inside. Whatever it took to make Daniel happy again, Jack would do. He stepped up into the vehicle and closed the rickety door behind him. It was only a little warmer inside and the place smelled like it could do with a good airing out. Jack glanced around and noted with a pang the number of empty bottles littering the small space. Mostly wine, there were a couple of tequila bottles in the mix. It didn't have the look of long-term clutter. Jack's stomach twisted when he realized this was the result of Daniel believing no one cared enough to look for him. His lover was nervously gathering up the litter, his back mostly to Jack. Jack looked Daniel over a little more closely. Maybe wrapping himself up in his arms was less about comfort and a cold morning than the need to hide how badly he was trembling. Jack thought it might be from too much alcohol and not enough food. He was afraid it was from fear.

"Oh, we were looking, all right, but we didn't get the word until yesterday." Daniel stopped what he was doing and half turned to look at Jack. He started to speak, but just snapped him mouth shut instead and shook his head then went back to what he was doing. Jack could hear him muttering, but couldn't even tell what language it was in. "Is that why you left? To see if I'd follow you?" Jack's words came out more sharply than he'd intended. He really didn't like being manipulated and while there was something a little romantic about the situation, he'd be pissed as hell if Daniel had put them through hell just to see if Jack would come to him.

"What?" Daniel dropped the box he was holding as he whipped around and it crashed to the floor accompanied by the sound of breaking glass. "No! God, Jack, no! I wouldn't," Daniel closed the space between them, his eyes searching for something on Jack's face. "I wouldn't do that to you. This," he waved his hand toward the door, "this came to me about a week ago. I pulled in here and when I saw the name of the place I knew it was time to stop," he swallowed hard, "stop running." Daniel rested a tentative hand on Jack's cheek and smiled warmly when Jack turned his head enough to kiss his palm. "I missed you, Jack. I know I," Daniel's voice trailed off as Jack brought his hands up, skimming his lover's sides, and circling around to stroke his broad back. He pulled him into a tight embrace, holding him like his life depended on it. Jack had missed this. He was shocked at just how much he needed this. Jack breathed deeply, inhaling the other man's scent. He needed a shower, but at the moment Jack thought it the most wonderful smell in any universe. He closed his eyes and as the pain of the past weeks dropped away when Daniel wrapped his arms tightly around Jack's back and sighed into his neck. "I wanted to come home, guess I'd wanted to for a while, but I didn't know how." Jack rubbed his back and ran a hand into Daniel's hair.

"Danny, you can always come home to me." He said softly. Daniel's answer was a series of gentle kisses along his neck and jaw. Tension Jack hadn't realized he was still feeling flooded out of him. Daniel didn't hate him. Still wanted to be with him. "If you can't find your way, just leave me another trail of breadcrumbs." Daniel's laughter startled him. He pulled away enough to see his lover's face.

"Breadcrumbs, Jack? And here I thought it was more along the lines of a, well, a personals ad." He shook his head at Jack as he continued to chuckle.

"That's the trouble with you, Daniel, there's no romance in your soul." Daniel's chuckles died and Jack held his breath, fearing he'd put his foot in his mouth yet again. Daniel's expression grew serious. He raised a hand and gently traced Jack's face. "If you don't like the idea of breadcrumbs, then how about a love letter." Daniel's face flushed.

"I wanted to take care of you. I wanted to protect you but," Daniel dropped his hands to his sides and started to step back. Jack followed and held onto him.

"Danny, please, don't do this." Jack put a finger under Daniel's chin and tipped his head up so he could see his face. He looked ancient, haunted and it made Jack want to weep. "You didn't do anything wrong, love." Jack saw the denial, the guilt in his face. "You protected me, Daniel! You protected all of us. You got right up in Nirrti's face and distracted him long enough for me to get to the zat." Daniel scowled and Jack's libido went into overdrive.

"Don't patronize me, Jack!" Daniel angrily threw off Jack's hands. "I raped you! You can't call it anything else! Sex without consent," Jack wasn't going to listen to any more of this.

"I was there, Daniel! You didn't do anything I didn't want! I'd call that consent!" Jack had to get through to him. He'd tried words, but words had never been Jack's strong suit. Action was more his style. Daniel's anger fled, leaving him shaking.

"Sorry, sorry, I thought I was ready t-to see you again." Daniel backed away as far as he could go in the confined space. "Thought I'd dealt with it, but it's still here." Daniel paced in jerky steps, one fisted hand pounding on his chest. "I wanted to forget but it didn't help. I thought if I got away, I could, could work through it, y'know?" He stopped and stared earnestly at Jack, as if begging for understanding. "I can't even remember it all. Can't remember what I," Daniel was unraveling before his eyes. Jack wanted to go to him, but knew he had to wait. Daniel needed space. When he was ready for more, Jack would be there. "He told me. Told me what happened. Said I wanted to take them from him. Take him, too." The distraught man took a step toward Jack. "But I didn't! I didn't want them! I can't even remember!" Daniel slammed his fist down on the small Formica table in the tiny kitchen. The RV shuddered with the impact and Daniel shuddered along with it. Now it was time.

"Danny!" It only took a few steps and then Jack had his arm around Daniel's shoulders. "You didn't do anything but kiss them!" Jack wasn't sure the other man was fully aware of his presence. "Danny, listen to me. I don't know what he told you. Okay, I can guess, but he didn't know what he was talking about. Lord Daniel jumped to conclusions, but I never got the chance to set him straight until just before they left." This wasn't the time to go into the rest of it. "I promise you, I'll tell you every single detail you can't remember, but can we do that another time?" He bent his lover's arm so he could get a look at Daniel's hand. "I don't think it's broken. Got any ice?"

"How can you stand to touch me, Jack?" Jack sighed. He leaned in and kissed the side of Daniel's bowed head then eased him down onto the bench seat at the table. Daniel sat hunched over resting his arms on the table. Jack found the miniscule refrigerator and found a sad looking ice tray in the freezer compartment. The cubes and a dishtowel made a serviceable ice pack that he then placed carefully on Daniel's hand.

"Because I love you, Danny." Daniel raised his head and stared into Jack's eyes. For the first time in a long time, Jack couldn't figure out what he was thinking. "Can't you get that through your head? I love you. No doubts, no regrets, never leaving you." Jack sat across the table from him, silently cursing that the bench seats were too narrow for him to sit next to him. He decided then and there they were finding a motel for the night. Jack placed his hands over Daniel's, one holding the ice pack, the other gently stroking Daniel's free hand.

"How can you forgive me? I hurt you!" Daniel's voice cracked, but he took a moment and seemed to regain control. "How can you ever trust me again?"

"Oh, come on, Daniel. This is the coolest part about working for the SGC." Daniel's forehead crinkled in apparent confusion. "It's the one place on the whole damn planet where 'aliens made me do it' is a viable excuse." Daniel blinked at him, and then he ducked his head. Jack watched him, a small smile on his face. He knew he was getting through to him. Jack's smile grew when Daniel snorted and looked back up at him, his head cocked to the side with a look of disbelief and the barest hint of a smile on his face.

"I can't believe you just said that." He turned away again, apparently fighting a grin. That's it, Danny Boy, come back to me.

"Like you've never used it. You forget, I read your mission reports." Daniel waggled his head a moment, then gave him a quick nod to accept the accusation. A huge sigh escaped his lover and he finally turned the hand Jack held so he could wrap his fingers around it. Jack rubbed his thumb over Daniel's fingers feeling them begin to warm under his touch.

"Yeah. I just," he shrugged. When he spoke again, Jack had to listen closely to catch the barely audible whisper. "I wanted our first time to be beautiful, not," with another shrug he looked down at his battered hand, obviously avoiding Jack's eyes.

"Love," Daniel's head jerked up at the endearment, he looked startled. "As far as I'm concerned, our first time was at my house and it was beautiful." Jack lifted the hand he held to his lips and kissed Daniel's fingers as Daniel had kissed his that night. "Beautiful and sexy and only the beginning." His lover's eyes filled, but no tears fell.

"I don't deserve you, Jack." Daniel's voice was hoarse with emotion and his hand trembled in Jack's.

"Yes you do. You're wonderful. You deserve only the best." Jack had learned long ago that if no one else would pander to his ego, he'd have to do it himself. Daniel flushed at the compliment. He pulled Jack's hand to him, turning it palm up and planted a tender kiss in Jack's palm. The light touch sent a bolt of electricity through Jack's arm and ending in his groin. Oh, yes, his libido was back on the job.

"I don't know if I'll be able to, um," his lover looked embarrassed, but Jack had already figured that sex between them might take a while.

"Danny, that doesn't matter to me." Jack stopped and thought about what he'd said. "Yes, it matters, but not enough to keep me away. When you're ready, it'll happen. Until then, I just need to be with you." Daniel pulled his bruised hand out from under Jack's and the ice pack and reached out to gently trace Jack's face. Jack closed his eyes, reveling in the light touch. He opened them again when Daniel began to speak.

"I love you, too, Jack. More than I ever thought I could love anyone again. If you still want me, I'm here. I just need you to know that I'd, um," he cleared his throat, "I'd understand if you didn't want to stay." Jack's heart nearly broke all over again at the pain in his lover's voice.

"Oh, Daniel. Undomesticated equines, love. Undomesticated equines could not remove me." Daniel's answering smile sent warmth flooding through Jack. He knew then they were going to be just fine. They had a rocky road ahead, but in the end, us would always be easy.

CHAPTER 31

Jonathan pushed his plate away and leaned back in his chair. It felt good to be able to eat again without worrying about the heartburn that haunted him with every child. He ran his hands over his belly thoroughly satisfied with his progress. Devon had released him to start doing calisthenics almost a month ago and he'd gone to it with more determination than ever before. Even though Jacob had used his healing thingy on him, Devon had wanted him to be careful. Jonathan had planned to go running with Jose today, but a storm had blown in around mid-day and put paid to that idea. He could still hear the rain lashing at the side of the house and the occasional roll of thunder shook the windows. Jose still teased him about being in competition with Jack, but Jonathan denied it. He'd just decided he needed to get into shape. He wasn't getting any younger and maybe he could avoid some of the back pain during his next pregnancies if he tightened his abdominal muscles. There was no way he was trying to compete with his counterpart. He looked at their table and sighed at Daniel's half-full plate and completely empty chair.

In the weeks since they'd returned from the other reality, Daniel had distanced himself from all three of them. He'd even been slowly pulling away from the boys. The only people he spent much time with were his father, Beecham and little Janet. The rest of the time he was locked in his study, but Jonathan didn't think he was doing much work. Mel had been staying with them, slowly recovering from his ordeal. Jonathan couldn't imagine what it must have been like and he really didn't want to. His father-in-law was little more than a ghost. Lately he seemed to be pulling out of his depression, but he spoke rarely, ate little and slept even less. Beecham's friend Jacob came to see him often. They'd sit in the garden, watch the boys play and sometimes they'd talk. Sometimes they just sat. Still, Mel seemed to be responding to him, so maybe the visits were worthwhile. Jacob and Selmak probably were the best suited to help the former host. Jonathan was still a little wary around Jacob. Everyone from both universes had assured him that he was a friend and ally, but hearing Selmak just reminded him of Nirrti. None of which helped him with his problem, their problem with Daniel.

For the first time in years Daniel had refused to meet with the men sent by the Reproductive Council. He hadn't been taking any of the new fertility drugs, either. At first, whenever Jonathan asked him about it, Daniel just shrugged and said he wasn't ready yet then changed the subject. Worst of all, he hadn't touched Jonathan outside of the occasional quick kiss or hug. By the time Jonathan healed from childbirth, they two of them were usually going at it like rabbits, but not this time. In the past week, Daniel had just shut down whenever he tried to bring it up. Jonathan sighed and pushed away from the table. He slowly approached the sofa where Daniel sat with their daughter. His husband held her close, staring into her sleeping face as if he'd never seen her before. At almost three months old, she was getting to be a big girl. Nearly eight pounds at birth she was up to a solid thirteen pounds. They still hadn't reported her existence yet. Mel had given them some information on two of Nirrti's lieutenants when they first got back. Jacob and his people took care of them, but neither Jonathan nor Daniel felt comfortable telling the world about Janet just yet. The records just showed a healthy baby boy named Devon.

"Hey." Jonathan spoke softly as he sat down next to his husband and daughter. Daniel gave him a quick smile before turning his attention back to the sleeping baby. Jonathan settled in next to them and eased his arm around Daniel's shoulders. These days, he was most approachable when he was with Janet, but Jonathan was getting tired of feeling like an intruder in his own home. Technically, it was Daniel's home, but this was the first time in almost fifteen years of partnership, almost ten years of actual marriage that he'd thought of it that way. He leaned his head against Daniel's and joined him in looking at their child. "She's beautiful, Danny. Thank you." Jonathan turned his head to kiss Daniel's cheek, but Daniel turned away leaving him kissing hair instead.

"I," Jonathan could barely hear him. "I can't, Jonathan. Please."

"Love," Daniel whipped his head around to stare at Jonathan.

"Don't call me that!" His angry words hit Jonathan like a punch in the gut but it was Daniel's eyes that broke his heart. Janet woke at the sudden shout and started to cry. Jonathan couldn't move. The blue eyes that had looked at him with love, with passion, with shared fear and sorrow were shrouded with raw anguish and Jonathan had no idea what put it there. Daniel stood up and started to pace crooning to their child to soothe her back to sleep.

"Danny, we need to talk." Jonathan stayed where he was, his dinner now sitting in his stomach like a rock. Daniel stopped his pacing with his back to Jonathan, swaying slightly as he rocked Janet.

"Not yet. Please, just," his head dipped, "I need more time." Jonathan knew there wasn't anyone else. It's not like that would be a problem in their marriage. If Daniel wanted someone else, he could easily marry again. Jonathan and the others would understand and adjust, but this was something else. He started to speak, but found his mouth too dry to form words. He tried again and was surprised by how steady his voice was.

"Do you want me to move out?" He thought he was asking about moving out of the suite, but couldn't help the sudden fear that Daniel would think he meant out of the house entirely. He'd have to leave. Leave Daniel and Ian and Jose. Leave his sons, his daughter. He couldn't take them from the best life this fucked up world had to offer them. He'd end up being a name in a memo from the Reproductive Council. Jonathan had never had a panic attack in his life, but he decided there was a first time for everything. Daniel answered him without raising his head.

"I want you to do what you want to do, Jonathan." That was not what Jonathan wanted to hear. Daniel had retreated again. Jonathan's heartache was swamped by a wave of anger. He wanted to grab the man and shake him or hit him or kiss the hell out of him. He didn't know which he wanted more and didn't care at the moment. Anything to get an honest reaction. None of those were possible while Daniel held Janet. A knock at the door gave him something else to take his anger out on. He strode to the entry and all but threw the door open. If it hadn't been for his ingrained desire to not wake a sleeping baby, he probably would have.

"Jonathan?" Ian stood outside with a surprised look on his face. "Are you all right?" Jonathan took a deep breath and shrugged.

"All right's a relative state." Ian didn't look convinced, but he did look determined. Jonathan took a closer look at him and realized he was dressed oddly for a quiet evening at home. The jeans he was wearing had been sitting in his closet for a few years, having gotten a little snug after Sean was born. The moss green sweater had been a birthday gift from Daniel. Their husband said it made Ian's gray eyes take on an exotic smoky green cast. He looked like he was going on a date.

"I need to see Daniel, is he still up?" So that's what this is about. Ordinarily, Jose would be with him. None of them liked to sleep alone any more and whenever Daniel spent a night with Jose or Ian, the other joined Jonathan. They never did anything but sleep and cuddle a little, but it was comforting. It was normal. Nothing was normal at the moment. It was probably just as well. Jonathan didn't think he'd be very good company. Besides, it was probably for the best if he got used to sleeping alone again. God knew he'd gotten enough practice lately.

"He is, but I'm not sure what good it'll do." Jonathan stepped back and let Ian in. Let someone else butt his head against the walls Daniel had erected. Jonathon closed the door behind him and turned back to the room. Daniel was sitting again and Jonathan noted that he'd taken Jonathan's spot. His mouth hardened. Apparently he had his answer now. There was no room for him here after all. If that's the way Daniel wanted it, then fine, but he'd have to come out and tell Jonathan to leave. He wasn't going to make this easy for him. If Daniel was willing to throw away fifteen years without a fight, he was going to have to at least say it. Knowing that a baby would be in the way of what Ian had planned, Jonathan shoved his anger and resentment down and went to Daniel to get Janet.

"Ian's here to see you, Daniel. I'll go put Janet to bed before I turn in." Daniel looked up at him as he handed over Janet. His face was pale. Jonathan hardened what was left of his heart at the sight. Maybe after a good night's sleep he could dig down below his anger and find some patience and compassion to spend on Daniel, but for the moment, he needed all he had for himself. He gently settled his daughter in his arms and felt his blood pressure start to drop. There was something soothing about holding a baby, especially when she was his, born of his body. It was another of the little things he hadn't expected, but treasured beyond belief. He blinked away the moisture in his eyes and cleared his throat as he walked to the bedroom. "Good night, gentlemen. Guess I'll see you in the morning." He closed the door behind him and bent his head down to breathe in the soft scent of the baby in his arms. He'd had so many dreams about watching her grow up, but it looked like they'd remain nothing but dreams. Maybe he'd be able to keep in contact with Nick and Pat, they were old enough that it would be hard on them if he just vanished. It would probably be better for Janet to never know she was his. Jonathan gently laid her in her crib near the bed. He stroked her blond hair and smiled as she sighed and found her thumb. A few sucks and she lay with her mouth open and her now wet thumb resting on her cheek. He covered her with the bright pink blanket she'd been given on another world. "Papa loves you, baby girl." Jonathan wiped his eyes and went to get ready for bed.

Indistinct raised voices drew him from his dressing room. Jonathan threw on his robe headed angrily to the bedroom door. If Daniel wanted to shout at someone, he needed to do it somewhere else where it wouldn't disturb the baby. Before he got to the door, he heard the suite door slam shut. What could Daniel have possibly done to make Ian mad enough to slam a door? Jonathan snapped. This was it; they were going to have it out. Tonight. Even if he had to throw him over his shoulder and carry him to Jose and Ian's suite. This, whatever this was, had gone on long enough. "Daniel!" He strode through the door and found Ian sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands. Jonathan's anger fled. "Ian?" He spoke softly as he kneeled down in front of the distraught man. "Ian, what happened?"

"He hates me, Jonathan." Ian raised his tear-stained face. "He told me if I wanted a divorce he wouldn't fight me." Jonathan rose, sat next to Ian and pulled him into his arms.

"Shh, hon, he doesn't hate you. He's got something going on in that head of his and it's tearing him up." It was easier to comfort Ian than it was to comfort himself.

"He was so cold. I've never seen him like that." Ian clung to him and Jonathan found himself taking as much comfort as he gave. Something was seriously wrong with their husband and he didn't know where to turn. His angry resolve to have it out with him vanished. Should he go to him? Should he try to talk to him? In the past whenever they'd argued, Jonathan had always known just how long to wait before approaching Daniel. Now it was like trying to approach a stranger. If Mel weren't in such bad shape, he'd go see if he could shed any light on the problem, but Mel was barely able to take care of himself at the moment. Jonathan stiffened.

"Jonathan?" Ian pulled back far enough to face him.

"Nothing." He didn't want to discuss his suspicion with Ian. He didn't want to think about at all. The thought that they might have gone through all this only to have something else lingering from the tainted drugs was almost too much to bear, but it would explain a great deal. Jonathan ran his hand through Ian's hair and impulsively leaned forward and planted a kiss on the other man's forehead. "Look, why don't you call Jose and you two stay here with Janet. Go ahead and go to bed. I'll go track down Daniel and see if I can't talk some sense into him." Ian looked at him suspiciously.

"What are you going to do?" Jonathan thought back to what he'd wanted to do had Daniel not been holding Janet.

"Not sure, yet, but something will come to me." Jonathan gave him a little smile and Ian shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"If anyone can get through to him, I guess you can." The younger man chewed his lip and Jonathan's breath caught in his throat. The action was pure Daniel. "Just don't do anything that might damage your relationship with him, Jonathan. Promise me." Jonathan wasn't sure anything could do more damage than had already been done, but he nodded.

"I'll be careful, Ian." Jonathan stood and Ian followed him. "Go on, call Jose." He gave Ian an appraising look. "You look nice, by the way." Ian shrugged.

"For all the good it did." He sighed and walked to the house phone near the fireplace. "I told him I was ready to try again." His hand fell heavily on the phone, but he didn't pick it up. "You can imagine what he said." Jonathan closed the distance between them and put his arms around him.

"Don't, Ian. It'll happen. You'll have another child." Jonathan rubbed the man's back a minute then pulled away, keeping his hands on his shoulders. "Maybe even a little sister for Janet." Ian's smile was hesitant, but then grew, as the thought seemed to take hold.

"A girl." He grinned up at the taller man. "I could have a girl next time." They were both talking like nothing had changed, but the fear lingered faintly in Ian's expression. Jonathan figured his face showed the same. "Go on, now. I'm going to go get dressed." The confrontation he feared required pants.

Jonathan approached the study door with trepidation. He'd checked Mel's room, the boys' rooms, the main library. He'd even looked out on the porch knowing how much Daniel liked to storm watch. He knew he'd been delaying. There was only one place Daniel would be. In his refuge. A refuge Jonathan was about to breach. There was no light showing under the door, but Daniel often worked with only a single lamp on. And he wonders why his sight's so bad. Jonathan tried the knob and, as he suspected, found it locked. He pulled his key out of his pocket and worked the lock, then went in, heart pounding. The room was dark, with only a little light spilling in from the house lights outside. As he stood there for a moment, his eyes began to adjust. The mirror stood under its shroud, a dark mass in the corner of the room. Daniel faced the tall windows overlooking the garden. The drapes were drawn back, the shutters open during a storm for the first time in years. He stood with his head down, his arms wrapped around himself. A bolt of lightning streaked across the sky and the light flickering ethereally over his husband. The stargate still stood in the garden. They'd be moving it soon, but the equipment took time to round up. It appeared and disappeared with the flashing light then vanished again behind the curtain of rain that was still pouring outside.

"Hey." Daniel didn't turn and his soft greeting was nearly lost in the windows rattle as thunder rumbled outside. It was an odd time of year for such wild weather, but Jonathan thought it suited them perfectly.

"Hey, yourself." Jonathan walked to stand near Daniel and looked at him, wishing there was more light, but needing to meet him on his husband's terms. If he were still sick, despite the assurances of all the doctors and even Jacob, who'd used his healing thing on him, too, none of this was his fault. Jonathan would do his best to keep his own anger and fear at bay while he worked out what was going on. He wished this could have come to a head while he was still pregnant. It was always easier for Jonathan to restrain his temper when he was pregnant. Daniel reached out and placed his hand against the glass. Even in the darkness, Jonathan could make out the strong, slender fingers splayed out against the window. He knew that hand, knew it to be an extension of Daniel's voice, expressing as much meaning as his words. Knew how gentle it could be soothing a baby, how strong it was keeping a toddler from a tumble down the stairs. Knew it's warm familiarity when he held it, kissed it. Knew the love it expressed when it touched him and stroked him and brought him indescribable pleasure. Daniel stepped closer to the window and rested his forehead on the glass, hiding his hand from Jonathan's sight.

"Do you love me, Jonathan?" Daniel sounded like a man standing on the edge of a precipice and not sure if he cared if it crumbled under his feet or not.

"Yes, Daniel. I do love you." Jonathan matched the softness of Daniel's voice. Instinct told him to tread carefully, but if Daniel fell, he'd either catch him or fall with him. All his earlier doubts were gone. Daniel wasn't pushing them away because he didn't want them anymore. He was pushing them away to save them. Jonathan just wasn't sure where the danger lay. Lightning flashed again and Jonathan saw shadows of the rain on Daniel's face. He followed Daniel's line of sight and realized he was staring at the stargate. "What are you seeing, love?" No anger this time at the endearment. Jonathan hoped that was a good sign.

"Nothing I can have." He rocked his head to one side so he could see Jonathan in the dim light. "Nothing I can have." Jonathan's hand twitched, but he forced himself not to reach out.

"I'm here, love. I'm not going anywhere." Please god, I don't want to go. "Not unless you send me away." There, it was out. The moments stretched into an eternity. Sweat broke out on Jonathan's face. He hadn't been this terrified of anything since discovering the bleeding that had heralded his miscarriage. Jonathan watched as confusion washed over Daniel's face.

"I could never send you away, Jonathan." Relief washed through Jonathan at his words. Daniel faced the garden again. "I should, but I'm not that strong. I," his voice broke then he cleared his throat, "I love you too much. I love all of you too much." Now Jonathan was confused.

"If you love us and we love you, I don't see the problem." C'mon, Daniel, talk to me!

"Jack told me about," Daniel squeezed his eyes shut. "About what, your," he choked the words out, "what the bearing men's drugs do. What mine did. How they, they interacted." So that's what this is about. Jonathan felt more sure of his ground now. It was time to pull his love away from the edge. He stepped into Daniel's personal space and his husband stiffened. He reminded Jonathan of a stray cat, wanting to be fed, wanting half-remembered affection, but terrified that getting too close would only end in pain. Jonathan ignored his husband's closed off body language and put his arm around Daniel's tense shoulders. "Jonathan, please."

Jonathan ignored his words feeling Daniel relaxing under his arm. He slowly turned the man and brought his other hand up to cup his cheek and raise Daniel's face to his own. He stroked his cheek and only then noticed it was wet. He enclosed his husband in his arms delighting in being able to pull him close for the first time since his belly had grown too large to make it possible. Jonathan's body responded as it usually did to his husband's presence. Daniel's arms made tentative contact with Jonathan's waist and soon were holding him tightly, almost desperately. Daniel laid his head on Jonathan's shoulder and tucked his face into his neck. Jonathan ran his hands over Daniel's back but resisted touching him below the waist. All things considered, he decided he shouldn't push it just yet. Instead he laid his cheek against Daniel's hair and breathed in his scent.

"I'm here, love, not goin' anywhere." Daniel nodded silently against his neck. Jonathan was hard as nails. He willed his arousal away. There was no sign that Daniel had reacted to him at all. "Talk to me, babe. You can't go on like this."

"I don't know what to do." That makes two of us.

"Neither do I. I feel like you're slipping away and I don't know how to stop it." Jonathan hated making the admission, but he was floundering. Their relationship had been stormy on the surface, but underneath it had been rock solid from almost the moment they met. He didn't have any experience in dealing with this. "I'll never forget the first time I saw you."

"Oh, god." Jonathan felt the warmth of his husband's blush against his neck. Daniel always hated being reminded of that incident.

"You were standing there in the commons fighting with," Daniel raised his head.

"Discussing." Daniel corrected.

"Arguing."

"Debating." Jonathan planted a light kiss on Daniel's lips.

"If you insist. You were debating, at the top of your lungs," Daniel winced and looked away, "with three guys almost twice your age."

"They were jerks." A little of the old Daniel was starting to come to the surface.

"And?" Daniel sighed in defeat.

"And they were right and I was wrong. I misunderstood what Faraday said." He shrugged, though he was still embarrassed by the memory. "I can't believe you wanted to have anything to do with me after that."

"I'd never been as turned on as I was watching you lay into them. You were passionate." Jonathan had been visiting his cousin in Philadelphia. Rachel had been on the faculty at King George University, teaching Greek and Roman history. Daniel was finishing his PhD in linguistics. Jonathan had just been wandering around, waiting for her to finish her last class so they could go to lunch when he'd stumbled on the altercation. No matter how Daniel chose to remember it, Jonathan had always thought Daniel had been on the verge of slugging his opponent.

"And wrong." After all these years, Daniel was still kicking himself. Embarrassment was sometimes the hardest thing to let go of.

"You were a kid. Kids get it wrong sometimes."

"I was twenty-four, Jonathan, I should have known better. God. I was so arrogant. Not to mention scrawny." Jonathan could still see the twenty-four year old he'd fallen in love with in his mind. Tall, slender and graceful, he'd already made the sometimes difficult transition from gawky adolescent into manhood by then.

"You were beautiful. You are the most beautiful man I've ever known." His husband seemed to ignore his words.

"I nearly didn't go to the reception that night because Faraday and his cronies would be there, too." With a shiver, Jonathan realized that there must be a universe where Daniel didn't go and they didn't meet. Or where Jonathan visited Rachel another week. Or where he wandered into a different part of the campus. He brought his thoughts back to his universe. The others didn't matter.

"I'm glad you went. I'm glad Rachel asked me to go with her. I'm glad your date had to leave early. I'm really glad I asked you to take a walk with me." Jonathan had been terrified. Daniel had been so obviously an aristocrat that he nearly didn't approach him at all, but a little voice inside had warned him that he'd regret it for the rest of his life if he didn't try.

"As I recall you asked me if I'd ever seen the gardens in the moonlight." Daniel smiled as he spoke, but the smile was sadly bittersweet.

"And as I recall you said you had." Daniel surprised him by laughing.

"I still can't believe I was so naïve I didn't know a pick up line when I heard one." Daniel laid his head on Jonathan's shoulder with a sigh. "I finally figured it out when told me you hadn't." Jonathan rubbed Daniel's back, kneading a little the way his husband liked.

"Would you like to show me the garden? I bet it's beautiful by moonlight." Daniel raised his head and looked out the windows. A bolt of lightning illuminated the garden. The rain was still falling hard and the puddles that formed earlier had run together to form a temporary pond. Thunder rattled the windows again as he turned back to Jonathan.

"Maybe we should save that for another night."

"Rain check?" Daniel smiled and shook his head. The smile didn't last, though.

"I don't know if I can do this, Jonathan."

"Do what, love?" Talk to me, damnit!

"I'm so ashamed. I can't even look at myself in the mirror."

"Sweetheart, what have you got to be ashamed of?" Ian had finally told them what had happened while he and Daniel had been at the SGC. He and Jose had begged Daniel to forgive them and he'd just laughed and hugged them and said there was nothing to forgive. He'd already been shutting down by that point, but now that Jonathan thought about it, things did seem worsen afterward. If it hadn't been for Jack taking him aside before they came home and telling him about it, Jonathan would probably have been pissed as hell. His counterpart's explanation got through to him, though. He hadn't told Daniel, just let Ian and Jose know he knew and that they'd damn well better explain it to their husband or they'd answer to him.

"I'm a fraud, Jonathan!" Daniel pushed away from Jonathan and stumbled toward his desk in the near darkness. "I'm nothing but a breeding machine and I don't think I can live like that anymore!" Daniel thought he was a breeding machine?

"You arrogant fuck!" Jonathan followed him, reaching for him in the dim light. When he found him, Jonathan grabbed Daniel by the shoulders and slammed him up against the bookcase. "How do you think we feel! Did you pay any attention to what I went through when they told me I'd been selected?" Daniel's eyes were huge, his face half shrouded in darkness. Jonathan slammed him against the bookshelves again, his anger well and truly in control. "Did you? Do you remember how close I came to putting a gun barrel in my mouth? Do you?" Daniel nodded slowly, his mouth was open, but no sound emerged. "Do you remember why I didn't?"

"Yes." The word was choked and indistinct but Jonathan heard it well enough.

"Tell me! Say it!" Daniel closed his eyes and thumped his head back against the shelves. He stayed that way for a moment, breathing heavily. When he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper.

"I said," he cleared his throat. "I told you, I told you I loved you and I'd be with you every step of the way." Lightning glittered off the tears running down Daniel's face. Jonathan's anger began to cool in the face of his husband's distress. "I told you you'd never have to face it alone, that I'd never leave you. That you'd never have to bear any man's child but mine." Daniel rubbed his eyes with one hand and Jonathan's grip on his shoulders eased. "I asked you to imagine a little boy with fair hair and your eyes." Daniel's words were a balm to Jonathan's soul, just as they'd been all those years ago. Jonathan wished he could see those shining blue eyes looking at him with the same love they'd held for him then.

"Nick got your blue eyes." Jonathan cupped Daniel's cheek and ran his thumb over the still wet skin.

"But he's got your beautiful smile." Daniel touched Jonathan's face, tracing his lips. Jonathan thought he might be smiling, as well, but it was too dark to tell for certain.

"I love you so much, Daniel." Daniel's hand dropped to Jonathan's chest and shoved him away.

"Don't say that! You're addicted to me, Jonathan!" Daniel stalked away from him, back toward the windows. He turned, back lit by the outdoor lights, his face in complete shadow. "Addiction isn't love! It's nothing more than sick, twisted parody!" He started to pace along the windows in short, jerky almost manic steps. "It's need without desire! This isn't a family! We're nothing more than a demented portrait as if, if Hieronymus Bosch tried to copy a Van Eyck!" Jonathan stood by the bookshelves, stunned by Daniel's rejection. He thought he'd gotten through to him.

Daniel whirled and faced the windows again. Even in the shadows, Jonathan could tell he was breathing hard, his arms twitching. Suddenly, his husband turned and strode to his desk. He flicked the lamp on and grabbed the statue of Nirrti that had been sitting there for years. His face was a mask of rage and pain. Jonathan took an involuntary step backward. He didn't recognize this man. Even in the worst of his drug-induced rages, he'd never really frightened Jonathan, but now, Jonathan had to admit, he was afraid. Daniel hefted the statue, then he pulled his arm back and with a roar threw it against the wall with all his might. The statue hit the wall, breaking in to a dozen or more pieces that bounced off in all directions. One of the pieces smashed into a window breaking the glass, and letting the storm in. The wind howled and whistled through the broken glass. Leaves and dirt from the outside ledge splattered on the floor and rain drenched everything in its limited reach. Jonathan headed to the windows to see if he could get the shutters closed without going outside. He ripped off his shirt, shivering as the rain soaked him. Using the shirt to protect his hand, he knocked the loose glass out onto the ground and then reached out to catch the edge of the shutter. There were still large jagged pieces of glass in the casement, but the hole was large enough to work through if he was careful. He fought the wind for it, but finally managed to pull it to. The sudden silence was broken by Daniel's low anguished voice. Jonathan turned around to see Daniel on his knees quickly picking up the storm blown debris.

"No, no, no, not here." Daniel was half soaked himself, his hair flattened and dripping into his face on one side.

"Daniel?" Jonathan dropped to his knees next to the distraught man on the floor.

"Can't be happening, won't let it happen here." Jonathan put his hand on Daniel's back. His husband was trembling. "No, no, no, not here, not them. No,"

"Daniel." Jonathan spoke more firmly and took Daniel's dirty hands in his, pulling at him until he looked up. Daniel's face was more than pale, even his lips looked almost white. Only his eyes retained any color, blue irises surrounded by bloodshot whites. He looked terrified. "It's okay. I closed the shutter. The leaves can't get in." That damned mirror!

"No, no, the window's broken. It's broken now. I broke it." Jonathan stood and pulled Daniel with him. He put his arm around his waist and urged him closer to the desk. As soon as he could reach it, Jonathan snagged the trashcan and put it on the desk. Daniel kept looking at the remaining leaves on the floor, but went where he was urged.

"Here, lets put that trash where it belongs." Jonathan knew he was talking to Daniel like he was one of their boys, but he didn't know what else to do. Daniel seemed to be willing to do what he was told, so Jonathan told him. He helped him brush the wet mess off his hands as best he could then he pulled Daniel into his arms and kissed his cheek. His skin was cold. Jonathan took another look at him and noted the still pale skin and the dazed look in his eyes. He looked like he was in shock. "C'mon, love, lets get you into a nice warm shower and then into bed." Daniel didn't give him any sign that he'd heard, but he allowed himself to be led.

They were halfway up the stairs when Jonathan remembered their room was occupied. His first instinct was to take Daniel to Jose and Ian's suite, but then he had an idea. It might end up backfiring spectacularly, but he couldn't imagine how things could get much worse. Daniel didn't feel like they were a family, so maybe it was time to reinforce just how much they all meant to each other. Entering their bedroom, Jonathan could see the two men sleeping in their bed by the nightlight near Janet's crib. Daniel didn't seem to be aware of anything. He just stood shivering at Jonathan's side, his head resting on Jonathan's shoulder. Jonathan got them both into the shower. The warm water felt like heaven. Daniel finally stopped shivering, but he wasn't really with him. Jonathan got the impression he was still in his study, staring in horror at the stuff on the floor. Daniel had never spoke of how he felt about the image the mirror used to show of his study in another universe. They'd discussed it a little, but only in terms of the mirror's function. Jonathan and the others weren't fools. They'd all seen how it affected their husband. Now, after too many weeks of broken sleep and stress brought on by emotional turmoil it was too much. What he needed was a good night's sleep and the reassurance that his husbands loved him for himself, not because of some chemically induced attraction or because he kept them off the council memos.

Jonathan got them both dried and dressed in their nightclothes. He continued to speak softly and calmly, telling Daniel what he was doing and how much Jonathan loved him. Once a while, it seemed his husband heard him, but he never said a word. Finally, Jonathan led him to the bed. He pulled the covers down on the side closest to Janet's crib and urged Daniel to sit. Jonathan put one knee on the bed and leaned over to shake Ian awake. "Ian, scoot over. Daniel and I are going to join you." Ian blinked at him in obvious confusion.

"J'n'than?"

"Yeah, it's us, just poke Jose and you guys move over some. You're takin' up the whole bed." Ian nudged Jose who muttered, but moved over some. Ian followed him and Jonathan backed off the bed then turned back to Daniel. "C'mon, love, time for bed." Daniel nodded, pulled his legs up and slid them under the covers. Jonathan urged him to move closer to Ian and then climbed in after him. The bed was huge, but it was a tight fit for the four of them. If Jonathan's plan was going to succeed, they'd need to get a bigger bed. Jonathan pulled the covers up and saw Daniel staring at Ian. Daniel reached up and gently touched his youngest husband's face. Ian covered Daniel's hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss. Jonathan cuddled up to Daniel and draped his arm over his love's waist. "See, love, we're all here. The boys are sleeping in their beds. Janet's sleeping in her crib and we're all here with you. Nothing's going to happen to us. There's nothing to be afraid of." Jonathan nuzzled Daniel's neck and planted a kiss on his shoulder.

"Jonathan, what's going on?" Ian still had Daniel's hand in his and Jonathan could feel Daniel finally relaxing.

"A little accident in Daniel's study. One of the windows broke."

"I broke it." Daniel's body stiffened as he spoke. "Gotta clean it up. Gotta get the leaves out." He started to sit up, but Jonathan and Ian prevented him.

"It's late, Daniel, you need to sleep, you can clean it up in the morning." Ian kissed his hand again.

"I can clean it up?" Suddenly, the last piece of the puzzle fell into place.

"Yes, love, Ian said you can clean it up, but tomorrow." Jonathan could see that Ian was about to object. He shook his head at the other man and hoped he could see it in the dim light. Either he saw Jonathan's headshake, or he put the pieces together himself.

"Of course, you can. But please, stay with us, now. We miss you."

"You want me with you?" There was wonder in Daniel's voice. Jonathan hugged him as tightly as he could without cutting off the man's air supply.

"Si, mi amor, we miss you very much." Jose's sleep deepened voice rumbled from the far side of the bed. "Stay with us tonight."

"I'd like that." Daniel sighed and closed his eyes, his hand still clasped in Ian's. Jonathan rubbed Daniel's stomach gently and eased his arm under his husband's neck, tucking it finally under the pillow Ian was using. As Daniel relaxed in his arms, Jonathan eased himself down to his own pillow and started to drift off as well. He was exhausted. He dimly heard Jose pick up the phone and leave a message for Beecham to leave the mess in Daniel's study alone. The bed shifted as Jose settled back down, mirroring Jonathan's position behind Ian his hand coming to rest on Daniel's hip.

"Ian?" If Jose was going to talk all night, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Hummm?" Ian sounded like he was already half asleep. Daniel wiggled sleepily in Jonathan's arms then settled again.

"We're gonna need a bigger bed." Jonathan turned his face into his pillow to stifle his giggles. From the sounds on the other side of Daniel, it seemed the others were having the same problem. Only Daniel was quiet, having finally succumbed to the sleep he so desperately needed now that he felt safe and loved. And Jonathan finally understood the root of Daniel's problem. An idea started to bloom in his mind. He smiled as he rested his cheek against Daniel's damp hair. Their husband needed something to do. Something that needed his mind, his talents not just his body. Something he could sink his teeth into. Something larger than life. Jonathan thought he just might have come up with the right project to fill the bill. He'd have to contact Jacob and talk to him. Jack had suggested they speak to the Tok'ra about helping them secure their gate. Maybe he'd talk to him about doing a little more than just securing it. Their husband needed a project, something bigger, more demanding than breeding horses for transportation or improving crop yields. Did Jonathan have a project for Daniel. For all he knew, Daniel had already been thinking about it. If he had or not, Jonathan would make sure it happened. He closed his eyes and his last thought before sleep claimed him was that their screwed up little world was about to get a whole lot bigger. Daniel had given Jonathan the world. The least Jonathan could do was give him the universe.

The End