"Hey," Sam said quietly as she walked into the infirmary and up to Janet's bed. She was looking better, despite the fact that the bruise on her face had blossomed to a brilliant purple and the burns on her forehead had scabbed over. The cut on her head was covered by a band-aid and she was hooked up to an IV, but things were definitely looking up. Sam was still horrified by the tattoo on her forehead, but she tried not to let it show.
"Hey," Janet replied, looking up and smiling. She looked relieved to be able to abandon her plate of tasteless looking food.
"Yeah, sorry about that," Sam gestured to the food as she sat on the edge of Janet's bed and surreptitiously read the label on the IV and reassuring herself that it was saline, just saline. "Hospital food within a military base; it was never going to end well."
Janet looked at her blankly.
"Er, that was a joke. I was trying to be funny."
"Oh, sorry"
Sam shook her head, "Never mind. So, how're you? You slept for a really long time. Lam said something about a brain bleed."
"They did a CAT scan because they were worried about an Intracranial Haemorrhage, but it came back clear."
Sam grinned at how easily the medical terms rolled off Janet's tongue, "I'm glad it was clear."
"Yeah and there doesn't seem to any lasting damage from the hand device either thankfully," Janet said quietly. "What's a psychiatrist? I can't remember exactly, but I am not sure it's a good thing."
"It's a Doctor who specialises in mental health problems. It'll probably be Doctor MacKenzie."
Janet nodded, "I have to see him and I also have to be debriefed by the Air Force and the IOA, when I am well enough of course."
"Teal'c had to go through something very similar when he first joined us. He used to serve Apophis, if the er, tattoo didn't give it away."
Janet smiled, "I got that."
Janet picked at her blanket briefly, "I wish I could remember all this."
"It'll come back. Ask Daniel. An Ancient named Oma Desala wiped his memory when she descended him and left him naked in a field. She actually descended him twice, but she let him keep his memory once, naked both times though. At least you've got clothes."
Janet shook her head foggily, "This place feels right. You, Daniel and Teal'c feel safe and I know I can trust you all, but I couldn't tell you why. I really wish things made sense."
"Sometimes it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me and I don't have any memory loss, though I've had my share of psych evaluations over the years."
"What if I don't remember Sam? What if I am Miu forever?"
Sam wrapped her hand around Janet's where it lay on top of the blanket. "It will come back, and if it doesn't it'll still be okay. By the way, did I mention that you owe me fifty dollars?"
Janet squeezed Sam's hand back and smiled at her, "I've lost my memory not my common sense."
~~~
Sam waited outside Doctor MacKenzie's office while Janet was in there. She had work to do, but right now she was finding it very easy not to do it. The essential stuff was done of course, Sam wasn't foolish enough to get herself into trouble and Janet was still spending a lot of time resting or in Kelno'reem. The whole Kelno'reem thing was just one more in a long list of extremely unsettling differences, but somehow it kept preying on Sam's mind. Over the years they had been together Sam had spent many nights sitting on the floor leaning against the bed frame working on her laptop while Janet slept on the bed close to her. So often Janet had fallen asleep with her hand in Sam's hair, or across her shoulders or around her neck or even down the front of Sam's top and she slept so still and sound that she didn't move until Sam shut down her laptop and crawled over Janet to spoon behind her. Even then she didn't wake, merely shifted to settle into Sam's arms. Sam had found it so hard to sleep after Janet's death and now Janet was back and she was a Jaffa and she didn't sleep anymore. It was a painfully large reminder of how things would never be the same as they were before. The sound of the office door interrupted Sam's reminiscing and she jumped up from her chair.
"Same time next week Doctor Fraiser," Doctor MacKenzie told Janet gently, holding the door open and then closing it behind her. She was dressed in a green flight suit today, a pleasant change from the medical gown or scrubs she had been in until she'd been released from the infirmary just that morning. Her hair was still long and she let it hang loose down her back. The bruising was fading on her face, her head injury had scabbed over and her burns were healing nicely too.
"How was it?" Sam asked as they fell in step down the corridor back towards Janet's quarters. She'd been assigned the same quarters as when she'd been alive because it was widely accepted that familiarity was the key with amnesia.
Janet shrugged slowly, "he asked me what Anubis did to me. I really didn't want to talk about that. He asked me about Qetesh and I really didn't want to talk about that. He mentioned Retrograde Amnesia, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Stockholm syndrome, but I am pretty sure he put me in the 'crazy, but not dangerous' category. I've just got to convince the Air Force and the IOA of the same thing, how hard can that be?" Janet finished sarcastically.
"You'll be fine. You haven't done anything wrong, you aren't dangerous and you are sane Janet."
"Then why do I still think my name is Miu?"
Sam sighed, "You've been through something horrific, it will take time."
They were walking back to Janet's quarters and Sam wasn't leading. Janet knew the way, though Sam was sure that if she asked her to walk to her quarters by herself she would get lost. Sam found it reassuring. She was sure that everything was buried in Janet's subconscious and she just needed to find a way of digging it up.
They reached Janet's quarters and went in. Janet hadn't had a chance to visit the room since her return to earth and she looked around uncertainly.
"This is your room, and there will be a guard outside, just in case you need anything." Sam had been dreading telling Janet that she would have a guard, she didn't want her to think she was a prisoner or a criminal. Sam had insisted that Janet didn't need someone watching her every move, but Landry had insisted she did and pointed out rather bluntly that she'd lost her memory and that she was a turncoat and a Jaffa. He'd apologised immediately, saying that the IOA and Air Force were going to say that too and until the level of risk she posed was assessed she was having a guard and for her own safety as much as anything else. Thankfully Janet's only response to the guard comment was to nod reasonably.
"And I brought some things from home for you," Sam explained, moving over to the box waiting on the bed. "I thought they might help so I brought in some photo albums and cards and little things and Teal'c dropped off candles, lots of candles." There was indeed a box of candles just inside the door to the room. Janet smiled at it and then walked over to the bed to sit down and take the box onto her lap. Sam joined her. She was getting used to the tingle in her blood that proximity to Janet caused now, but it still made her uncomfortable. It was different with Teal'c, she'd had eight years to get used to it with him and it was background noise to their friendship now.
"Thank you Sam," Janet told her as she tugged the lid off the box and began to look through it.
Sam gently reached up to brush a strand of hair back off Janet's face, but stopped when she flinched away from her hand.
"Sorry," they both muttered together and it should have been funny, one or the other of them should have called 'jinx', but it wasn't and they didn't.
"Do you need anything?"
Janet shook her head, "I'm tired though, I think I'll rest for a while."
Sam got up from the bed and began to walk towards the door, "I'll be in my lab, just tell the guard if you need anything."
"Okay"
Sam fled; at least it felt like she fled. She stood for a moment outside Janet's door feeling like a coward, but not knowing what she should or even could do.
~~~
Sam was on her way to meet Janet after her IOA debriefing when she was called into General Landry's office instead. Woolsey was in there waiting for her and he looked angry. She looked at General Landry and he mostly looked fed up, which Sam took as a good sign, she'd much prefer that to the other way round.
"General. Mr Woolsey," Sam said in greeting.
"Come in Colonel and close the door behind you," Landry spoke kindly.
"What do you think you're doing by giving sensitive information to a servant of the enemy?" Woolsey demanded almost as soon as Sam had shut the door.
"I did?" Sam asked, clueless as to what exactly she had done.
"You revealed our link to the Ancients, among other things, to Janet Fraiser, or Miu as she currently thinks she is called."
Sam knew she looked surprised, but she was feeling like she'd been slapped in the face.
"Doctor Janet Fraiser is a decorated war hero and a brilliant physician. And that information is hardly sensitive, Anubis probably knows more about the Ancients than we do being that he's half ascended," she argued.
"She is a Jaffa"
"So is Teal'c and we trust him."
"Yes, well," said Woolsey, his tone clear that he hardly trusted Teal'c. Sam knew enough biology to know her blood couldn't actually boil, but it sure felt like it.
"I remind you Mr Woolsey," General Landry joined in, clearly worried that Sam was going to do something. "That Doctor Janet Fraiser died serving this planet and that in the intervening period, over a year, she has clearly undergone great trauma. We should be treating her as a recovered prisoner of war, not as a dangerous criminal."
"That woman thinks she is a Jaffa called Miu," Woolsey gestured angrily. "She is not the woman who died on P3X-666."
"It is Doctor MacKenzie's opinion that Janet Fraiser is suffering from Retrograde Amnesia as a result of the traumatic events she went through at the hands of Anubis. He assures me that this is only his initial diagnosis and that he needs more time. However, he doesn't consider her a threat and has indeed advised me to allow her to reacquaint herself with as much of her old life as possible in hopes of her recovering her memory. Representatives from the Air Force have also interviewed her and decided that she doesn't pose a threat to Earth at this moment, though they agree she should continue to see Doctor MacKenzie and ask that if she does recover any memories about revealing important information to Anubis they be notified. They've already taken the steps to minimise any damage she might have done even if she had told Anubis everything she knew. You are in the minority on this one Mr Woolsey."
"We'll see what the IOA has to say about that," Woolsey said, snapping his files and his briefcase shut before storming out of the room.
Landry watched him go, "I think you're off the hook for now Colonel."
"Thank you, Sir."
"It's always a pleasure to put that man in his place. I expect he will be back. Make sure he doesn't have a reason to lock Doctor Fraiser up when he is."
"Yes Sir."
"Oh and Colonel, I've had calls from General's O'Neill and Hammond, they've both expressed a desire to stop by in the near future. Could you pass that news along to Doctor Fraiser for me?"
"Yes Sir," Sam couldn't help being pleased at the thought of both men stopping by and the more things to jog Janet's memory, the better.
Sam looked for Janet in her quarters first, but she wasn't there. There were only a limited number of places she would be on the base and after not finding her in the infirmary she headed to the commissary. She was in there, sitting at a table with Daniel and Teal'c and chatting with them. There was a good lunch in front of her and the scene looked so like old times that Sam had to stop in the doorway and watch. Cam nearly walked into her on his way into the commissary himself and pulled up fast to avoid the collision.
"Er, sorry Sam"
"I probably shouldn't stand in the doorway."
Cam grinned and started to walk around her, but then turned and took a step back towards her. "Listen, about the whole you and Janet thing," he said quietly. Sam looked at him, feeling patiently incredulous. "You know, whatever it is with you and her and everything." She thought about putting him out of his misery, but decided to let him ramble on. "I know there's a lot of prejudice out there and the Air Force are all uptight about it, but I wanted to let you know that I think it's cool and er, I won't tell anyone."
"You done?"
Cam nodded.
"Thank you Cam," Sam said simply and walked into the commissary to get her own lunch, followed by Cam. They both collected trays and Sam found herself staring morosely at the selection of food.
"Though if you two ever wanna make out in front of me, don't hold back." He whispered to her over a tuna sandwich.
"Cam", she said warningly and then sighed. "There isn't really an 'us two' any more. Death does end a relationship for normal people."
"I'm pretty sure normality jumped off at the band wagon a long time ago," Cam commented, adding a slice of sad looking cake to his tray and turning to make his way to their table.
Sam sighed, contemplated the different flavours of jello and picked blue as usual before she followed Cam.
"Hey guys," she said to Daniel, Teal'c and Janet as she sat down in the chair next to Janet.
"I don't know how you don't disappear Sam," Cam told her as he peered at the contents of her tray. "Salad and jello? That ain't really food."
"But a tuna sandwich and a slice of chocolate cake is a nutritionally balanced meal?"
Cam grinned at her and nodded as he bit into his cake first. Sam shook her head and began to dig into her own lunch.
"Sorry I wasn't there after your IOA debriefing, I got called into Landry's office by Woolsey," she said to Janet.
"It's okay, Daniel swung by to meet me." Daniel smiled at her for that.
"I can't imagine that Woolsey was easy on you," Sam commented to her.
"He really wasn't, come back Anubis, all is forgiven."
Sam stopped eating and stared at her, along with Daniel and Cam.
"Er, that was a joke," Janet explained.
"I 'got it' Doctor Fraiser."
"Thanks Teal'c"
"Well, you've got the all clear from the Air Force and Doctor MacKenzie and that's enough for General Landry. Also General's O'Neill and Hammond are intending to stop by soon, schedules permitting."
Janet frowned, "The names are familiar, but I don't know who they are."
"Oh you'll remember them," Daniel reassured her, "especially Jack. He gave you so much trouble over those seven years and he's always memorable."
"What about Cassie?" Janet asked.
"You remember?"
Janet looked embarrassed, "Not really. You label all your photos with date, place and names so it wasn't hard to work out who was my daughter in all of them."
Sam smiled fondly. "I will call her later, she called a few days ago, but I haven't returned her call yet."
"Yeah, this ain't going to be easy to explain," commented Cam.
"I think Cassie's standards of strange are different to most girls her age. She'll be okay" Daniel said, trying to be reassuring after a worried look ghosted across Janet's face.
"I'll call her tonight and book her a flight home."
"So, now you've mostly got the all clear do you want to get off the base and see a little bit of the rest of this planet?" Daniel suggested.
Janet looked apprehensive. "Earth is indeed a strange planet, however we will accompany you and will ensure that no harm comes to you," Teal'c said.
"Good one big guy. Very reassuring," Cam told him as he paused briefly between his cake and his sandwich.
~~~
Janet was quiet on the drive from the base and into Colorado Springs. She spent most of the journey looking out at the window at the other cars and the scenery as they passed it. Sam was crammed in the middle of the back seat between Janet and Daniel. Teal'c was in the front passenger seat and Cam was driving.
As they drove, Sam was aware that Janet was warm against her. She was still dressed in the green flight suit and had supplemented the outfit with a BDU cap to cover her tattoo. Janet pressed her face against the window to look at the sky and her other hand moved to take hold of Sam's. She didn't say anything. Sam glanced down at their hands, but said nothing and gave a little squeeze.
They drove to Sam's house and piled out of the car. Sam's hand felt cold when Janet let go of it and she missed the contact.
"I used to live here?" Janet asked, looking at the picturesque one storey house.
"Er, no, but you spent a lot of time here. Cassie and I sold your house," Sam felt like she was apologising for it even though it had been the only sensible thing to do with Cassie off to College and Janet dead. "We could go look at your house later, but we can't go in. A family of four live there now."
"Makes sense," Janet muttered. Daniel, Teal'c and Cam had already started to walk towards Sam's front door so they turned to catch up with them. Sam pulled her house keys from her pocket and threw them to Daniel when she got within range. He'd been complaining about needing the bathroom most of the drive. He opened the door and darted in muttering "bathroom, bathroom."
Even Janet grinned as he ran through the house.
"Alright Sam, beer in the fridge?" Cam asked and headed towards the kitchen. She nodded, "There's juice in the freezer Teal'c. What do you want to drink Janet? Janet?" Sam looked around to see that Janet had begun to wander around the house. She'd wandered through to the living space next to the kitchen.
"This feels comfortably familiar," she said hopefully. Teal'c was mixing up the juice from the freezer and Cam was rummaging for the bottle opener in the wrong drawer.
Janet picked up a photo from the mantel. She touched the glass over the faces, "I feel like I'm swimming in a large sea. All my memories are indistinct objects just below the surface. Sometimes one of them will float nearer to the surface, but when I swim over to them they sink out of sight again and when I try and reach down to get to them they stay just out of my reach."
"Give it time."
"So you keep saying. This, this I remember though," she said to the picture. Sam came around to look at the picture of Sam and Cassie, both soaking wet and laughing, taken by Janet.
"That was a fun day. We went to the lake and rented a rowboat. I was worried you weren't going to make it because of the whole Urgo thing, but you got cleared in time and I was so relieved that I didn't have to disappoint Cassie."
"Urgo is pretty memorable"
"Yeah, and you never did tell me what he said about me that was so rude."
"And never will. That I am taking to my grave!"
"Spoilsport," Janet said teasingly. Sam felt like she could skip at the last little exchange between them and squeezed Janet's upper arm happily.
"I asked Daniel about it, the, er, memory loss. He said it was like a magic eye picture and that the harder I looked at things the harder they'd be to see and that made sense after he'd explained what a magic eye picture was. He and Teal'c agreed that I should relax and allow things to come back of their own accord. Teal'c suggested meditation," Janet said with a fond smile to him as he walked into the living area and handed her a glass of juice. Jaffa didn't drink beer of course.
"It might be worth a go," Sam said with a gentle shrug and moved away to sit on the couch.
"I was thinking of trying it," Janet agreed. She returned the photo to the mantel piece and wandered around the room, looking at Sam's books and photos. She crouched to touch the quilt currently sitting folded next to the fireplace and Sam ached to tell her about the times they had fallen asleep in Sam's living room underneath it. Teal'c joined Sam on the couch and Cam finally swore in the kitchen.
"It's the drawer on the other side of the sink Cam," Sam said finally putting him out of his misery. Daniel returned from the bathroom and fished the bottle opener out of the correct drawer before Cam could get to it, earning himself a dirty look.
Sam called Cassie that evening as promised. Teal'c had put Star Wars into the DVD player, predicting that it would be extremely therapeutic and Cam and Daniel were bickering over the hotness of Princess Leia. Janet was watching both the movie and the guys, trying to take it all in.
The call to Cassie wasn't easy, Sam deliberated about it, but in the end she went with honesty about the main details of the story. Cassie took it well, but Sam suspected that the girls 'weirdness limit,' as she'd once described it, had finally been reached. Sam booked her a flight for the following afternoon, allowing her time to see her tutor about the classes she was going to miss. She assured Sam that she would be able to catch up the missed days and that she was okay, but she really needed to go pack and make some more phone calls.
When Sam hung up the phone she rested her head against the wall for several minutes, hoping that somehow it'd make the weariness subside. There was a gentle touch on her back and she turned her around to see that Janet had snuck out into the hallway. She looked apologetic.
"I know Teal'c means well, but somehow a movie about an evil galactic warlord isn't really helping," she explained, stepping close to whisper so that he didn't hear. "Was that Cassie?"
Sam nodded, "She should be here tomorrow evening. I'll pick her up from the Airport and bring her to the base."
Janet had ditched the cap by now of course and in the half light of the hallway her tattoo seemed to stand out even more against her skin. Sam lifted her hand up and gently touched the symbol of a lotus flower within a crescent moon with her fingertips. Janet flinched and turned away.
"Did it hurt?" Sam asked, not sure if she was asking about the tattoo or the implantation.
"Yes," replied Janet, still looking away. She sighed quietly and shook her head gently before she whispered, "sorry Sam."
"It's okay," Sam told her.
"No it's not," Janet answered and stepped forward to lean against Sam and rest her head on her shoulder. She didn't hug Sam though and kept her arms folded across her chest. Sam gently let her own hands rest on Janet's shoulders. They stood in the hall in silence and Sam listened to Janet breath, Daniel and Cam bicker and the sound of spaceships from the TV. It wasn't okay, but despite everything it was somehow more okay as long as Janet was here.
~~~
Sam picked Cassie up from the Airport the following evening as promised. The young woman was waiting at the pick-up point when Sam drove up.
"How was the flight?" Sam asked as Cassie climbed into the car and swung her small bag into the backseat of the Volvo. The two women embraced across the car and Sam squeezed Cassie tight.
"Okay," Cassie shrugged, "felt long." She sighed and leant back into her seat. "It's been a long day," she confessed.
"Yeah," Sam agreed sympathetically. She slipped the car into drive and pulled away from the kerb.
"Are we going back to your house?"
"The base"
"Okay," Cassie went quiet again for a few minutes. "Where was she?"
"She was held captive by a Goa'uld."
"For all this time?"
"Yes, I'm sorry Cassie."
Cassie pulled her knees up in front of her and looked away from Sam. "You told me she was dead."
"She was."
"I don't think I can do this Sam."
Sam glanced across at her, "Very brave, remember?"
"I'm not twelve anymore."
Sam sighed and let the rest of the drive back to Cheyenne mountain pass in silence. She signed Cassie into the base and the two of them walked through the upper parts of the base to the elevators.
"You said she doesn't remember, right?" Cassie asked as they waited for the elevator.
"She has amnesia, but her memory is coming back quickly."
"Does she remember me?"
Sam nodded, "Well, at least bits and pieces here and there. It's still pretty patchy."
Cassie nodded slowly, "she's still mom though, even though she's a Jaffa?"
"Definitely," Sam said with a smile.
"Okay," Cassie said sounding reassured.
The elevator arrived and they went the rest of the way to Janet's quarters in silence. Sam nodded to the Airman stationed outside the door and stopped.
"Ready?"
"No, but I won't ever be ready for this," Cassie commented with a sigh and pushed her hair off her face with both hands. Sam gave her a reassuring smile and knocked gently on Janet's door.
Janet opened it slowly and Cassie stepped towards her hesitantly.
"Mom?"
"Oh Cassie, sweetheart," Janet stepped forward and pulled Cassie into a tight hug that lasted several minutes.
"Have you had dinner yet?" Janet asked her, while still holding tight.
"I had a late lunch and I lost an hour on the flight."
"You should eat," Janet said, letting go of the hug and habitually straightening Cassie's jacket. Cassie had started to cry silently and still had tight hold of the sleeve of Janet's sweater. They'd gone clothes shopping earlier and Janet now had a selection of fairly standard jeans, pants, underwear, shirts, sweaters and hats, that all looked much better than the flight suit and BDU cap, though she had decided to forgo the hats while on this base naturally. They'd certainly garnered many odd looks while they were out in the mall.
"C'mon, let's go see what the commissary has," Janet told Cassie. She took the younger woman's hand and they walked off down the corridor. The Airman on guard glanced at Sam and then followed them silently and a respectful ten feet behind. Sam watched them go and went to hide out in her lab while they talked.
They were still in the commissary several hours later when Sam had given up on work and gone looking to see if they were both okay. She found herself watching from the doorway again, this time watching the two most important women in her life. They touched each other a lot, as if checking they were real and smiled a lot too. Sam smiled herself at the scene and retreated to go catch some sleep in her own quarters.
~~~
Cassie had head to back to college in too short a time as she didn't want to fall behind, but she promised to be back as soon as she could. She'd left looking much happier too, which had relieved Sam. They'd gone for lunch in town before her flight and it'd almost been like old times as a family.
Janet was in another session with Doctor MacKenzie now and Sam was keeping an eye on the time while she worked in her lab. She ignored the 'unauthorised off world activation' when the alarm sounded throughout the base. There wasn't anything going on off world right now that she was involved in and no imminent threats to earth. However, she didn't ignore her phone when it rang, or the order to report to the briefing room.
The rest of her team were in the briefing room by the time she got there, plus General Landry and a new arrival.
She peered curiously at the unfamiliar Tok'ra as she took her seat at the briefing room table.
"This is Theria, she has something she wishes to discuss with us," General Landry announced and then handed the meeting over with a nod. There was perceptible stiffening around the table from Daniel, Teal'c and Sam as they all remembered too well their last contact with the Tok'ra. Clearly Theria remembered it too as she appeared to have toned down the usual Tok'ra arrogance.
"I come with a proposal. We have been monitoring a particular Goa'uld for some time now and an opportunity has presented itself. In the last few months there has been increasing dissatisfaction apparent among her Jaffa and indeed she has just finished quelling a near rebellion at her main base on P8X 412 that, coincidentally, occurred just after your visit."
They all shared surprised looks up and down the table and Theria looked satisfied.
"Such is Qetesh's fear that she has decided to do a tour of her colonies to reinforce her presence there and leave them in no doubt as to her power."
"Show them whose boss?" Cam asked.
Theria looked slightly irritated and annoyed, but nodded before continuing. "However, Qetesh has underestimated how widespread the dissent within her capital is. We believe her absence from that planet will be an ideal time in which to provoke a full blown rebellion amongst her Jaffa. We predict that once word reaches her she will send the majority of her fleet back to take care of the rebellion, but won't return herself initially as she won't want her colonies to be aware that anything is wrong. This will leave her vulnerable and allow us to eliminate her."
"You want us to instigate the rebellion amongst her Jaffa?" Sam asked, clarifying what she knew everyone suspected.
Theria nodded again, "Successfully removing Qetesh would slow down Anubis for many months. The worlds she governs make up the majority of his supply of Naquadah. Successfully removing Qetesh and causing a full rebellion of her Jaffa would cripple Anubis for a significantly longer period of time. He would be forced to spend resources re-establishing control of those planets, or find new sources of Naquadah, both of which would take time."
"And the Tok'ra High Council has agreed to this?" Daniel asked.
Theria looked uncomfortable, "No. I am a member of a group within the Tok'ra who believe it was unwise to sever our alliance with the Tau'ri and the rebel Jaffa. The High Council has approved the plan to take down Qetesh, but is unaware of our intentions to involve the Tau'ri and hopefully, the rebel Jaffa."
"Won't they notice?" Cam asked.
"It is our hope that by then it will be too late."
"I believe the rebel Jaffa will be willing to help in this," Teal'c contributed.
General Landry nodded, "We'll send out word to Bra'tac."
"When is Qetesh supposed to leave on this tour?"
"She has already begun to gather her fleet though their planned departure is three of your weeks away from now."
"We've got plenty of planning to do people."
~~~
"Something fairly big is going on," Janet said from the doorway of Sam's lab, "and you don't want to tell me about it."
Sam looked up at her from the report she'd been working on for one part of their rapidly growing plan. Many meetings and discussions had been held and with only about eight days left until they moved on Qetesh the pace was picking up.
Janet unfolded her arms and walked into the lab, "The visiting Jaffa and Tok'ra gave it away. But even without them I'd know." She tugged herself up onto one of the lab stools and continued, "You forget that I had seven years practice at reading you."
Sam kept Janet's gaze and twisted her hands thoughtfully.
"We're going to take down Qetesh," Sam confessed and watched Janet carefully for a reaction. The only thing she did was to refold her arms tightly across her chest.
"I know you've probably got mixed feelings about this. That's why I avoided telling you, well, that and not wanting to give the IOA a reason to be any harder on you than they have been."
Janet sighed and let her head drop. "Mixed doesn't even begin to cover it. How're you going to do it?"
"Instigate a rebellion amongst her Jaffa. Hopefully it will leave her isolated enough for the Tok'ra to move in and eliminate her."
Janet's face stiffened, but she nodded.
"I think we might have to give you credit for this one actually. Apparently there was nearly a rebellion the night we left; we're just exploiting the work you did while you were there."
"I didn't do anything."
"I think you did more than you think. Jaffa don't often get to see benevolence from people in positions of power."
Janet went quiet for a moment or two and kept her eyes on the surface of Sam's work bench. "Qetesh gave me that power. I was her favourite. But, when I saved her Jaffa she would laugh because I was weak. She said that sometimes people had to suffer and that they were just slaves, that I shouldn't work myself to exhaustion for them because they weren't worth it, but I kept doing it. I couldn't help it, even if caring made me weak. Even when she beat me for tending to an injured Jaffa when I should have been serving her I wouldn't stop."
Sam had gotten up from her stool while Janet had been talking and gently walked around the bench to stand next to her. She hesitantly placed a hand on Janet's opposite shoulder and squeezed.
"She made me do things Sam," Janet whispered. "Lots and lots of terrible things, for so long and I did them, I didn't know any better."
Sam kept her hand on Janet's shoulder, "I'm sorry."
Janet exhaled shakily and rested her head against Sam.
"It wasn't your fault," Sam reassured her.
Janet pressed her face against Sam's t shirt and brought her hand up to grip tightly onto Sam's waist. Sam felt her sob quietly against her and the moisture of tears through the cotton of her t shirt. She shifted her grip on Janet's shoulder to pull her tighter into the embrace, not caring about who might see and what they might infer.
"She raped me Sam," Janet said almost too quietly to hear. That fact surged through Sam like ice and she was sure her heart stopped for a couple of beats in there.
"It wasn't your fault," Sam repeated and brought her other hand up to cradle Janet's cheek. She held Janet until she had cried herself out and both of their tops were soaked, occasionally telling Janet that 'it's okay' when clearly it wasn't. When Janet had stopped sobbing Sam reached into a drawer for some tissues and gently wiped her face. Janet looked a little embarrassed as she always did after she'd been crying. Sam handed some of the tissues to Janet to let her blow her nose and bent her head to kiss her on the forehead, cameras be damned. It was right on her tattoo, but Sam had forgotten it was there and Janet didn't flinch this time. Sam rested her hand on Janet's collar and let her thumb stroke her neck while Janet finished collecting herself and wiping her face.
"I'm exhausted," Janet confessed croakily.
"C'mon, let's get you back to your quarters."
Janet nodded, "thanks Sam."
Sam kept her hand on Janet's shoulder as they walked out of her lab and headed towards Janet's quarters, picking up her guard on the way out of the room. "You know," Sam said forcefully, but quietly enough to be out of the guards hearing. "If the Tok'ra don't get Qetesh, I will." Janet merely sighed quietly and put her hand over Sam's.
Back in Janet's quarters Sam waited while Janet changed and then began fiddling with the candles. She stood up to leave once Janet reached for the matches, but Janet's hand grabbed hold of her sleeve.
"Stay with me, I always slept better when you were with me. I think the same will hold true for Kelno'reem," she said and Sam hesitated for a moment, but then relaxed and knelt on the floor to use one of the lit candles to light the rest. Janet smiled shyly at her while they worked and it felt strange to watch her familiarity with something so literally alien. Once all the candles were lit Janet settled herself down cross-legged in the centre and got comfortable. Sam felt distinctly uncomfortable once again with Janet being a Jaffa and the only other Jaffa she'd seen kelno'reem was Teal'c. Janet reached out to take a light hold of Sam's hand in hers and rested both of their hands on her knee.
"I always hated kelno'reeming by myself," she said quietly with her eyes closed. "All those many months when I was gone I hated every night I spent alone. I remember now all the nights I spent awake or hardly sleeping when you were MIA, or ill, off on a long mission or had your consciousness downloaded into a giant computer mainframe. I missed you."
"I missed you too," Sam said quietly, but Janet didn't respond. Sam watched her carefully as her breathing slowed and she entered the deep meditative state. She'd never watched kelno'reem that closely, it felt far too personal to do that, but she did now with Janet. She watched the tension gradually ease out of her body and her face almost as if all the cares and troubles were falling away. She reminded herself that Janet wouldn't dream and the thought was very comforting right now. Sam allowed many minutes to pass and enjoyed simply watching Janet. Eventually her conscience and tiredness got the better of her and she retrieved her hand from Janet's to leave. She nodded to the Airman as she passed him and headed back to her lab to finish her report. Now that she was out of the room she felt the anger and horror of what Janet had been through flooding back. Maybe she should spend some time on the firing range, or take a spin on her bike after she'd handed the report in.
~~~
"We should add Janet to the team going to P8X-412," Cam said at the briefing room table. Sam sat up attentively at that suggestion. The meeting had been boring up until now. Their three week window of preparation was rapidly slipping away and they only had a handful of days left now.
"Why?" Daniel asked, with 'over my dead body' undertones to the question that Sam agreed with wholeheartedly.
"Because those Jaffa trust her; she has power over them and they owe her. You saw how she managed to get us out of there. We need her on that planet to convince the Jaffa there to turn against Qetesh."
"We have been successful in convincing other Jaffa groups to rebel before. Teal'c and Bra'tac have instigated several rebellions," Sam said.
"But it ain't ever been a sure-fire thing," Cam continued. "Having the Doc on the team will make it far more likely to succeed."
"Hasn't she been through enough?" Sam asked a little more harshly than she intended, but less than she felt.
Cam looked uncomfortable at that and nodded, but went on to say, "She'd be a valuable asset to this mission."
Daniel opened his mouth to argue again but Landry held up his hand, "Ah. I will discuss the possibility with Doctor MacKenzie and Doctor Fraiser herself before I make a decision."