The Mind Doesn't Decide 4

What Doesn't Kill Us

by WordGeek

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asw/wordgeek/mind04.php
Summary: Jack struggles to balance his roles as Colonel and Lover, realizing finally that success in one means failure in the other. In the end, it is his desperate love for Daniel that forces them apart
Info:

"What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." Friedrich Nietzsche. Dr. Seuss's Sleep Book, by T. Guissel; Many thanks to Medieval Babe for the Beta and the title, any remaining mistakes are mine alone.

Daniel had promised.

Not to pick nits or anything, but Daniel had fucking promised.

Any good relationship has its foundation in keeping promises, even Jack knew that. And other stuff... like trust and honesty and frequent sex, of course, but that went without saying.

In Jack's mind, it was all mostly under control at this point. The sex was nothing less than astonishing. They were equals now, and Jack enjoyed bottoming very much indeed, thank you. They'd had their trust issues and had come to an understanding about that. And as far as honesty was concerned, Daniel had never been anything but brutally honest with him, even before they'd become intimate.

It had never consciously occurred to Jack that it had been unreasonable of him to extract the promise in the first place.

Most of the time, he was able to put the whole thing into perspective; pouting, he knew, was not a good look for colonels. Daniel wanted to stay with the SGC; Jack would've had to have been blind not to see how much the program meant to him. Until his reputation could be publicly cleared, Daniel was a laughingstock in his chosen trade, and even after all these years, that still bothered him. Modest fool that he was, he actually believed that without it he had nothing to offer, and no amount of reassurance to the contrary would dissuade him from this position.

Jack reluctantly recognized that the Stargate program gave Daniel an identity necessary to his self-esteem, but he also knew that it was more than that. Daniel was the Peaceful Explorer. The unknown beckoned to him in a way that Jack knew he couldn't compete with. All he could do-all he'd ever done-was tag along for the ride. He knew that he'd always be in second place for Daniel's heart behind the Big Round Thing. Part of him resented that, but the more rational part of him understood that the Stargate had brought him Daniel and Daniel had given him back his reason for living. In the end, Jack learned to suck it up and relish the time they had together and not get too caught up in what he couldn't have.

The night after Woodland Park had been the hardest so far. On the heels of the most momentous occasion of his life-submitting to Daniel sexually-they'd had one night together and then had to separate for the mission to the toxic bubble-planet, PX3-yadda yadda yadda. It ranked right up there as one of the loneliest nights of his life, like coming home from Abydos to an empty house. Hadn't been much sleeping that night either, Jack remembered.

To make matter's worse, circumstances had conspired against them to force an overnight stay with the bubble-folks; he'd paired up with Teal'c at Kendrick's house, and sent Daniel off to camp out with Sam at Evalla & Pallan's place. It was the only way to ensure they wouldn't jump each other's bones. Once they'd gotten through to the inhabitants that their precious 'uplink' was killing them, they'd left the relocation of the bubble's population to SG-4, and met up at Jack's house, eager to reacquaint themselves with each other. Jack remembered their post-sex conversation almost verbatim...

"It's quite a big responsibility, shackin' up with a fallen angel."

Daniel chuckled. "I'm so not that."

"You are my angel, fallen back into my arms where you belong," Jack said softly.

The younger man chuckled, cuddling closer. "Uh, Jack... You told me to punch you if you ever went all sappy..."

Jack was silent for a long moment before he spoke again. "In that fantasy in Woodland Park... the hardass Colonel and the beautiful young scholar... You left out the part about the radiation... about dying..."

Daniel shrugged, suddenly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was going. "I was going for a different mood; it didn't fit in with the story," he said quietly.

"But it does," Jack whispered, holding him tightly and resting his chin on the top of Daniels head, subtly denying the eye contact he knew would undo him. "It did. It's part of our story... it's how we got here. We can't pretend it didn't happen, Daniel. I want you to understand what your dying did to me then. Before... this. What it would do to me now that we have each other... Please don't take another reckless chance like that. It cut me open, Danny; it was Charlie all over again..."

And Daniel had promised, as earnestly as anyone can, to never leave him. To never die again.

And yet, here he was. Again. For all practical purposes, definitely, medically, and quite intentionally, dead.

Jack hated the fucking infirmary.

~~~

To be perfectly honest--and he was nothing if not that--Daniel hadn't gone looking for this one. He hadn't broken something or opened something or inadvertently implied promises to an alien whose language he hadn't quite mastered yet. He'd just been standing in the corridor.

Alone.

As in, without backup.

It could just as easily have been Carter or Teal'c, he supposed. Well, probably not Carter because of the protein-marker-thingy that afforded her all kinds of hinky benefits. Teal'c didn't have Junior to protect him anymore, so he might've been vulnerable.

Like Daniel.

Jack was comfortable wallowing in the guilt. It was part of his private, post-mission, personal debriefing. What had gone wrong. What he could've done better. Tallying up the wins against the losses.

Acceptable loss. Was that what Daniel was? He supposed that once upon a time, he might've been. At the beginning, maybe. But the fight against Ra-their fight-had changed all that. Daniel had left the 'acceptable loss' category pretty damn fast and jumped headlong into the 'protect at all costs' category. That was probably the beginning of the end of Jack's military career. Before Daniel, Jack didn't think he even had a 'protect at all costs' category. He was impartial. Immovable. Get the job done. Hardass. Daniel had been right.

So what was he now? Softass? Probably. And while Daniel was inarguably the other half of his soul, he was also Jack's greatest weakness. A hostage to his heart. Sara had been that once; Charlie, certainly. But they were always at home; safe. Out of the line of fire and not likely to have been caught up in any of the really nasty shit he'd been involved in. But Daniel? He was front and center of all the worst the universe had to offer. Near the top of the Goa'uld hit-list. Even before they'd become lovers, on the few occasions he'd loaned Daniel out to other SG teams, Jack had been a fuming, snarling wreck until he saw Daniel walking down the ramp under his own steam. He firmly, arrogantly believed that he was the only one who could keep Daniel safe out there.

Look how safe he was right now...

~~~

They wouldn't let him near Daniel's bed. They had him in an isolation room--the one with the viewing room perched over it--under a Code 17 Goa'uld watch. Daniel had spent most of the last two days in this room, slowly losing his mind. When Jack had been well enough to get out of his own infirmary bed, he'd kicked Teal'c out of the room and sat vigil over Daniel himself.

If staring at his inert form was hard now, watching Daniel's body while the other personalities controlled it had been sheer hell. Fraiser had been the only one allowed into the room with him, except for two beefy orderlies who stood guard over the pint-sized doctor as she tried to reason with each of the personalities that erupted from Daniel's subconscious. Daniel's body was strong and he could've killed her twice over if Martice or the other angry one-Grubin-had gotten out of hand. Jack watched the orderlies manhandling his lover, and winced as they tightened the leather restraints that bound his wrists to the belt at his waist, further reducing his ability to move. There would be bruises later.

Hearing the other personalities speak from Daniel's mouth had been bizarre. If watching Martice had made Jack angry, hearing the feminine voice wail in honest fear had been utterly freakish. Tryan had been the most helpful of all of them, willing to do whatever was asked of him, but his manner and physical bearing was so different from Daniel's that Jack could almost lose himself in believing that he was an entirely separate person and not just a disembodied entity trapped inside Daniel's body.

Watching the boy, Keenan, had been the worst of all; the line of reality painfully blurring between the youngster Jack felt compelled to protect and the man he loved and longed to save who held the innocent essence of the child.

When Martice had ordered Pharrin to sacrifice the people of Talthus so that he, Martice, could retain possession of Daniel's body, Jack's anger had taken over and he'd bolted from the observation room, brushing past Hammond in his hurry to get into the ISO room. It honestly didn't occur to him that the General might try to stop him.

"I have sworn to protect the sovereign," Pharrin apologized, kneeling before Daniel.

Jack strode into the room, propelled by anger and a healthy dose of fear and hauled him to his feet barking, "You're sovereign's dead! Get up!"

"His soul lives on..."

"Not if I cut him out!" Jack would never know if the gasp he heard came from Carter or Fraiser.

"You would not..."

Jack's eyes narrowed gravely as he considered the stranger before him; at once the obstacle and his only hope of getting Daniel back whole. His brain flashed back three years ago to the threats he'd made to the entity that had taken over Carter's body; he'd followed through on the threat then, killing it. Killing her. "Oh, yes I would."

Martice spoke in a somewhat nasal, patrician tone that sent chills down Jack's spine, "Pharrin, you will listen to me..."

"Don't listen!" Jack countermanded; he didn't see Fraiser jump in surprise. "You just do what you came here to do!" He poked a finger toward Daniel's body, but only dared glance at his face. He was silently grateful that Martice did not deign to bother returning the glance; Jack didn't know what he would've done with actual eye contact.

As Pharrin continued to try and reason with Martice, Jack stole fleeting glances between them, ready to turn away if the blue eyes sought him out. The battle that raged inside Daniel's mind amongst the stowaways played out on Daniel's face, and Jack was held utterly captive to the drama.

Pharrin took hold of Daniel's arms to draw him away from the chaos, his voice steady and reasonable. "Forgive me, Sovereign..."

"How DARE you touch me?!" Martice exploded; it was Jack's turn to jump.

Pharrin dropped his arms obediently and continued. "For twelve years we have fought to save the people of Talthus and we will do everything in our power to do so, no matter how great the sacrifice."

Jack saw Daniel's head fall forward and for a fraction of an instant, feared his exhausted lover would pass out. When Keenan's expression appeared on Daniel's face, Jack had to bite his lip to contain the gasp his heart made. He could easily threaten the Sovereign of Talthus, even rationalize the sacrificing of Tryan and the woman to get Daniel back, but he didn't know if he had the balls to do what needed to be done if the little boy stayed in control of Daniel's body.

"Father?"

Pharrin gasped, and Jack knew they were in trouble. He looked from father to son, his body betraying his nervousness as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other as the father spoke with his son.

"Keenan... I am so sorry, my son. You must sacrifice as well..." Keenan's fear shone clearly in Daniel's eyes, not understanding what his father was telling him, but calmed somewhat as Pharrin gently touched Daniel's arms. "... and we will be together. Do you understand?" The boy nodded Daniel's head and Pharrin continued, teetering on the edge of breaking down altogether, "The people of Talthus will be safe, and they will remember us forever."

"But we'll be together..."

"We'll be together..." Pharrin confirmed softly. Keenan's sad smile graced Daniel's face and Pharrin closed his eyes, hating what he knew he had to do, and as his tears fell, he took his son into his arms for the last time.

~~~

They'd taken Pharrin and Daniel back to the Stromos to run the mind-blender in reverse. Once the hitchhikers had all been siphoned back into Pharrin and Daniel had awakened, Jack thought the nightmare was over. He told himself that they weren't actually killing the Sleepers by doing this, that they'd been dead already. He supposed that he'd hear Keenan's voice in his dreams for some time to come.

As soon as Jack had handed off the whole passenger-wake-up thing to SG-4, he'd gone looking for Daniel, expecting to be able to take him home. That's when he'd found him in the ISO-room. He was flatline.

The nurse on duty had called it a 'medically induced coma'; said it was a good thing. Said it would let his brain heal after being ravaged by the refugees from the Stromos.

He'd been most un-Colonel-like. There had been some shouting, probably a little swearing, he couldn't really remember. He'd tried to remain calm, but... the flatline thing had taken him by surprise considering that the last time he'd seen Daniel, he'd been awake, albeit in pain; they'd even spoken a little.

Janet had come in at the start of his outburst, and, shooing the nurse away, tried to be very soothing. "Daniel needs time to heal, Colonel. He's to have absolutely no stimulation of any kind." Jack ground his teeth and forced himself to listen through his fear and anger to her explanation.

"It's electro-cerebral silence," she explained patiently. "Daniel is in the deepest realm of unconsciousness possible for a living person. The pentobarbitone has decreased his brain-wave activity; this will help to reduce the internal pressure in his brain. The absence of brain activity lessens the metabolic demands on the brain, allowing it to rest and heal. Often when the brain experiences injury, some swelling occurs. With no room to expand inside the skull, pressure builds, decreasing the oxygen that's carried to the brain by the blood flow. At this moment, all of Daniel's bodily functions, including his breathing and blood pressure, are being maintained by life-support machines. His involuntary movements are being suppressed by another drug that acts as a paralyzing agent. That's why he looks--"

"Dead?"

"Yes."

"How long do you intend to keep him this way?"

There was no mistaking the challenging tone of his voice, but she still remained calm. "I'd like to give him two days of complete rest. Then over the course of the next three to five days, we'll be reducing the pentobarbitone drip so that he can come out of the coma gradually." She looked at the determined set to Jack's jaw as he stared at the unconscious form in the room below and wondered about his outburst. Perhaps he was still feeling the neural effects of the stun weapon, she allowed generously.

"Side effects?" he snapped.

"There can be. I felt it was an acceptable risk considering the alternative--"

"Did he consent?"

"What? He wasn't in any condition to give consent--"

"Then you should've asked me," he muttered.

"Excuse me?" her tone bordered on incredulous. He was challenging her medical decisions now, and neural shock or not, he had no right to do that. Her bearing became downright steely.

O'Neill straightened his shoulders and looked down at her. It was clear from her expression that neither his height nor his rank intimidated her. As it should be, he reasoned bitterly; as the senior member of the medical team, she outranked even Hammond in some instances. Like this one.

He swallowed hard, and realized that he was reacting as Daniel's lover and not as his CO. His mind flashed back to Charlie in the ER; they'd made him sign stuff so they could treat him. Permission. As his father. But he wasn't Daniel's father. He wasn't Daniel's anything, officially. No permission needed.

He closed his eyes and rubbed his temple hard with his thumb. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have--"

She smiled and put a comforting hand on his arm. O'Neill was renowned for watching over his team when they were hurt. That's probably all this was. "That's okay. I know you're worried about him. He'll be fine in a couple of days. There's really nothing you can do at this point. When he starts to come out of it, your being here can make a difference. Why don't you go home and get some rest till then? I'll call you when we start reducing the drip."

He looked at her kind face. He knew she'd do what was best for Daniel, she always had. He just needed to trust her and get the hell out of her way.

"I promise," she prodded. He nodded and squeezed her hand. With one last glance at Daniel's frighteningly still form, he left the observation room.

~~~

Two days later, he was just coming out of his shower when the phone rang. Dripping, he ran to pick it up. "O'Neill."

The voice was female, but not Fraiser's. "Colonel, Dr. Fraiser asked me to call you. We've started to reduce Dr. Jackson's pentobarbitone drip--"

"I'll be there in thirty minutes."

"Take your--" the nurse started to say, but the line had already gone dead. "--time."

~~~

O'Neill barked at the myriad of annoying impediments to his mission to the infirmary. Most of the impediments saluted him. By the time he plowed through the infirmary doors, he was more than a little frustrated. Fraiser headed him off before he could home in on Daniel.

Jack could see him at the far end of the line of beds. 'Not his usual table', Jack thought grimly. He felt her steer him off to the side long before he got to his destination.

"Colonel, if I may have a word?" she said tersely.

He frowned, then took a calming breath and let her pull him to a stop. "Yeah, doc; how's he doin'?"

"He's not even conscious, yet, Colonel." He squinted and pursed his lips in annoyance, but she disregarded it. "As you'll notice when you get over there, his EEG is no longer flatline. But he's still far from ready to wake up. I've moved him to the far corner so that he can become accustomed to the ambient noise gradually. It's important that he comes out of it on his own. I can't stress this point strongly enough: don't touch him and do not try to wake him."

"I've got it," he assured her. "Now can I see him?"

She nodded and watched him take visual inventory of his downed comrade. Once he seemed reassured that Daniel was breathing on his own and that somewhere behind his closed eyes, there was REM going on, he took the seat next to the bed and began his vigil. She turned back to her other patients, certain that should there be the slightest change in Daniel's condition, he would notify her immediately.

~~~

He sighed deeply and changed positions. He'd been here for six hours and Daniel hadn't made any sound at all. About an hour ago, he'd turned his head just slightly, maybe an inch. Jack had gotten all excited and grabbed Fraiser, but that had been the only change so far. She explained that this probably meant that the paralyzing agent was starting to wear off. It was progress, but Daniel wasn't out of the woods yet. She'd patted Jack on the shoulder and scurried off to attend to other, conscious, patients.

The electroencephalograph continued to track Daniel's brainwave activity silently as he slept. Jack had no way of knowing if they were good squiggles or bad squiggles, but he was damn glad that the line wasn't flat any more. The whole point of inducing the coma in the first place had been to avert potential brain damage from the brain-sucker, and from all outward appearances, it had done it's job. Now, according to Fraiser, all they had to worry about was possible side effects from the barbiturates themselves. These, she assured him, would make themselves known in the next twenty-four hours if at all.

~~~

God, he hated this. Hated Daniel looking this way. His arms ached to hold him, to kiss his lips alive, to whisper loving things to him until his eyes opened. 'Please god, let his eyes open!', he silently begged as hot tears threatened the back of his eyes.

Jack let his mind drift as he succumbed to the hypnotic effect of the clicking and beeping of the machinery around him. Woodland Park...

They'd both drunk more than was prudent to drive with, so they'd gotten a room at the hotel there. They'd been far enough away from Colorado Springs to take the chance of being physically demonstrative with each other in small ways, a daringly provocative move and one that let Daniel work through some of his newly found Alpha feelings. Jack had loved holding hands in the restaurant. Such an innocent gesture; one taken for granted by millions of couples every day. Millions of straight couples... It made people uncomfortable to see a gay couple holding hands... Jack mused that it wasn't that long ago that he'd have counted himself in that group.

Jack still had a hard time with labels. Somehow, he just didn't think that his loving Daniel was enough justification for the fucking label. They were just two people who loved each other; no political agenda. What was the point of the label?

To exclude. The label excluded people. Once he could publicly admit his feelings for Daniel, he'd be excluded from the Air Force; the environment that had been his way of life for his entire adult existence. He tried to imagine hanging up his Class A's for the last time. In his mind's eye, as he put the zippered bag over the uniform and pushed it to the back of his closet, he was making room in that closet for Daniel's clothes. And instead of feeling loss, he was filled with warmth, and he smiled.

He imagined leaning over the bedrail and taking Daniel's still hand in his, kissing the back of it, warming it with his cheek. He imagined the shocked expressions of Fraiser and her hoard of white-smocked helpers--more than a few of whom he knew carried a torch for his lover--as he bent over and placed another kiss on his sleeping lips. He was mildly amused that he was getting hard just thinking about it. Not in an Alpha way, just pleasantly proud. He knew that Daniel was still feeling vestiges of possessiveness for him, and that too, sent a jolt of something straight to his cock. Part of him hoped that Daniel wouldn't be able to completely conquer his Alpha feelings; that his need to claim Jack would be stronger than his need to stay in the program. Jack knew that was selfish of him, but it didn't stop him from hoping that this would be the impetuous they both needed to just call it quits and get on with the business of living together.

Jack understood the Alpha problem all too well, having had to fight similar feelings since they'd become intimate nearly two months ago. The prevailing theory was that their being unable to publicly acknowledge their new relationship and passionate feelings toward each other left them vulnerable to the onslaught of other, darker emotions when perceived territorial infractions occurred, like flirty waitresses and old college friends. It wasn't logical, but it made a lot of fucking sense from where Jack was sitting. It was a small thing, holding hands in a restaurant, but that simple act had been liberating for both of them and it seemed to help Daniel adjust to the feelings of possessiveness that had come to light since taking Jack sexually. Jack's own Alpha instincts were firmly in control at this point, and he no longer felt like he had to kill anyone who looked at his lover, and that was real progress, he figured.

He longed for the day when he could tell the world that Daniel was his. He was ready to retire again-anxious for it, in fact, but Daniel was insistent that they both stay with the program for a while. All he'd say on the matter was, "I still think there's something out there that we need to find." And if there had been some occasional resemblance to a command structure in the past, their becoming lovers had blown that out of the water. He didn't think there was anything he could deny Daniel at this point; not when he aimed those shockingly blue eyes at him. Even if it was for his own good...

Which was why Daniel had been alone in the corridor on the Stromos. Jack had paired the four of them up, as he had hundreds-thousands?--of times in the past. Sam and Teal'c had taken one of the upper corridors, and he and Daniel had taken one of the lower ones. Counting. That's all they were doing, just counting up sleepers... 'kinda like the kid's book', he thought wryly. 'Counting up sleepers, just how do we do it? It's really quite simple, there's nothing much to it...'

O--kay. Reciting kid's books from memory; most definitely a sign of approaching senility. How many times had he read that book to Charlie? Every night he was home for almost a year... it had been burned into his subconscious long ago. 'We find out how many, we learn the amount, by an Audio-Telly-O-Tally-O Count...'

He jumped to his feet in an effort to stop the rhyme in his brain, and rubbed the back of his neck hard as he paced to the other side of Daniel's bed. 'Something else; think of something else...' Daniel had suggested that they could cover ground more quickly if they separated at the next corridor. That sounded good to him. Get them back home faster. He had said sure, why not? What was the harm? And they did. Not three minutes later, that awful, screeching noise... Daniel screaming his name, and then the fucking fireball that had knocked them all out. When Jack had come to in the infirmary, Daniel was already locked in ISO at the mercy of Martice the Pompous.

Jack leaned against the wall on the far side of Daniel's bed and studied his features. It looked as if he were frowning, the lines between his brows were deep; almost four days growth of beard darkened his face, and there were purple shadows under his eyes. 'Please,' he begged silently, 'Open your eyes, Danny...' There were beads of perspiration on his upper lip and the hair on his forehead was starting to mat with sweat. Fuck! When had that happened? Jack moved away from Daniel's bed silently and quietly called to a nurse just entering the infirmary. She followed him back to Daniel's bed where Jack silently drew her attention to the readout that monitored his temperature. One hundred two point six.

"I'll get something for his fever and let Dr. Fraiser know," she whispered. Jack nodded and returned to his vigil.

Fraiser arrived moments later with the drug and listened to Daniel's heart and lungs and smiled. Glancing up, she said softly, "His heartbeat's strong. We'll have to run an MRI later to be sure, but I'm thinking we're in the clear with respect to his cardiovascular system." She moved the stethoscope around his chest and listened to him breathe. "Lungs are sounding pretty good too." She motioned to a nurse and said, "Run a blood panel on Dr. Jackson just to rule out any sign of infection." The nurse nodded and went to retrieve the necessary items to comply.

"What about the fever?" Jack asked quietly.

Fraiser finished emptying the syringe into Daniel's IV and slung the stethoscope cord around her neck, and slipped her petite hands into the pockets of her white coat. "I think we're okay. We'll watch it to make sure it doesn't get too high, but this is most likely his body's way of readjusting after all he's been through. I think he's through the worst of it."

"Then why isn't he awake?" Jack demanded softly.

Fraiser smiled indulgently and patted his arm. "Give him a little time, Colonel. He's been through a pretty significant trauma. You can't just order him to wake up." She walked away, and left him standing there looking helplessly down at his lover.

Jack stared down at him silently for several long minutes. "Wake up, Daniel; that's an order," he whispered under his breath.

"Jack?"

The older man's eyes grew wide. "Daniel?"

Daniel made no attempt to open his eyes, but frowned deeply. "What are you shouting about?"

Jack pulled the chair closer to Daniel's head and sat down, smiling. "Hey, you; got everybody pretty worried. How ya feel?"

"Headache--"

"Still bad?"

"Yeah."

"I'll get the Doc--" He crossed the room in six long strides and grabbed Fraiser's elbow. "He's awake; bad headache."

Fraiser frowned up at him accusingly, her lips a thin, angry line.

"Didn't touch him, I swear," he assured her, hands up in surrender.

She hurried to her patient's side and spoke softly. "Daniel?"

"Hurts."

"I can imagine. Let me check your responses and then I'll get you something for the pain." She peered into his eyes with that damned penlight of hers and Daniel jerked his head away from the brightness. "That's a good sign," she smiled. "Be still, I'll get you some Fentanyl for the pain."

Jack got up close to the bed and took Daniel's hand in his. He squeezed it gently and rubbed his thumb over his knuckles, taking note of the chaffed skin and dark bruises already forming on his wrist from the leather restraints. The younger man returned the squeeze weakly. When Jack heard Fraiser approach, he gently released the hand. Fraiser added the pain drug to Daniel's IV line and glanced up at him. "The worst is over now. He'll need to sleep." Jack nodded and wiped Daniel's damp brow with a cool cloth. "You should sleep too," she suggested strongly.

"I'm good," he said.

"Colonel--" The glance he gave her stopped any further debate. She sighed, recognizing that she'd lost this battle and moved on with her rounds.

~~~

T.N.B.; that's how he thought of it these days. The Night Before. It was a damn fine rule and it let them have their cake and eat it too. The only problem with it was that they didn't always have that kind of notice. Sometimes, missions just happened in the middle of what was supposed to have been a typical 'paperwork' day at the mountain. Sometimes, things just went wrong. This was the first time since they'd become lovers and established that rule that they hadn't been able to follow it.

The MALP had picked up a beacon, just anomalous enough to prompt Hammond to send the UAV, which, in turn had picked up the visual of the wrecked ship. That gave them an immediate 'go', as opposed to sliding it into the existing mission schedule. Not really a lot Jack could have done to postpone the mission for a day. 'I'm sorry, General, but since Daniel and I slept together last night, we won't be able to look into the wrecked ship until tomorrow; hope that's okay with you...'

Fuck. For the hundredth time Jack ran through the fateful first minutes of the mission, and for the hundredth time, he kicked himself. It was a rookie error. No mitigating circumstances. His fault.

"Sir?"

He turned his head, grateful for the distraction. "Carter?"

"How is he?" she whispered.

He glanced back toward the bed as he relayed the update on Daniel's condition. He knew she'd have asked Fraiser directly before coming over to speak to him, but the ritual was comforting. Gave them all a sense of -what? Control? "Fever's pretty high, and he's still in a lot of pain. Fraiser says the worst is over."

"That's good. Can I bring you something?"

He smiled. Comforting. "Big honkin' iced tea would be great, thanks."

"No problem. Be right back."

Comfort. Control. She and Teal'c had taken turns watching him watch Daniel. Now that the Stromos-folk had been taken care of, SG-1 was on stand-down pending Daniel's recuperation. Carter was fiddling with the cryogenic chambers, doing her 'backwards engineering' thing, and Teal'c had started teaching a Jaffa-style martial arts class. Jack suspected that the big guy was using the class as a clever ruse to get close to female airmen in tights. More power to him.

"Jack?"

"Daniel? That you?"

The younger man eased his eyes open just a crack, squinting at the bright infirmary lights. Jack stood and flipped off the light switch over the bed to extinguish those immediately over Daniel's bed, and then drew the curtain halfway around to subdue the rest. Pulling his chair close, he said quietly, "You've been out a long time." It wasn't what he wanted to say at all.

"How long?"

"Well, you were about a dozen other people for two days, in a medically-induced coma for another two, and then kinda just snoozing for--" he glanced at his watch, "Sixteen hours. Give or take."

"That explains the..." Daniel waved a hand toward his crotch.

"Catheter, yeah," Jack winced in sympathy. "Sorry about that."

" 's okay. You can kiss it better--"

"Colonel?"

"Carter?"

"Daniel," she said, her face lighting up. "You're awake; how do you feel?"

"Dopey. Sleepy..."

"Not Sneezy or Bashful?" Jack interjected.

"What?"

"What?"

She handed Jack the cold drink. "Daniel, can I get you anything?"

Daniel poked hard at his right temple with his thumb. "Hammer."

"For the nail?" Jack guessed.

"Yeah."

"I'll get Janet," Carter offered.

"Want something to drink?" Jack offered after she'd left.

"Yeah."

Jack bent the straw in the drink Carter had just brought him and offered it to Daniel, who drank deeply. "Yeah, that's it. Work that catheter," he said, smiling fondly.

Daniel cracked the tiniest of smiles and closed his eyes again. "You can be a real ass, you know that?"

"Part of my charm."

"I know."

"How're you feeling?" Janet asked cheerfully.

"Headache."

She smiled and patted his arm. "I can give you something for that, but I've got to do a little doctor-stuff first. Colonel, if you'll excuse us?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. Be back soon, Daniel."

" 'kay."

Dr. Fraiser pulled the curtain the rest of the way around the bed, and began her examination. She opened the curtain a few minutes later and was not surprised that Jack had not left the infirmary. She smiled as she approached him, snapping off her gloves. "He's doing remarkably well. His heart and lungs sound great; I'll schedule an MRI for after lunch just as a precaution, but I have a feeling that we can stop worrying about barbiturate side effects. I've taken the catheter out, that should make him more comfortable. I don't want him getting out of bed yet, but starting tomorrow, he'll need to dangle his legs over the side for a few minutes each hour. Since he's been immobile for so long, there's a slight possibility for DVT, or deep vein thrombosis, and the last thing we want to worry about is him throwing an embolism."

"Why's he still got the headache?"

She crossed her arms thoughtfully. "Daniel's had a rough time, what with the amnesia from his ascension and now the onslaught from the Stromos; it's a wonder a headache is all he's got. Give him a chance to rest; I'll bet the headache fades in a couple of days."

Jack squeezed her arm. "Thanks," and went back to sit by Daniel. The steady rise and fall of his chest told him that the younger man had fallen asleep again. No matter; watching Daniel sleep was one of his favorite activities.

~~~

He hadn't realized that he'd fallen asleep until Teal'c touched his shoulder. "O'Neill... General Hammond wishes to speak with you." Jack glanced back to Daniel's sleeping face, and briefly looked as if he was going to refuse. "He says it is urgent," Teal'c added, to forestall the possibility.

Jack looked back toward Daniel again, then back up at Teal'c. "Can you stay with him till I get back?" he whispered, getting up.

"I will," Teal'c assured him, taking the chair.

~~~

Hammond sat alone in his office, re-reading the memo. Not that this was anything new, the boys at the Pentagon were forever revising procedures and protocols and issuing amendments to previous standards of practice. Most of the time, he was able to side-step the more draconian of them because the Stargate program being what it was, things just ran a little differently here. The President gave him a lot of latitude in most things, but pressure was being brought to bear by quarters unknown and as they say, 'shit rolls downhill.' There was nothing really to be done at this point, but he felt that it would be prudent to advise O'Neill informally of the memo's existence. Forewarned is forearmed, he always said.

He knew that O'Neill hadn't been in his office in two days. According to the log up top, he'd left the base briefly three days ago, and was most recently spotted taking root in the corner of the infirmary; nothing unusual about that. All four members of SG-1 had been known to be underfoot there if one of them was down for some reason, and Colonel O'Neill was historically the worst offender.

His command training told him he should've split them up years ago. His instinct recognized that their record was beyond admirable; that their extraordinarily close bonds with each other was more than just their strength, it was their heart. It was what enabled them to do the impossible time and again. It was luck, but it was also more than that; they worked as one. Only that kind of synergy could explain how they'd accomplished all they had and lived to tell about it. At least that's what he kept telling the Pentagon.

He also knew with gut-wrenching certainty that one day their luck would run out. But not today.

"You wanted to see me sir?"

O'Neill stood in the doorway, looking every bit as old as Hammond felt. "Come in, Colonel; have a seat."

"Yes, sir."

"How's Doctor Jackson?"

"He's sleeping it off sir; he woke up for a few minutes an hour or so ago; headache's still pretty bad."

Hammond nodded. "I'm glad to hear he's out of the coma."

"Yes, sir."

"You've been keeping some pretty long hours in the infirmary, Jack."

"Just taking care of my team, sir."

"That's what we pay Doctor Fraiser's people for."

D'oh. He had him there. "Yes, sir," he said softly.

Hammond sighed and fingered the memo, electing to keep the more punitive parts of it to himself for the time being. "You're mission reports have backed up again, Jack. I'm getting some heat from upstairs."

Jack pulled a contrite face. "I know I'm a couple behind, sir--"

"Try thirteen."

"Thirteen?"

"Thirteen. You haven't filed a single report since SG-1 found Dr. Jackson on Vis Uban."

"Well, I haven't actually... filed them, sir, but that doesn't mean I haven't been--" he cleared his throat nervously, "-working on them..."

Hammond smiled patiently. "I'm sure you have. And while I'll agree that paperwork isn't as much fun as working the front lines, it is a necessary evil."

"That's it exactly, sir. Evil."

Hammond shook his head. "Not kidding here, Jack. I need those reports finished and filed no later than Friday."

"As in... this Friday?"

"This Friday."

"Yes sir." Jack got up to leave, but Hammond's voice stopped him.

"You know, Jack... anytime your entire team walks away, that's a win."

Jack thought about that for a minute. "I know that," he said softly.

"And I don't think Doctor Jackson would appreciate your treating him as if he couldn't take care of himself now that he's back with us."

Ouch. "I know that too, sir."

"Let the man have some space to find his rhythm again, Jack. You can't do your job if you're distracted and over-tired," he chastised gently.

"Yes, sir."

~~~

Teal'c sat quietly and watched the sleeping man, a custom he originally thought odd many years ago, and one which now seemed entirely reasonable. He knew from experience that awakening alone in the infirmary following an injury was a disquieting occurrence, made easier by the presence of a friend. He considered Daniel Jackson to be one of his closest friends, although considering how their acquaintance began, it could certainly have gone the other way.

His musing halted as the younger man began to stir. Daniel's breathing sped up and he moved his head from side to side as if in a dream. "Jack..." he murmured.

"It is I, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c intoned softly, leaning toward the injured man. "O'Neill had to step away for a moment. He will soon return."

Eyes still closed, the young man frowned, and Teal'c was now certain that he was not actually awake. Daniel began muttering something that the Jaffa could not make out. "Can I get you something, Daniel Jackson? Shall I get Doctor Fraiser?"

"Come to bed, Jack..."

Teal'c straightened, trying to make sense of what he'd heard. Tau'ri speech lacked precision, and was filled with clichés. Often he was confused by others' attempts at humor. But there was no mistaking what the archeologist had just said. 'Come to bed, Jack'. He remembered that several weeks ago, Major Carter had noted that they were 'beaming' at each other... He had thought no more about it at the time, but in light of what Daniel Jackson had just said, perhaps there was more to it.

He remembered watching the body of his friend through the glass in the isolation room as the alien personalities came and went through him, each voicing his or her own concern or apprehension at their predicament. He had feared that there would be no way to free his friend from the unfortunate condition that had befallen him. The coma state that followed had also been worrisome, but more so for O'Neill, he suspected. He knew that their leader took the welfare of his team personally, and blamed himself any time one of them ended up in the infirmary. Not leadership qualities that were typically found on Chulak-or Earth, for that matter-- but ones that were unique to O'Neill, and that Teal'c and the rest of SG-1 had become accustomed to after seven years.

"Oh god, Jack..." the sleeping man muttered again.

"O'Neill was called away, Daniel Jackson; can I get you something?" the Jaffa said softly.

"Such a fucking tease..." the voice was barely a whisper, and somewhat slurred.

Teal'c' arched an eyebrow and looked over his shoulder at the nursing staff quietly going about their business. None of them seemed to have noticed that Daniel Jackson was speaking.

Teal'c mentally ran through the last several missions, looking for something that would tell him that the relationship between O'Neill and Daniel Jackson had changed, but could find nothing; they argued no more or less than they ever had. He did not feel as if either man acted differently than he ever had toward the other. And Daniel Jackson himself had told them on Argos that he was currently in a relationship with someone.

He knew enough about the ways of the Tau'ri to know that romantic relationships between members of the same gender were not generally accepted. He knew also that the Tau'ri military forbade such relationships within a command structure, regardless of gender. Teal'c was certain that O'Neill would not risk either offense and concluded that it was the drugs in Daniel Jackson's system that were talking, and it would probably be best for all concerned if the words were forgotten.

"Did I hear Doctor Jackson waking up?" Doctor Fraiser asked softly behind him.

"You did not; he said nothing intelligible."

The doctor patted Teal'c's shoulder. "Do me a favor? When Colonel O'Neill comes back in, see if you can talk him into getting some rest. The way he's going, I'm going to have to put him in the bed next to Daniel's for exhaustion."

Teal'c bowed his head in concurrence. "I shall endeavor to be convincing."

~~~

"Back to bed, please," Doctor Fraiser clucked as she strode past Daniel's bed.

"Aw Mom, five more minutes..." Daniel whined, continuing to dangle his legs over the side of the infirmary bed.

She bit her cheek to keep from laughing and kept walking with her purposeful gait. "You heard me young man. Don't make me call the General to turn you over his knee."

Well... that was certainly a picture. Daniel smiled. "Yes, Mom..." and swung his legs back onto the bed. He laid his head back onto the inclined pillows and heaved a deep sigh. He was so tired. The flaring pain in his head had faded to a dull ache now, but his entire body felt absolutely leaden. Janet assured him that it would take about a week for all of the barbiturate to be purged from his system, and that no amount of pushing would hurry the natural half-life of the drug.

He closed his eyes, remembering Jack's weary face this morning after breakfast. He'd been sitting beside him for almost twenty-four hours before Hammond had shamed him into finishing the backlogged mission reports, and he looked like hell. Daniel had put on a convincing display of 'fine-ness' and joined with Fraiser and Teal'c to persuade Jack to go home and get some sleep. Jack had finally relented when it became clear that his own freedom was in danger of being medically curtailed.

On the whole, Daniel was doing alright. He dangled his legs obediently, even though he'd shown no signs of developing the clots Fraiser was worried about. His MRI last night and his EEG this morning were both back to normal. He didn't even feel groggy anymore, just physically wiped out. Fraiser had promised that if he was good, she'd let him go home after dinner tonight so he could sleep in his own bed; she refused to talk about when he'd be cleared for duty until some time next week. A week off; now that was going to be a hardship...

~~~

"It's not a problem, Daniel, don't worry about it. Think of it as self-preservation. When the Colonel finds out you were discharged and that no one called him, he's gonna hit the roof. With me driving you home, we can both avoid some of the fallout; think how pissed off he'd be if we let some SFs drive you home."

Daniel shook his head. "The wrath of Colonel Mother Hen..."

"Exactly." Sam slid the gearshift into park and turned off the key. "Here we are." She swung around the Volvo and opened his door. "Need a hand up?"

"I got it," he said, steadying himself with a hand on the roof of her car till his dizziness faded. "God, that's a long sidewalk..." he said tiredly, appraising the long walkway that led to his house.

She looked at him and frowned. "Do you want me to call her to come take care of you?"

"Who?"

She grinned. "Who? Your woman. 'Miss love-bites', that's who."

"Ah... no. No, she's not here, she's abroad."

"Abroad?"

"Un-huh. At a symposium. In Belgium."

"Belgium?"

"Yeah..." he realized that Sam was going to continue to ask questions about 'his woman' unless he gave her something else to think about. He took a step away from the car and let the dizziness take him down.

"Whoa--" Sam said as he started toward the ground like a sack of hammers. She grabbed his wrist and pulled his arm across her shoulders and eased him back up beside her, her arm around his waist. "Here, lean on me." They took their time walking up the sidewalk and the two steps to Daniel's front door, but he was still out of breath when he got there. She propped him against the wall and took the keys he offered her and opened the front door. A minute later, he was pale and panting on his couch. "You want something to drink?"

"Yeah, that'd be great. Should be soda in the fridge."

Sam tossed his keys on the end table and went in search of beverage, returning with a can of root beer which she opened and handed him. He took a long drink and held the cold can to his forehead. "Aren't you gonna join me?"

"Uh-uh. I've got strict instructions to put you to bed and then skedaddle to let you rest."

" 'Skedaddle'?"

She shrugged. "One of my mom's expressions."

He smiled tiredly. "Okay, mission accomplished. Feel free to skedaddle."

She shook her head. "Nope. Got to see you actually in the bed, Daniel. Fraiser made me swear on my oath as an officer."

He frowned. "Sounds like she means business, then," he said, handing her the can. "You bring this." She took the can, and then his elbow, and helped him off the couch, propelling him gently toward his bedroom. He kicked off his shoes as he went, and stripped off his shirt, tossing it onto the chair in the corner of the room, and grabbing a pair of pajama bottoms off the end of the bed on his way into the bathroom.

Two minutes later, he appeared from the bathroom, smelling vaguely of mint, and shuffled sleepily toward the bed which Sam had turned down for him. She tucked him in and turned off the light. Looking down at his exhausted form, she felt a wave of sisterly affection for him and bent down to kiss his cheek.

"G'nite Daniel," she whispered.

"Nite, Sam..." he muttered, already near sleep. He heard her let herself out his front door, and he sighed heavily. He'd been taken off guard by her questions and had struggled to find a plausible reason why 'his woman' couldn't come take care of him. Having to lie to Sam about his non-existent girlfriend made his stomach ache with guilt. He'd have to sit down and deliberately construct a believable make-believe persona for this girlfriend so that the next time Sam asked questions, he'd be ready. He wasn't very good at lying, and she was damn smart. The weight of the lies had suddenly gotten much heavier.

~~~

Jack had forwarded his home phone number to his cellphone so that he'd get the call if it was made. When he saw Carter's Volvo slide along the curb in front of Daniel's house, he knew they'd decided not to call him. He wasn't surprised; he'd rant about that in the morning, just so they knew he cared, but he really wasn't surprised. He was parked on the hill three streets over, and peering down at Daniel's front door with a pair of night-vision binoculars he's smuggled out of the mountain. He waited for her to leave, and then he waited another hour, just to make sure that Carter hadn't been headed to the store for something intending to return.

Satisfied that Carter wasn't coming back tonight, he locked his truck and made his way on foot in the darkness to Daniel's house. He slipped in through the front door using his key, and then re-locked it silently. Slowly, he made his way to Daniel's bedroom and stood there for some minutes, letting his breathing even out and watching Daniel sleep. He then stripped and slid into bed behind him, curling himself around the sleeping form of his lover, pulling the warm body back gently to his chest, Daniel's head pillowed naturally on Jack's bicep. He closed his eyes, and let the feel of Daniel in his arms wash over him.

"Wondered when you'd get here," Daniel said sleepily.

Jack smiled. "Thanks for letting me know you'd been sprung."

"Ja-ack... I tried, they wouldn't let me. Said you were dead on your feet."

"Fine now," he breathed.

Daniel smiled. "Wanna make love?"

"No, Danny, go back to sleep. I just want to hold you."

Daniel snuggled back into the warm cocoon of Jack's embrace and sighed. "In the morning?"

"Yeah. In the morning."

"G'night, Jack."

"Nite, Danny," Jack whispered. After a few minutes, he heard Daniel's breathing even out, and knew the younger man was asleep. He felt the strong heartbeat underneath his hand and the warmth of Daniel's skin against every part of his body and he knew he could finally relax. Against his will, stinging tears started to fall; tears he'd been holding back since his desperate showdown with Martice. He sighed. They'd survived another one.

~~~

He'd known that Daniel's fridge would be empty. Not a problem; better to come home to an empty fridge than one that reeked of spoiled stuff. He turned the bacon strips again and pushed the button on the coffee maker, then turned his attention to the eggs. He cracked the entire dozen into a bowl and started thrashing them with a fork, adding judicious quantities of salt and pepper, then set the bowl aside. If his calculations were correct, Carter should be driving up any-- The double car door slam made him smile. Yep. Comforting.

He'd been pleased that he'd been able to sneak out of bed and then to the Quik-Mart and back without waking Daniel. His truck was parked outside at the curb since this was an 'official' visit. He'd suspected that Carter and Teal'c would show up this morning to see to it that Daniel ate something and didn't try and do any housework. He tried hard to lose the grin and knit his brows together in affected hurt and pissiness. By the time the front door opened, he was nearly scowling.

"Good morning, Sir," Carter said cautiously. Teal'c stepped out from behind her and removed his hat, wordlessly holding out an offering of doughnuts.

"Nice try, T, but it won't work," he said gruffly, pausing for effect. "Unless of course you've got lemon..."

"Top left," Teal'c replied, arching an eyebrow knowingly, his smile slow and sure.

Jack snagged the one in the corner and took a big bite, powdered sugar dusting his chin and the front of his shirt. "Mmmmm... doughnuts..."

Daniel took that moment to stagger out into the living room wearing nothing but his pajama bottoms which were riding dangerously low on his hips, and stared myopically at the crowd assembled in his kitchen. "What the..."

"Hey, Daniel," Jack said brightly around a mouthful of lemon-filled doughnut. "Nice of you to join us for breakfast."

Clearly confused, Daniel squinted and looked around the room, scratching his armpit distractedly. "This is... my house... right?"

"Yeah. Find your glasses and come get some coffee."

"Coffee..." Daniel purred as he shuffled back into his bedroom for his glasses and robe.

"The sounds of a true addict," Jack muttered.

"I wouldn't talk," Carter said, reaching across the counter to wipe the powdered sugar from his chin. At his glare, she dropped her hand quickly and added, "Sir."

Jack pushed a steaming mug of coffee in front of Daniel and they silently watched the sleepy man as the steam billowed up from the cup and clouded his glasses. He let his face hover over the cup for a minute, inhaling, and then he sighed deeply before finally taking a sip, eyes closed in bliss. Sam chuckled. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah... I may actually live."

They ate breakfast, coming together over the food, but mostly just needing to be in each other's company. Afterward, Teal'c and Jack flipped a coin to see which of them would cut the grass, and who would do the dishes. Grinning, Teal'c stripped off his shirt and put on his hat, anxious for the task.

"You guys... you don't need to do that--" Daniel objected.

"I do not mind, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c insisted.

"What is it with you and lawnmowers, T?" O'Neill asked, smiling.

"A fascinating piece of technology," the Jaffa replied, heading out the back door toward the shed that housed the mower.

"So, no lawnmowers on Chulak?"

"Shren lahk," Teal'c answered, closing the door behind him.

Both Jack and Carter looked at Daniel for a translation.

"Goat-thing," Daniel supplied, yawning.

"Ah," Jack said. He handed a wad of cash to Carter. "Can you run to the store and pick up some stuff for dinner, cupboard's bare."

"Sure, no problem; back in a jiff."

"And get a couple of six packs of something decent," he called after her. When he heard the Volvo drive away, and the sound of the lawn mower humming in the side yard, he grinned at Daniel. "Alone at last."

"You wouldn't dare," Daniel said smugly, leaning back in the kitchen chair, his robe opening to bare an expanse of smooth chest with just a hint of dark nipple.

Jack resisted the urge to lick his lips. "No, I wouldn't. Doesn't mean I don't want to."

Daniel shook his head, but Jack was still staring at him. "What?" the younger man asked.

"Reality check," Jack said softly. Daniel grinned. "God I love it when you smile..." Jack murmured happily, turning toward the sink.

Daniel got up and poured himself another cup of coffee. "You almost blew it, you know."

"Oh yeah? How?" Jack pushed his sleeves up and started to fill the sink with soapy water.

Daniel tapped Jack's right shoulder blade on his way to the couch. "You've probably still got a hickey there. If you'd've won the lawn-mowing toss, it would'a been pretty hard to miss, and harder to explain."

Jack smiled, and his cheeks colored a little. "Oh yeah..." He went back to the dishes, happily reminiscing about the hotel in Woodland Park. When he finished, he dried his hands and joined Daniel in the living room, plopping down heavily in one of the over-stuffed chairs. Daniel's hard gaze settled on him squarely and Jack frowned in response. "What'd I do?"

"How 'bout you tell Sam to keep her hands to herself..."

"What?"

"She was wiping the sugar off your chin, Jack," he said seriously. "That's a little more intimate than I'm really comfortable with."

Jack was taken aback, and he almost smiled. "It's Carter, for cryin' out loud!"

Daniel's nostrils flared, and Jack could see that his lover was very serious. "The two of you have history. If you don't discourage her, she'll take it as permission and the touching will escalate."

The tone of his voice, pitched low and dangerous sent a shiver up Jack's spine, and the anger and possessiveness he saw in the younger man's eyes set a jolt of electricity straight to his balls. He swallowed reflexively. "Daniel--"

"Jack."

Jack's heart thudded heavily in his chest. Daniel had noticed Carter touching his chin, but had given no sign of it at the time. Jack wondered what it would take to make the younger man lose it completely; to step in and tell Carter to back off, that Jack belonged to him. For a long moment, he let the fantasy play in his mind, and the idea was so erotic, the images so stimulating, that his cock filled instantly.

'I mean it, Jack. I won't stand for it.'

'Do it, Danny; tell her I belong to you.'

'If I tell her...'Daniel warned.

'I know. Please... let's be done with this. No more sneaking around-'

'I can't have her touching you, thinking she's got a chance with you-'

'I know... I want them all to know that we belong to each other-'

'Your pension; this will ruin it-'

'I don't care.'

'If she talks, there'll be a court martial-'

Jack knelt at Daniel's knee and put his head in the younger man's lap. 'It's worth the risk, Danny...' Daniel stroked his hair for a moment, then clutched a handful of it and pulled it roughly back so that their eyes met. 'You are mine, Jack O'Neill...' he growled, and then kissed him savagely. Jack melted into the kiss, knowing that Carter would walk in and catch them... wanting her to-

"Jack...?"

Jack opened his eyes, blinking back a few errant, stinging tears of shame. He was shocked at how badly he wanted that. His mouth was so dry, he could hardly speak. He swallowed hard and cleared his throat. "I'll ah... mention it to her."

"Thank you."

"Sure. More coffee?"

"No, I think I'll try a shower."

"I'll just see if Teal'c could use some Kool-aid."

~~~

"You know, I was really hoping we'd get to meet Daniel's girlfriend."

"What?" Jack thought maybe he'd dozed off or something. Daniel was still in the bathroom, and Carter was unloading the groceries onto the counter and chattering on about something which Jack hadn't really been paying any attention to. The words 'Daniel' and 'girlfriend' had caught his attention though, and now he was struggling to catch up.

"His girlfriend. Remember he told us on Argos that he was in a relationship?"

"Right," Jack said, loading the beer into the fridge.

"I figured that he'd call her to come take care of him, but she's apparently out of the country."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Belgium, I think."

"Ah."

"Has he talked to you about her?"

"No, Carter, he hasn't. Sounds like he's been talking to you about her, though."

"Not really, Sir. That's about all I know. I'm just glad he's found someone who can make him happy."

"Yeah, me too," Jack said evenly, the irony etching painful arcs through his belly. He popped open one of the beers; it was almost eleven AM, after all, and god knows he needed it. "So, does this mean you can get a life now too, Carter?"

"I have--" she stopped, acknowledged his squinting stare and squared her shoulders, raising her chin defiantly before continuing. "... a lot of interests. Sir."

He took a long draw of the beer and glared meaningfully down his nose at her. "You need to get out more, Carter. Meet folks. Live a little. Life's short."

"You sound like--"

"Like?"

"My father."

Jack winced. "The Tok'Ra or the General?"

"Yes."

He frowned. "Get out there and date, Carter," he warned, draining the beer and tossing the bottle in the trash.

"Is that an order, sir?"

"Would it help?"

"Not really, sir."

Jack sighed. Well, he'd tried.

~~~

"You okay in there, Daniel?"

"I'm fine... I decided to take a bath instead," came the sleepy reply.

"Yeah? Well, just don't fall asleep and drown or anything; Fraiser'll have my head."

"Yes, Jack."

Jack came back into the living room where Teal'c was putting his shirt back on, having finished the lawn. "You want some more Kool-Aid, big guy?"

"I have finished the pitcher, O'Neill," he said, nodding toward the empty carafe on the counter.

"Ah."

"Teal'c and I are going to see a movie, sir. Wanna come along?" Carter asked.

"Nah, you guys go ahead. I'm just gonna make sure Daniel doesn't fall asleep in the tub, and then I've got some errands to run."

Jack waved as they drove away, smiling to himself. He locked the front door and headed for the bathroom. The sounds of a draining bathtub came through the closed door clearly. He knocked. "They're gone," he said suggestively.

"L'm lahshng," was the muffled reply.

"What?"

"I'm flossing," Daniel repeated, enunciating deliberately.

"Okay, so open up, I gotta pee--" Jack said, opening the door.

"Jack-do you mind?" Daniel objected, stopping the door with his foot. He was clad only in a towel.

"What's the big secret, Daniel? I've seen dental hygiene before, and I really gotta go--"

"I'd like to leave a little mystery in our relationship, if you don't mind." He sounded more than a little pissy.

"Mystery?" Jack snorted, forgetting his bladder for a moment. "Daniel, I've had my tongue in your ass!"

Daniel sighed deeply. "You're missing the point."

"Which is?"
"Familiarity breeds contempt, Jack. If everything becomes too familiar between us, you won't find me sexy anymore. Every time we start to make love, you'll picture me with floss in my teeth. Not to mention the fact that watching you pee doesn't really turn me on. Now go away." He pushed Jack in the chest and closed the door unceremoniously between them.

Jack stood there for a minute, trying to make sense of what just happened. He frowned and spoke into the door. "So... just so I'm clear on this... when the sex gets routine, we'll have flossing to fall back on to heat up our relationship?"

Daniel opened the door and swept past him toward the bed. "Sometimes you're really impossible, you know that?" he snapped petulantly as the older man took his turn in the bathroom.

Jack had to really concentrate to keep from chuckling. He flushed and washed his hands. "Just want to make sure I'm keepin' up, Daniel. So far, it sounds like flossing is more intimate than rimming--"

Daniel harrumphed, tossing his wet towel in Jack's direction, leaving him beautifully and temptingly nude. "Would you please just shut up and come over here and fuck me?"

Jack grinned, kicking off his shoes, and walked up the bed on his knees. "I dunno, Daniel... I think if you really loved me, you'd let me floss you..."

~~~

They'd made love slowly and gently, and Jack spent a long time kissing and licking the deep bruises that ran all along Daniel's waist from the restraints. Martice's ranting fits had forced the orderlies to cinch down the leather until it had chaffed Daniel's hipbones raw in places. They lay together afterward, lazily stroking warm skin still humming from orgasm, content just to hold and be held.

"Did you mean what you said the other day?" Daniel asked softly.

"About...?"

"Me being the other half of your soul?" In the fantasy that Daniel had spun, Jack had given this as the reason he would give Hammond for retiring.

Jack frowned. The statement was so true that it hurt him to think about it. He'd uttered it in the throes of wildly stimulating sex, and although it was the truth of his heart, he now wished he'd never spoken it aloud.

He was starting to realize that-so deeply was he in love with Daniel--he was dangerously close to losing control of his identity as an Air Force colonel. He'd spent decades crafting a persona that allowed him to perform his duties efficiently and dispassionately, and he feared that his complete obsession with Daniel would finally be his undoing; that just loving this peaceful man would do what four months in an Iraqi prison hadn't been able to... it would break him.

Silly romantic thoughts flitted through Jack's mind day and night, and he knew it was just a matter of time before one of them came tumbling out at the wrong time. It was getting harder and harder to stay focused in the locker room, and now to find himself daydreaming of sabotaging their cover in order to force them both out of the closet... It was beyond shocking.

He cleared his throat. "Sounds kinda sappy. So no, you probably imagined it."

"Ja-ack..."

"Roll over, Danny, let's get some sleep," he whispered, pushing Daniel onto his left side. He snuggled up behind him, and pulled the younger man tightly to his chest, closing his eyes.

Daniel sighed, but didn't object. He was still bone-tired, and there would be time to help Jack get in touch with his feminine side later...

~~~

They'd only been asleep for a short time, when Daniel started becoming restless. Jack came to consciousness just in time to feel Daniel go completely rigid in his arms and cry out, "Oh, God... NO!"

Jack loosened his grip on the younger man just slightly so that Daniel wouldn't feel trapped, and started to talk to him in low, soothing tones, trying to ease him away from the nightmare. Suddenly Daniel sat bolt-upright in the bed, covered in sweat and panting. He looked around the room frantically, as if trying to get his bearings.

Jack laid a gentle hand on Daniel's trembling back just for contact. "Hey, it's alright... everything's alright, Danny..."

"Jack?" Daniel spun around and focused on the older man who was leaning up on one elbow. Daniel's face crumpled into tears and he fell onto Jack, sobbing.

Jack slid his arms around the younger man and held him, stroking the lean planes of his back, trying to erase with touch whatever pain the dream had caused. "I'm here, Danny... whatever you need... you're safe here... I've got you..." When chills started wracking Daniel's body from the evaporating sweat, Jack eased the sheet out from where it was trapped beneath them and covered them both, all the while maintaining gentle touch and a litany of soothing words. After a time, Daniel's sobbing slowed, and all that was left were periodic hiccups of sorrow. Jack turned his cheek away from where Daniel's face was hidden in the curve of his neck and whispered, "You okay in there?"

Daniel nodded, but didn't move. "You should probably come up for air soon; too much re-breathing will give you another headache," he suggested gently.

"Not yet," Daniel murmured, still firmly ensconced in Jack's embrace.

"Take your time. We've got all day..." They lay together for what seemed like a very long time before Daniel felt safe enough to move. Even then, he only slid to the side a little, and rested his cheek on Jack's chest, still holding him tightly around the middle. "Bad one?" Jack asked gently.

"You could say that...""Wanna tell me about it?"

Daniel was silent for a long time, and Jack thought that he might've fallen back asleep. When he spoke, his voice was small, barely a whisper. "I dreamed... that it was all a dream..."

"That sounds complicated."

Daniel raised up on an elbow and looked deeply into Jack's eyes, his own, red-rimmed and still damp from crying. "You don't understand... I dreamed... that none of this was real... that you and I had never become lovers--" He swallowed hard, trying to stay in control. "That I was still Ascended... apart from everyone and everything I ever cared about..."

Jack frowned, and pulled Daniel back down to him firmly and locked his arms around Daniel's back. "Not ascended. Here with me. Here. Together. Understand?" He was gritting his teeth together, anger at the glowy bitch seething just under the surface. It wasn't until Daniel touched his cheek that he realized that he was physically geared up for battle.

"Jack..."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, willing his frantically beating heart to slow. He turned his face toward Daniel, seeking the warmth and reassurance of his lips. They kissed desperately, tasting the salt of each other's tears, needing to reaffirm the bond between them. Jack held the back of the younger man's head, to ensure he wouldn't break the kiss too soon; ever would be too soon, Jack thought miserably. They clung together, breathing life into each other's mouths, connecting the only way they knew how, for what seemed like hours.

"Stay," Jack ordered breathlessly.

"Yes," Daniel promised.

~~~

"So what's dinner?"

Jack pulled a bag out of the freezer and read the label dubiously. "Some kind of stir-fry crap..."

"That sounds appetizing," Daniel observed dryly.

"Remind me to give Carter a more specific grocery list next time," Jack muttered, searching the refrigerator for the fresh chicken the bag said to add for a complete meal.

"Hunks of red meat, Twinkies, Cheetos?"

"Yeah," Jack agreed, frowning at the package of raw chicken. "Guy food."

But it hadn't been half bad, they decided. Quick to make and filling, and the cleanup was fast. Not as satisfying as something fattening and additive-laden, but acceptable in a healthy kind of way.

After a short skirmish for control of the remote-which Daniel won, but only by feigning diminished capacity--they slumped together on the couch, Daniel surfing lazily through video input while Jack sipped a beer and massaged Daniel's foot with one hand.

"Gimme a sip," Daniel asked, holding out his hand for the bottle Jack held.

Jack shook his head. "No alcohol; that's Fraiser's First Law of Discharge, you know that."

"Just a sip, Jack, so I don't taste it on you when we're kissing."

"There's gonna be kissing?"

"There might be, if you play your cards right. Now gimmee--" Jack surrendered his bottle and watched the younger man drink from it. He absently wondered why swapping spit was sexy, but didn't question it as his eyes were drawn to Daniel's Adam's apple as it moved up and down his throat. He smiled at the warmth that started to stir in his groin. "See? I'll bet you'd make even flossing look sexy..." Jack muttered.

"Will you let go of that?" Daniel smiled. "But it does remind me of something I've been meaning to ask you..."

"Oh? This sounds ominous."

"No, just... wondering about stuff..."

" 'Stuff'?"

"Stuff. Once we're... y'know, 'out' and living together openly, what happens the first time you run into one of your buddies from Black Ops? One of those painfully macho types that measures testosterone by the liter?"

"Wha'da'ya'mean?" Jack asked, rubbing his thumb between each of the toes on Daniel's left foot, the TV completely forgotten.

"Well, a couple of weeks ago, you talked about trading one kind of prestige for another. You've spent your entire adult life defining yourself a certain way; within the military construct, the definitions of masculinity are pretty narrow. When you come up against that attitude in someone you knew way back when, are you still going to think about the prestige of having taken me as a lover? As currency goes, someone like me has very little value to that crowd."

Jack switched to Daniel's right foot and once again began to run his thumb between each of the toes, pleased that the conversation wasn't as ominous as he'd first thought. "Ya'see, that's where you're wrong, Daniel; beauty and intelligence are valuable commodities everywhere. Both in one package that answers only to me..." he grinned salaciously, "Oh, yeah..."

Daniel smiled, lowering his eyes modestly. "I see... While I'll concede that they might make allowances for your choice of partners if you were exclusively Top, how will your self-image hold up when they find out you're taking it up the ass from the geek?" He looked up at Jack pointedly, his expression deliberately challenging, his eyes lit with carefully banked fire.

Jack smiled, realizing that his own cheeks were coloring a bit in response to Daniel's words. He realized that Daniel was baiting him, but he wouldn't give the younger man the satisfaction of showing embarrassment; he met the gaze squarely. "I don't have a problem with being Bottom any more, Daniel. And if you're concerned that, should we happen to encounter one of these Neanderthals socially, I'd go out of my way to insinuate that you were in any way 'the little woman' in our relationship in order to garner their respect, you can relax on that score."

"Would you go out of your way to correct them if that's their assumption?"

Jack smiled patiently. "Would you want me to draw them a picture?"

Daniel smiled too. "My ego says yes; my common sense tells me that avoidance of the entire situation would be the most prudent course of action."

Jack searched his lover's face carefully and he took his hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss it. "Is this your insecurity talking, Daniel? Afraid I'll deny you to save face?"

Daniel rubbed his lower lip thoughtfully. "Yeah... maybe." He took another sip of Jack's beer. "Let me work on it awhile..."

And he would work on it, Jack would put money on it. Daniel was like that. He could evaluate his own weaknesses--sometimes too harshly, Jack thought--and make real changes. Not one of Jack's personal abilities, but one he admired in his lover. "Speaking of wondering about stuff..."

Somewhat surprised, Daniel said, "Yeah?" Jack still held his hand, and was absently toying with the pads of his fingers. It tickled, but in a sexy way.

"Do you remember anything about the last couple of days? Y'know, since the Stromos?"

Daniel shook his head. "Noise. A lot of noise, not much of it intelligible. My throat hurt a lot when I could get past the headache. Why?"

"I watched you from the observation room. All those different personalities..." he shook his head. "Your face, your body, your voice, but not really you. It was... disturbing."

"I can imagine."

"The sore throat was probably from Martice; he bellowed a lot."

"I'm sure that was attractive to watch..." Daniel said sourly. There were tapes of the entire event, he knew that. He was fairly certain he didn't want to watch them.

Jack shrugged. He didn't really want to go there; he wanted to discuss the little boy even less. "Yeah, he didn't want to give up your body. Toward the end there, I was kinda afraid he'd start blabbing about you and me just to get the upper hand."

Daniel nodded. "The one time I did manage to peek out, it occurred to me that was a possibility. That's why I stayed low."

Jack nodded and squeezed Daniel's hand. "That's apparently what saved your ass," he said softly.

"That's what Fraiser said. I was kinda hoping that the experience would shake loose some more memories from when I was ascended."

Jack glanced at him sharply. "Did it?"

Daniel shook his head. "Uh-uh." They were quiet for a while, the TV playing on softly in the background, unwatched.

"About your nightmare..."

Daniel closed his eyes and shuddered. "God, Jack. It was so bad..."

Jack squeezed his hand again, rubbing the knuckles with his thumb. "I could tell. Are you sure it was just a dream, Daniel? Not something more?"

"Like what?"

"Can she... glow you... without your consent?"

"You mean, was the dream really Oma coming after me?"

"Yeah."

He paused thoughtfully. "No, I don't get that feeling... but I don't really remember too much from the last time..."

"Damnit!" Jack exploded softly.

"What?"

"I don't know how to protect you from that bitch!"

Daniel frowned. "Jack, Oma's not the bad guy here; if it hadn't been for her, I'd be dead from radiation poisoning for real, and we wouldn't be sitting here like this--"

"As long as she stays away from you and doesn't come around asking for volunteers again, we're cool."

"What are you gonna do, Jack? Shoot her?"

The older man realized the folly of the statement as it related to his powerlessness against non-corporeal glo-beings, and he grunted. "It's ironic; on Vis Uban, when I saw you walking into the square in those flowing blue robes, all I could think about was 'Thank you, Oma'. But then, when you couldn't even remember... well, anything, I started to think that maybe she wasn't all she was cracked up to be. Like she was playing some kind of sick joke on everybody."

Daniel took Jack's other hand and held them tightly in his own and regarded his lover earnestly. "Oma DeSala's got more important things to deal with than some forgetful archeologist--"

Jack squinted. "Yeah? Like what?"

Daniel shrugged and smiled self-consciously. "I dunno; something. The point is, I don't think you should lose any sleep over it. I apparently wasn't what she was looking for, or she wouldn't have cast me out. Just one more thing to fail at, I suppose," he muttered under his breath.

"Hey! Knock that shit off! You didn't fail at anything; your only crime was that you care too much to stand by and do nothing, which is apparently all she and her glowy friends are capable of. You're too good for the likes of her, and furthermore--"

Daniel leaned forward and captured Jack's lips in a demanding kiss, and Jack was forced to stop ranting in order to fully participate. When Daniel finally released him, he looked deeply into the older man's eyes and whispered. "Thank you."

"For what?" Jack whispered back.

"For believing in me. That's important to me."

Jack shrugged. "Yeah, well... it's a demanding job, but I'm more than up for it..." he said and pulled Daniel back in for another kiss.

"And for what it's worth," Daniel said as he turned and re-settled across Jack's lap facing him to facilitate the kissing, "I don't think you're responsible for what happened to Abydos."

"Daniel--"

"Shhh..." the younger man insisted. "Kissing now..." He ran both his hands through Jack's hair, and was rewarded by tiny gasps of pleasure from his partner as Jack leaned up into the kiss. "Mmmm... this is kinda fun..." Daniel observed.

"Well, yeah, I guess," Jack said, wincing. He poked around under Daniel's butt which was planted squarely on his groin. "But you're a little heavy to be on my lap, Daniel; both my legs have gone to sleep and it doesn't give my dick anywhere to-ahh, that's better..."

Daniel smiled and bit teasingly at Jack's lower lip, but made no attempt to get off his lap. "We could always go to bed and finish this..."

Jack glanced at his watch out of the corner of his eye. "It's after ten, and my truck's been out front all day. I should really go..."

"Well, you could go, if you really wanted to..." the younger man whispered teasingly in his ear, "Or we could go to bed and I could fuck you long and slow..."

Jack moaned under the combined weight of his lover and his annoying sense of responsibility for maintaining their cover, which had seen hard times already this day. "You're supposed to be resting..." he countered reasonably.

"No, Janet said I was supposed to 'stay in bed'," Daniel corrected moving his oral assault on Jack from his ear down the side of his neck. "You wouldn't want me to go against doctor's orders, would you?"

"Oh god forbid..." Jack whispered, closing his eyes and letting the sensations build.

Daniel continued to nibble at Jack's ears and neck, not moving from his lap. He could feel Jack's erection pressing against his ass, and he wiggled a little to acknowledge it. "Go move your truck then, and when you come back, I'll take you to bed..." he whispered seductively.

Jack groaned. "I can't sleep here..."

"Sure you can; slept here lotsa times."

"I've got to work tomorrow--"

"Does that mean you don't want me to make love to you tonight?"

"God, Daniel, I'm trying to be considerate, here. You've been through a hell of a lot the last couple of days. It was so hard watching you and not being able to hold you--"

Daniel smiled. "I'll let you hold me all night, baby, but first... I really need to be inside you..."

"Ugnh..." Jack groaned, his intellect slipping further into his pants as Daniel continued to drive a wet tongue into his ear.

"I've been asleep for four days." Daniel whispered. "Dreaming about fucking you, mostly," he admitted, capturing Jack's complaining lips and kissing away his ability to reason. He used his tongue to stroke the roof of his lover's mouth, because he knew it drove him crazy, and pulled Jack's hand to his own crotch, covering his enormous erection. "I need you, Jack," he panted. "I want to fuck you slow and deep..." He used Jack's hand to rub himself, and he moaned when Jack gripped him firmly.

"There went my last fucking brain cell..." Jack moaned, pushing at Daniel's chest. "Get the hell off me so I can go move my truck..."

~~~

Daniel lay in bed and watched Jack dress. It was barely light out, but the older man's internal circadian clock was somehow synchronized with daybreak on whichever planet they were on, and today was no exception. Daniel stretched his arms over his head, letting the sheet slide off his chest and down his ribcage so that it stopped just below his navel. He knew how his biceps bulged when he did that, and he knew that Jack was watching him. He lowered his arms, expanding the lateral muscles in his back as he did so, and stroked his torso with the fingertips of his left hand.

"Do you practice in front of a mirror, Daniel?" Jack asked softly as he pulled on his jeans. He pawed through the pile of clothes on the floor till he found his own shirt.

"Why don't you come work out with me and find out?" Daniel answered coyly, sliding his right hand under the sheet to lazily stroke his morning erection as Jack slipped the shirt over his head.

"No chance," Jack said as he poked his head out the top of his shirt. "Much too dangerous-what the fuck are you doing?" he breathed, taking in Daniel's wanton gaze and suggestive posture. The tip of Daniel's cock poked out of the deliberately draped sheet, and Jack licked his lips unconsciously. Then Daniel pulled both his legs up till his feet were flat on the mattress, and the sheet dropped away entirely, exposing not only the magnificent cock, but balls already tight with need. The delicious curve of Daniel's ass drew Jack's gaze and he swallowed hard. "It's not going to work, Daniel..."

"Sure it is..." Daniel purred. "It'll work just fine... I'll scoot over to the edge of the bed and put my legs in the air and you unzip and stick it in..."

Jack felt the shimmy of arousal start in the base of his balls and work it's way up his cock, which was in full agreement with Daniel's assertion that it would, indeed, work just fine... "No time; I've got to get home and shower and change--"

"Hard and fast, Jack... I want you to really pound my ass--"

"Daniel..." Jack warned.

Daniel licked the first two fingers of his left hand and began circling his own hole with the tips of his fingers while his right hand cupped and massaged his testicles. "Mmmm..."

Jack groaned at the utter lasciviousness of the vision before him. "How? How could I have thought you were ever innocent?" Jack muttered, his gaze locked on what his lover was doing.

Daniel smiled, flashing the dimple that Jack rarely got to see. "We could do 'the innocent young linguist and the hardass colonel' if you want, but I thought you were in a hurry..." Daniel's voice was husky with desire, and even in the dim light of dawn, Jack could see pre-come oozing from the tip of Daniel's hard cock.

"Get your ass over here," Jack growled in annoyed arousal. He unzipped his jeans and pulled his already throbbing cock free of the material. Daniel scooted toward him and raised his legs obediently. Jack spit into his hand and prepped him roughly, then lined up and leaned his body toward Daniel, pushing steadily until Daniel's sphincter opened to let him in. Daniel's bed was the perfect height for this activity, and Jack gave one last, grunted little push and he was in all the way.

"Oh yessss..." Daniel moaned, lifting his hips just a little. "So full of you..." Spit was a low-viscosity lube and the friction was sweet agony. "Right... there..." Jack loved to watch Daniel's face when he hit his prostate head on. "Circle around..." Daniel begged. "Godyesthatsit... Faster..."

Jack was only too happy to oblige, and he held Daniel's thighs and rotated his hips to cause the head of his cock to torture Daniel's prostate continuously. Daniel threw his head back, the cords of his neck standing out from the exertion. "Find your happy place again, Daniel?" Jack whispered, not really expecting an answer.

Daniel's face began to turn red and his back arched. Jack continued to circle around for several minutes, mesmerized by Daniel's expression. "OH FUCK!" Daniel screamed as his cock spasmed and gave up its seed in long, pearly ropes that covered Daniel's face and neck. The resulting image was so visually stimulating to Jack, that his hips began thrusting of their own accord, pounding into Daniel's body mercilessly until Jack came hard, filling his lover with his own heat and passion. He continued to thrust lazily into Daniel's ass, even after he knew he was empty, loving the slippery feel of the tight passage filled to overflowing with his warm come. The pleasure was terrible and addictive, and he wanted never to leave. At that moment, Jack's whole life was centered in Daniel's ass, and what the hell did that mean, anyway?

He let Daniel's legs down gently, and then put himself away. Daniel's eyes were closed, and his breathing was evening out. Jack knew from experience that the younger man would be asleep within minutes. Jack rolled Daniel onto his side and covered him with the quilt that had been kicked onto the floor during the night. He lingered, gazing on the staggering beauty of a thoroughly fucked Daniel Jackson, and allowed himself a moment of arrogant pride. Then he quietly let himself out and started the half-mile hike to his truck.

~~~

Jack entered his office bravely and approached the desk with its brimming inbox, full of focused resolve and crisp, military intent. Daniel would be on medical stand-down for a week, and Jack planned on using that time to get Hammond and the Pentagon paper-pushers off his back. He looked at the stack of reports that the rest of his team had completed and were just awaiting his signature. He thumbed through a couple of them, giving each a perfunctory look, and then just signed them all, placing them in a neat pile on the floor.

Then he powered up his pc and prepared to wade through his own reports. It was slow-going, and after a while, all the wacky planet designators started swimming together. Several times he had to refer to one of Carter's reports just to jog his memory. After he finished the third one, he gave himself a well-deserved break and ambled up to the Mess for an early lunch.

Jack took his tray to a table in the back and started poking around the meatloaf and mashed potatoes which had sounded like a much better idea when he'd ordered it than it now seemed as it lay leadenly on the green Melmac plate. It looked slightly less revolting than it smelled, but then institutional food was like that. He lifted a forkful to his nose and sniffed. He supposed it wouldn't kill him, so he closed his eyes and shoveled it in.

That was the secret, then; closing his eyes. If he concentrated, he could get it into his mouth before his nose actually caught a whiff of it, and it was better still. Several minutes later, he was full and pleased to still be alive. And so concluded another successful meal in the Mess.

He pushed his tray to the other side of the table and leaned back to enjoy his coffee. That was a mistake, because coffee invariably reminded him of Daniel, and thinking about Daniel pretty much always gave him a hard-on, which could be problematic, given his current location.

An awful lot of his time these days was spent in the throes of considering some aspect of Daniel Jackson. During the times that they were apart, all Jack could think about was what would happen the next time they could be together or how it had been the last time their bodies had converged. No matter what planet he was on, he could close his eyes and smell the other man, could feel the wrinkled texture of Daniel's balls against his tongue, the articulate heat of his mouth as their tongues battled in a kiss.

His obsession with Daniel had gotten noticeably worse after he'd submitted to the younger man. Jack never would have imagined how he could crave being fucked. And yet, now that he'd experienced that intimacy with Daniel, he couldn't get enough of it. The feeling of being stretched by Daniel's cock, opened, breeched, filled--possessed by him--was unbearably wonderful. Being on the verge of climax, held there by Daniel's authority, the sheer force of his will, made every single aerial maneuver Jack had ever experienced pale in comparison.

There weren't sufficient hours in a day to have all the sex his body seemed to need now. They were a fucking machine; frequency rivaled only by his dimly-remembered Academy years, and still, he wanted more. Outrageously athletic positions, wild fantasies and all the miraculous things Daniel could do with his mouth, limited only by their imaginations and stamina and supply of lube.

He was, quite literally, high on Daniel.

Eighties pop-culture clichés aside, the stark truth of the matter remained that-however he tried to explain the events that had led them to each other-he now knew he couldn't live without Daniel Jackson. He'd even found himself spouting sappy declarations of enduring love and togetherness. He was a lovesick teenager in a fucking Harlequin novel, for cryin' out loud, wanting nothing more than to spend every moment of the rest of his days servicing Daniel sexually.

And if it had only been the sex, that would've been bad enough. A physical addiction was one thing, but this went so far beyond the physical, that it terrified Jack.

They were together now, heart and mind and soul. Jack never felt more complete than when they were lying in each other's arms after making love, and never more emotionally destitute than when duty intruded and forced them apart. He was closer to Daniel than he'd ever been to another human being. He'd never known this depth of feeling with Sara-not because he hadn't loved her, he had, with all his heart-but he hadn't known how to love her this completely, this well. He hadn't known how to open up and let her in. He'd been afraid to let her see who he really was.

But Daniel knew who he was, and he loved him anyway. And Jack gave it all back. He loved Daniel with everything he had; everything he was. It was an all-consuming, ever-present, almost angry need inside him. And it was devouring him. The Air Force had trained him to resist pain and mind-control and all manner of physical and mental torture. But none of his training had prepared him for the emotional cost of loving Daniel Jackson.

Everything else-the war on the Goa'uld, his oath to his country, his duty to Hammond and the Air Force and the SGC-took distant second and beyond. He knew now that he was so far gone, he'd choose Daniel over all of it. His objectivity was shot; his focus splintered, his resolve utterly eroded. That explained all his mistakes lately, the errors in judgment, the split-second hesitations. Fortunately, none were obvious enough to catch anyone's eye for official reprimand, but were nonetheless glaring in O'Neill's own mind. A judgment now so clouded by his feelings for the other man that Jack no longer knew who he was.

He couldn't explain the paradox of feeling so Alpha for Daniel one minute that he'd considered killing the clone to keep Daniel for himself, and yet so willing to submit to him that he'd happily relinquish all that he was if the younger man demanded it of him.

In the bedroom, these qualities insured wildly satisfying sex. Off-world, they meant injury or death. Or worse.

Part of him toyed with the possibility that their attraction to each other was the result of some kind of alien influence. If only it were that simple; a shot of some kind of anti-Daniel serum and he'd be good as knew. But in his heart, he knew that they'd been traveling down different paths toward each other for the last eight years; their becoming sexually intimate had been as inevitable as it was wonderful. And devastating.

It had been building from the beginning, this confusing mass of staggering emotion and loss of control. He'd seen little signs. But now that he'd sat down-away from Daniel and his hypnotic blue eyes and his amazingly filthy mouth-he could see the evidence clearly. The damage was done. His waking vignette about coming out to Carter on his knees before Daniel was the wake-up call.

Once he'd opened up to Daniel emotionally and physically, let himself dare to feel the myriad of emotions that his lover had awakened in him, he didn't know how to contain them, how to keep them from consuming him utterly. For Jack, it was apparently a binary situation, this emotional hell; it was either all the way on or all the way off. All the way on was going to get someone killed for sure, while all the way off was unthinkable. He didn't know if he could shut it off again; he knew he sure as hell didn't want to.

He would retire... let Daniel stay in the program for as long as he wanted... After a time, Daniel would get used to not having Jack at his six, and Jack would get over being out of the loop. Being able to continue to love Daniel would have to be enough... for both of them.

~~~

It was funny how a decision made and accepted could make everything fall into place. In the back of his mind, Jack had known that retirement was the only sane option for a while now. Every time he'd broached the subject to Daniel however, the younger man had managed to talk him out of it. Or more accurately, suck him out of it, since the discussions invariably ended with his cock in Daniel's mouth and his brain somewhere in his ass.

But not this time. Jack felt very calm and settled about the whole thing. So calm, in fact, that clarity of purpose had returned to him and he'd killed another six reports after lunch in the same amount of time it had taken him to do three before he'd come to terms with retirement. Only four more reports and he'd be caught up. He felt pretty smug with nine of them under his belt, and happily shut down the pc for the night. He left the mountain with the lightness of step of a man with a clear objective, and headed his truck for Daniel's house, letting anticipation guide his gas foot.

There was something deeply reassuring about knowing where your next hug was coming from. It reminded him of the early years with Sara, and he let himself muse about the similarities as he weaved through the evening rush hour. Of course, there were differences, too; some pretty major ones. Even now, there was a delicious ache deep in his ass from where Daniel had so thoroughly fucked him last night, and he clenched, sending waves of remembered desire straight to his balls.

He made the turn one street before Daniel's, so that he could cruise by and peek between the houses to make sure Daniel was alone before parking his truck in its usual spot three streets over. Seeing that the curb in front of Daniel's house was empty, he smiled and parked his truck and began his clandestine stroll through the neighborhood. He grinned as he approached the house, willing his burgeoning erection to subside just a little. The nearly Pavlovian response was amusing in a tacky kind of way, and it occurred to him that this was also a difference from his relationship with Sara; sex with Daniel was a given. They were both pretty much hot for it all the time. Sex with Sara had needed to be more choreographed, there had to be wooing and foreplay and it was never a sure thing until her legs were in the air. Getting an anticipatory erection for Sara would've been a waste of hormones sixty five percent of the time.

With a last glance over his shoulder, Jack tried the knob, and finding it open, entered Daniel's house, closing the door behind him. He resisted the urge to call out 'Lucee, I'm home', and settled for a quiet, "Daniel?"

"In the bathtub."

Jack grinned. "Cool," he muttered under his breath. He tossed his jacket on the back of the couch and started unzipping his slacks and kicking off his shoes. By the time he got to the bathroom, he was only wearing his shirt, and it was unbuttoned all the way down, the healthy beginnings of an erection poking unsubtly through his shirttails. "Hey," he said, opening the door just a little.

Daniel's smile greeted him from underneath a mound of soap bubbles and he focused his gaze unabashedly on Jack's cock. "You just gonna stand there?"

Jack came all the way in, closing the door behind him. "Um..."

" 'Um'?"

Jack pointed to the toilet. "I gotta pee," he said apologetically.

Daniel smiled. "Go ahead. I said it didn't turn me on, not that it turned me off."

"Ah." Jack proceeded to empty his bladder and flush, and then shucked off his shirt and stepped into the tub.

"Uh-uh, your back to me," Daniel said, holding his arms open. Jack complied, settling into the tub facing away from Daniel, and he leaned back and slid down till his head rested against Daniel's right shoulder. The younger man wrapped his arms around his lover and began to stroke his chest and belly with slow, soapy hands.

Jack just closed his eyes and let Daniel love him. He could feel Daniel's erection poking him in the back, and this confirmation of Daniel's desire caused Jack's cock to harden the rest of the way. "This is nice," he whispered.

"Um hmm," Daniel agreed, letting his hands stray to Jack's nipples which were just at the water line, soap bubbles piled up another three or four inches over that, which was just enough to keep them from getting chilled. He wiggled his toes against Jack's calves as he pinched the nipples into hard little nubs, and smiled at Jack's appreciative moan.

"I'm gonna spoil the bath water, if you keep that up," Jack warned.

Daniel reached further down Jack's abdomen with his right hand until he could just barely touch the head of the older man's cock with the tips of his fingers. "Shift left," he instructed. Jack shifted position so that he was leaning against Daniel's left shoulder, giving the younger man's right arm enough leeway to grasp Jack's cock fully.

"Dan-iel..."

"Hmmm?"

Jack gritted his teeth, in a vain attempt to staunch the flow of delicious sensation. "You'd better stop..."

"Want you to come for me, Jack..." he pulled at the organ with warm soapy hands, and Jack's breathing hitched as he lost all control of the situation. Daniel pulled at Jack's left nipple with the thumb and forefinger of his left hand while his right hand pumped steadily on Jack's cock.

"Unnnh..." Jack moaned. "Oh god... " he gasped, throwing his head back, his eyes closed. "Danny..." His hips began to thrust into the gripping hand causing mini-waves, and Jack arched his back as the sensation shot through his spine and down to the root of his cock. "I'm... coming... ohgodyes..." He gasped as hot, slippery fluid left his cock and began to mix with the soapy water. Daniel gathered a blob of it and rubbed it onto Jack's belly.

"What was that for?" Jack panted.

"You leaving me with a come facial this morning."

Jack smiled, still too blown away to move. "God that looked sexy..."

"You're a sick man, Jack O'Neill."

"Thank you," he sighed sleepily.

"Get up, you; the water's getting cold."

"It is?" Daniel popped the tub stopper with the heel of his foot, letting the soapy water begin to drain out of the tub, and reached around Jack to turn on the shower.

"Stand up, so I can rinse us off," Daniel instructed, turning on the shower. Jack complied sluggishly, and they were de-bubble-ified in no time.

Jack couldn't help but notice that Daniel's cock was still rock-hard as they dried off. "You got plans for that?" he asked, nodding in the direction of Daniel's crotch.

Daniel smiled. "Not really; you?"

"Oh, hell yeah!" Jack grinned as he pushed the younger man back into the bedroom and onto the bed on his belly. He grabbed a pillow and pushed it under Daniel's hips, and positioned himself behind his lover, spreading the muscular cheeks with his hands. He appraised the puckered opening for a second before delicately lapping at it with his tongue.

"Ohhhh..." Daniel breathed, resting his head on his crossed arms. "God, Jack... your mouth..." Jack hummed acknowledgement of the praise, and Daniel's hips jerked with the vibration. "Ooooh..."

Jack took longer licks, starting at the base of Daniel's balls and continuing over his perineum and then across his hole up into the crease. Daniel continued to moan with each stroke of his lover's tongue and he raised his hips to meet the loving mouth more fully.

And then the phone rang.

Jack continued to lap away, undaunted by the interruption, but Daniel mumbled something in disgusted Arabic and then lunged over to the nightstand to pick up the phone. "Hello?" This disconnected Jack from his task, but only for a moment. Jack lunged after him and picked up where he left off. "Oh!" Daniel blurted upon impact; clearly, he hadn't expected Jack to follow him.

Jack grinned, and continued his work. From the corner of his eye, he saw Daniel's jaw clench with the effort of trying to maintain decorum with the caller while Jack continued to tongue his hole relentlessly.

"No, Sam; I wasn't asleep--" he grunted. From behind him, Daniel could hear Jack chuckle into his ass. He tried to block the sensations mentally, but Jack was now insistently inserting the tip of his tongue as far into his ass as he could, and Daniel nearly lost it altogether. He covered the receiver with his free hand and glared back at his lover. "Will you stop!" he whispered. "Yes, I'm here--SAM!" Daniel tried to roll onto his left side to bump Jack off him, but that only succeeded in exposing his aching cock to Jack's insistent hand. He closed his eyes against the sensations, but it was no use. It was clear that Jack intended to keep assaulting his hole and squeezing his cock, utterly uncaring that Daniel was on the phone with his 2IC. She continued to chatter away about... something. He tried hard to focus on her words despite the outrageous tingling in his ass.

"Does it really need a full diagnostic?" he asked, trying to achieve something akin to a normal-sounding voice. He covered the receiver and let out a moan which he tried to muffle against his own shoulder. "Um hm," he said in a tone that he hoped sounded more interested than horny, and all the while, Jack kept working him closer and closer to climax.

"Uhhh... uh... I've got to..." realizing that he was too far gone to stop, he rammed the receiver down into the pillow and let the sensations take him. "Oh...my...god!" he murmured, hips thrusting frantically into Jack's gripping hand, spilling hot seed into his waiting fist. Jack finally stopped his assault on his ass and rolled the panting Daniel onto his back, his cock still pulsing tiny spurts of come.

The younger man picked up the phone, trying to get his breathing under control. "Sneeze. Sorry, Sam. Blow your eardrum out? Oh, that's good, " he sighed, hoping that it covered the fact that he was out of breath. "Yeah, that was a helluva sneeze..." He glanced down at Jack who was laying across his legs, smiling and calmly licking his hand clean of Daniel's captured ejaculate. Daniel grinned, and grabbed the older man behind the neck and pulled him up for a deep kiss, holding the phone well away from the action. They kissed greedily, sharing the pungent taste of Daniel's come, as Sam continued to prattle on about the system diagnostic she was performing. They grinned at each other, and Jack rolled onto his back beside Daniel, and waited for the call to end.

When he could politely end the call, Daniel assured Sam that he was fine and said goodbye. After he hung up the phone, he turned toward his lover and frowned. "I've decided that you're the devil."

Jack laughed. "Well, you being a recently celestial being and all, I guess you'd be the expert on that."

"I can't believe you did that..."

"What? Tongue-fuck you while Carter listened?"

"God, you're bad."

"Guilty as charged," he said, giving Daniel a light slap on the ass and rolling off the bed in one smooth motion. "Also hungry as hell; what else ya got to eat?" He pulled on his slacks and padded out of the bedroom barefoot and shirtless.

Daniel slipped on his glasses and his robe and followed him into the kitchen, yawning. "There's some leftover stir-fry crap..." he said, appraising the contents of the fridge.

Jack wrinkled up his face. "Order pizza?" he suggested hopefully, popping a grape into his mouth.

Daniel smiled at the predictability of the exchange and handed him a cold beer. "The usual?"

"Sounds good," Jack said, settling onto the couch and flipping on the TV while he waited for Daniel to place the order. When the younger man finished and settled cross-legged onto the other end of the couch with his own beer to wait for the delivery, Jack shut off the TV and turned to face his lover. Daniel paused with a mouthful of beer and appraised the unusual action, and Jack's posture. Jack's expression looked far too serious for off-duty.

Daniel swallowed, not taking his eyes from his lover's. "Ja-ack?"

The older man smiled. "Nothing's wrong," he assured him. "I've just been thinkin' is all, and I thought I'd share."

"Oh god..." Daniel's face fell.

Jack frowned. "Hey-I resent that; I think plenty of times."

"Jack, you never volunteer to share what you've been thinking, I've always got to drag it out of you-"

"Yeah? Says you."

"What?"

"What? Oh, just... hush, please? Don't confuse me."

"You're making me nervous, Jack..."

"Will you stop? It's no big deal. I've just been thinking about stuff and I've come to a decision." He looked at Daniel, who looked all the world like a man about to cry. He put his arm on Daniel's knee and tried what he hoped was a loving and reassuring smile. "I love you very much."

Daniel just looked at him, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"This is where you say something like 'I love you too, Jack, with all my heart'..." Jack said wryly.

"I love you too, Jack, with all my heart," Daniel repeated in a dull monotone, his expression unchanged.

Jack frowned. "You might make an effort to sound like you mean it, Daniel," he said haughtily.

"I do mean it, Jack," Daniel replied tersely. "I'm just waiting for the sound of falling footwear."

"No footwear, Daniel," Jack promised. "I'm just so fucking in love with you that I can't think straight anymore."

Daniel tried hard not to smile. "What?"

"You heard me," Jack said quietly. He looked down at his beer bottle as a distraction from the intense blue eyes. "Watching you in that coma... was hard. Made me know some things..."

"Like what?"

"Like I can't live without you, Daniel," he whispered softly. "Like... I can't keep my mind on my work anymore. And like... that's gonna get someone killed, maybe you..."

"What are you saying?" Daniel whispered, his heart thudding wildly in his chest and tears beginning to gather behind his eyes.

Jack took a deep breath, and let it out slowly, forcing himself to confront Daniel's penetrating gaze. "I need to retire, Danny... I need you to let me retire... I'm really serious, here..." Daniel just looked at him, his expression unreadable. "Say something."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I dunno; something."

"We've had this discussion before, Jack--"

"It's different this time, Daniel. I've really thought it out, and I even have an analogy. Did you ever see the movie Anna and the King of Siam?"

"It was a movie?"

"A musical. It was also a play--"

"You watch musicals?"

"Try and stay focused, Daniel," Jack chided. "In the movie, Anna goes to Siam to teach all the palace children English and the King falls in love with her--"

Daniel tilted his head, frowning. "In the book by Margaret Landon--"

"Daniel!"

"Sorry; I guess I'm still wigged-out about you watching musicals--"

Jack ignored him. "ANYway, she tells him it's tacky to behead people and that slavery is wrong and after a while the king stops beheading people and thinks about ending slavery and starts to fall in love with her." Daniel just looked at him. "Don't you see?" Jack said anxiously, pleased with himself for having come up with the perfect analogy to their situation. Daniel shook his head. Jack frowned. "His falling in love with her emasculated him; it compromised his ability to be a leader of his people."

Daniel frowned, not liking the sound of any of this. "Assuming that I agreed with your take on the deeper meanings of the story, what the hell does this have to do with us?"

"Don't you get it, Daniel? I'm the king and you're Anna!"

Daniel raised an eyebrow at his lover, uncertain if he'd understood correctly. "I'm Anna?"

"Look; change the names, it's the same story. The Peaceful Explorer and the Warrior, The Beautiful Young Scholar and the Hardass Colonel. It's the same thing!" He set his beer on the coffee table and began pacing around the room. "I've changed, Daniel. I'm not the same man I was eight years ago. Hell, I'm not the same man I was three months ago!"

"And I'm to blame for this?"

"Yes!" Jack huffed. "No. Not entirely. Well, yes, actually; you probably are to blame. You've made me see things... understand things... question things... things I thought I knew..." He rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. It had seemed so clear to him earlier, and he was explaining it so very badly now. He strode back to the couch and sat next to Daniel, setting the younger man's beer next to the one Jack had abandoned and taking up both his hands and intertwining their fingers tightly. He looked deeply into Daniel's eyes and spoke with as much love and tenderness as he could muster. "I love you. I want to be with you all the time. I don't want to have to keep leaving you the night before a mission--"

"Jack, we've talked about this; the Night Before is a compromise. I'm not ready to quit yet; I'd have nothing to do--"

"Oh, Danny, I'm not asking you to quit. I need to quit. I'm making mistakes in the field. My reflexes are dull, my judgment's not worth crap, and I don't want to be the reason someone on my team gets hurt. This is why the regs are there, Danny."

"But the Night Before plan--

Jack shook his head. "I gave it a try; made myself believe that it was working, but... There are too many times we can't do the Night Before thing..." He swallowed hard and looked down at their joined hands. "You should never have been alone in that corridor..."

"What corridor?"

"On the Stromos. I never should've let you split off alone."

"That was my bad idea; I talked you into doing that--"

Jack nodded. "Three months ago, I never would've listened to you-I'd've told you how it was gonna be... three months ago I had a backbone and some semblance of a brain." Daniel just looked at him, fear and disappointment written over every inch of his beautiful face. Jack cupped Daniel's face in his hands and kissed him gently. "God, I love you so much I can't stand it, Danny; don't you see that? But I'm screwing up in the field. It's time to let it go." Jack saw tears starting to fill Daniel's eyes, and it killed him to know he'd put them there. He pulled the younger man into his arms and held him tightly and whispered, "The end of one thing is often the beginning of another... let me retire, Danny. Please. We can still be with each other if we're discreet."

Daniel held onto Jack like a drowning man. "I promise I won't challenge your decisions off-world, Jack; I'll follow all your orders... I'll let you blow everything up and I won't say a thing--"

Jack pulled away, frowning. "Daniel, stop it! You could no more follow my orders off-world than you could fly. It's not you; it's me. I'm the problem, Daniel. I've lost my nerve for all this galactic crap. I've got too much to lose now."

Daniel looked at Jack, who was gazing at him with complete love and adoration. He'd wanted to help Jack break through his macho self-image and get in touch with his feminine side, so he'd be more comfortable with the softer, more romantic side of their relationship. But it seemed now that this plan had backfired on him; Jack didn't think he was fit to command anymore. Daniel struggled to think of how he could convince Jack that he was wrong; that he was still the commander he'd always been; that they could still work together. He took Jack's hand and started to pull him off the couch. "Come on-"

"Why?"

Daniel tugged at the reluctant man. "I'm going to give you a blowjob and you'll feel better in the morning."

Jack pulled Daniel back onto the couch. "Nice try," he said, smiling wryly. "I'm serious."

"So was I."

Jack shook his head. "Daniel..."

"Jack, if you retire now, we'll both always know that I was the reason; that will kill our relationship."

Jack frowned. "How do you figure that?"

"You'll come to resent me for taking away your career."

"I won't."

"You don't know that. And how are you going to feel every morning when I go out that door to the Stargate? Are you going to tell me you're not going to be just a little bit jealous?"

"Maybe at first," Jack allowed uneasily. "But I'll get over it."

"You'll feel frustrated because you won't be there to protect me," Daniel charged.

"Yeah, I guess. But Sam and Teal'c--"

"Aren't you."

"Daniel..."

"I can't believe you think you'd be able to watch me walk into potential danger every morning and not let it get to you--"

"I won't know anything about it; when I retire, my clearance retires with me. I'll be blissfully ignorant."

Daniel glared at his lover. "And when I come home injured?"

Jack swallowed hard. That hadn't been in any of his scenarios. "Then I'll take care of you," he said evenly.

"And not ask any questions?"

"Not a one."

"Liar."

The doorbell was all that saved Jack from having to admit defeat. He handed Daniel a wad of bills and tried desperately to think of a counter-argument while the younger man answered the door and paid the delivery guy. Daniel came back into the living room and dropped the pizza box unceremoniously onto the coffee table. Jack looked from the steaming cardboard box to his lover's angry face.

"Daniel..."

"Jack."

"Don't be like this..."

Daniel crossed his arms. "Like what?"

Jack motioned to his angry stance. "Like that." Daniel just glared at him. "What are you mad at me for?" Jack yelled. "I thought you'd be happy!"

"Happy about what?" Daniel yelled back.

"About no more 'Night Befores'... about being together all the time--"

"We're already together all the time; we work together! If you retire, we'd actually be losing time together!

Jack slumped down into the couch and put his hands over his face and rubbed hard. He'd done it again. He'd had what he was sure was a well-thought out argument, and somehow, SOMEhow, it had all gone to hell and now Daniel was mad at him. 'Maybe I should take him up on that blowjob...' he thought miserably, 'And forget any of this ever happened...' He dropped his hands and looked up at Daniel's scowling face. Even angry, he was beautiful... "I'm sorry, Daniel," he said softly. He stood up and pulled the resisting man into his arms and buried his face in the younger man's neck. "I love you so much..."

Daniel returned the embrace. "I love you too, Jack... with all my heart and soul..."

"See? Now that sounds like you mean it..." Jack said.

"I do mean it," Daniel replied, stroking the soft hair along the back of Jack's head. "I need to be with you... and not just in bed. Our relationship is more than just the sex, isn't it?"

"Yeah, sure," Jack agreed. "But it's more than the Stargate too, isn't it? Tell me you don't just love me for my P-90..."

Daniel laughed. "God, you're messed up..."

"Am not."

"Are too.

"Are too."

"Oh, no you don't," Daniel said sharply. "Eat your pizza." Daniel swatted Jack on the ass as he released the hug and moved past him toward the kitchen. "I'll get us more beer."

"Yeah..." Jack muttered grimly after the younger man had left the room. "You do that... that'll fix everything..."

~~~

Hammond had ordered the cryogenic chambers they'd recovered from the Stromos transferred to the engineers at Area 51, so Carter had put the remainder of Daniel's medical down time to good use by overhauling the gate diagnostic system. When asked for a status report on this project during the daily morning briefing, she said she was 'close'. The first day, Hammond had asked her what that meant, and she had proceeded to tell him. Jack's eyes had glazed over almost immediately. Daniel and Teal'c had continued to appear to listen to her, and after about four minutes of pretty thick techno babble with no end in sight, Hammond had finally waved her off. He'd postponed SG-1's next mission for two days in the hopes that she'd have it wrapped up by that point and didn't ask her to explain 'close' again.

That's when they got the call from Edwards that one of his surveyors had gone missing. Jack had assured the General that the three remaining members of SG-1 could handle the search and rescue on P3X-403 just fine, and left Carter at the SGC with her gate-thingy.

In the locker room, Jack waited until Teal'c had left for the armory before he looked around casually to make sure he and Daniel were alone, at least in the immediate vicinity. Then he leaned over and whispered, "Belgium, Daniel?"

Daniel looked confused for a minute. "Huh? Oh, right. Sam... What was I supposed to do? She wanted to know why 'my woman' wasn't coming to take care of me. I had to think of something." He continued to adjust the thigh-straps on his holster.

"Ah," Jack said, bending over to lace his boots.

"She, um, talked to you about it?"

"Yeah. Said she was glad you'd found someone who could make you happy." He glanced up to see Daniel's tiny smile, and it made him smile to see it. A small, cold lump formed in Jack's gut, like foreboding, and it drained all the joy from his smile. He turned away so that Daniel wouldn't see it and zipped up his vest. "You ready?"

"Yep."

~~~

Major Lorne met them at the 'gate. "Colonel Edwards is at Base Camp, sir; this way, gentlemen," he said, indicating a cluster of rudimentary outbuildings in the distance.

"Lead on, Major," Jack acknowledged, adjusting his sunglasses against the glare. They fell in behind the Major, and Jack took note that Daniel was wearing the green bandanna again. Damn, he really missed the boonie... He shook off the errant thought and tried to focus on the task at hand. This was another one where they hadn't had the luxury of sleeping apart the night before, and Jack's head-not to mention his libido-was still back in bed with Daniel. He let his brain make one last trip down memory lane as he remembered Daniel on his knees, legs spread wide, begging Jack to fuck him harder, sending him spiraling to his happy place for what seemed like forever, Daniel's come covering the bed as he screamed out Jack's name. Jack sighed. Indulgence over, he brought himself roughly back to the present as they entered the camp.

Major Lorne stepped back; letting SG-1 cluster around Edwards, as one of the geologists handed him the most recent survey, and then scurried away.

"I'm glad you're here, Jack," Edwards said. "We're not trained for search and rescue. And Ritter's been missing now for three hours."

"I assume he's got a compass and a radio?" Jack said, cleaning a smudge off his sunglasses.

"The planet has peculiar electromagnetic properties which make a compass useless and severely limit the range of our radios," Lorne offered.

"He's a good man and we need him back. Especially now, we think we may have discovered a significant deposit of naquadah," Edwards said proudly.

"How significant?" Teal'c asked.

"Well, we won't know that until we complete our analysis," Lorne answered. Jack briefly wondered why the man was being so defensive.

"The Pentagon wants battle cruisers and F-302s; we find the rocks," Edwards summarized, as if the status and visibility of his project would afford him some kind of special standing in O'Neill's eyes.

"And we find the rock... finders," Jack smiled, putting it all back into perspective tactfully, but firmly. Daniel glanced over at him and he shrugged a little. Military's version of office politics, nothing to worry about.

"There you have it," Edwards said tightly, recognizing the jab and admitting defeat. "Uhm... Major Lorne will show you where Ritter was last seen..."

"Yes, sir. If you'll follow me..." Major Lorne led SG-1 toward the path that would take them to the clearing where they knew Ritter had been setting markers. That took them past a long line of tarp-covered crates.

Daniel stopped beside one of the crates when he noticed something unusual sticking out from under one corner. "What's this?" he asked, pulling the tarp back a little. Lorne stopped and walked back to where Daniel stood, but said nothing. Jack watched the pair uneasily. "Artifacts?" Daniel accused the soldier, the tone of his voice openly challenging.

"Yes," Lorne admitted nonchalantly.

"You found all this and you-you didn't contact me?" It was standard operating procedure to send word back to the SGC anytime artifacts were found so that one of the archeologists could be dispatched to analyze them and make recommendations regarding further excavation. And on a personal note, there had been little enough archeology in the missions SG-1 had been assigned to lately and he would've liked to have been able to get into the mystery as soon as they'd been found.

"We were going to..."

"They've been moved," Daniel said tightly, more than a little scorn in his voice.

"Well, they were in the way," Lorne said, as if that explained everything.

Jack moved carefully between the two men when he saw Daniel's frown form, recognizing an explosion in the making. Just as Daniel's lips puckered in what promised to be a scathing reply, Jack reached out a hand and placed it gently on Daniel's right shoulder and said the first thing that popped into his head. "Daniel... go to your happy place." He waited until Daniel's eyes met his before he turned to Major Lorne, a look of warning clear in his expression. "Go." Without a word, the Major turned away from Daniel and the pile of junk and resumed leading the way in search of Ritter. Jack fell in behind Lorne, motioning for Daniel to stay behind and examine the artifacts to his heart's content. Jack knew that wouldn't make the problem go away, but hopefully, Daniel would get caught up in the goodies and forget how pissed off he was at the geologists for moving them.

Daniel pulled the tarp completely off the crates and began to examine the collection before him. He sighed, deeply disappointed that he'd not been able to see them exactly as they'd been found. He'd actually been pretty angry about the clear breach of procedure, and about to chew the Major a new one, when Jack stepped in. This was the second time in recent memory that Jack had used one of their personal, intimate expressions in front of others. Daniel wondered if perhaps Jack wasn't planting the seeds of suspicion deliberately, so that they'd be found out. He'd never have believed that Jack would care so little for their reputations that he'd be this blatant in front of people-particularly military people, given the potential for repercussions--but his behavior lately had given Daniel reason to think differently.

Suddenly, his eye was caught by the familiar, three-pronged shape of a pain stick. He clicked his radio comm open. "Jack, come in."

"Yeah. Go ahead."

"I've got something here you need to see," he said.

"I'm not reading you... say again."

Daniel repeated his message, annunciating carefully as if that would push his words through the static. "I said, I've got something here you need to see."

"All right. On my way," Jack answered. He looked toward Teal'c and the others. "You guys keep looking; I'll be back." Teal'c bowed his head in acknowledgement.

Jack trudged back to the base camp to find Daniel still rooting through the artifacts. He knew he'd get chewed out when they got back to the SGC for not letting Daniel tear Lorne a new one. But to O'Neill's mind, Daniel's throwing a fit here would've served no purpose and would've delayed the search for Ritter. When they got back, Jack would make sure that Hammond knew that the Artifact policy needed some reinforcing. In the meantime... "Whadda ya got?" he asked Daniel.

Daniel set down the item he'd been examining and selected one of the more telling objects. "Well, mostly mining equipment. Could be several hundred years old; hard to date it 'til I get back to the SGC." He held up the pain stick for Jack to see. "Remember these?"

"Ever so fondly," Jack said sarcastically.

When Daniel moved to touch the business end of it to the crate, Jack moved back a step instinctively. "Still has power..." the younger man noted as it sparked to life.

"Just keeps going and going..."

"I want to show you the truly fascinating part," he said, setting the pain stick down. He pointed to a wooden object, and Jack's eyes were drawn to Daniel's hands as they stroked the object, describing its function. Expressive hands, with long, finely-boned fingers that could grasp him and coax him hard in seconds-- "It's a yoke... capable of supporting or pulling great weight... evenly distributes the weight across the shoulders, and predates the harness on Earth."

"Fascinating... truly," Jack said, smiling to himself at the memory and hoping Daniel would hurry up and get to the reason he'd walked all the way back here. He'd been on his knees a lot in the past couple of days-fucking Daniel, his libido supplied happily-and his right knee was really paining him.

"Well, I was getting to the truly fascinating part. It's... it's too big, too heavy."

Twenty questions; his favorite game. "Meaning?"

"Meaning it wasn't made for a human being."

Okay, now he was paying attention. "Who was it made for?"

"Well, it's too small for a four-legged animal. If I had to make a guess, based on what I know about the Goa'uld, I'd say it was made for an Unas."

"Ohhh," Jack groaned.

"Now, we know the Goa'uld used the Unas as slaves long before humans. They're predominately cave dwellers, incredibly strong and capable of working in harsh environments... perfect labor for this kind of mining."

"This day just gets better and better," Jack mused ironically. He clicked his radio. "Teal'c, come in."

"Proceed O'Neill."

"Find anything?"

"We have not."

"Well, heads up. Daniel just found evidence an Unas might have been in the area."

"Acknowledged," Teal'c replied. Jack left him in charge of the search, while he stayed in camp as Daniel attempted to explain the problem to Edwards. He perused aerial photos the geologists had made of the immediate vicinity while Daniel went into the mine to get Edwards.

"Okay, let me get this straight," Edwards said, striding out of the mine toward Jack. "You want me to delay this operation because you found some shoulder harness..."

"Yoke, actually..." Daniel corrected him.

Edwards continued, completely ignoring Daniel's correction. "...that could be a hundred years old, built for a creature that probably disappeared or died off a long time ago?"

Daniel tried for calm patience and crossed his arms to keep from gesturing his annoyance, but this man's deliberate ignorance was straining his patience. "It's not uncommon for Goa'uld to leave their slaves behind once they've lost interest in a planet."

"We've been here for three months. We haven't seen or heard anything like what you describe," Edwards spat back.

"Maybe that's the way they want it."

"Look, Doctor, I've got the Pentagon breathing down my neck, I've gotta show some results..."

"Colonel, you don't understand--" Daniel interrupted, intent on making his point. "Unas are territorial, and when provoked, they can be extremely dangerous."

Edwards turned to look over his right shoulder at Jack who'd been listening to their exchange calmly with one foot up on a crate, propping his elbow, upon which rested his chin. "Is he always like this?"

Jack shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much..." Daniel glanced away, pissed off at being dismissed by both of them, but determined to keep his cool.

Edwards turned back toward Daniel. "If these things really are here, do you think they had anything to do with, uh, Ritter gone missing?"

"Yes, I do," hope flaring that he was finally getting through to this nozzle.

"Well, I'm not closing down this operation, that's for damn sure. But I do think we should bring in some extra troops... help secure the area."

O'Neill's radio crackled to life just then, notifying them all that the search for Ritter was over.

~~~

Daniel watched silently as the body bag was zipped up and carried away. He knew first hand the terror the man had felt at having been abducted by the frightening creatures. It was not a good way to die.

"All right! I want extra ammo for everyone. Keep your eyes open and stay in radio contact," Edwards bellowed at his assembled men.

Daniel spoke up when it appeared no one else was going to. "What are you intending to do?"

Edwards turned to face the archeologist, face lined with anger and impatience. "These things killed one of my men and strung him up like a scarecrow. What the hell do you think I intend to do?"

"Well, you may have, unknowingly, provoked them."

"We didn't even know they were here. How the hell could we have provoked them?"

Daniel walked back to the aerial photo of the area and began pointing to landmarks. "If this mine extends as far as your estimates say, then this other entrance would be well within the tunnel network. It's an alternate entrance to the same mine. Now, it has to be something about this area... this mine. They don't want us here."

"The feeling's mutual."

Daniel glanced over Edwards' head to O'Neill, looking for support. "Jack?"

Jack addressed Edwards. "Look, I know he can be a little..." he made small, spirally motions with his hand as he looked for a word to substitute for 'passionate', which, although correct, would probably not be the ideal choice for the current situation. Failing, he just pressed on. "But he's usually right about this stuff."

Edwards was furious. "My orders are to determine the potential of this sight as a mining operation. Until those orders are rescinded, I'm going to do whatever it takes to ensure the safety of my people. So, are you going to help me secure this area, or not?"

Jack thought about it for a minute and to Daniel's dismay, acceded to Edwards' authority. They paired up and started to move out toward the area where Teal'c and his men had found Ritter's body. They needed to establish a wider perimeter to allow the geologists enough room to complete the needed survey.

"I can't believe you sided with that idiot--"

"Hey-he's a Colonel," Jack snapped.

"Yeah? That doesn't automatically make him right," Daniel insisted. "This is a mistake..."

"It's his command, Daniel."

"He's never encountered the Unas before. He doesn't know what he's dealing with--" The rest of Daniel's point was lost in the sound of gunfire ahead. They both started to run toward the sound. The sounds of Unas roaring and underbrush breaking could be heard under the sound of automatic weapons fire. An Unas, wearing parts of a Jaffa uniform rushed out from behind a tree and slammed into O'Neill's right shoulder, taking him down hard. Jack rolled and brought up his weapon to fire on the Unas who roared fiercely over him.

Daniel skidded to a stop behind them, horrified to see the creature threatening his lover. His pistol was drawn; he would fire if he had to; he knew he was close enough to kill him. "Ka kecka!" he yelled urgently, trying to draw the creature's attention away from Jack. The Unas stopped his display over the prone O'Neill, and turned to look at the Human who spoke his language. Daniel repeated the plea, but didn't lower the Beretta. "Ka kecka!"

The Unas looked back at Jack and then over his shoulder at Daniel again. "Ska nat? Ka ko kecka!" He glanced back at Jack and then roared a command to the rest of the Unas. "Benna! Benna ka cha! Benna ka cha!"

The other Unas responded to the command and ceased the attack, and then began to drag off their dead and wounded. Jack watched them warily and grimaced, grabbing his injured shoulder. Daniel moved towards him, but Jack waved him over to the wounded soldier behind him. As the others ran toward him, Jack motioned for Teal'c to help Daniel evaluate the soldier. "Help him. Help him." Gingerly, Jack rolled to his feet, holding his injured shoulder close to his body.

"My men'll take care of the rest of the wounded," Edwards panted. "They're on the run. Let's take 'em now." Suddenly the forest was filled with the keening sound of hundreds of wailing Unas. "What's that? What are they doing now?"

Daniel came up behind him, having determined that the fallen man wasn't badly wounded. "They're mourning their dead."

Edwards ignored him and addressed Jack. "This may be our best chance. Come on, we're not just gonna let 'em get away, are we?"

"We're not gonna pursue an enemy into unknown terrain," Jack said firmly, still gripping his shoulder.

"Jack, you make it sound like they're capable of tactics--"

Daniel spoke up. "We've had dealings with them before. They're far more intelligent than you think."

"I don't care! They attacked us!"

"Edwards! We're NOT goin' in," Jack snapped.

Edwards pointed an accusing finger at Jack. "This is my command! You are here at my request!"

"You're in charge of a mining operation," Daniel interjected, fed up with the narrow-minded grunt.

"Your standing orders no longer apply!" Jack said firmly. "Now, let's take it back to SGC and we'll figure it out there."

Edwards gritted his teeth in furious determination. "Fine." Daniel glared over Edward's shoulder at Jack, the implication clear. 'If you'd've backed me up sooner, this might not have happened.'

~~~

As massacres go, they'd made out pretty well. No deaths, and only a handful of injuries, none of them severe. Harder to tell what kind of casualties the Unas had suffered. Jack was mulling over the situation and mentally preparing his recommendation to Hammond as they walked through the forest back toward the gate.

"Thank you for not killing him," Daniel said quietly. Jack glanced over at the younger man who walked beside him, but said nothing. "I guess that's what you meant when you said... that you'd changed."

Maybe he had gotten through to Daniel the other night after all. "Yeah."

They walked on a little bit in silence. "So have I," Daniel said softly. When he felt Jack look over at him, he answered the question in his eyes. "I was ready to kill him."

Jack nodded sadly at their somewhat reversed positions. "I'm just glad you still remember how to speak Unas..."

~~~

Daniel waited in the infirmary while Jack's shoulder was x-ray'd. Jack continued to grouse that it was a waste of time, that he knew it wasn't broken, but Fraiser had insisted on ruling it out. He had even waited while the burly orthopedist slipped the joint back into place, but even through the narcotics, Jack's scream had been pretty hard to listen to. The nurse had settled Jack's arm into a sling at the appropriate angle, but as soon as her back was turned, Jack made a face and adjusted it to a more comfortable position.

"So," Jack said, pausing meaningfully and waiting for her to get out of earshot. "I've got a doctor's note," he said indicating the sling with a nod of his head.

"And?"

"And unless I miss my guess, Fraiser's gonna tell me to take it easy for a few days."

"And?" Daniel knit his brows together to try and keep from smiling, but he knew where Jack was going with this.

"I think that means I get to Bottom for the next little while," he smirked under his breath, loving the way Daniel's nostrils flared in response. He could almost smell Daniel's erection beginning, and he smiled. "I love it when you get Alpha," he said softly.

Daniel nodded, but didn't reply, as the nurse had returned. She'd noticed from across the room that Jack had frobbed the sling out of alignment, and was trying to adjust it. "Ow! God! Get away..." O'Neill snapped, pushing her hand away. Talk about ruining the mood...

Neither man had heard Carter come in. "How's the arm?"

A little annoyed that Carter had also interrupted what had promised to be a thoroughly smutty exchange between he and Daniel, Jack raised his chin snarkily. "Good; how's the science project?" She bit.

"You mean my complete overhaul of the 'gate diagnostic system?"

"I guess that's what I mean..."

"It's going well, sir. Thank you for asking."

"Uh, if we go back to this planet, you're not coming with us, are you?" Daniel asked.

Jack looked down at his doctor's note. The one that was gonna let him lie back and be sexually pampered for at least a week, more if he could manage it. "It's doubtful."

"Yeah... that's too bad. I was kinda hoping you'd take command of the mission." He looked over to Sam by way of explaining, "Colonel Edwards has no experience dealing with the Unas."

"Nor you..." Jack countered pointedly. Daniel raised his eyebrows, as if he were considering a challenge to that statement, but ultimately decided that Jack was probably right after all, and he nodded grudgingly. "He's an okay guy, Daniel; he's just under a lot of pressure."

Daniel sighed deeply, deciding that one last jab was probably in order. Jack deserved it for the 'happy place' comment back on the planet. "Yeah, yeah. I... I guess I just spent a lot of time breaking you in, I just didn't want to have to start with a new colonel." He'd said it suggestively, not trying to hide the fact that he was baiting Jack. But the drugs were starting to take effect, and Jack wasn't biting. Carter grinned at the familiar banter and waited for the Colonel's reply. She was a little disappointed that there wasn't a snappy comeback.

"It'll be fine," was all he said. Daniel nodded and started to leave the infirmary. Just as he hit the doorway, Jack offered, "Just... try not to be so...."

Daniel turned. "What?" he frowned.

Fucking edible. That's what he'd've said if Carter hadn't planted herself at his elbow. He frowned, disappointed that his naughty quip had been truncated. "Oh, you know..." And then he decided to let the drugs have him, before he said something completely inappropriate. He lay back on the bed, slowly, habit rolling him onto his right side, which was coincidently the sore shoulder. He groaned as Daniel left.

"Do you need some help, Sir?" He held up his good arm and she braced herself so he could pull up on her and settle onto his back instead.

"Thank you," he grunted.

"Sure, Sir. I'll just get back to my science project--"

"Y'know, Carter; when I told you to get a life, I meant outside the SGC."

She winced, but judged that the reprimand would be short, since his speech was beginning to slur. "I know, sir, but this overhaul was really overdue--"

He groaned and closed his eyes. "Oy vey."

~~~

Jack was sitting propped up in the infirmary bed, sucking red cubes of Jello off a spoon when Daniel passed through. "Wow, you're really taking this shoulder-thing for all it's worth," Daniel observed wryly.

"Can never have enough Jello, Daniel. You're just jealous." He demonstrated, by teasing the Jello with his tongue before he slurped it up noisily.

"Yes..." Daniel muttered, eyes drawn to Jack's mouth, then glancing around to insure they were alone at least in the immediate vicinity. "You know, we really need to talk about this recent tendency you have for inappropriate remarks--" Jack looked right at Daniel as he used his tongue to dig a Jello cube out of the glass. "... and gestures, in public."

Jack smiled. "It's the pain pills."

Daniel raised his eyebrows. "I see." Watching Jack molest the Jello reminded him of the last time the older man had gone digging in his ass with his talented tongue. Daniel cleared his throat and tried to get back on topic. "So... what happens now?"

"Now?" Jack said hopefully.

Daniel shook his head. "With Edwards... the Unas."

Mildly disappointed that his Jello tricks hadn't caused Daniel a bit more disruption, Jack pushed the tray aside and slid down the bed a little. "Ah. That's up to Hammond. I think Vidrine's on his way down from the Pentagon."

"Crap. It's gonna be a bloodbath..."

"Just you steer clear of it, Daniel."

"I can't do that, Jack. The Unas are sentient creatures; who's going to speak for them?"

"Dan--iel..."

"Jack."

Daniel's expression was more determined than Jack had ever seen it. Jack sighed deeply. "Be careful..."

Daniel frowned. "Of course."

~~~

Daniel was pleased that he'd gotten Hammond's support for the negotiations, and was hopeful despite Vidrine's tagline about the use of deadly force. He'd managed to keep Chaka and Edwards from killing each other in the base camp and was keenly aware that if he failed in this, casualties would be high on both sides. This was more important than just the Naquadah. This was a chance to show the military mindset that violence shouldn't always the first choice.

~~~

Hammond had been paged to the control room, and Jack had tagged along. "Sir, we've got an incoming transmission from P3X-403; it's Teal'c," Davis said.

"Thank you, Sergeant. This is Hammond, go ahead."

"I have the status update on the negotiations that you desired, General Hammond. Daniel Jackson has requested that he and Chaka be allowed to go into the forest to search for the Unas unaccompanied."

"ALONE?" O'Neill barked into the commandeered mike.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow at the outburst and briefly considered not revealing the rest of his intended message. "It was Chaka's belief that they would be more easily accepted by the local population if their group was kept to a minimum."

"Anything else, Teal'c?" Hammond asked quietly.

The Jaffa paused for only a moment, then proceeded. "Although it was against my better judgment, Daniel Jackson elected to relinquish his weapon to me."

"He's unarmed..." Jack breathed, his heart sinking into his boots.

Hammond glanced at his 2IC before ending the communication. "Keep us posted, Teal'c. Hammond out."

"Colonel O'Neill, can I see you in my office, please?"

"Yes, sir."

Hammond seated himself at his desk. "Close the door, Jack." O'Neill complied, wincing at his own lack of control. Half of him-actually, more than half-wanted to just come out and get it over with. This had been the kind of thing he'd been afraid of all along. Dragging it out was just going to get people hurt.

"Do you want to explain the outburst in the control room?"

This was it. His opportunity to pack it in. Just tell George that somehow, during the last eight years, he'd fallen in love with Daniel Jackson and that the thought of him going into a hostile situation unarmed and without backup was like a knife in his heart. That the thought of anything happening to Daniel that would keep them apart-LIKE HIM DYING AGAIN-was more than he could bear.

On the other hand, they wouldn't be together if he was in Leavenworth, and he doubted that uncle Sam would let them have conjugal visits.

"Drugs, sir," was what he heard coming out of his mouth.

"Drugs?"

"For the pain. That's why I'm hanging around the base. Doc Fraiser didn't want me home alone on the drugs." Which would've been the truth, if he'd've taken the drugs that she'd prescribed. He'd been afraid that he'd let something slip if he'd been doped up, so he was gritting his teeth against the pain and hoping that the Unas-thing got wrapped up quickly. And safely.

Hammond regarded him for a moment, then let it drop. "I see. Then you should probably be resting, Colonel. Dismissed."

"Yes, sir," Jack said gratefully. He left the General's office, bound for the VIP room Fraiser had assigned to him and a few minutes of peace and quiet to try and regain some of his professionalism.

It hadn't worked. Being on the edge of the action but helpless to affect it in any way, was too much for him. He traded in the narcotics for something a little less dopey and went home, asking Davis to call him after the next check-in from 403.

~~~

The update came the following afternoon. He knew how Daniel would take the 24-hour ultimatum from Hammond before relocation would commence. Personally. Damn personally. And it would make him take chances; being backed into a corner always did that to him. He was completely committed to the peaceful explorer thing, and would be until his dying breath. Jack was sadly amused that this aspect of Daniel's personality was at once, one of the most infuriating things about him, and also one of the things of which Jack was most proud.

Keeping busy while counting down that 24-hours was really hard. His shoulder hurt. The pain meds weren't really touching the pain, but then he was only taking half the dose Fraiser had prescribed. He sleepwalked from laundry to TV to picking at the fridge. He tried to read the paper, but somehow, all the petty little Earth-bound problems held little interest for him in the face of what Daniel was probably going through. Unbidden, his mind supplied images of an unarmed Daniel alone in the midst of a herd of angry Unas and his gut wrenched at his own helplessness. No way would he ever have let Daniel go into that kind of situation alone. He and Teal'c would be having words when this was over. Time dragged with his life on hold.

~~~

The next check-in from 403 came the following afternoon. The deal had been brokered just barely within the timeframe allowed by the Pentagon, and SG-1 would be coming home. There was no mention of injuries, so Jack was hopeful that the typical post-mission protocol would be swift. So he opened a beer and waited.

And waited.

And had another two beers and waited some more.

At quarter till midnight, his cellphone rang.

"O'Neill."

"Where?"

"There."

"Twenty."

The shorthand had his heart pounding. 'There' was their recently-devised code for O'Neill's house, as it was slightly farther away from the base than Daniel's house, which was codenamed 'Here'. Daniel would be home in twenty minutes.

Goddamnfuckingtime.

~~~

"At least you didn't come home with scars this time."

Daniel's eyebrows knit with confusion he tossed his keys on the table and closed the door. "This time?"

"From playing with the Unas."

Daniel sighed. The honeymoon was officially over, then. He'd been home less than five seconds and they were already arguing. And not even an original argument, but one they'd had dozens of times before. Of course most of those had been when they were just teammates. Daniel realized that this was probably their first real post-relationship argument. Well, if you didn't count the one about Cindy Garret, which was really more of a false-start than a post-relationship fight...

Jack obviously still held his attempts at developing benevolent inter-species relationships in great disdain. Of course, in Colonel O'Neill's view, everything that didn't involve copious amounts of C-4 frequently was not to be taken seriously or given any merit whatsoever. His eyes narrowed and his jaw set, ready for war. " 'Playing'?"

Jack sat on the couch, beer in hand, and just glared at him.

"Y'know, Jack-- I thought we'd gotten past the part where you put down my work and call me 'plant-boy' and 'book-boy'. I really resent your implication that what I do isn't important--"

"I didn't say it wasn't important!"

"Then what the hell are you yelling at me for?" Daniel yelled back.

"Days, Daniel; I haven't heard from you in fucking DAYS!"

"What?" Okay, this was confusing. "Didn't Teal'c--"

"Don't! Just... don't," Jack snapped angrily, slamming down the beer and bolting off the couch toward the younger man. His eyes flashed dark fire and they brooked no argument. "Of course your work is important! But I have to think of it that way-downplay the danger--or I'd never be able to let you off-world without me. Don't you think I realize how dangerous it was for you to infiltrate the Unas clan on 403? How easily any ONE of them could've snapped you in two? I remember trying to free a herd of them from the slave traders, Daniel. They're carnivorous, aren't they?"

Daniel was taken aback by the abrupt change in Jack's demeanor. "Very..."

"GOD! Do you even know what it's like for me having to stay behind while you go make nice with the natives?" Jack yelled. "Having to trust Edwards to look out for you while I was laid up with this bum shoulder?"

"Jack--"

"And that first time, when Chaka had you trussed up for dinner... Don't you think I understood that somewhere along the way it changed for him; that at some point you stopped being take-out and started looking like a mate? Just because I don't speak geek doesn't mean I'm naïve, Daniel!"

The younger man took in Jack's furious expression and aggressive body language and understood that this was his lover's way of dealing with the frustration of being helpless to protect him and not fury with him for being reckless or condescending of his job or of his abilities. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "You must've been worried. I-I should've called. I've been on my own for so long, I guess I'm not used to having to be so immediately accountable to anyone yet."

That pretty much took the wind out of Jack's fury, and he grabbed Daniel into his arms and crushed him ferociously. "God damn you..." he whispered into Daniel's neck.

"I love you too, Jack," Daniel whispered, stroking his lover's back. They stood that way for a long time, while Jack breathed in Daniel's scent and came back down to earth. When Daniel felt Jack begin to relax, he pulled back a bit and held Jack's stubbly face in his hands. He kissed him gently on the lips and said quietly, "So much for retirement, then, huh?"

"Yeah," Jack admitted sorrowfully, and buried his face in Daniel's neck again. They continued to stand in the hallway holding each other, but little else. "It's frightening when I think about how many ways you can be taken from me," Jack murmured against Daniel's shoulder.

Daniel frowned. "Why do you dwell on that? You of all people should know there are no guarantees in this."

"I guess I figured that you and I've already paid out enough on that; that we deserve some happiness right about now."

Daniel sighed. "I'm here now. Safe. How's your shoulder?"

"Better," Jack lied, still not moving.

They stayed that way for long, silent minutes before Jack pulled away enough to look at him. Daniel wasn't sure what they were waiting for. Once he'd realized that Jack's anger was a manifestation of the older man's fear, he'd expected Jack to need the reassurance of his body beneath him; a kind of claim-staking exercise like after that thing with Jon. But he wasn't getting any of those vibes this time. Jack was stroking his face, his arms, looking deeply into his eyes, but there were no words. His eyes held pain, sadness. Despair, almost. But not sexual need.

"C'mon. Let's go to bed," Daniel said, gently, turning the older man toward the bedroom. Once there, he started to undress him. As he slipped Jack's shirt from his shoulders, he held him close and gently sucked the prominent collarbone. Jack closed his eyes and moaned softly. Ah, message received, then. Even after all they'd been through together, Jack still couldn't ask for what he needed. Daniel supposed that just letting himself be seen as vulnerable and needing was still an effort for Jack. Daniel understood now; Jack needed to let go of the concern and the fear that had gripped him while Daniel was off-world. He needed for Daniel to take charge and bring them back to each other.

Daniel suckled harder on the skin between his teeth. One more bruise among the many already on that shoulder wouldn't be too noticeable, and Daniel knew Jack wanted to be marked. Jack had been baiting him in public for days now, the Jello incident in the infirmary being the most egregious example of all, second only to Jack's rimming him while he was on the phone with Sam the week before. He wanted them 'out', wanted Daniel to claim him publicly. And if they weren't more careful, they would both be very much 'out' indeed.

And part of Daniel wanted to do just that. But there was still this nagging thing in the pit of his brain that held him back. Something he couldn't identify. He wasn't sure whether or not it was another illusive ascension memory or something else, but it continued to pull him through the gate. It was something he couldn't ignore. It was the one thing he couldn't give Jack; a part of himself he kept separate from him. He knew that Jack thought it was selfish, his wanting to stay with the program, but every time he thought about one or both of them quitting, his gut twisted in a way that told him that they were both needed for this journey; that whatever this goddamn thing was, he couldn't do it without Jack. That for him, Jack and the journey were the same thing.

He'd take Jack now, because they both needed it, but later, he'd try and find a way to explain to his lover that there was something ahead of them that couldn't be denied or avoided. That somehow, they needed to come to terms with the emotional conflict between their secret affair and the job they had to do. They had to find peace with it and move on or else it would tear them apart.

"I've marked you," Daniel said quietly into Jack's ear. Jack responded with a small sound that was almost a whimper, his eyes still closed. "Because you're mine, and I can.""Daniel..." Jack whispered. His voice cracked, and the tears threatened to come, but he stoically held them back. "Please..." he breathed.

It hurt Daniel to hear him beg for it. And at that moment, Daniel understood that Jack's need wasn't explicitly sexual. It was a longing so deep and pervasive that it was blocking out everything else they had between them. Jack needed to know that he was important to Daniel; that Daniel needed him. That probably explained why most of Jack's fantasies returned Daniel to the young, skinny, inexperienced geek he'd been in the beginning. When he was less physically capable, less self-sufficient. When Jack's protection was still very much needed.

Daniel was finally understanding how badly it hurt Jack that Daniel couldn't be satisfied with only him-that he still needed the gate for this vague, unnamed thing. And Daniel felt the guilt for that in his very soul. He bent slightly and bit the area beside Jack's right nipple, sucking hard, making another bruise. Marking him.

Jack gasped and threw his head back, the pain a beautiful reminder that he was loved and wanted. It seared its way straight down to his balls in a brilliant beam of dark joy. When Daniel's teeth released his flesh, Jack dropped to his knees and hugged the younger man around the hips and sobbed, pressing his face into Daniel's belly. "I'm so sorry..."

Daniel stroked Jack's hair. "No... never be sorry, baby. You tried to make me understand, but I wasn't listening... I get it now..." He pulled Jack to his feet, but the older man wouldn't meet his eyes, ashamed of the tears that had seeped through his defenses. Daniel turned the older man, and lowered him to the bed, pushing him backward so that he could ease off his jeans. He shed the rest of his own clothes and lay down next to him, pulling Jack's unresisting body to rest on top of his own. He kissed him tenderly, and noted that tears still fell from Jack's eyes, heedless of the fact that he had closed them tightly. Daniel knew with stark certainty that Jack was mortified for needing this kind of reassurance; humiliated for letting anyone-even his lover-see any kind of inadequacy in him. Jack equated the ability to command with being utterly independent, with needing nothing and no one else. Within that definition, Jack was right; his loving Daniel blew that out of the water.

Daniel rolled them so that he was on top, and didn't stop Jack when he turned his head away from him. The tears, now freed from his soul, would not stop, and he knew the older man was consumed with shame for what he perceived as a weakness. "I love you, Jack... with all my heart and soul," Daniel whispered as he covered Jack's face and neck with gentle kisses. "And I need you... to live..." He opened Jack's lips with his tongue and poured his heart into the other man's mouth. He trailed wet kisses down his chest and belly, circumventing the rigid cock before him and opening his lover's legs, baring the tender flesh of his inner thighs. He paused, panting from his own arousal, to explain what he was about to do.

"I'm going to mark you again, Jack, in a very personal place. Janet will see it during our next pre-mission exam, and you'll have to explain it to her in a way that does not compromise our cover; no one can know that we're lovers yet. It's going to hurt, Jack, now, when I bite you, and probably every time you walk or sit for the next several days. When you feel the pain, you'll remember that I marked you because you belong to me and that our love is the most important thing to me; more important than anything. And I want you always to remember that..." Jack said nothing.

Daniel pushed Jack's left leg up until the top of his thigh rested on his own belly, exposing his ass. He selected a spot where the back of Jack's thigh met the curve of his ass, right next to the crease, and right below where his ball sac attached. Daniel licked his lips and pulled the skin into his mouth with his teeth and sucked. Gently at first, then with more and more suction, rolling the skin past his barely-clenched teeth. He heard Jack gasp at the initial shock of discomfort, and felt his body tense as he continued to assault the tender flesh with his mouth. Daniel imagined the tiny capillaries bursting as the suction broke them, and found that he was intensely turned on knowing that he was creating a loving reminder for Jack, that he hoped would sustain him through whatever doubts he still had about their relationship. He knew it was a risk, marking him so intimately, but he figured that Jack's having to explain the mark to Janet would bring Jack some measure of satisfaction and peace. He was acutely aware that Janet could very well put two and two together and make the connection between his recent hickeys and Jack's, but he figured that the risk of that was acceptable since she'd be bound by doctor-patient confidentiality anyway.

"Daniel--" Jack gasped.

The younger man released the bite and answered simply. "You're mine, Jack; I have a right to mark you."

"Yes," Jack whispered.

Daniel admired his handiwork. The bruise was dark red, and about the size of a quarter. There was no way Janet would miss this or misinterpret it for anything other than what it was. Satisfied, Daniel licked the wound, noticing that Jack winced in pain at being touched there. Jack would be reminded of this night for a very long time, Daniel suspected. And when this one faded, Daniel would mark him again. And again, until such time as they could come out and proclaim to the world that they were lovers. And maybe even after that.

He then began to lick Jack's balls slowly, luxuriously, as penance for causing his lover pain. And he smiled when Jack's gasps of pain turned into gasps of pleasure. He moved on to the beautifully engorged phallus and swallowed it greedily, swirling his tongue in teasing spirals up and down its length. He continued to love Jack with his mouth even when it became clear that his orgasm was imminent, and he moved into position to be able to drink it all down. Jack came explosively, his shoulders coming off the bed with the force of it, and sobbing with the release of the pent-up emotion. Daniel consumed all of it, cleaning the head gently with his tongue as Jack fell back onto the bed gasping, both physically and emotionally spent.

Daniel moved up the bed, taking Jack into his arms and covering them with the blanket, content simply to hold his lover while he fell asleep. As Jack's breathing assumed his typical sleep-pattern, Daniel smiled to himself, pleased that he'd finally gotten the clue as to what had been bothering Jack all these weeks. He vowed to be more diligent in this regard, so that Jack didn't become lost again.

~~~

"How long was I asleep?"

Daniel peered with one eye at his watch. "About an hour. How do you feel?"

Jack made no attempt to change position or to look Daniel in the eye. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to look Daniel in the eye again after what he'd done--what he'd let Daniel do. "Like an ass..." he said softly.

Daniel smiled, not surprised. Getting Jack to accept what had happened between them would be a tricky business, requiring all the finesse and diplomacy of a Tollan presentation, but with visual aids. "Mmmm... I do like your ass..." Daniel said filthily, deliberately misunderstanding. "You could say that I love your ass..."

"No, I said--"

"In fact," Daniel interrupted, stretching languidly so that his erection rubbed against Jack's thigh purposefully, "I think I'd like to finish what I started earlier if you don't mind..." he slid out from under Jack and swam down under the covers, pushing Jack's legs apart until he could get his head in between the other man's legs. He rolled the protesting man onto his side and spread his ass cheeks open and began to stroke his hole with his tongue.

"Godfuckingdamnit, Daniel!" Jack hollered between clenched teeth. He didn't want to come again; didn't want to be that vulnerable again so soon. Daniel's answer was loud humming as he penetrated Jack's hole with the tip of his tongue. Jack started to buck his hips, but Daniel had him in a butt-lock and held on for dear life. Every time Jack's hips tried to buck Daniel off his ass, it drove his cock against Daniel's chest and belly in the most delicious way. "Oh my GOD!" Jack wailed, jaw grinding against the pleasure.

Daniel finally released Jack's hips and squirmed back up the bed, this time, fully on top of Jack. He covered his lover with his body and bent to kiss him deeply. "I need you, Jack..." he breathed, chewing at the other man's lips and thrusting his cock against whatever part of Jack's body happened to be beneath him. He'd spent the time the other man was napping thinking deeply lascivious thoughts and he was quite eager to fuck Jack's brains out. But he also knew that Jack needed to feel that this was more than rutting. "So long... I've waited so long to find someone who understood me, someone I could let into my soul..." His hips continued to thrust as he groaned and rained kisses on Jack's face and neck all the while whispering words of love and need and devotion in his ear. "Oh god... I need to be inside you, Jack. Feel your tight ass around my cock... please, baby, please let me make love to you..."

Jack was caught up in Daniel's litany of need in spite of himself, his earlier embarrassment temporarily forgotten with the lengthening of his cock. "Yes, Danny, oh god, yes--" He gasped as he felt Daniel's cock rub up and down the crease of his ass, the hot, dry flesh scraping against his hole. There was something dangerous and forbidden about this, and Jack shuddered involuntarily and put the errant thought out of what was left of his mind. He reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the bottle of lube.

Daniel hadn't stopped his thrusting and grinding and gyrating, holding himself several inches off Jack, all his weight on his arms. Jack watched the beloved face hanging over him and he enjoyed the view of the bulging shoulder and chest muscles shamelessly. "God, Daniel, here, give me your dick--" Daniel reared back on his heels over Jack, his rigid cock thrust out proudly. Jack squeezed some of the lube in his right palm and slathered it onto the straining organ. Daniel threw his head back and moaned as Jack's hand caressed him roughly. "God--you are so beautiful, Danny..."

Daniel dropped forward letting some of his weight cover Jack as he kissed him deeply. Jack pulled both his legs up and held himself open, encouraging his entry. "Wait... have to prep you--" Daniel argued.

Jack growled. "Now. Do it."

"Jack... baby, no; I'll hurt you when I mark you, but not when I make love to you, never, ever want to hurt you--"

Jack groaned, reminded of the intimate pain inside his thigh, and he flushed with pride. "Then push in slow; here, line up..."

Daniel lined his cock up with Jack's hole and pressed gently. The puckered opening resisted the stiff probe, but as the slippery cock tip began to massage it, Jack bore down; then Daniel grunted and the head of his cock popped through Jack's sphincter. The first flare of white-hot pain sliced through Jack's ass like a knife. He didn't cry out, but instead concentrated on opening himself to the welcome invasion. "Inside me... all the way..." he gasped, struggling to make his body relax.

Daniel continued to nudge his cock gently at Jack's entrance, and gradually, lubrication and physical memory won out and the older man's body accepted him and he slid home. "Ahhhh...god, Jack...so good--" Daniel whispered, holding position, his face buried in Jack's neck.

Jack wrapped his legs around Daniel's back, hooking his ankles together. "Yes..." Jack moaned, loving the burn and clearly pleased that they were intimately coupled. With his legs now gripping Daniel's back, his hands were free to move up and down Daniel's taut sides and then gently pulled the younger man's head out of the crook of his neck so they were face to face. "You are everything to me," Jack whispered, joy and peace and love exuding from every pore.

Daniel smiled. "I'm so lucky to have you... " he answered, kissing him tenderly on the lips. "God, Jack, I love kissing you while I'm inside your body. When we're joined this way, I can bare my soul to you; I've never been this naked with anyone... I know I can trust you with my heart. We're together and nothing else matters." He pulled out a little, and then slid back in gently, rotating his hips just a little at the end of the arc so that the tip of his cock just barely tapped Jack's prostate.

Jack hummed appreciatively, his lips parted just a little, his eyes dreamy with the knowledge of the slow buildup ahead. Then Daniel sighed and settled on top of him. Not all his weight, but just enough so that Jack knew the delicious buildup had just taken a hiatus. "What's wrong?"

"Mmmm nothing. I really love laying here inside you. On top of you... feeling your body beneath mine. Open... holding me. God, Jack! I could lay here like this forever."

Jack grinned. "Bet you can't."

"Wanna bet?" Daniel smirked. But his smile faded and his eyes rolled back into his head as Jack started rhythmically tightening his ass muscles.

"Milking your cock, Danny... gonna pull all the come out with my ass..." Jack's voice was dark and seductive.

"You bastard!" Daniel laughed, trying to resist the onslaught of sensation, but failing miserably. Giving up, finally, Daniel began thrusting in time to Jack's contractions, and aiming for Jack's prostate at the same time; two could play that game.

Daniel was still riding Jack low, his weight on his elbows and his belly rubbing Jack's cock deliciously, lightly squashing his balls with each pass. If Daniel held his shoulders still and thrust only with his hips, they were still close enough to kiss. It required a little more thought and coordination, but the intimacy of having his dick in Jack's ass and his tongue in his mouth at the same time was too good to pass up. "God I love you," he muttered around Jack's tongue.

Jack tried to continue to clench his ass muscles even as the sensations were building up to overload. "Not gonna come first--" Jack gasped.

Daniel grinned. "Oh, you so are..." He pushed his belly out some, increasing the friction on Jack's cock as he drove his hips in a circular pattern, which pretty much guaranteed continuous stimulation of his prostate. And then the finishing touch; "I love you Jack... come for me, baby..."

And Jack lost it, the shreds of his control sacrificed to the sounds of the endearment. He was a sap. And he had fallen hopelessly in love with this man. "Danny..." he breathed, pumping warm, sticky come over both their chests.

Daniel growled his victory and then let the thrusting become real, ratcheting up the sensations toward the foregone conclusion, "Uh-uh-uh-you are so beautiful, baby--uh--uh-AHGOD!" until it was over the top and he was sure he could actually feel his heart stop as his life poured out of his cock and into Jack's body. He stayed hanging over his lover as the sensations dimmed and the roaring of blood in his ears diminished and his heart started beating again, albeit much too fast.

He opened his eyes to find Jack staring at him with the most adoring expression he'd ever seen. "Hey," Jack whispered.

"Hey, yourself," Daniel answered breathlessly. Smiling, he took Jack's mouth in a kiss, not of conquest, but of shared pleasure and the joy of belonging. "I feel so close to you right now..."

"Mmmm... Far be it for me to put a damper on the sweet talk, you know how I dig that mushy stuff, but your come is starting to run out of my ass and it's really tickling my butt--"

Daniel laughed and rolled off to the side. "You're killing me with sentiment, Jack."

"Yeah, I'm like that," Jack muttered as he wiped at the oozing stream with a corner of the sheet. "God, Daniel, look at all this; you been making extra?"

The younger man chuckled. "I love you too, Jack."

~~~

"He actually said that?"

"Yep. 'O'Neill was right about you. You are a pain in the ass... but, well worth it.' "

"Sounds like a compliment to me."

Daniel frowned. "In a backhanded kind of way, I guess. Would it kill you to let people know that you respect me?"

Jack winced. "Yeah. Probably." At Daniel's annoyed look, he added, "Hey-I told him you were usually right about these things. For cryin' out loud, Daniel; if I said any more they'd all think we were sleeping together!"

"We are sleeping together."

"Cool. How 'bout I just type that up in a memo, then?"

Daniel was glad that Jack didn't seem at all awkward about last night; he hoped that maybe they'd conquered that hurdle. "You're infuriating."

"Thank you for noticing. Pass the juice?" He poured himself some juice and changed the subject. "So, you broke him in, huh?"

"Yeah; I must be getting better at it, only took me four days; took me eight years with you."

"Yeah, but with me you get head."

Daniel choked on his toast, and Jack beat him helpfully on the back. "Tell me about the Unas," he asked conversationally.

~~~

During the mission debriefing, General Hammond spoke glowingly about Daniel's efforts with regard to the mining operation on 403, even going so far as to give him credit for securing the rights to the vital Naquadah in his report to the Pentagon. Daniel thanked him, but insisted that Chaka get the credit and lobbied for basic humanitarian relief for the Unas in exchange for their working the mine. And for Chaka's diplomatic efforts, a lifetime supply of energy bars. Hammond chuckled indulgently and told him that he thought that could probably be arranged.

After the briefing, Jack pulled Teal'c aside and spoke to him privately about letting Daniel go off with the Unas, alone and unarmed. The Jaffa had responded with a tightly arched eyebrow and said, "Is this not what Daniel Jackson does, O'Neill? I would be interested to hear how you would have prevented his actions had you been there." He waited with a patiently tilted head for a long, silent moment while Jack considered and dismissed potential scenarios in his mind, all of them involving inappropriate and sexually-based methods of detention before Jack conceded, dropping his chin to his chest. "As I suspected," Teal'c said softly and then walked away.

~~~

Weeks passed, and Jack held on by the skin of his teeth and the poignant reminder of Daniel's love bites; trying to hold it together in the field, and trying his best to keep things normal at home with Daniel. But he knew he was coming unraveled. There was no other way to describe the terror he felt every waking moment that he was going to blow it big time, in one area or the other.

The pre-mission exam with Janet had been nerve-wracking. He'd been nervous and excited at the prospect of her finding the marks Daniel had made on his body, and he knew he'd blushed when he felt her hands ghost over them. When she'd completed the exam and told him to dress without mentioning them, he'd been more than a little disappointed. Afterward, her casual, "I'm making note of 'minor incidental bruising' in your file, Colonel, unless you'd like to give me a more accurate description..." She'd looked up from her clipboard with amusement in her eyes and pen poised, daring him to tell her differently.

He'd been hard-pressed to keep from smiling as he met her penetrating gaze squarely. "'Incidental' is an interesting word... works for me."

~~~

The mission to Hebridan had been fairly low-stress, as missions went. Daniel had handled the talks with President Hagan brilliantly, and they'd acquired an ion drive for Carter to study in exchange for helping to fix them up with a Stargate. Carter and Warrick had lost the race, but despite Carter's annoyance at having come in second, they'd made enough of an impression on La'el Montros, that she offered Warrick a spot as her co-pilot in the lucrative contract with Tech Con, so everybody ended up fairly happy. The only time that had really strained Jack's control was when Daniel had deliberately invaded his personal space in the phone kiosk. Daniel had leaned over him-in front of Carter, no less-practically exuding sexual dominance, and it had taken all Jack's willpower to keep his voice neutral and finish the call when all he really wanted to do was beg Daniel to fuck him right there in the booth.

A planned 'meet and greet' and two mineral surveys flew by with nary an untoward incident-unless one knew how to read the undercurrent, in which case there should have been a court-martial convened on the ramp as they returned. There had been words-loud ones--when they'd gotten to Daniel's place afterward, followed by a starkly painful marking episode, which led to achingly tender sex, after which both of them felt much better. It was unanimously agreed that Jack should never go off-world without several fresh hickeys to help keep him focused.

The debacle with Felger's gate virus would probably end up to be amusing in a couple of years, but right now, it still made Jack seethe. Daniel tried to explain to his lover that his thing with Al Jenner probably explained his aversion to scientists in general and maybe Felger in particular, but that didn't seem to help his mood any. Of course, the nine days that he and Daniel had spent apart due to the entire gate system being down was probably the main reason for his annoyance.

What had started out as a straightforward relocation had turned ugly when Daniel and his team had been stranded on P3L-997 during an attempt to re-locate the inhabitants to the Alpha site. SG-11's original contact with the locals on 997 six months before had made it clear that the planet was in trouble. The SGC had begun to coordinate the relocation effort once it became clear that nothing could be done to stop their moon from careening into their planet. The planet's death-throes were manifesting in seismic and weather anomalies on a typhoon-like scale. Shoulda been an 'in-and-out', but thanks to Felger, the timing had been very, very close. At the same time, Jack & Teal'c's negotiations with various factions of rebel Jaffa had been blown out of the water, mostly due to ego-issues as far as Jack could see, but since all he really cared about was getting Daniel off that godforsaken hurricane-planet, the Jaffa infighting could go screw itself as far as he was concerned.

He and Daniel had celebrated surviving the Felger fiasco by using their subsequent three days of downtime to rent a car and drive south a couple of hours to Alamosa, where they enjoyed two full days of athletic and recuperative sex at the Best Western. The first night, they'd gone to a movie and held hands, the darkness making them brave, and then walked to dinner at the Hideaway Steakhouse a couple of blocks away, where Jack boldly fed Daniel bites of cherry pie, and Daniel licked his fork shamelessly. Although they behaved themselves on the walk back to the motel, the sex afterward was spectacular.

The second afternoon Jack swam in the motel pool while Daniel soaked up the sun and admired his lover's aquatic form. That evening, they went to an Italian place just outside of town and afterward, Daniel took Jack's mouth in a bruising kiss in the darkened parking lot. The twenty minute drive back to the motel was tense, what with Jack offering-rather insistently--to give Daniel a blowjob in the moving car, and Daniel having to reluctantly-and repeatedly-decline. By the time they got back to the motel, both men we too hot for gentle lovemaking and love bites were exchanged all around. During the drive back to Colorado Springs, Jack seemed more relaxed than he'd been in months, enough so that Daniel figured that his lover's recent thoughts about retirement were finally behind them.

He was so wrong.

~~~

Bra'tac had sent word through an intermediary that there were Jaffa in service to Moloc who would be willing to join the resistance, and a meeting was proposed for the following afternoon. Fortunately, Hammond's call to Jack gave them enough notice so that they had the opportunity to spend the night apart. They turned in the rental car outside of town, and picked up Jack's truck from where they'd stashed it at the mall. Parting was never easy, but it was always a little more difficult after one of these mini-vacations where they'd been able to spend so much time with each other in such an intimate fashion.

Daniel was able to use the time apart to decompress, as he'd always been able to do. But it had never been as easy for Jack, and this time was the worst yet. He lay alone in his bed staring at the ceiling for hours, unable to let sleep take him. He replayed the events of the last two days in his head into the wee hours of the morning, becoming more frustrated as the hours ticked by, unable to let the togetherness go; unable to get the feel of Daniel's body out of his mind.

Finally, furious with himself, he left the cold bed and started a pot of coffee. He wasn't due at the base for another three hours, but there was no point in staying in bed any longer. He stripped the bed, intending to launder the sheets. But in gathering up the linens, Daniel's unmistakable scent wafted up to tease Jack's nostrils, and this caused the empty place inside him to flare to despairing brilliance and he sank to the floor, his face pressed to the soiled sheets, inhaling deeply in a dismal and useless attempt to fill it.

It was some time before he noticed that he was crying.

~~~

It had all seemed pretty normal; the team working together to set up for the clandestine meeting with Moloc's rebel Jaffa. And when the ambush happened-something that Jack had anticipated--everyone moved and responded very efficiently. Even when the ambush of the ambush happened-something Jack had not foreseen-nobody lost their cool. But when the female Jaffa requested the honor of SG-1's presence elsewhere, Jack was a little slow on the uptake. Even the death glider droning above them hadn't snapped him out of his indecision. Not until Daniel's quiet, "Well, they did save us..." broke the spell.

"Welcome to Hak'tyl," the one called Mala said once they'd all cleared the gate.

Daniel turned to Teal'c and asked softly, "Independence?"

"Liberation," he corrected.

"Our dwellings are this way... please."

With a massive effort of will, Jack pulled his brain out of storage and said, "Uh, you know, we really should call home first. Let the folks know where we are. It's past our curfew."

"By all means..."

Jack nodded at Sam and she headed toward the DHD to dial home. The women began to argue quietly amongst themselves, and as Teal'c watched their interaction, Daniel surveyed the scene casually and asked Jack, "You okay?"

Jack looked at Daniel and his breath caught at the way the sunlight provoked warm auburn highlights in his hair. Not usually so obvious, especially with the shorter haircut, but still beautiful-

"Jack?"

Jack cleared his throat, noticing that Carter had re-joined them and the Hak'tylians had started down the path toward their village. "Yeah. Fine," he mumbled, falling into step as casually as he could. "So, Teal'c...who are they?"

"My knowledge of the Goa'uld, Moloc, is limited. However, I am unaware of any Goa'uld that would permit his women Jaffa to be warriors."

Daniel looked around him. "They seem to be well trained."

"All females receive training. They are expected to defend their home world with their lives when their men are called to battle."

"Can't help but think of the ancient Greek Amazon mythos," Daniel offered offhandedly.

"Yes, me too..." Jack muttered, although that wasn't really what he was thinking at all.

"They were, um, female warriors who, occasionally... captured men from other tribes in order to mate with them. They would often, um... would sometimes remove their right breast so they could more easily fire a bow and arrow."

"I see neither bow nor arrow..." Jack offered.

"No," Daniel agreed, more than a little concerned. Whatever was playing in Jack's head right now was bad news, and he needed to get with the program.

"Wait... you don't suppose that's why they want us, do you? I mean, you know, the three of us?"

"To mate with? No, no... I don't think so..." Daniel answered awkwardly; the idea wasn't outside the realm of possibility, he supposed, although if sex was what the women were after, he thought it much more likely that they'd've gone after the Jaffa on Moloc's planet for that purpose rather than kill them and take the Tau'ri instead.

"Well, because you know me... I'm all for helping people." Jack heard the words leave his mouth, but he was helpless to stop them.

"Oh, God..." Carter snickered from ahead of them.

As they continued to walk toward the village, Jack's thoughts strayed to the mental image of the women holding him at the point of a staff weapon and telling him he had to mate with one of them or die. Daniel would not be able to stand by silently and permit it, and would claim him with a savage kiss, with Carter and Teal'c watching in shocked fascination as Daniel made it clear that Jack was his-

Daniel's elbow in his ribs startled Jack back to the present as the path opened up into the village. They were introduced to Ishta, the leader, who gushed about Teal'c the legend. "That's a bit thick, don't ya think?" Jack muttered. Daniel shot him a look which said, 'knock it off'. That worked long enough for Jack to catch the idea of 'alliance'. "Well, that's a fine idea. We should sit, talk, nosh..." he was rambling for sure, with no brakes in sight.

"No alliance can be formed between the Tau'ri and those who would steal symbiotes from their brother and leave him to die," Teal'c interrupted sternly.

"He was no brother of mine," Neith snapped. "Just a murderer of innocent children."

"Shel kree!" Ishta commanded the woman. "There is much to discuss," she said more quietly, gesturing to a young girl to attend her. "This is Syn'ac. This morning, she laid on her death bed. She reached the age of Prata three days ago."

"Hmm?" Jack shot at Daniel.

"Puberty," he responded quietly.

"Ah."

"Without the symbiote we procured this morning, she would be dead now," Ishta explained. She gestured to another young girl. "This is Nessa, younger sister to Neith. She is next to reach the age. Without a symbiote, she will die... as will all our children." Nessa went to stand by her sister as Ishta addressed Carter. "Please, come this way," indicating the tent she had come from earlier. Her stony expression made it clear to the others that they were not welcome in the tent for the discussion.

~~~

The three male members of SG-1 milled about the center of the camp, keenly aware of the stares of the female Jaffa and young girls around them. Teal'c assumed a parade-rest kind of stance, attempting to look less angry than he felt. He could not imagine any reasoning that would exonerate these women from the savagery he'd seen Neith commit on Ryk'l this day, and he would only wait so long to hear what they had to say before pronouncing them unworthy.

In the absence of anything practical to do, Jack's thoughts returned to his forced breeding fantasy, letting the scenario play out in vivid detail. He tried to shift it to the other perspective-Daniel forced into sexual slavery, with Jack to the rescue, but found that this line of thought led straight back to memories of the Argos mission last month and Daniel's status as Docent to Dan-El. This put Jack in the Alpha position, which was what he'd felt at the time, but which wasn't as personally satisfying to him at the moment as imagining Daniel putting his foot down and owning him here- He shook his head sternly, trying to kick the images out of his mind. "Well, this is... odd," he said to no one in particular.

"Maybe they just feel more comfortable talking to Sam..." Daniel suggested reasonably, working the plastic wrapper of a foodbar open with his teeth. After all, this was a society made up entirely of women; it was actually pretty reasonable that they'd been shunned in favor of Sam. He wouldn't be too surprised if several mated pair bonds had sprung up in the complete absence of the male gender--

"Why? Because we have penises?" Jack challenged.

Daniel's jaw dropped, and he coughed just a little. He turned toward Jack who was standing innocently with his back to him. No way was that unintentional. He held out the opened package. "Powerbar?"

Jack turned a little and reached over with his left hand. "Yeah, thanks..." he said, letting his fingers brush Daniel's as he took the offered food. Daniel started to turn away, but caught Jack out of the corner of his eye licking the coating off the powerbar and did a double-take. He frowned and bit the corner of his cheek as he glanced around the camp to see if anyone else had witnessed Jack's 'penis' outburst and the subsequent fellatio of the powerbar. The coast apparently clear, Daniel strolled past Jack and silently nudged the older man into following him to the stream which ran along one side of the encampment. A casual glance over his shoulder assured him that Teal'c had not followed them.

Once at the edge of the stream and out of earshot, Daniel bent to rinse his sticky hands in the stream and then dry them on his pants. "You need to settle down," he said gently.

"Whadyamean?" Jack said, innocently licking the chocolate off his thumb.

Daniel smiled tensely and squinted up at him. "Penises?" he quoted.

Jack shrugged. "Seemed sexist to me."

"Ja-ack..."

"Dan-iel..."

"You were sucking off the powerbar like a pro..."

"Was not."

"Was so."

"Was--"

"Jack!" Daniel snapped, all trace of humor gone. "You're deliberately trying to provoke me into an Alpha display and it has to stop--"

"I'm not doing it deliberately."

"You admit you're doing it?"

"I'm not deaf, Daniel; I can hear what's coming out of my mouth," Jack said tersely.

"And? So? Therefore?"

"Not doing it on purpose."

Daniel grimaced and glanced over Jack's shoulder to confirm that Teal'c was still where they'd left him. "Jack? We did the Night Before thing--"

"I know that!" the older man snapped. "It didn't work, did it?"

Daniel took a deep breath and said calmly, "Just... stop."

"Not sure I can."

"This is dangerous!"

"Don't you think I know that!"

Their eyes met, and Daniel saw that Jack was completely out of control. He wasn't playing a childish game of 'make your lover jealous'; he was as concerned as Daniel was. "Then stop it!"

"I can't! That's what I've been trying to tell you! It's taking all the control I have not to drop to my knees and take you in my mouth right here!"

"God, Jack! What's the matter with you?" Daniel whispered harshly.

"I don't KNOW!" Jack ground out. "I wish I fucking knew!"

Before he could think of anything else to say on the subject, Daniel caught a glimpse of Sam coming out of Ishta's tent. "Sam's back," he said grimly, and they walked back to find out what she'd learned.

~~~

When the volunteers had been chosen, Jack decided to accompany Carter back to the SGC, not because there was anything he could reasonably do to help with the Tretonin experiment, but simply because putting several thousand light-years between he and Daniel seemed like a damn fine idea. It was either that, or give the girls some firsthand exposure to male sexuality at its finest.

~~~

After Ishta and her followers had left the SGC, SG-1 received two days downtime, and went their separate ways. Teal'c went immediately to his room in search of meditation. Carter was off for a 'girl's night out' with Janet, and then planned to hole up in her lab to continue tinkering with the Ion drive from Hebridan. Jack stopped by Daniel's lab just long enough to grunt "Your place; one hour." And then he was gone.

Daniel finished his mission report with half his brain, the other half relentlessly evaluating the Jack situation. He was still upset by the older man's behavior on Hak'tyl three days ago, and was supremely grateful that Jack had left when he did. He'd never seen Jack so out of control and out of character; he didn't know how much more blatant Jack could get without Sam or Hammond or Teal'c noticing and putting two and two together. Every time they figured out a way to deal with the fallout from having to keep their relationship a secret, it worked for a short time and then they were back to square one. Spectacularly, this time.

Jack was currently sporting hickeys on his left ass cheek and under his right arm-both highly visible in the locker room, but not to the general public. If Teal'c had noticed, he made no mention of it. Which defeated the intent of being marked, really, which was to proclaim to one and all that you were having an intimate relationship with someone who had left evidence suggestive of wild, rampant, and possibly deviant, sex.

On the other hand, perhaps Jack needed to get back into Alpha mode; back to the business of marking Daniel. Sad, really, that they couldn't simply enjoy the closeness of loving each other without having to find an acceptable and discrete way for Jack to carry it off world with him and still function.

He didn't think that Jack was contriving any of this; he seemed far too upset about it for it to be artificial. Daniel briefly wondered if there could possibly be an alien influence at work that could be causing Jack's unusual behavior, but could think of nothing in the suspect timeframe that could account for it. Besides, he didn't seem to be having the same difficulties that Jack was having with the entire situation, and Teal'c and Sam both seemed normal as well.

As he drove the last couple of miles to his house, he tried to decide how to approach the situation this time. The only real drawback to having an equal relationship was that Daniel couldn't always tell right away when Jack needed him to take the dominant role. Jack had arranged the meeting for Daniel's house, but gave no indication whatsoever of his intentions once they both got there. He tried to figure how Jack would want it, based on his mood at the time; if he needed to be Alpha or if he was still in the mood to serve. But after the sex, there definitely needed to be a discussion. Jack had clearly been over the line, taunting him that way off world. It had been a childish display, and yet, if Daniel was honest, highly stimulating as well, and he didn't know how long he could hold out if Jack kept hammering at his control all the time. Daniel had struggled with a raging hard-on for the better part of an hour after Jack had admitted wanting to go down on him. He wondered briefly if they could've found a secluded place-

God! Now Jack had him doing it! Daniel had a mind to give it to him hard and fast, to teach him a lesson, if nothing else. On the other hand, perhaps it would address more of Jack's emotional issues if Daniel took control of the situation and demanded that Jack suck him off, as he had seemed to need to on Hak'tyl. It would delay penetration for a time, but maybe that's what Jack needed. They had to find a permanent answer to this problem and fast. Quitting the SGC was simply not an option.

~~~

Jack had spent the last two days and nights waiting for Daniel to come back From Hak'tyl, virtually sleepless and in deep introspection. It had all gone too far. He couldn't allow it to continue. At the rate he was going, he'd be court-martialed before the end of the week. Drastic measures were called for; everything else had failed. He loved Daniel more than life itself, but it was obvious that this fact made little difference in the face of the requirement for discretion. He couldn't do it anymore. Daniel would simply have to understand.

~~~

Daniel slid up to the curb in front of his house, and was not surprised that Jack's truck wasn't here. He tried the front door, and found it unlocked, meaning that Jack had gotten here ahead of him. He didn't smell anything cooking, so he hadn't started dinner. Daniel could reasonably deduce from these facts that either Jack wanted the sex first, or he'd ordered pizza.

He tossed his keys on the table and his jacket over the nearest chair. When he rounded the corner into the living room, he saw Jack standing at the sliding door looking into the back yard. He was completely dressed and still wearing his jacket. Not a good sign. "We need to talk," Jack said softly, not turning around.

"Yes we do," Daniel agreed, coming up behind him and sliding his arms around Jack's waist and resting his chin on the older man's shoulder. "But it can wait for a little while, can't it?"

Jack stiffened just a little before pulling out of Daniel's arms. "No. It can't." He bit his lip and tried not to think about the fact that it might very well be the last time he'd feel the younger man's arms around him.

Jack kept facing away from Daniel, knowing that if he dared to look at the younger man, he'd fall into the blue eyes and never be able to get all the words out. "I used to know how to be a colonel in the Air Force. I used to understand the requirements and the restrictions and I used to feel comfortable in that skin." He took a deep breath. "For the past three months, I've been another man."

"Oh my god," Daniel whispered. He felt as if he'd been punched in the gut; like all the wind had been knocked out of him.

"Hear me out, Danny," Jack pleaded, stuffing his hands deep into his pockets, but still not facing him. "I fell in love with you and let down my guard. All the defenses I'd spent a lifetime building up... I don't even recognize myself anymore. But I know for sure I'm no longer an Air Force colonel."

Daniel tried to halt the trembling in his belly and forced himself to join the conversation he'd never thought he'd have to hear. "You're the man I fell in love with," he said softly.

"Am I? You sure? I'm not. I'm not sure of anything anymore. Except that I know I'm not doing the job they're paying me to do. I'm completely obsessed with you. With us..." he swallowed hard, willing himself to say the words he'd been practicing the last couple of days. "And I've been thinking about Sara--"

"I'm not gonna listen to this--"

Jack barged through it anyway, turning his head so that the words would find Daniel, force him to listen, but still stood steadfastly facing away from him. "The reason we couldn't stay married wasn't because Charlie died. He'd been the excuse for us staying together for years. It was more than the Top Secret thing, more than being away from home for long periods of time. I didn't know how to let her in... she tried so hard." He shook his head sadly. "She accused me of holding back, and I was. She wasn't getting what she needed from me; hadn't been for a long time. I couldn't share myself with her. Couldn't tell her what I was feeling, even before Charlie... and then after--" his head dipped and he swallowed hard. "I just closed up completely."

Daniel had stopped his retreat, but didn't try to invade Jack's space again. "You couldn't share yourself with me either at first--"

"Until you dragged it out of me. Forced me to examine my feelings and put them into words. The goddamn 'talking thing'--" he spat out, as if the words themselves had a foul taste. "That's what started eroding my control. It broke me down, shattered the wall I'd worked so hard to put up. Without that wall, I'm vulnerable. Now that my feelings are out in the open, they're too close to the surface for me to control. I've been like this for so long, I guess I never learned how to live with them, make them part of who I was... I've simply denied having them all this time. The things I had to do... it was better not to have feelings. And now..." he shook his head sadly. "Now, expressing what I feel's become almost second nature to me; it's like I can't stop. And I don't know how to find a middle ground."

"Helping you understanding your feelings... that was wrong?"

"YES!" Jack thundered, his back still protecting him from the sight of his lover's pain; nothing could protect him from the sound of anguish in his voice. "You tore down walls I'd taken a fucking LIFEtime to erect and now I'm bleeding emotions all over the goddamn base! I couldn't open up and let Sara in for the exact same reason that opening up to you has destroyed me in the field."

"What was I supposed to do, Jack?" Daniel said sharply. "Leave the specter of Al Jenner between us?"

"That was the beginning of the end... where I started losing control."

"So this is all my fault?"

"Please try and understand what I'm saying," Jack begged. "Admitting that I loved you was easy. Admitting that I wanted to have sex with you was harder, but it was a picnic compared to admitting that I... I can't handle being in love with you." He dropped his head in shame. "You have to see it, Daniel, you're not blind. I can be the colonel, or I can be your lover; one or the other. But not both."

"We've had this discussion--"

"No," Jack insisted "Different discussion."

"You're giving me an ultimatum then."

"God no, Danny, it's not an ultimatum. I'm not asking you to choose." He laughed bitterly. "I'm not fool enough to think I could win that contest." Jack crossed his arms and continued to stare out the glass door at nothing. "I know it sounds like an ultimatum, but it's not, I swear. It's just... physically impossible for me to be your lover and still command. If I'm open and vulnerable enough to be a decent, loving partner to you, then my guard isn't up for the Colonel thing. It's not a suit I can take off and leave at the mountain with my uniform, Daniel." He closed his eyes, rushing to get all the words out before he chickened out. When the younger man didn't say anything, he took that as permission to continue.

"I have begged you-BEGGED you--to let me retire so we can be together. Begging, Daniel; not something they teach you in command school. And every time, you manage to talk me out of it. Every time, you sweet-talk me into believing that we can do both. Inside, I know the truth. I can't do it anymore, Daniel. I've tried. We got past the needing to touch you all the time thing and the Alpha display thing and the trust thing. But it's more than all that. We talked about the regulations that first time, remember? I didn't disagree with them and this is why. It's got nothing to do with gender. I can't command with you there beside me. I can't think right; I can't sense things. I'm slow. All my instincts are off. I make stupid decisions, people get hurt... you get hurt. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to any one of you because of me. I understand you want to stay with the program. I'm not asking you to leave the SGC before you're ready."

Daniel pulled his glasses off, tossing them on the coffee table and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was looking so very bad... "Since we know from the Unas thing that you retiring while I'm still out there won't work, and if you're not asking me to quit before I'm ready... what else is left?"

Jack took a deep breath, hoping he could actually say the words without the tears starting like they had each time he'd practiced them at home. He struggled to find his colonel mask and said evenly, "I think we need a separation."

"What?" Daniel breathed.

Jack closed his eyes against the sound of pain in that single word and said, "You say that if I retire we'll always know that you were the reason and that I'll come to resent you and it would kill our relationship. I guess I can see why you feel that way, hell, you might even be right. But you have to understand that I can't do both any longer; I can't be your lover and your commanding officer. The requirements for one make the other impossible."

"What are you saying, Jack?"

Almost there; he could do this. "We need to stop seeing each other... romantically until we're both ready to leave the program. I have to shut down the part of me that can't live without you or else I can't command SG-1."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that. It's not an easy solution, but it is simple."

Daniel squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his temples against the headache that had started there. "What happened to living out the rest of our lives together?" he asked tautly. "What happened to 'forever'? What happened to 'I don't know how I ever lived without this'?" He was shouting now, beyond hurt.

Jack dropped his head and whispered, "God, Daniel, please don't do this! None of that has changed--"

"Something must've changed, Jack, or you wouldn't be leaving me!"

Jack turned to face Daniel then, the pain in the younger man's voice pulling him out of his resolution to keep his distance. "The only thing that's changed is that I know I'm not strong enough to do both! I'd rather retire and keep on loving you, but you keep telling me about this big galactic thing we both need to do; that you need me out there--"

"So you're punishing me for that by leaving me?"

"God, no! I don't want to leave you at all! But I've got to take a step back so I can fit into the colonel suit again. You say that there's this big thing ahead of us, I believe you. I trust you. But you've got to trust me when I tell you that I can't do both. The man who loves you can't command. And the Colonel's a pretty unlovable asshole, but he gets the job done."

"I've got no idea when that's going to happen; it could be tomorrow, it could be five years from now!"

Jack tried for a reassuring tone. "Whenever it is, when it's over, and we're both free to quit, we can pick up where we left off--"

" 'Pick up where we left off?' " Daniel sputtered incredulously.

"Yeah."

Daniel stood glaring at him, arms wrapped tightly around himself, in pain and accusing at the same time. "You've changed your mind about submitting to me, haven't you? It's the 'Anna and the King of Siam' thing; I've emasculated you, right? You're having second thoughts about your masculinity?"

"NO! I don't give a fuck about that! I'm not ashamed or embarrassed by anything we've done. I'm not denying you or what we are to each other. But the fact remains, Daniel, letting you fuck me was the last straw. Not because it wasn't wonderful and not because I didn't want it-god knows I did--but because it was the last resistance; the last barrier. I let you take everything... there was nothing left to hold me together! You have to know that I love you with everything I am--"

"But your love for me isn't strong enough to keep us together?"

"My love for you is TOO strong! It overshadows everything else. You saw that on Ishta's planet! I loose my capacity to think logically, Daniel! It robs me of my ability to command effectively and dispassionately. I'm making mistakes; sooner or later it's gonna be fatal for someone! What I feel for you is completely out of control... it's beyond all reason--"

"We're a couple, Jack; you just can't make a unilateral decision like this--"

Jack frowned. "What-- you channeling Sara now?"

"Y'know, it's really tacky to compare your current lover to your ex, Jack," Daniel snapped.

"Yeah. Sorry. It's just... déjà vu I guess..."

"What makes you think you can be the sole arbiter in this?" Daniel challenged. "My god, Jack, you're acting like you did with the Eurondans. Like you did with Reese... You have a stubborn 'my way or no way' attitude that leaves little room for compromise."

"We've tried compromise, Danny. I've really, really tried. It hasn't worked." Jack sounded old, even to his own ears.

"You can't just end my world this way!" Daniel stated angrily.

"I'm not, Danny, I'm trying to do what you say you want the best way I know how."

"What I want?" Daniel muttered, shaking his head and falling onto the couch with a thud.

"You're the one who keeps saying that we're both needed for this big, important thing; the thing that's so fucking important that only we can do it. Well alright; I want to be there for you--"

"But not in my bed?"

Jack closed his eyes, trying hard not to picture the younger man in bed, warm and naked and willing... "No, Daniel," he whispered grimly.

After a few silent minutes, Daniel spoke. "So how does this work, exactly?"

Jack had a brief hope that maybe this was actually going to work; that Daniel would see that this was for the best, and not hate him for it. "Before I was your lover, I was your friend. We can go back to that."

"Well, maybe I can't," Daniel said simply, angry blue eyes boring into him. "I need more than that now. I find that I like being with someone, knowing there's someone waiting for me; someone who cares if I live or die--"

"I care, Daniel."

"That's not enough! For the first time in my life I felt safe; falling asleep in your arms gave me that! I opened myself up to you... I thought I could trust you with my heart... I don't want to be alone again, Jack."

"I don't want that either... for either of us. But I don't know what else to do."

Daniel leaned forward, his forearms across his knees, and stared at his shoes. He fought hard for control. "That first fight... afterwards, at your cabin, you told me to give you a signal to tell you that you'd screwed up; that I should give you a second chance." He looked up and snared the sad brown eyes with accusing blue ones. "Here's your signal, Jack. You're making a mistake; a big one."

Jack's expression softened. "I wish it could be different, Daniel. But I... I just don't do emotional."

"Oh, I beg to differ, Jack; I've seen you plenty emotional--"

"No, I mean I DON'T do it, not that I can't. There's a reason for that. The façade is all I know; without it I fall apart. This is what works for me."

"Façade? Are you saying that our whole relationship has been a lie?" Jack didn't answer; didn't look at him. "Jack?" The more calm Jack appeared, the more panic-stricken Daniel became. It was all falling apart, and he was powerless to stop it.

"What I'm saying, Daniel--"

"Oh my god..."

"Please--"

"Did you EVER love me?"

"God yes," Jack pleaded, taking two steps toward the younger man without even thinking before he stopped himself. One more step and he'd have flung himself into Daniel's arms, in spite of his resolve and against his better judgment. His hands clamped down into fists, digging his fingernails into his palms, the minute pain enough of a distraction to keep him sane for the moment. "I still do. You have to believe that."

"How Jack? How am I supposed to believe you love me when it's so easy for you to leave me?" Daniel had seen Jack's momentary weakness and decided that he wouldn't make it easy for him. If Jack wanted out, he'd feel the full force of Daniel's pain along the way; no way was he letting him off the hook with the 'I'm fine' route this time.

"It's not easy, Daniel. It's killing me to do this, to say these things. But I think this will work. It'll keep me in the field, so I can watch your back; so I'm there for the... the thing.""You bastard! Blaming this on me--"

"Please, Daniel... it doesn't have to be this way--"

"WHAT way?" Daniel jumped off the couch and began pacing. "We both show up for work day after tomorrow... as if nothing's wrong? As if we haven't been fucking each other stupid for three months? Like none of it ever HAPPENED?" He was shouting now, anger mixed with disbelief and the very real fear of being alone again. "I guess I should be glad for what brief happiness we had--" He stopped pacing abruptly and stared directly at Jack. "We were happy, weren't we?" he challenged the older man. "Or was that just my pathetic imagination?" He didn't wait to see if Jack had an answer before he resumed pacing and sneered, "MacKenzie was right; I'm not capable of sustaining a relationship. I should've known it was all too good to last..."

"DON'T! Stop putting yourself down; it's not your fault! I'm the inadequate one here, not you."

"Don't sweat it, Jack. I'm used to rejection; I have experience. What's one more?" Daniel said sharply, coming to rest with his back to his lover. Ha. Ex-lover. He was minutes away from losing the best thing he ever had; if he didn't act, didn't do something, Jack would walk out the door and out of his life. His mind was racing... there had to be something he could do to change Jack's mind. Could he take him? If he could get Jack's dick in his mouth, or get his own dick into Jack's ass, he could probably turn this around. Rape for a higher purpose? He wondered if it would work... But even if it did, what was to stop Jack from coming unraveled again right after he came? Might be easier to crumple and let Jack comfort him; that could easily turn to sex...

He shook his head, dismissing all of it. If Jack really wanted out of their relationship, he wouldn't try and manipulate him into staying. It was actually quite brilliant of Jack to lay the blame for it at Daniel's doorstep; using the vague, unnamed thing that was keeping him tied to the SGC as justification for ending their affair. As much as the thought of being alone again-really, really alone-terrified him, Daniel still had his pride. If he wasn't wanted, he wouldn't beg.

"Daniel..." Barely a whisper, but the sound of Jack speaking his name set his heavy heart pounding painfully and his belly doing a dangerous roll. He felt the displacement of air behind him and knew that Jack was approaching him.

"Get away from me, Jack... I feel like I'm going to be sick..."

Jack stopped approaching the younger man, and stared sadly at his back, the angle of his shoulders, the incredibly bitable neck. He had to leave before he lost all his resolve and comforted Daniel back into his bed. He reached inside his jacket pocket for the envelope. He tossed it onto the table in front of where Daniel was standing. His arms ached to hold him and tell him that it was all a mistake, that he'd keep trying to do it all, to kiss away the frown and the defeated look in his eyes. Anything, so as not to be responsible for the emotional devastation Daniel was feeling now.

"What's that?" Daniel asked, pointedly not picking it up.

Jack swallowed, his nerves frayed to the snapping point, and prayed his voice wouldn't break. "My resignation. It's signed and notarized, but not dated. Whenever you're ready."

Daniel looked at the white envelope that held the sum of Jack's career for a long minute before he spoke. "Whenever I'm ready?" he whispered, the reality quotient of the moment tilting just a little further toward surreal.

Jack shrugged behind him. "I guess you'll know when the galactic thing happens; you'll know when it's time to quit... when we can be together again."

Daniel grunted and shook his head at the sheer audacity of Jack's plan. "What makes you think I'll still want you?"

"Because--" Jack said, his voice finally cracking with emotion. He continued softly, hoping that if he whispered, Daniel wouldn't hear the tears in his voice. "I'm the other half of your soul, and you're the other half of mine." He swiped the back of his hand across his leaking nose, ignoring the tears that slipped down his cheeks, glad that Daniel wouldn't look at him, wouldn't see this final humiliation. "I love you, Danny. No matter how it seems... or will seem. I always will."

And then he left Daniel's house and walked numbly to where he'd parked his truck. He got in, fastened the seat belt, turned the ignition on and started to cry. Deep, wracking sobs that split his heart in two. He made no attempt to stop them for he knew he needed to purge all the emotion from his system, the joy, the pain; everything.

The Colonel traveled light; no room for bulky feelings where he was going.

Next: Where The Soul Lives